My dear,i can c u lyk him but u r very uncom4table with certain things abt him dt u ve mentioned. In my honest estimation, those certain things r deep enuf 4 u 2 consider leaving him. He's 37, baby, he aint no kid. Not even a young guy sef 2 be given as much rope u seem 2 want 2. I thnk most words on d thread r clarifyn enuf 4. Pls take heed.

When he uses the money you loan him to buy cigarettes then you have turned into his personal ATM

hello, in my opinion its not wrong to help someone out, but a little advice may still help

there is one word to describe what your boyfriend is doing to you - he is using you - there is another word to describe his attitude - irresponsible - now there is another word to describe what you should do - quit!

You really shouldn't have started what you can't sustain, you need to start looking else where because the moment you stop borrowing him money, the relationship is gone. The first time he came, you assisted, 2nd time same, why didn't you say no the 3rd time. Try saying no and stand by your no to see what his reaction is going to be, that might give you an insight.

my dear i will urge u to run from that person i was in the same shoe sometime ago the funny thing the person never appreciate it i understand ur doing it for love but ask your self can u cope with all that demand if u cant u have to run away except u want to be unhappy the rest of your life .

ITbomb:

Anybody , man or woman, who has a good attitude towards money. whose life does not depend on handouts deserve my respect.

wouldnt you think that there is a huge difference between respecting someone and branding them ¨the kind of ANGEL you are looking for¨?!
if respect is the only thing that you require from your ¨angel¨ then i am sure there are hundreds of ¨angels¨down your street. you better go and have a look. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

D-sense:

OP,
Listen to MrBrownJay . . .He's talking from experience!

ouch!!!!! that was below the belt, bro! lol

what a man can do, a woman can do even better. if the guy was on the giving side, will u come here to ask us if u shld continue collecting?
it is not all about money, it shld be about his personality. look at him and see if he has the class u are looking for.
money is mearnt to satisfy our wants. if u spend part of ur funds getting the happiness he provides u if any, then we are outsiders.
giving is a two way thing and giving must be ur personal decission.

@ OP

Did you say your BF borrows money from you to buy cigarettes?,then what are you doing asking for advice on this forum,is it till he asks you for money to give his booty call that the scales will fall off your eyes

Have a good chat with him. tell him excatly how you feel including your worry about the future and about hohw his actions have a far reaching effect.

In a relationship, both parties are not always so prudent, you always have one which is abit more carefree with money amd the other cautious, does not necessarily make them bad.

You need a good long talk with your BF including setting small targets which you can both shot to achieve. If this then fails you would be in the right to take what ever action you deem fit. but for now dont rush into any decisions that might be ill thought through.

good luck

Let me analyze this for you.

YOU SHOULD STOP GIVING HIM MONEY AND WATCH HIS RESPONSE.

1) If he takes the course of doing something about his reckless spending and/or making extra income (actually the emphasis is on curtailing his expenses, because even if he makes a million a month, he will blow it all), then there is hope.

2) If he does the opposite and starts getting annoyed, violent, etc, then that is a sure signal to end the relationship.

I can tell you that this will constitute a BIG HEADACHE for you if you get married to him without his learning how to live within his means.

Dating and marriage are not the same thing. Some of us have been in this marriage business for some time and I can tell you that it takes the grace of God to get guidance to handle the challenges that come up in marriage.

Get wisdom and act accordingly.

1025:

what a man can do, a woman can do even better. if the guy was on the giving side, will u come here to ask us if u shld continue collecting?
it is not all about money, it shld be about his personality. look at him and see if he has the class u are looking for.
money is mearnt to satisfy our wants. if u spend part of your funds getting the happiness he provides u if any, then we are outsiders.
giving is a two way thing and giving must be your personal decission.

na so!right!encourage and help him organise his life. . . hope he's not too lazy.

@Poster.

I have two words for you

LEAVE HIM

This is a calamity going somewhere to happen, i hope you get out of the relationship before you become a casualty.
From your description, this is a very irresponsible man for a lady with your kind of heart, my dear you derserve more. There are good guys out there, just open your eyes and let God lead you.

cheers

Have you heard of "ara nwanyi asaba" before? That is what you are to the guy. Leave the irresponsible, shameless, old bloke before you start borrowing to lend. Be bold, talk to him and let him know your mind.

The table just got turned, and the women are whining.Most annoyingly are the other brothers with them. Women want marry abi? Tell her to leave if only you're replacing him without this his horrible habit. Imagine the number of women we support forever. Every family must not have children. Some forty-yr-olds are still single and that doesn't mean they are beggars/ sponges oh and marriage is overhyped! Marry now divorce tomorrow is rife in the US and people living there are always quick to teach us. Hahaha!

