The introduction of mobile phones in Nigeria is both a blessing and the source of quarrel amongst couples. Most of my married friends tell me that their wives occassionally pick up their handset, start going through the stored numbers and asking irritating questions, as well as reading their received/sent SMS and jumping to the wrong conclusion, this has caused serious quarrels in several homes.

Now my question to you all (men & women) is it right to infringe on your partner's privacy in the name of "LOVE"

Oh well, trust me, this doesn't happen in Nigeria alone. It happens all over the world. the kind of phone i use, allows me to lock some SMS messages i don't want people to see. Although i ain't married.

But to answer your question, i know some spouses could be really jugdemental. oh well, the man/ woman should just be cautious.

Everyone is entitled to their privacy. l won't bother to check my patner's phone cos we do trust each other and no secret exist between us. I tell her everything and she likewise, so for me to be checking her phone is a betrayal of the trust.

for me to be checking her phone is a betrayal of the trust.

I believe that there is nobody who is not susceptible to temptation, so I think it's better to check out your partner for clues that he/she is cheating on you. The best way to prevent people from erring is by removing all forms of temptation. So if your partner knows you're periodically checking up on him/her, maybe he/she will be discouraged from cheating on you.

Punishment after the fact doesn't help anybody. If you can prevent the crime, please do!

it all depend on the level of trust and amount of love you have for each other,if you reall love and trust each other,you can check it.but if vice versa is not advicable b'coz you migth see some times that would make get******************.What if checking your partner purse or wallet is it rigth.

If I can check my friend's phone, why can't I check my partner's phone. I won't even call it "check" cos checking means I'm suspicious of something. I'm just "looking".

I don't know what's so interesting in other people's text messages
But seriously, I wouldn't bother "checking" my partner's (if I had one) phone for any reason, whatsoever, except she just bought a new handset and in that case, I'd just want to toy around/play with it. Or if I come across some text messages, I just tease her about it.

Simply put, relationships require trust. Trust requires you not to be suspicious about anything, and it is only broken when one party is caught betraying the trust.

Seun:

for me to be checking her phone is a betrayal of the trust.

I believe that there is nobody who is not susceptible to temptation, so I think it's better to check out your partner for clues that he/she is cheating on you. The best way to prevent people from erring is by removing all forms of temptation. So if your partner knows you're periodically checking up on him/her, maybe he/she will be discouraged from cheating on you.

Punishment after the fact doesn't help anybody. If you can prevent the crime, please do!

wow!!!

This is a no go for me! I do not check my womans phone and I expect the same courtesy.
If I start to distrust you then I may as well end it.

If you check my phone and I find out I will spark for you o! and women that do this as a habit will one day find something even if it is nothing but since they want to find something suspicious they will be para about almost anything that is not 100% straight forward.

I know guys as well that say " I might as well cheat becuase my missus is always accusing me anyway" a weak excuse but a reaction to continually being distrusted.

Marriage should be based on trust shouldn't it? When your spouse starts feeling uncomfortable or angry when u pick his/her phone, then there is something fishy.

Married pple should get to a point where they are ready to disclose everything to their partner.

When trust is betrayed in a relationship, there is bound to be serious trouble.

As for me, my spouse is free to check my phone anytime T.

As for me, my spouse is free to check my phone anytime T.

Yes, that is what I'm talking about. If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear or get angry about. The more your spouse checks your phone and finds nothing, the more he/she will trust you.

Blind trust is not a wise thing to have; it inevitably leads to betrayal. It is better to create a system that strongly discourages betrayal in the first place.

There are instances when married couples need to keep certain things away from their spouse, for instance sesitive extended family issues which the family needs to keep confidential. Or Doctor Patient issues etc.....Abi no be so

No be so. I believe the husband-wife relationship takes priority over all other relationships. Extended family members who advice you to keep secrets from your spouse are eventually going to break you up. It's not worth it. I believe that if I've not found a woman I can share secrets with to such a level, I should keep searching. That is why friendship and trust should come before romance.

When sex and physical attraction come first, it is easy to get married to someone that you don't trust. This makes the home a silent warzone instead of a place of comfort, which makes sexual infidelity seem justifiable, and the end result is that homes are broken. In short, we should spend more time building a stong foundation for our relationships and the issue of hiding something from your spouse will not arise.

As for unmarried partners, I have said it before, and I'll say it again. Any commitment between a man and a woman that doesn't involve marriage is a mirage and should not be taken too seriously. Just my opinion o.

Isn't it just nice to know that some women are sending text messages to your husband? As for me, When I'm married, I want women to be chasing my husband. As long as he's not answering them. So that they can be envying me And vice versa! (so that they can be envying my husband too..LOL)

CalabarMan:

There are instances when married couples need to keep certain things away from their spouse, for instance sesitive extended family issues which the family needs to keep confidential. Or Doctor Patient issues etc.....Abi no be so

I do not think there should be any family issue sensitive enough to be kept away from one's spouse.

