DopeAngel:
you mean i should just let it go. there is really nothing i can do? what if something happens eventually, my brother wont be the only one to suffer the pain. we all as a family would still provide solution together. bro if i am not ready now to accept this. then i would not be ready to help solve an issue that was borne out of a decision i was totally against. His decision was made out of fear of further disappointments if he lets go of this one he has now. He is not balanced emotionally right now.d girl wants to tie him down cos ders no age on her side either. Mid 30's and late 30's

There is something you can do. You can pray and fast to God, that all the nonsensical, myopic so-called 'love' that is blinding their eyes, should scatter so they can receive sense. Pray until something happens (PUSH)! Love may be blind, but marriage is an eye-opener!

pomide:
Technology Has Advanced Now, It's easier to avoid SS Birth now... stop living in the old school Nigerian thought of AS AS stigma.. don't allow your self to loose a great girl that would make your life prosperous just Because of genotype... Google is your friend.

Will you give them the millions they need, to take advantage of that technology? Talk, nah!

OkoYibo:
Too many ignorant folks blinded by false religion and propelled by 19th-century information are just disgracing themselves on this thread.

Your brother doesn't need faith, he needs sound, professional, unbiased advice.

They can raise 5M to feed strangers at their weddings but can't raise 1.5M for IVF to ensure their unborn children are safe. Foetus Test at LUTH Sickle Cell Centre is almost 300K, they can't do that but can use the money for iphone instead of detecting the genotype of your unborn kid.

I'm AS, my wife is AS, we used a mix of faith and science. Let your bro try the test at LUTH if he can handle the consequences of an SS foetus. If not, he can try IVF.

Whatever he does, he must not gamble.

codedcliq:
I am telling you. Seeing a lot of 20th century comments here is just amazing.

@ OP pls leave them to marry abeg. They can even have multiple kids that will all be AA.
Get informed...

OkoYibo:
The comments I'm seeing here are 9th century comments when witches were blamed for Malaria.

If that guy gets married and stabilises financially after some time, he'll do IVF comfortably and have healthy children to shame his ignorant brother.

Do you think everyone's pockets are the same? Is it everyone that spends 5 million on a wedding? Don't believe all the hype you read in the society pages of several newspapers or online publications. A lot of people are still getting married for far less amounts, in Nigeria.

Go to the same LUTH you mentioned earlier, and see how patients die like flies due to lack of adequate financial resources to buy medication, and undergo treatment that is critical to their healthcare. I have seen a widow lose her 3 week old baby before, due to lack of funds to buy drugs, inside that same LUTH ward.

Are you the one going to stabilise the OP's brother financially? What if he gets married and they are not financially stable enough to do PGD, CVS and IVF? Even IVF has its own failure rate too, depending on age and other factors! I know women who did IVF 5 times, and yet - no pregnancy.

Scientifically, it isn't advisable but luck might come in. Let me give you 2 issues; 1)have seen a couple that are both AS, we warned them in fact the wife was my distant cousin, they got married via love,both inseparable. They had 4 kids and all died because they were all SS. 2) Have also seen another situation whereby a couple both AS had 6 kids,in fact the 5th is my mate, they ALL SURVIVED,all are AS. So what science will give is AVERAGE STATISTICAL DATA. But the risk is not worth taking because of love.

bong4:
Chairman ivf isn't over the counter medicine like panadol. Won't they have better things to use their money for? Why plan to have stress when you can avoid it? Can they afford ivf?

Thank you, o jare! Do you know how many women go through multiple IVF cycles and are unable to still get pregnant, or carry a pregnancy to full term? =N=3 million to =N=6 million for IVF, na beans? And the chances of getting successful IVF pregnancies, diminishes with age!

juola:
its not a must they start having children immediately, they can save up some money for at least a year or two then go ahead with the IVF.

Are you the one going to give them money to save up, for the IVF? Or will you help them pay for the procedure? Just asking, o! IVF is not as simple as doing root canal or cesarean section, hope you know?!

DopeAngel:
Serious Advice Needed Pls- How Can I Resolve This Impending Doom In My Family

Please nairalanders i kindly need your advice on this family issue. my elder bro met this girl sometime last two years after having too many disappointments in relationship. he said he wants to finally settle down that he is tired of waiting and disappointments.

Now the serious problem is both of them are genotype AS, but my brother does not care, he still wants to go ahead with the marriage. He is saying he has faith and hope in God that nothing will happen. even my parents are not helping matters, my parents are strong church elders and they are even saying my brother should pray that God can change things.

