I'm Too Scared - Romance - Nairaland
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| I'm Too Scared by LOVE4BUG(f): 11:49am On Jun 12, 2010 |
NL' what i want here is the truth. Tell me point blank, abuse or laugh but all i want is the truth. I am 27 and have i child at 20 for a man i never knew was married,( i ve moved on with my life). I work in a law firm as a sec. stay in a self contain apartment with my son and sis. I meet this guy (34) from Ikwere while i'm Ibo, we been dating for like 2years now. his mum was ok b4 now but on that faithful day i went to his and when i greeted to mum she kept mute. one morning she came and was shouting at his son never to bring me to the house again, i was astonished and didn't say a word. This as been happing for a long while now and each time my guy keeps begging me to stay and never to mind what ever thing that is happening. Meanwhile he has been cheating on me with some other girls and we keep having problems. Many attimes he will tell me "I'm a man'' Last Saturday i went to make my nails (in the compound) my guy was in a meeting somewhere, when his mum saw me she started shouting on top of her voice that i should let his son be "free my son from your charm ibo girl, go and take care of your bastard son. my son have someboby he want to marry but since you came into his life you turned his head with your juju. please let him be o o o o leave him for me" I truly dnt know wat to do I LOVE HIM SO MUCH FOR LOVING ME WITH MY SON. I"M TOO SCARED TO LET HIM GO BECAUSE I FEEL NO ONE WILL LOVE ME LIKE HIM. PLS HELP |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by adetoru(f): 12:23pm On Jun 12, 2010 |
Picture this;If you two get married,you'll be stuck with his mother for a veeeery long time and she may or may not want your son to be a part of her son's life and it's not in you son's best interest. It also sounds as if he lives with his mom;not a good sign. Goodluck |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by Nobody: 12:39pm On Jun 12, 2010 |
My dear, no be by force! If his mother insists u leave him alone, leave him! There is a saying that if u love something, set it loose, if it comes back to u, then it was yrs in the first place! I know how hard it is for u as a single mum who has found someone to marry, but if his entire family do not accept you or your son, I'm sorry to say it might not work, or if u get married to him, THIS WOMAN MIGHT GIVE U HELL! Besides, he is not the only man on the planet capable of loving you! There are many out there who are willing to love and accept you and your son. Good luck! |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by Nobody: 1:35pm On Jun 12, 2010 |
@poster the fact that his mother doesnt like you ISNT the problem here, its the fact that he openly cheats on you and give you an excuse such as "i'm a man" thats you should seriously worry about. if you want any man to respect you, you should respect yourself first! |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by LOVE4BUG(f): 1:44pm On Jun 12, 2010 |
MRbrownJAY: You mean by not accepting that he is a man or what? pls be plain. thanks |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by omega25red(m): 1:52pm On Jun 12, 2010 |
my dear poster i feel bad for you but in reality you cant stay with this man because you will never have peace of mind. yes you love him but he is cheating on you as you said his mother is abusive to you and she also talks bad about your child. if that is not reason enough to leave i dont know what is. Take it from a man never ever ever think that just because you have a child that no man will love you. A man cheating and abusing you is not love. you definately dont need the abuse and pain and as much as it will hurt you have to get out while you can for your mental sanity and the dignity of your child. I wish you good luck |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by Nobody: 2:03pm On Jun 12, 2010 |
LOVE.4BUG: LOL. . . . . . . . you are incredible!!! a woman that accepts that her "man" can go around and cheat on her has very low self esteem or is VERY desperate. . . . . . . and this man will NEVER respect you or the relationship you think you have together, and then you wonder why his mother thinks that you are messing with her sons life?! if you truly wanted something SERIOUS with him, the last thing you would do is accept to be disrespected and used like a door mat like that. you are blinded by this phoney love and sound so desperate to find someone that will love you and your son that you will accept anything. wait until he starts beating on you and tell you that this is what MEN do. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by BeautfulB(f): 2:29pm On Jun 12, 2010 |
hmmmmmmmmm am suprise why NLder's is too QUICK say leave him/leave her.  |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by gowaga68: 3:54pm On Jun 12, 2010 |