If a five month old relationship can have you parting with such money, before a year your salary will be paid directly into his account. Tell him you can't put-up with his institutionalized borrowing any more. Remember Shakepeare's words: "neither a lender nor borrower be . . . "

Hi poster,
               I had a babe in school those days.Men even as a student and damn broke she had a policy "never give money to your guy" even though she is from a rich home and i am not.I felt she was wicked but now i know why.

She even told me then that the only way we could get married was if i was earning more than her and do u know the catch?she was a year ahead of me, anyway we broke up after a year.

My dear your guy is not it at all and if you dont end it now,trust me you will end up licking your wound.The guy has many complications and your love should be wide eyed to see all of it.

Wish you luck

Alot of poster has given u good advice and l will beg u 2 list them go thru them and act on it.

Let me state some facts that will guide ur final decision
Tis '37'yrs old adult wht wz is formal relationship like?hw come he is still single?because he is IRRESPONSIBLE, do u wnt an IRRESPONSIBLE man 4 an husband?pls knw that d wife of a careless man is almost a widow
If at his prime/vibrant stage in life he cannot keep a job down whn will he settle or u wnt ur hussy 2 be a security guard at age 60 jus 2 keep body & soul
From ur story,it seems ur guy`s problem is dat he likes borrowing, whn u bcome hs wifey be ready to go borrowing cos he will definately ask u 2 go & borrow 4rm ur friends if u cannot lend him,and also be ready to recieve unwelcome guess who wud come 2 collect d moni lend him,in most cases it will be embarrasing,also be ready 2 lie'MY HUSSY IS NT HOME'
Dont think u re helping him by giving him moni 2 buy cigar, u re actually sponsoring stupidity, if he wz borrowing 4 biz or somethng reasonable it wud hv been ok.
Lastly whn u re no longer able 2 lend him, he will probably look 4 other ladies that can, even if u re his wife(sugar mummy re always available)

read ps 37 vs 21

This is why I always say we men are stupid. We spend so much on our women, even if they are working, you take care of everything in the house.

Just a mere assistance to your man, I believe the total amount will not even be up to N50,000, yet see how the whole bunch of girls are reacting, yet you are not afraid to depend on your men and ask them for car gifts worth millions of naira, hypocrites!

Well as long as he  honours the body mantenance and  servicing  agreement you guys  entered, I dont  see anything wrong  with  the  setup

If u have it, give him na! Shou!!

Sis,he is just not your man.leave him behind and move on.Anything short of that will make your life miserable and you have no one to blame but yourself.The signs are quite clear.

Poster

At 27 you are to young to start xperincing dis kind of shit.

My only advise is that you should leave that fake boyfriend of yours now that the day is still bright

when the day gets dark u wont be able to chase the black goat.

Hope u get what i mean.

Wish you all the best.

What you call Love is not Love is your money that is still keeping that relationship If you stop giving Money

he live you and look for someone else who have money. Stop waisting your time. Seek God face

for better relationship.

Re: Should I Keep On Giving Money To My Boyfriend?
« #27 on: Yesterday at 06:57:38 PM »

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I dont fornicate,

Ive stopped

Im getting older and now fallen in love!!

Abeg small small ooooooooooooo

From your account of the matter (as we are not privy to know his own side of the story), it does not appear that your happiness is with this man.  Read the early warning signs clearly and dispassionately and exit this unhappy, one-sided, and win-lose relationship.

Realise that you are also at a critical age for a lady to make up her mind and quit time-wasters:  you are 3 years away from 30, the same way 'your man' is also 3 years away from 40.  

I wish you well as you refuse to get carried away by emotion.

You just told us one side of the story, what about the other side where the guy in question perform duties for you.
Because there is no smoke without fire.

Sit his sorry backside down and talk some sense into his skull, plan a buget with him, if he bulge not, dump his walkin dead log

Hi poster, you know what is right and know the right thing to do.
Relationship is not all about money, its about helping the other party overcome their weaknesses and complementing (compensating for their weaknesses) , though they might not see it as one.
How we go about it is what determines the outcome. Its a gradual change which can be effected with love.

from the character the guy depicts, i don't think he grew up in naija where most people understand the concept of saving for the rainy day.
I for one understood earlier on in life that am not good with cash and i proffered a solution for myself ( i don't leave money in my wallet and if i mistakenly do, i give it to my gf to keep till i need it)

you need to sit the guy down and plan his finances, if possible manage it for him, explain to him that you feel bad each time he borrows money from you or people (use the woman power of persuasion if possible).

If he sees that you are willing to help him selflessly (without any strings you guys unnecessarily attach or rubbing it in on his face) you gain his trust.
And please don't misuse the opportunity of managing his finance because once he loses that financial trust in you, then you've lost the battle