Bro, you are not prepared emotionally and financially for marriage at this time. QED
You dont think things through before you do them. You act on impulse just to please others and in doing so, you've found yourself in a hole and because you are not logical, bold,realistic and mature( LIKE A MAN SHOULD BE), you are making that hole deeper by the 'knee jerk' reactions you take.

Secondly, if you feel your wife's attitude is NOT because of the baby, you should let her go. This life is too short. You cannot kill yourself.
A salary of 100k is enough for a woman who is humble, truly loves you and is willing to manage until things get better.
You've not finished marrying this lady and shes already showing attitude. What will then happen in the marriage ? Why I said you were not ready financially is that your present salary cannot solve the growing responsibilities around you.

Bro, you need to calm down. Can hardly make a head or tail of your story.

OP what you don't know is that no court will grant you a divorce until at least 2 years after a legally contracted marriage except in a case of adultery or non consummation of marriage but in the latter instance she is already pregnant. Sort yourselves out o before this marriage happens otherwise you'll be stuck in there for sometime. Goodluck

statusquoante:


@bolded
Godliness with contentment is great gain - the Holy Bible.
How dare you quit your job to do uber And you took a loan
You are the architect of your misfortune!
Sorry!! I hope you get yourself again.

They may not know it but the kind of vibes people who do transport business like cab driving is not the best there can be... It will take discipline to be displaying otherwise.

It is always likely that this fellow comes home everyday dissipating on the partner the usual frustration and angst which is common with cab driving in Nigeria.

Most times, the devil hides in the detail...

What made you think she loved you initially, she was considering settling down quick and had to be nice to tie you down.
I suggest you apologize to the lady you were with before you met her and then pray that things get better.
You both should give yourself a break for the time being, everything was rushed, you met her this year and still want to get married this year, was she not with someone before?
Did she take time to heal?
Did you pray before deciding to marry her?
Or it was all about sex for you.
The foundation of your relationship was faulty, seek God's face in all sincerity and ask Him to guide you.

0KNM:
Why get married only to divorce when you can end the relationship now and save yourself the headache and money/time?

That mission is impossible, ABORT it!

You believe the OP?

Well,I don't!!!

pappy2000:




now she is everything i dont like in a delay i am even thinking of commiitting sucide because she conplains that i am not a man . I just cry and cry all day , i have no tears left in my eyes. she is just irratioanl always asking me for money.. she is very unloving , i am planning to ivorce her as soon as i marry her.

No kill yourself on top woman matter. Why marry her to the divorce? Don't go ahead with the wedding. Be a man and stop being a cry baby. Postpone the marriage. Walk her out next time she talks trash. She is on the losing side cos she is already pregnant.

selfwife:
maybe you shouldn't continue with the traditional as you both are already legally married.she needs rest and peace for now especially as she is pregnant. I think you need patience okay. Pregnancy isn't easy and makes women rude,naughty or develop other weird behaviors. Be patient. with your finances now, I will advice you not to spend money on some things for now (either traditional marriage ceremony or divorce) just be patient and save up money for your lovely baby that's on the way.

I believe this may be her situation, take this advice.
Pregnancy comes with some sort of unpredictable behaviour in women, Imagine a woman waking you up in the middle of the night to go and buy her yoghurt, just be patient may be it's the pregnancy sha.

So in summary-

You work in a blue chip company and drive Uber / Taxify to supplement your salary, how you do this i don't know

You promised her marriage before the end of the year

End of year has reach and you cannot keep your promise

She is therefore pissed that you are reneging on your promise due to lack of funds

Lastly, you have eaten her work without protection and now she is pregnant!

...

This is what you have to do

Cover the traditional rites - Hopefully, you can afford this.

Do a court wedding - Legalise your union

Church and Reception are just formalities and a waste of money

It is too late to castigate you for making her pregnant when you can barely afford to maintain a family

Stop begging and crying and MAN up

This 2019 it not a must to get married.. Marriage is for everyone don't let anyone put undue pressure on you

Pappy2000 I hope you see this, I know how you feel. My brother don't go ahead with that marriage, only more pain awaits you. Even if it's just a few days left now, CALL OFF the wedding and everybody should go their way. It's not your time yet. I hope you get me.

I don't think that pregnancy is yours.

pappy2000:
I used to think marriage should be full of bliss. I have begged and begged her. but its all falling on deaf ears

Is things like this that make me warn people who talk marriage and force people into an unhappy life.

I will personally not go into a marriage if the woman can talk to me like this and trust me, divorce will be damn too easy for me at any time.