I am so pained with my parents stand on this issue knowing the severe consequence that follows. i was hoping they would outrightly dissolve the relationship but no they are hoping on God. What pains me the most is that the girl herself is a nurse, she knows better than everybody but yet she is not considering that.

Right now i hate the girl because she is coming to ruin the life of bro's unborn children

There are ways of suppressing the S gene medically while the baby is still in the womb. Not sure if they do this in Nigeria but can be done overseas but your brother will to spend some good cash o.

1Sharon:
Have you heard of amniocentesis?

Will amniocentesis prevent a woman from getting pregnant with an SS child? And after doing the test, she discovers the foetus is SS, how many times will she carry out an abortion, each time she gets pregnant and the results of such tests are not favourable?

codedcliq:
Planning. There is something called planning. Reduce the wedding expense by 50% and you will likely have the money you need. (or maybe just to add a little more)

You are much smarter than this, nah! Not everyone can have an expensive wedding. Some people do a low-key traditional wedding, and head for the registry. Total cost would still be like 200k, or less if conducted outside Lagos!

andergirl:

Wetin be your own now,if your brother insists,please just join them in their prayers so they won't have ss children. Simple.

And you think God will answer the prayer.

Dangerous move

dayooye:
only few people are really making sense here, a lot are damn ignorant. i am in the same situation with your brother, got to know about the AS thing after 3 years of courtship, we were kinda devastated and it was as if the relationship has come to an abrupt end. despite our grief at that moment we decided to seek medical help, got more informed and we indeed found out there is a way out. I sat down with both families and briefed them, everything boils down to MONEY. I am capable of handling the financial burden of either IVF or PGD and we are willing to take it to the next level as soon as she through with her NYSC. just as AA and AA marriage doesn't in any way equals to HAPPINESS, AS and AS marriage is not equal to DOOM. the key is to be well informed and make a sound decision.

I always tell people - if you carry an AS genotype, please be fvcking upfront about it, right from your very first date! Don't even postpone a discussion concerning this very sensitive issue. I mean what were you doing for 3 good years, that you did not discuss your genotype all through that period you were dating? Or didn't both of you know about it?

As for AS+AS couples getting married, the only way it would not end in doom, is if the couple has lots of money to take advantage of the medical procedures like PGD, CVS & IVF, if they want to have kids. If they do not have the funds, they shouldn't even dream of getting married, until they do!

DopeAngel:
Serious Advice Needed Pls- How Can I Resolve This Impending Doom In My Family

Please nairalanders i kindly need your advice on this family issue. my elder bro met this girl sometime last two years after having too many disappointments in relationship. he said he wants to finally settle down that he is tired of waiting and disappointments.

Now the serious problem is both of them are genotype AS, but my brother does not care, he still wants to go ahead with the marriage. He is saying he has faith and hope in God that nothing will happen. even my parents are not helping matters, my parents are strong church elders and they are even saying my brother should pray that God can change things.

I am so pained with my parents stand on this issue knowing the severe consequence that follows. i was hoping they would outrightly dissolve the relationship but no they are hoping on God. What pains me the most is that the girl herself is a nurse, she knows better than everybody but yet she is not considering that.

Right now i hate the girl because she is coming to ruin the life of bro's unborn children

Just let him understand the financial implications of him having 2 SS children.

200k sir will tell you if the feotus is ss or not.
A d and c will follow suit with undesirable result.

laudate:

Will you give them the millions they need, to take advantage of that technology? Talk, nah!

idNG:
200k sir will tell you if the feotus is ss or not.
A d and c will follow suit with undesirable result.

And how many times will this process be repeated, whenever the lady gets pregnant? Are you aware that she might have to undergo a D&C each time she falls pregnant, and the foetus is an SS? So if she conceives 4 times, and the foetus is an SS, that is 4 D&Cs. D&C takes a huge toll on women, o! For some people, 200k is a lot of money, even if it is pocket change to you and I. I have worked as a health volunteer in public hospitals before, and I have seen what some people go through.

No....... No....... No......... They shouldn't make a decision that they will regret for the rest of their lives.

DopeAngel:
Serious Advice Needed Pls- How Can I Resolve This Impending Doom In My Family

Please nairalanders i kindly need your advice on this family issue. my elder bro met this girl sometime last two years after having too many disappointments in relationship. he said he wants to finally settle down that he is tired of waiting and disappointments.

Now the serious problem is both of them are genotype AS, but my brother does not care, he still wants to go ahead with the marriage. He is saying he has faith and hope in God that nothing will happen. even my parents are not helping matters, my parents are strong church elders and they are even saying my brother should pray that God can change things.