Beautful.B:then why you no advice her. switpea: well spoken , @ poster if you want the truth as you said , base on your religion you dont have to stick to a man that cheats (no such excuses for marring more wives) so cheating  dont go for that.saying you are afread losing him cos he loves you and your son lady dont fool your self on that there are a lot of people out there with much care and tenderness towards that. keep your head up and pray towards it. wish you the best. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by Akinagirl(f): 4:18pm On Jun 12, 2010 |
Beautiful.b I guess you would stay with a man that openly cheats on you. Right? |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by michaelopp: 5:13pm On Jun 12, 2010 |
Well take your time to study things critically,if the man is cheating on you,or the issue of tribalism on the mother side ,or ur child emotin,draw a board thing of the three options,for one thing is certain i want u to realised that love alone is not enough ,think twice b4 u take a move GOOD LUCK |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by Nobody: 8:36pm On Jun 13, 2010 |
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH FOR LOVING ME WITH MY SON.---i think this statement shows your level of insecurity as a woman, take off that impression that no one will love you just because you have a son, your real man will love you no matter what, I'd suggest you give your guy a break to sort things out with his mum, then get back to you. Wish you the best! |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by daduke2k(m): 8:52pm On Jun 13, 2010 |
Nice replies. Un-NL-Like though. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by Osama10(m): 9:15pm On Jun 13, 2010 |
Sit and talk with your guy, you would get the best answer from him. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by femmy2010(m): 10:46pm On Jun 13, 2010 |
Pain is only temporary but victory is forever.U WILL GET YOUR MAN THAT WOULD LUV U AND UR SON MORE THAN HE DOES NOW.JUST LEARN TO BELIEVE IN A SWEETER HAPPENINGS.I DO NOT KNOW U BUT I KNOW U DESERVE NO STRESS. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by chika98: 10:51pm On Jun 13, 2010 |
Where is Monique? She is the one that put this sort of mess in people's head. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by MissyB1(m): 11:25pm On Jun 13, 2010 |
If I were You, I'D dump him like he was some hot shite!!  First - You can be as good as [even better than] some single Ladies w/o kids [Yet]. There are more than a million men out there and it depends on Your value, You can get as many as You want . If he treats You like this , now . . . .There's little or no possibility that he will change later. Secondly - His Mother doesn't like You? That's already a red light, already. I'm not sure You are ready to put Yourself and Your son through the wahala Your man's mother is ready to deliver. Please and please, DO NOT tolerate too much from this woman and her son. Throw away that sme-sme/quiet girl/ 'wife material' / softhearted attitude when dealing with her. . . .People who do not respect You, deserve no respect. Fire 4 fire!!! What to do? Love Yourself and Your son- Important and number 1. Strictly define certain rules to Your man [No time for yeye] and if he's treating You less than You deserve or desire, Walk out. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you . . . a man will only treat You the way You ALLOW him treat You and Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. . . even if he has more education or a better job. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by beewhyfocs(m): 11:51pm On Jun 13, 2010 |
I can sense your fears from your post. You are 27 and you feel time is not on your side as a lady, You have a child and that makes you feel somehow. Despite these, you should also realise that it is better to be single hoping to be married than to be married and praying to be single. For goodness sake, this guy is cheating on you and his excuse is such a lame one that seems to defy a rational help. If, to him, it is man to cheat then expect a lot of heart break in the marriage because you wont satisfy him when you are married. Also, who knows if he has a son outside too out of his sexual escapades. I doubt if you will be happy to see a woman show up in the future with your husband's child. So be guided, I dont think this guy is worth it, bearing in mind that you can't change a man, especially the ones holding tight to a faulty principle In the same vein, the mother dont like you! Since you are in Nigeria, we know how much influence the mother can have on her son. if you are not careful, you will harbour resentment for her since she would do the same for you. Advice, get your mind straight, and forge ahead with your life. Leave this guy alone. Yes, he loves you today with your son, he can change tomorrow considering the circumstances you have presented! |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by kech(f): 1:18am On Jun 14, 2010 |