Marriage is not a do or die affair.

You are thinking of divorce as soon as you marry her.

sense will not kill you but foolishness will. No be people dey get baby mama here and there must you marry her.

Before I 4get girl wey give you 200k when you wan buy car is very unloving abi? Fear God.

ireneidiva:
How did you guys manage to understand this writeup?

Google is your friend, but the intelligent ones don't need it as such.

Your story is actually very funny.

I can relate well, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's good you guys see a councillor, may be from the church or an elder in the marriage business.

You've made some mistakes already, complicated things and put your 'friendship' in jeopardy with some reckless statements. If only you knew this pressure from women during wedding planning is normal. My wife even asked me "How can you not prepare for ALL THESE THINGS?" on our traditional wedding when my pockets were completely flat. Lolz.

My lesson? There's no single wedding that didn't experience things like this, no matter how rich you are. Women always have their expectations and dreams as far as marriage is concerned.

You're not an understanding person. I won't judge you sha. But if you truly love her, stop making her promises and start showing her you care about her. That's all that matters.

It's a phase and will pass.

PS. Be careful of advises from Nairaland. Go sidon plan with your wife.

pappy2000:
I used to think marriage should be full of bliss. I have begged and begged her. but its all falling on deaf ears

she was desperate bro.

Don't be foolish young man. At 40 you should know better

This lady isn't your wife. No one should also barger you into marriage. The warning signs are all over the place

Just back off and say you no do again. My guess is she would act nice and all that and wanna come back like she used in getting you. But the mask has slipped already and you have seen the monster you planned to marry or already married. Back off and dont do any further damage. See what next they do. I am betting she would vex and do a late term termination. So be it

Dont talk her out of it.

All the best man

I think your problem is you tell her everything if you need help from the sister you cannot let her know that you got the hair from her

pappy2000:



What am I supposed to do brother, the reason why she said she left her ex was because that one na boxer, but I have for once hit her even when provoked,I think I made the mistake of my life , my thinking is to finish the wedding in November give her one month to displayher madness and then file a divorce early January, that lady used to be so loving that I didn't even pray about it,

LOL.

Do you think it is easy to get divorced? Go and ask Ubi Franklin and Lilian, they are still looking for a judge to grant their divorce petition.

What will you tell the judge is your reason for divorce?

Someone has used money to buy your loyalty and use it to force you into marriage to her sister, and you're saying she's nice. When people want to get rid of someone or something, they are always nice. Have you seen when boys want to sell okirika in market? Na wetin your fiancee sister dey do you so.

You have already done registry wedding. You have put yourself in a tricky situation, because you will file that divorce petition by force. Las las, one divorce lawyer will eat the small money you're managing

pappy2000:
I really dont want to brak her sister heart because she has spent her money n energy to make this realtionship work but now my wife is just irrational. I told her its a step at a time but she insisit i should do all, she is asking for phone i must her a new set of chair and do proper wedding all at once, she even suggested i should sell my car n buy okada

what is bitter than death? Women! - Book of Ecclesiastics.

Go ahead with the wedding, I believe things will pick up eventually. U've done court wedding already, u're legally married to her already. Don't mind those advising u not to go ahead with a wedding that's legally binding already. I feel your pain, I've been there, so I know exactly how you feel. Drop your account details let me support u in my own little way bro, one love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMTTFLiOwX0?list=PL8PPtxxTQjQtP59sGLSOMIWn3eCoL2TtI

ireneidiva:
How did you guys manage to understand this writeup?

By patience.
Always be patient enough to try to understand people .

pappy2000:
I need to start this write up that i met this lady early this year and i had another lady who from my analysis is not so much in love with me so when i finally met this lady, she was everything i desire in a woman, so we started dating and from dating i went to see her sister in Abuja then from Abuja i went to kogi to meet her parent.

I met her family late June 2019. So I work in a blue chip company with a salary of little more than 100k so but i realized the salary won't make me live my dream life so i took a loan from gtbank to buy a car and use for e hailing.

My fiancee was so much supportive that she on her own decided to add like 200k fund so i bought a toyota matix.

So when I gave out the car the people i gave it to were all misbehaving so i decided that i will drive the car, she was so cool and nice that she will do everything at my beck n call.

Now when i went to meet her sister in Abuja her sister insists that we should pick a date meanwhile in may when we were marking her birthday, she told me how sad she was due to the fact that she was marking her birthday and she is getting younger so i promise her then that we will marry this year. I told her in Novermber so we finally settle for a date and the sister spent her money.

