pennywys:
OP answer me is she from Imo state? Cos mostly owerri ladies exhibit this character

kapelvej:
Thank yo for your time, you made some very good suggestions, I have made several attempts we to see a councellor she will have non of it, I have been begging her to tell me if there is something I was doing wrongly, but she will not even bother to reply me. Sadly I over heard one of her friends telling her sometimes that she should try and change her ways. Her eldest sister also talked to both of us and made it clear to her that she has to change her ways.
Concerning doing something shocking, well I think that not calling her bask like I used to do should be shocking enough for her, it is two months now, and she is very okay with it.

EgunMogaji:
OP, it's perfectly normal.

Just carry your cross. Buy her flowers, wash her panties before she asks you to. Anytime she barks at you, make sure you don't make eye contact, reduce your height, look down sheepishly and profusely apologize. Do this especially if she's in the wrong. But deep inside you know she can't possibly be wrong. You are the one that didn't anticipate what a woman goes through. It's your fault. All of it.

Make sure you fill up the gas tank in her car on Fridays when she goes out with "friends". Of course, you must have detailed it beforehand.

You can ask your Imam/Pastor/Ifa Priest to intervene in case the above is not enough.

+++++++++++

I hope this answer pacifies my collared male fans from the other thread as well as the feminist agitators from the same thread.

chemberlin:
Please i need help in my marriage and i want someone i can call for advice..my number is 07033 03 4780

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

yesloaded:

Maybe but with the looks of things this is a one sided love except that you have something you are hiding sir.

Adebayo4christ:
GOOD MORNING GUYS, PLEASE HELP ME GO THRU MY LONG STORY AND ADVICE ME ON WHAT TO DO.
I GOT MARRIED ABOUT 5 MONTHS AGO, MY WIFE IS A VERY SPIRITUAL PERSON(MFM). AFTER OUR MARRIAGE, I NOTICED SOM CHANGES IN HER, LIKE NAGGING, GETTING ANGRY OVER LITTLE THINGS AND MOST ESPECIALLY PRAYERS. I DONT HAVE THAT STRENGHT WAKING UP IN D MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO PRAY WITH HER AND ALSO COS OF JOB, WE STAY IN IKORODU AND I WORK AROUND OYINGBO SIDE.
ALSO, WHENEVER ANY OF US WRONG EACH OTHER, I WILL B D ONE TO BEG AFTER DAYS OF KEEPING MALICE IN D SAME HOUSE. IF SHE IS D ONE AT FAULT, SHE WILL NEVER BEG, BUT FOR PEACE TO REIGN, I WILL SHEALTH MY SWORD AND BEG HER.
I ALSO NOTICED SHE CHANGED TOWARDS MY PARENT, SHE DOESNT CALL THEM, NOR ALLOW US GO TO VISIT THEM. THEY ALSO STAY IN IKORODU. BUT JUST LIKE 30MINS DRIVE FROM EACH OTHER. SOMTHING HAPPEND ON FEB 15 THIS YEAR, MY DAD SLUMPED AND I WAS CALLED AROUND 8PM TO COME AROUND. THE NEXT THING MY WIFE WILL SAY IS, CANT IT WAIT TILL TOMOROW.I WAS SHOCKED BY THAT STATEMENT. WELL, MY DAD HAD STROKE, AND WAS IN N OUT OF THE HOSPITAL. OUT OF LIKE THE THREE WEEKS MY DAD SPENT IN THE HOSPITAL, MY WIFE CAME TWICE TO IKORODU GENERAL HOSPITAL TO VISIT HIM NOT ON HER OWN BUT WHEN I GO THERE TO VISIT HIM. I GO THERE EVERYDAY TO BATH HIM BFR GOING TO WORK AND AFTER COMING FROM WORK.MY MUM CANT HANDLE IT ALONE.
FAST FORWARD TO WHEN HE WAS DISCHARGED, I MAKE SURE I GO TO MY PARENTS HOUSE EVERYDAY TO CHECK ON HIM BUT MY WIFE ALWAYS COMPLAINED. TELLING ME A TIME WILL COME, I WILL HAVE TO CHOOSE BTW MY DAD AND HER. I WAS MAD THAT DAY. SHE ALSO COMPLAINS OF MY MUM HELPING US IN SOME AREAS. LIKE, GIVING HER MONEY OR FOODSTUFF,. SHE TEACHES AND CO OWN A SCHOOL WITH HER MUM. NOW, SHE WAS ON THREE WEEKS EASTER BREAK, ALONE AT HOME TILL I RETURN IN D EVENING AFTER WORK,
FOR THE PERIOD OF THAT THREE WEEKS SHE SPENT AT HOME, SHE CAME WITH ME TO VISIT MY DAD TWICE. MY MUM COMPLAINED ABOUT IT BUT I SHOVE HER OFF. MY QUESTION IS THIS.. IS THIS A GOOD BEHAVIOR FROM HER. ANYTIME I COMPLAINED TO HER. SHE WILL TELL ME THIS IS 21ST CENTURY AND THEY CANT EXPECT HER TO KILL HERSELF FOR THEM. THIS IS JUST ONE OF THE VARIOUS THINGS SHE DOES TO ME AT HOME. SHE HAS WARNED ME NEVER TO REPORT HER TO ANYBODY ESPECIALLY HER PARENT WHO WERE NEVER IN SUPPORT OF THE MARRIAGE THEN, COS I HAD TWO CHILDREN FROM DIFF LADIES WHICH SHE KNEW OFF BEFORE THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED

PLEASE ADVICE ME. AM TOTALLY CONFUSED. I WANT TO OPT OUT OF THE MARRIAGE. I AM NOT ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT WITH HER AGAIN.

Brugo:
I feel sorry for men like this who are considerate and empathetic. Ladies often take them for granted. Ladies prefer harsh guys who can "change it" for anybody any time.

I hate to break it to you Mr Kapelvej. If she could stay alone for 30 days without calling you to settle, then she doesn't care about your feelings. If she could stay silent for 2 months, it is over.

She has decided not to care about the marriage and it didn't start 2 months ago.

This has been building up over the years. All those little moments of stubborness that you overlooked have emboldened her. All those times when you took the initiative to reconcile even when she was at fault, she was building resilience. Now she has found a way to cope without you.

You are the one who wants this marriage to work. She doesn't give a damn.

I am sorry that you have to face this kind of problem in marriage. It is something people should never have to live with.

If you want this marriage so bad, prepare to beg her all your life. She will not change. Don't expect that. Can you live with that?

donemitex1:
I hardly comment on Nairaland but this write up touched my spirit. Women can be very difficult to manage. They can turn a humble and God fearing man into a Beast. You never know what you are capable of doing until you get married to a very stubborn and problematic woman. I used to have a girlfriend who exhibits all the above traits. She was stubborn and would refuse to beg when she is at fault, she was a serious headache. I tried to change her but I almost lost my life doing that, I had to move on. I eventually discovered that the secret was not to be too nice.
Women generally take advantage of it because it's in their nature. You have to be decisive when you take decisions and stand by your word. You have to be perceived as being rigid, it is to your advantage. Only apologize when you're at fault, infact don't apologize directly because you will regret it. Buy her gifts or take her out in place of a direct apology. One more thing, never start what you cannot finish unless you are willing to continue it as long as you stay married to her. Talking about scaring your wife to submission, it is clear that refusing to call her isn't working. It's two months already. Here is what you will do. Just appear with three or four elders in her family house with the aim of dissolving the marriage, conjure divorce papers and tell her you're going to end the marriage. I bet you, if she truly cares about the marriage, she will submit and after she does, never play too nice again, I repeat, don't play too nice again. Your wife needs to be handled with an iron fist. Above all, prayer is key. I say this all the time. A family that relegates prayer to the background cannot survive. The reason is that the Devil has declared war on the family. The family is a microcosm of the larger society, if the family is destroyed, the society is doomed. This is the single reason why divorce is on the rise. The only way out is to pray without ceasing. Do night vigils and fasting intermittently. Read the Bible together as a family. If you do these things, you will will be too hard for the devil to crack.

Brightgem:
Then in the light of all other pieces of advice given here, I suggest u be the one who starts thinking of moving on. IF your conscience is clear. Your wife is flirting u say u havnt seen adultery! what?! She insults you! There should be rules btw a couple to draw a line on what each cannot say to the other! Now its still verbal abuse, dnt become another Bilyaminu. God forbid! I think u are a man being abused. Open ur eyes, sadly. The signs were there!

triblehaul1:


I am not sorry to say but you married a woman who does not deserve a husband. I have no advice for Lilly livered petty Africans like you.

babra19:


Touching story, is obvious that you love her...give yourself a break...life is too short...dnt go n kill ursef becos of Ur wife...if u die it won't take her up to a month you will see in Ur spirit world that she is married to another.
give her some time to get back to her senses if not file for divorce and move on with your life...this time around be patient and get a good woman...who will give you a good home.

UDUJ:


Dude your wife is someone we class as a Narcissist.