I am so pained with my parents stand on this issue knowing the severe consequence that follows. i was hoping they would outrightly dissolve the relationship but no they are hoping on God. What pains me the most is that the girl herself is a nurse, she knows better than everybody but yet she is not considering that.

Right now i hate the girl because she is coming to ruin the life of bro's unborn children

My parents were both AS and I grew up to witness the agony of sickle cell and the death of beloved siblings. Six of my siblings passed on as a result of sickle cell. With my experience, I will never advise couples who are both AS to marry. But it is just a matter of choice and the courage to face whatever the outcome.

ologun01:


Me sef be AS...right now, if I meet a AS lady that I like and she likes me and don't mind this processes. I am good to go.

MUMU

eyinjuege:
Its not your relationship, neither is it your business.
The main thing is for both of them to understand the risks involved, and if they're ready to plunge in, goodluck to them.
Your place as a brother is to support. Not dictate, not rule or instruct your brother.
You should learn to respect your brother's choice and wishes. If you're not ready to support him, you can disown him.

Nothing to support, I am As, I will never marry As, I will never support marriage between two As. If you have ever have a first hand witness of SS person in pain you won't support such Union. It is not adviceable to take such risk.

jomonic:


My parents were both AS and I grew up to witness the agony of sickle cell and the death of beloved siblings. Six of my siblings passed on as a result of sickle cell. With my experience, I will never advise couples who are both AS to marry. But it is just a matter of choice and the courage to face whatever the outcome.

Brother what type of courage are you talking about again, nothing to be courageous in the outcome of such Union, it is a risk not worth taking at all.

jomonic:


My parents were both AS and I grew up to witness the agony of sickle cell and the death of beloved siblings. Six of my siblings passed on as a result of sickle cell. With my experience, I will never advise couples who are both AS to marry. But it is just a matter of choice and the courage to face whatever the outcome.

your conclusion spoilt this ur explanation

I understand how you feel right now, knowing fully well that their unborn children might turn out to be SS. Try all you think you could do to prevent such relationship because when the problems start shooting up it will affect all and sundry. But be careful in dealing with the issue and avoid being in their wrong book.
Make sure you have your mark because when it happens, you will be exonorated.

DopeAngel:
Serious Advice Needed Pls- How Can I Resolve This Impending Doom In My Family

Please nairalanders i kindly need your advice on this family issue. my elder bro met this girl sometime last two years after having too many disappointments in relationship. he said he wants to finally settle down that he is tired of waiting and disappointments.

Now the serious problem is both of them are genotype AS, but my brother does not care, he still wants to go ahead with the marriage. He is saying he has faith and hope in God that nothing will happen. even my parents are not helping matters, my parents are strong church elders and they are even saying my brother should pray that God can change things.

I am so pained with my parents stand on this issue knowing the severe consequence that follows. i was hoping they would outrightly dissolve the relationship but no they are hoping on God. What pains me the most is that the girl herself is a nurse, she knows better than everybody but yet she is not considering that.

Right now i hate the girl because she is coming to ruin the life of bro's unborn children

We shouldn't allow circumstances and age to decide our choice in marriage, the last relationship I had, the babe was As too also work at the laboratory in one hospital in Abuja, what surprised me most is when I we both finally knows about our genotype and I said we can't continue again, she tagged me as some that is wicked, that we can work it together, that our chances to born SS is same as to born As and AA, that I don't have faith in God, that I don't trust her bla bla bla.......... I just look at her Wetin this Mumu dey talk a medical practitioners for that matter.

I understand how you feel right now, knowing fully well that their unborn children might turn out to be SS. Try all you could do to prevent such relationship because when the problems start shooting up it will affect all and sundry. But mind you, be careful in dealing with the issue and avoid being in their wrong book.
Make sure you imprint your mark for future reference. No one wants to see his offspring in anguish and agony. SS children drain one of his or her finance.

folake4u:
Love is all about sacrifice and the sacrifice your brother has to pay is to let the girl go. His future children will not forgive him for bringing them to the world for them to suffer the sickle cell anemia. Talk to your parents and your brother not to bring religion into this, inasmuch faith in God to perform miracle is key, some experiences are really not the best teacher.

Sacrifice yes. But na until the inevitable happens they will know that this sacrifice can be avoided. Somehow I know very well had that experience and am telling you its not pleasant at all

Run Baby baby run!!!!

cyberguy72:
your conclusion spoilt this ur explanation

How, my dear. Please note that I do not support marriage between couples who are both AS.

Sultan5:


This is a very tricky and delicate situation. I am a strong believer in preventive medicine but also a strong believer in God. From a medical standpoint this marriage is risky. The financial and emotional drain a child with SS brings is enormous. It will eventually cause a strain between them if they are not strong enough. Not to talk of the effects on the extended family. And that's just one child, what if they end up with multiple children been sicklers. I can't even begin to imagine.