Unfortunately for me things were not as i planned in the uber biz, i need a few repair here and then. Now we got days left to wedding and she has been very irrational. She is pregnant for me, each time she visits me, i will beg her, na the cry and cry. How I truly want a happy home.

What do you mean the salary a little of 100k would not make you live your dream life? My brother, you don't have to start life big. All you need are plans. I am not saying you should not seek for better jobs, all I am saying is that the loan you took was very unnecessary to start with. Lack of patience is destroying you, my brother. You need to slow down. Don't join a business simply because others are doing it and seem to be making it. Join for a better reason after comprehensive plans.

In my opinion, the court wedding is OK for now. You don't have enough resources, so don't force it. Remember that there is life after wedding. Moreover, you are both expecting a child. Childcare and the initial healthcare will further take a toll on you.

As for your wife's incessant nagging and misbehavior, she is pregnant and she would be having a lot of mood swings. You are one of her caregivers and you can't afford to get worked up over her mood swings. Pregnancy itself is stressful, so you have to bear with her.

I hate nagging myself, and it can really push anyone to the wall. But your wife is pregnant, and you have no choice but to take all the nagging like a dunce.

Before every major decision in your life never overlook the point of prayer... You need to go back to God and ask for forgiveness of your sins.
You erred and his mercies need to come on your life and union . The Oil of joy needs to rest on both partners if you both are God's will.. May God help you in Jesus name

pappy2000:



What am I supposed to do brother, the reason why she said she left her ex was because that one na boxer, but I have for once hit her even when provoked,I think I made the mistake of my life , my thinking is to finish the wedding in November give her one month to displayher madness and then file a divorce early January, that lady used to be so loving that I didn't even pray about it,

pappy2000:
I am i40 ears old and i have heard enough people telling me to go n marry now i am not finding any fulfillment in this union, she is asking for multiple things at a time and i cant go in the life of crime. I have pleaded with her for a better tomorrow what can i really do.. i AM THINKING OF DIVORCE AFTER THE WEDDING.

must you marry

pappy2000:
I need to start this write up that i met this lady early this year and i had another lady who from my analysis is not so much in love with me so when i finally met this lady, she was everything i desire in a woman, so we started dating and from dating i went to see her sister in Abuja then from Abuja i went to kogi to meet her parent.

I met her family late June 2019. So I work in a blue chip company with a salary of little more than 100k so but i realized the salary won't make me live my dream life so i took a loan from gtbank to buy a car and use for e hailing.

My fiancee was so much supportive that she on her own decided to add like 200k fund so i bought a toyota matix.

So when I gave out the car the people i gave it to were all misbehaving so i decided that i will drive the car, she was so cool and nice that she will do everything at my beck n call.

Now when i went to meet her sister in Abuja her sister insists that we should pick a date meanwhile in may when we were marking her birthday, she told me how sad she was due to the fact that she was marking her birthday and she is getting younger so i promise her then that we will marry this year. I told her in Novermber so we finally settle for a date and the sister spent her money.

Unfortunately for me things were not as i planned in the uber biz, i need a few repair here and then. Now we got days left to wedding and she has been very irrational. She is pregnant for me, each time she visits me, i will beg her, na the cry and cry. How I truly want a happy home.

guy bone up. stop crying. u will not die. with time all this will pass by. do ur biz and tell her u love her but anytime she pressurize u again u will disappear on her. and make sure u try ur best to take care of her but Dont try to do everything do the ones that are important. forget divorce for now. she will learn to take life jejely

pappy2000:
I am i40 ears old and i have heard enough people telling me to go n marry now i am not finding any fulfillment in this union, she is asking for multiple things at a time and i cant go in the life of crime. I have pleaded with her for a better tomorrow what can i really do.. i AM THINKING OF DIVORCE AFTER THE WEDDING.

Please, look for all those people and tell them what is happening.. Make una stop to dey listen to idiots, una no go hear. Just see your life now.

Bros,
If you love Madam. Hold on tight. Let her see your reasons,and assurance that she is your life partner. No matter what!!

All the people wey u see,laughing today in RR,Porsche,Bentley. U know wetin them eye see

Rule number:1
Stop blaming people ......
Blame yourself for errors ......
Make life out of what you have........

Rule number 2222......
Imagine say Na ur sister
Imagine she is your daughter...

If she loves your for real,keep working things out and u will be suprised that soon .....

Super luck will shine on you guys......Ameennnn

Come on tell us here after she born,say money don dey flow.

pappy2000:
I used to think marriage should be full of bliss. I have begged and begged her. but its all falling on deaf ears

how old is she