There are instances when one's profession may not permit disclosure. The reason most times is simply because the info is biosensitive in nature and usually backed up by legislature or statute e.g The Data Protection Act and some specific ACTS guiding a profession. This is understandable and a reasonable spouse should not raise an eyebrow for non-disclosure.

It is your responsibility to make her understand why you cant disclose, else she begins to feel you're not carrying her along.

What sort of ACT would prevent a husband from disclosing info to his wife? I would read his text messages, e-mails, letters, diary, WILL and any other private info. Even now that I'm not married, I read all these things. (never read will, though ) You just have to sneak.

There is nothing wrong with checking your spouse's sms, you'll probably be wasting your time. For you to be checking means that you don't trust him/her or you have your suspicions about him/her, so If he is a smooth operator like I suspect most people that cheat on there partners are, you would find nothing incriminating.

You just need to pray or better still divorce him/her, cos' they are dyed-in-the-wool.

well, i don't think right but some girls tend to do it to protect themselves.I will not wthstanding advice that we build trust in relationships.

I personally hate it! especially when they want to check my emails! why??

If I am cheating I wlll not keep any text anyway and you may come across stuff to do with my family that is a secret and stuff.

funny how some people think that checking messages of their spouses will stop cheating. it wont. trust is enough

What a funny statement, sage! Will trust prevent your partner from cheating?

hot-angel:
Oh well, trust me, this doesn't happen in Nigeria alone. It happens all over the world. the kind of phone I use, allows me to lock some SMS messages I don't want people to see.

Maybe we should all get the type of phone hot-angel is using to avoid all this wahala.

But then again, a locked message is like a locked door and of course your curiousity will get the better of you....and we all know what curiousity did to the cat ...

I generally like to toy with people's phone, just checking out its features, yes even reading text messages provided I'm permitted, especially if it's one i have not explored and my partner's is no exception.
There aint no big deal there for crying out loud! using the word 'check' suggests that you are suspicious.

Seun:

[I believe that there is nobody who is not susceptible to temptation, so I think it's better to check out your partner for clues that he/she is cheating on you. The best way to prevent people from erring is by removing all forms of temptation. So if your partner knows you're periodically checking up on him/her, maybe he/she will be discouraged from cheating on you.

chking each other's fone means nothing wen it comes to cheating.. if the girl or guy is good at the cheating, he/she will always delete the texts that will cause yawah btw them, wen i was in the university, things like this were very rampant...but most smart girls dont get caught. so seun, saying that if your partner knows you're periodically checking up on him/her, maybe he/she will be discouraged from cheating on you doesnt follow at all... if or one enjoy reading my own texts over & over again, so i see no reason why i cant read my boyfriend's own.............if he's cheating & i catch him via texts, 2bad, the relationship will become history

What God has joined together let even GSM put asunder.
There is nothing bad about checking your lover's handset since you are one you shold do things in unity and even use the phone together.

There are so many reasons why one would not like his or her spouse looking or checking the others phone, For guys sometimes its a control thing , or insecurity on one or both sides or maybe having something to hide, to me it boils down to the individual if you think you can take it and you have no reason to hold your pahone from being picked or checked anytome then please let your phone be checked and you check your partners phone too but if you know you have alot to hide dude-babe you had betterr fight like a tiger and insist right from the begining that each persons phone is very private and make sure that the rule is enforced.

Hi,
I believe it a personal thing, i.e, both parties (Man & Woman) have to agree to check OR NOT check each others phone.

If you want to check my phone, no problem....but please tell me before you do so...... and if you see something "funny"..... PLEASE ASK ME before concluding/assuming on it.

it's not right to check your partner's phone, I will not like any of my boyfriend to check my phone, because what is in my phone is my business not his

A while ago I would have said yes but now I'll say no. I did this a while back and it caused so much strife in my relationship and the moment you feel like you should be snooping around,  you should sit your partner down and talk to them. In retrospect, i wish i had done that instead of snooping; i feel like it would have gone down better... so my advice if you feel like you need to be checking your partner's phone, computer or anything its time you had a heart to heart with him/her.

monister

Erm , don't you think it's being a bit TOO NOSY?, although my bf lets me check his phone, cos he trusts me n I him, there's nothing for him to hide.
I've even got the password to his e mail, so U see what I mean, if u guys trust each other, then why not?

talking about password to email.... hell no i aint gon give no boy my email password. I could give him the one i know i don't use. But.. my main one?? hell NO!

it's your opinion, hot angel, put pls can you kindly stop swearin?, I am askign you very nicely. I know it's not to me, it's just not right to swear, it's rude, other people read the posts you know, it's offensive. mind you, I asked VERY NICELY.

Oops. So sawry. I'll edit my posts. But i love using the word "fxck". u'll get used to it soon. But i will still edit my posts.