On the other hand nothing is set in stone. With each pregnancy they have 1 in 4 chance of giving birth to a sickler and 3 in 4 chance of giving birth to a healthy child. Those aren't bad odds if you are a gambler. I believe faith is extremely important. I remember a few years ago in Winners Chapel Warri, a married couple who were both AS were testifying with a new born in hand and 2 smaller children close to them. Am sure you can guess their testimony, none of those children were sicklers. Some can say its pure luck others divine intervention. What I will say is Faith is a powerful force don't underestimate it.

Best thing for you to do is ensure again they both understand the risks. If they choose to go with faith let them, it's a powerful force. Don't interfere, your brother is not a child and neither is the girl. They know the risks and have BOTH chosen to go through with it. As long as neither one is mentally unstable or unsound in mind, its their choice and they have made it. You have to accept it, try to put aside your own stance and support them because that's what family do.

Trying to threaten the girl with only make matters worse and strengthen their resolve even more especially since your parents have given their blessings. The only thing you will succeed in doing is alienating yourself and I honestly don't see what good that will do.

Please understand, this wasn't an easy decision for them to make and you adding to that isn't fair to be honest. Yes they have made a decision you clearly don't agree with but in the end he is your family. And she will be your family should this pull through. Family gives support so give it. I will just advice you to place it in God's Hands and let him stir the situation to the permanent site.

Boss you have really said a lot thanks. Your point are so valid, but I have something to say.
You see we Africans we think differently from the White people. when a decision is about to be made regarding ourselves, families and general public we don't consider hurting our own feelings but hurting hurting others as long as we are happy.
You said the decision is theirs yes I agree but the Children involved will never support or happy at that decision. Because the subject is not having influence on a decision doesn't we Africans can just decide to act as we like. He can go on with the marriage ooo but its a bad decision even if he eventually escape the SS child. Such Parents should never claim they love their child. because Love for a child is shown even before the child is born.
My point remains even if its his decision, Don't put a child at risk at your own pleasure. That's why Nigeria is where it is today. our politician take decision forgetting about next generation.

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sentiments aside, your brother no get sense. He Lacks frog. Ko ni opolo

Surely the first born will be SS. take it or leave it. I'm about 95% sure.

misreal:
Your hatred for the girl will not change anything sir..you either believe with your brother that God can do anything,or forever remain silent..

Oga, u are saying this because u are not a product of AS union and most probably haven't haven't seen or lived with one to see what they are passing through. U don't just bring innocent kids into this world out of stupidity just to make them cry and suffer till they finally die. This isn't about God or faith, it's about reality. If he was HIV negative and she was HIV positive, would he had gone ahead to marry her and believing God to turn her to negative??

Sultan5:


This is a very tricky and delicate situation. I am a strong believer in preventive medicine but also a strong believer in God. From a medical standpoint this marriage is risky. The financial and emotional drain a child with SS brings is enormous. It will eventually cause a strain between them if they are not strong enough. Not to talk of the effects on the extended family. And that's just one child, what if they end up with multiple children been sicklers. I can't even begin to imagine.

On the other hand nothing is set in stone. With each pregnancy they have 1 in 4 chance of giving birth to a sickler and 3 in 4 chance of giving birth to a healthy child. Those aren't bad odds if you are a gambler. I believe faith is extremely important. I remember a few years ago in Winners Chapel Warri, a married couple who were both AS were testifying with a new born in hand and 2 smaller children close to them. Am sure you can guess their testimony, none of those children were sicklers. Some can say its pure luck others divine intervention. What I will say is Faith is a powerful force don't underestimate it.

Best thing for you to do is ensure again they both understand the risks. If they choose to go with faith let them, it's a powerful force. Don't interfere, your brother is not a child and neither is the girl. They know the risks and have BOTH chosen to go through with it. As long as neither one is mentally unstable or unsound in mind, its their choice and they have made it. You have to accept it, try to put aside your own stance and support them because that's what family do.

Trying to threaten the girl with only make matters worse and strengthen their resolve even more especially since your parents have given their blessings. The only thing you will succeed in doing is alienating yourself and I honestly don't see what good that will do.

Please understand, this wasn't an easy decision for them to make and you adding to that isn't fair to be honest. Yes they have made a decision you clearly don't agree with but in the end he is your family. And she will be your family should this pull through. Family gives support so give it. I will just advice you to place it in God's Hands and let him stir the situation to the permanent site.

you have said it all... just wanna thank u for Dis insightful write up