Aww  @OP, I know you are scared. I also know that this fear comes from the thought of not finding any other man who'll love you WITH YOUR SON. I can bet on it that you know the right thing to do. You are just scared of what will become of you if you do it. Look honey, be bold and DO IT!! You are as desirable and fresh as any other single girl with no kid. Don't sell yourself short and don't settle for less. You having a kid b4 marriage DOES NOT reduce your stock, unless you think that. Unfortunately I don't think this guy is right for you. I think he's taking advantage of the fact that you feel indebted to him for loving your son. These kind of men WILL break your heart. The freaking guy cannot even tell his mother what he wants. If he can't plead or try to convince his mother about you on your behalf, then he's not worth it. He can't even fight for you! He's a JERK!! Look at how his mom is treating you? Why will you want an uncouth mother-in-law? One who cannot even respect herself in public? My dear, run as fast as your legs can carry you. if you dont want to do it for you, do it for your son. He deserves better.PS. His mom said "free my son from your charm ibo girl". Please HANDS OFF!!! People who talk anyhow like this can do ANYTHING! Please ooo, hmm, before they'll decide to get their own charms to fight your supposed "charm". Okay don't mean to scare you but it happens. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by Girl846(f): 6:31am On Jun 14, 2010 |
Girl, he has been cheating on you - several times Marriage doesnt suddenly turn a cheater into a faithful husband. Marriage does not change people.If his mother in-law does not like you now, she never will like you if you go ahead with the relationship and marry him. In-laws can do a lot to damage a marriage. As hard as it may seem, maybe this is not the right path for you. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by Travelista(f): 6:59am On Jun 14, 2010 |
OP, first of all *hug*. The guy and his mother are real pieces of work; trash actually. Ikwerre woman abusing you by calling you 'Ibo' girl and you take that shite? No. Ma'am. Dump the loser and let him go suckle his mother; she's not ready for him to be a real man and he's in no rush to get there on his own. Keep it pushing and continue to do right by your son. You WILL find a man that will cherish you but you can't force it. Any man that will cheat and make an excuse, isn't worth the time. Maybe in time he'll realize that he's done wrong and beg forgiveness but to wait for him to do so only puts YOUR life on hold. Don't let desperation cause you to not only ruin your life but that of your son; he deserves a GOOD man in his life, not just a man that's willing to be there. Good luck, hun. chika98:  That ol' furry-legged heffa. What kills me is that she smiles like she and Sidney really sat down to talk about an open marriage; more like he kept cheating and she turned a blind eye. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by Nobody: 7:03am On Jun 14, 2010 |
I wouldnt want to mess with Nigerian men and their mommas. Meanwhile he has been cheating on me with some other girls and we keep having problems. Many attimes he will tell me "I'm a man'' Ehrrm girl. . . . a man cheats on you, then tells you he did it because he's a man. And yet you still stay? Okay. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by Pweety4me(f): 7:13am On Jun 14, 2010 |
MRbrownJAY:I was thinking exactly d same. . . @OP u need 2 wake-up u r not old, having a son is not having a disease plse. . .there r many ok maybe not many  but quite a few men out there who would be willing 2 care 4 u & your child not 4getting 2 give u d respect u deserve don't down-grade urself be brave & take a look @ wat is really gud 4 yu. . .stop pitying urself make a change! |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by 190: 8:17am On Jun 14, 2010 |
190 strolls in sees this response switpea: and claps!! well done switpea,well done, this is simply nothin but the truth poster~ please if you want the best for your son, then i simply suggest that you dont marry this man!! not simply because of his mom but rather cos the man is a f-ing cheat!! |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by hbabe(f): 8:33am On Jun 14, 2010 |
MrBrownJay has said it all. Having a child out of wedlock doesn't make you trash. Dust yourself, pick up some self esteem and stand tall. A nice man will come along soon. You have cheapened yourself before your current guy and shown your desperation so he treats you like dirt. He cannot even stand up to his mother. Just move on and hope for the best. Widows and divorcees with more kids still find good men to marry. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by LOVE4BUG(f): 9:08am On Jun 14, 2010 |
Thank you all for your candid advice, i appreciate it alot! Love all of it but this is unlike NLder's (no abuses) |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by fubiluv: 9:44am On Jun 14, 2010 |
Hope you do know how to pray? Start to pray until something happens. Good luck. |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by 190: 9:47am On Jun 14, 2010 |
LOVE.4BUG:just wait a little insults wud start flying soon dont worry i would try my best in co-ordinating them |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by LOVE4BUG(f): 1:43pm On Jun 14, 2010 |
190:  |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by LOVE4BUG(f): 8:19am On Jun 15, 2010 |
Missy B: I love you Missy B |
| Re: I'm Too Scared by MissyB1(m): 9:02am On Jun 15, 2010 |
I Love You and Your son too.   |
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