My girlfriend is a great person. We agree to disagree agreeably. that is we always talk about we fight till we resolve it. We have been going out for about a year +. we are engaged to be married. Of late i cant tell, but everything i do causes a fight. we are not speaking right now. i really dont know what to do. i have tried to understand and not complain, but she keeps pushing. i have spent the last six months apologizing for everything. On who lies the responsibilty in a relationship. the man or the woman or both. Why is it so hard for apology over intense matters hard for women, or is it just this one. I dont have a history of womanizing, nor am i a demanding. Ladies what is the scariest part about guys, why is pain a check. i wonder, oam i proud,am i vain. she goes on about how lucky i am to have her, bla bla bla. i am not tired, but i wonder if she is trying to tell me something.

she is probably trying to tell you, you can't do better than her, and don't be a wimp and be apologizing for every single fight abeg let her take responsibility for some of it, you see when you try to show a woman some sign of weakness, she takes it as an opportunity to walk all over you with heels, so i wouldn't want my man to take the blame for everything because it takes 2 people to fight n argue, abi you fit fight with yourself.

my advice be a man stand your ground, don't apologize for everything, being romantic is a good thing but it doesn't mean you have to be a sucker.

Thans a lot ima1, i might do that but that means i also have to consider the possibilty of a break or an end. She grew up under extreme conditions of rejection and abandonment, which lead to a general sense of mistrust and insecurity. hence my forbearance. i have tried to instill the absolute nature of my love but that dont work either. i think it could end which can further aid her mistrust but should i kill myself to prove that not all humans are bad. where is the balance ?

my brother, i can imagine what u are going thru now. been there myself. what i suggest is this: on this issue that has brought this cold war between ur girl and u, stand ur ground. like ima1 said, some ladies do know how to walk on a man's soft side. do not go and apologize at all. if she has a heart, she'll do the right thing.
also, be wary about women who blow their own horn. u know, her telling u that u are lucky to have her. make her see that without her life goes on.

coolblue:

Thans a lot ima1, i might do that but that means i also have to consider the possibilty of a break or an end. She grew up under extreme conditions of rejection and abandonment, which lead to a general sense of mistrust and insecurity. hence my forbearance. i have tried to instill the absolute nature of my love but that don't work either. i think it could end which can further aid her mistrust but should i kill myself to prove that not all humans are bad. where is the balance ?

i think she probably has abandonment issues, and she is trying to make you see that you need her, that doesn't mean she has to walk over you.

You said she is a "great person" so why not concentrate on that and remain as steady as a rock?

my dear you are dealing with a gal that has psychological issues.she has to be handled with care and so far from what you have said, you have tried to do that. i guess she has a lot of mood swings 2. just try to get together with her even if you have to beg this one time, just get her talking. you'll be surprised at how much she'll reveal to you only if you can communicate.learn to speak her language, make sure what she wants you to hear is exactly what you are hearing, be her friend for that moment, just listen, and you'll probably hear a whole lot she's been trying to tell you.

gudluck bro.

ima1:

i think she probably has abandonment issues, and she is trying to make you see that you need her, that doesn't mean she has to walk over you.

exactly!! Be very gentle with her because she's fragile but you have to stand your grounds too Let it not be the pattern of the day that you give in all the time, sharing a life-time with someone is a real looooong time, and some habits cannot be changed easily, so don't let it seem she's always in control. What she needs is someone to guide her, show her you're capable of that and more.

Aproko:

my dear you are dealing with a girl that has psychological issues.she has to be handled with care and so far from what you have said, you have tried to do that. i guess she has a lot of mood swings 2. just try to get together with her even if you have to beg this one time, just get her talking. you'll be surprised at how much she'll reveal to you only if you can communicate.learn to speak her language, make sure what she wants you to hear is exactly what you are hearing, be her friend for that moment, just listen, and you'll probably hear a whole lot she's been trying to tell you.

gudluck bro.

You read my mind. Under that crushed soul, i'm sure there is a loving, kind and gentle heart, let her know you won't treat her the same way she's been treated in the past, tell her you'll be her rock and crying shoulder. Tell her she means the world to you (it sounds so) and that you'll not do anything to hurt or harm her.

But let her not mistake your love for weakness

And NO, Love is not all that matters, you need the full package, patience, endurance, communication, understanding, and a whole lot others. Don't worry, together you'll find them.
Good luck!!

Thanks a lot
@ ima1, true she has those and i have learned to accept that. we have been going out like i said for a year now, seriously for about 8 months and engaged to be married. the rest is,
@Dvampire, the greatest thing i always try to make her understand is that true enough life goes on without her, but then again i'd rather it didnt.
@ seun, she is great and i am too, i respect that but then when we have dis agreements objectivity becomes hard to focus on, the need to be right is strong. too many times i have tried to break my resolve and call her, but right now i cant finger an exact reason for her to be mad at me. shes great so am i.
@ Aproko : i also have a history of being a counsellor at my church on relationship issues. but needless to say those who cant do teach. i have tried the listening technique spoken, i am wiling more so to continue. patience not infinite but i try.
@ cute-ass point taken. i will do as y'all say and we shall see it as it goes. Presently we are on day three. not a single word. oh well so be it, and she calls my sister
thanks yal. will let y know what happens.

~I think people who have been scared in life,need constant reassurance from a loved one,there's always that fear,doubt,that clouds whatever happiness there is!!! seems to me you love her enuff to wanna make it work so i guess you'll just need to keep workin w/her on her insecurities!!!

~Her sayin "you shud be lucky to have her" i think is just a defence mechanism she uses,am sure you're both lucky to have each other,that said,the fact you guys are thinkin of gettin married,should be,enuff to assure her,you're there for keeps !!!

~However,let her know even though you'll always be there for support,she shudnt use her insecurities as an excuse,she shud be aware by now,nuffin in life is stable,certain things are just inevitable,so if you're there,she shud apprecaite happiness w/open hands !!!

If her attitude suddenly changed "of recent" then there must be a reason. I think you need to go into details.

U shld both feel lucky to have eachother? Begging IS NOT attractive especially when u r not wrong. I dnt like ppl saying sorry to me, whenever I hav issues with ppl (which I rarely do)I take 2things 1. Reason y u did what u did to me. 2. Assurance that it won't happen again. Sorry doesn't always cut, talk about the issue, promise it won't happen again and finally say sorry. If she's starting unnecessary ranting then u shld knw sumtn is brewing. Talk to her nd stand ur REASONABLE ground. Goodluck.