Staying with a narcissist means staying in an emotionally abusive relationship, and it’s every bit like a woman staying with a physically abusive man. You may love your wife still, and at times she may show love towards you, but she will always come back trying to tear you down. You won’t even realize how miserable you are, and how much fear of her, and fear of the unknown possibilities of life away from her are keeping you trapped.

Narcissists are extremely hard to treat. Don' t expect that anything about your relationship will change. Ever. Is that OK with you?

tytunji29:

Boss, elder of d church are jst men like u ND I so how come you bleaf Dre prediction? Morova dos elder re nt d ones to spend d rest of Dre life wit ha oooo anyhw d mistake is done already jst cont cos of ur kids (dat if dey re urs too ooo)

aldotun:
Hello, MAY THE PEACE & LOVE OF GOD ALMIGHTY BE WITH YOU & YOUR HOUSEHOLD

I want to share a different view, and I hope this helps because I am in a similar situation but GLORY BE TO GOD, this seems to be working;

You fell in love with her, stayed with and married her and have shared beautiful children so, it is so difficult going the other route.

I am trying not to bore you with my epistle but I wish I can make this simple.

You would have to wear a new skin, overlook as you are already into it, shower her with more love, try to avoid argument and quarrels but show restraints not because you are weak but for the love of your family.

Try and make her feel young, try less to chastise her, don't be bothered by her ego, I tell you somewhere along the line, her reasoning would change, she would wonder what happened, no time frame, look at it as if you are training a puppy, patience, patience, patience and lots of love.

If you don't mind, we can communicate so I can explain a little bit more.

Call her and keep your family together and please avoid confrontations and also try never to be physical (assault) having it also at the back of your mind you are doing it as sacrifice for your family.

I am positive somewhere you would begin to see the good part; because I believe EXPERIENCE IS THE Best TEACHER.

Forget about what people say or will say because what matters is what you say and people at the end would only come to love your family the way you place them.

Let me stop here for now. Please How do I connect with you

aldotun:
Hello, MAY THE PEACE & LOVE OF GOD ALMIGHTY BE WITH YOU & YOUR HOUSEHOLD

I want to share a different view, and I hope this helps because I am in a similar situation but GLORY BE TO GOD, this seems to be working;

You fell in love with her, stayed with and married her and have shared beautiful children so, it is so difficult going the other route.

I am trying not to bore you with my epistle but I wish I can make this simple.

You would have to wear a new skin, overlook as you are already into it, shower her with more love, try to avoid argument and quarrels but show restraints not because you are weak but for the love of your family.

Try and make her feel young, try less to chastise her, don't be bothered by her ego, I tell you somewhere along the line, her reasoning would change, she would wonder what happened, no time frame, look at it as if you are training a puppy, patience, patience, patience and lots of love.

If you don't mind, we can communicate so I can explain a little bit more.

Call her and keep your family together and please avoid confrontations and also try never to be physical (assault) having it also at the back of your mind you are doing it as sacrifice for your family.

I am positive somewhere you would begin to see the good part; because I believe EXPERIENCE IS THE Best TEACHER.

Forget about what people say or will say because what matters is what you say and people at the end would only come to love your family the way you place them.

Let me stop here for now. Please How do I connect with you

Lexusgs430:


Asking if she has moved on, should not be the question of debate.......

The question I would ask you is, if she is so obnoxious as you potray her, why do you want to remain married to her?

Why can't you instigate a divorce and move on?

In fairness to your assertion, she portrayed this attitudes, but you were blinded by love.....

It's time to move on, not unless you are enjoying this soap opera or charade called a marriage...........

Ebukamath:


and you were to blind to see it, now you are complaining. Tell the church member that she hasn't change

tomdon:




Are you sure you didn't marry a witch or how can a normal person be this bad without provocation
I believe there's a lot you're not saying

And in fairness to her you're using here is used wrongly. You can't use in fairness to her and proceed to describe a bad character

nwaonyeze001:
@ OP, I mean no disrespect, but, firstly......You caused all that is happening right now, though in a bid to make your marriage work, but since you knew from day 1 that your wife exhibits such traits, the first 2-3 years of your marriage should have been used to stamp your authority, since you didn't do that during the last phase of your courtship
Secondly, take my advise, if your wife is within the age bracket of 23-28, then technically, she is exhibiting the traits of her age bracket, given the attribute of peers, flirting, stubbornness amongst others, my little advice, patience my brother, pray and use wisdom to stamp your authority
I wish you good luck and God heal the wound in your home, because I feel your pain, I have been there before,, Note, your wife is just been stubborn, so ....... address the issue this time with caution and wisdom