distinguish:
We have been married for a year now. We have been trying to conceive. Because of the emotional stress attached my wife said she can't be staying at home alone, it causes her stress. She said she wants to start doing something. At least a business.

I took a loan from my place of work and we started the business for over 2 months now. The issue now is that, I don't always have cash on me anymore. Any little money I got it's for the business. Basically, we mostly feed from the business.

Yesterday, after we returned home, she started giving me attitude, I asked her what the issue was, she started telling me how I am killing the business, not taking good care of her, not having money to take care of her and all sort of rubbish, she brought out how incompetent I am as a husband and what have you. I never said a word to reply her and its eating me up seriously, I could not sleep the whole night. This is the person that I sacrificed a lot for. I was supposed a take a professional course this November, but because of her I had to postpone it.

Please I need your advice.

PS: I did not eat the food she prepared last night.

But you ain't suppose to be feeding from the business. One of the major reasons businesses die in Africa is the inability to separate the business from its owner. In Accounting it is called the "Business entity concept".

At the pace you guys are running the business it won't grow.

Meanwhile, just take things easy with your wife. Don't give in to her sudden attitude. Everything will be fine.

This not a matter of whether the woman has a job or not.

[s]

NarcissistKing:
You are the cause of your problem. You married someone with no job. An idle woman with high taste!

Deal with it. Or were you expecting us to advise you divorce her?

[/s]

Davash222:

A man will kneel and beg a woman to marry him
Same man will still pay bride price
Same man will still train and set up the woman

Just for procreation


We need to revisit and readjust some ethics in this institution called marriage.

Simps full everywhere no be only Nigeria na because ground no to level for naija.

The fact of the matter is, they are trying to conceive. It is possible the woman is anxious about is looking for ways to distract herself. A woman not being able to conceive 1 year after marriage would certainly cause to be anxious and worried.

Frales6:
No marriage is without challenges, it's left for the couple to intentionally make it work no matter what. Marry who is mature enough to understand that anything can happen in life, wether in marriage or not bcox life can happen to anybody. I wish you have that kind of family that husband and wife can easily communicate and discuss how to make things work without abusing each other.

flokii:


The problem there is that his job and productivity at work will be affected in one way or the other.. for him to bring it to the forum for advise means he is really disturbed over the issue.

A guy can stay for years as bachelor without issue but when a woman comes into the picture, he starts to lose sleep, inner peace and eventually gets tired and frustrated with life.

As in ehhhhhh, u see why marriage is overrated, just look at a very hardworking guy, that had his peace of mind, but now that he has married, he started loosing sleep and joy all bcs of marriage, Jah forbid

GoldenJAT:
This marriage thing de fear me eh!!!
Bros!! No allow am touch you too much, allow ur conscience judge you.
Do wetin you suppose do as husband! E go better.

You see the economic pressure is affecting a lot of marriages. That marriage is too young to go through this stress. The woman needs to calm down and encourage the husband. Calling him names will not solve the issue, it will only lead to the destruction of the family. Things are hard generally in Nigeria, and the woman needs to take it easy before she will do something she all regret in the future. This is one of the reasons young men will run away from getting married and at the end ladies will begin to lament that there are no husbands to marry.

distinguish:
We have been married for a year now. We have been trying to conceive. Because of the emotional stress attached my wife said she can't be staying at home alone, it causes her stress. She said she wants to start doing something. At least a business.

I took a loan from my place of work and we started the business for over 2 months now. The issue now is that, I don't always have cash on me anymore. Any little money I got it's for the business. Basically, we mostly feed from the business.

Yesterday, after we returned home, she started giving me attitude, I asked her what the issue was, she started telling me how I am killing the business, not taking good care of her, not having money to take care of her and all sort of rubbish, she brought out how incompetent I am as a husband and what have you. I never said a word to reply her and its eating me up seriously, I could not sleep the whole night. This is the person that I sacrificed a lot for. I was supposed a take a professional course this November, but because of her I had to postpone it.

Please I need your advice.

PS: I did not eat the food she prepared last night.

Let her know how you spend your income . She believed you have money somewhere.....you have to be open with her financially

Brother there's a reason they said men love unconditionally but women love opportunistically, women love only on the bases you provide something, what you did for them in the past doesn't matter once you ain't doing it continuously,... Don't be frustrated ,just pray to God to improve your finance that's all... But know women can change on you anytime any day ,... Their loyalty is only to their feelings.

Brother, go and eat her food, don't kill yourself before your time. woman are same .her problem is conception to keep her busy and her joy full. your marriage is too young and you do not distraction just focus and hustle for more money. If business is not properly manage especially when its same source of feeding it will close down. let the business.

angelfallz:
This not a matter of whether the woman has a job or not.

[s][/s]

Says a kid that's being fed by his nana.

She might be pregnant! Go for Lab test. Congratulations in advance.

Davash222:

A man will kneel and beg a woman to marry him
Same man will still pay bride price
Same man will still train and set up the woman

Just for procreation


We need to revisit and readjust some ethics in this institution called marriage.

And never mind the woman don old finish at the point they wanna marry and don fukkk tire.

Which model of car are you, automatic or manual? These will help me to advise you properly.

Brother, go and eat her food, don't kill yourself before your time. woman are same .her problem is conception to keep her busy and her joy full. your marriage is too young and you do not need distraction just focus and hustle for more money. If business is not properly manage especially when its same source of feeding it will close down. let the business grow

I agree it is not a foundation issue. But i disagree that it is financial.

Remember the OP said they are trying to conceive. The keyword is "trying". It is possible that not being able to conceive yet, is playing on the woman's mind. Hence making her act irrationally and looking for things to distract her or take her mind of the issue. It is probably why she wants to get out of the house.
It is also possible that, she is fearful that her husband might be thinking of getting another wife, hence her accusations that he is not taking good care of her.

lomprico:


it's not a foundation issue ogbeni! it's a financial

Bola146:
Wahala in marriages especially when the foundation is faulty I'll never advise a idle lady to go into marriage, she must have something little to support her husband at home, she should learn a handiwork or business, instead of spending much on wedding, they can use it for her to start a business and do a low key wedding. If she can't understand your financial condition as an adult and how Nigeria economy is so bad now, I don't know what else she needs. Emotionally she might be disturbed for infertility.

I love the way you reason....

Very Good Comment Here.....

Bola146:
Wahala in marriages especially when the foundation is faulty I'll never advise a idle lady to go into marriage, she must have something little to support her husband at home, she should learn a handiwork or business, instead of spending much on wedding, they can use it for her to start a business and do a low key wedding. If she can't understand your financial condition as an adult and how Nigeria economy is so bad now, I don't know what else she needs. Emotionally she might be disturbed for infertility.

vickydevoka:

To worsen it all de lady don hit menopause. Some women menopause is as early as 32 o. O.p u don enter one Chance. Most men de love forget de fundamentals for marriage n couples. Women no de love, Dem de very strategic. De work with age n Time with physical attributes. If age no dey, Dem go wan use romance finish u like say na love

The guy should carry his cross and deal with it.

i know how you feel bro, i can see you are a good fellow....and your wife too is a good woman, you guys need to find a way to handle the pressure and the ups and down that come with marriage....you have to try to raise cash via another source not only salary otherwise wahala go plenty....my salary cannot take care of my family of 4 kids and a wife i have to put alot of other machinery in motion to bring in extra cash...i have a side bizness i run all legit ....also give ur life fully to Jesus Christ and be committed to his work...God no de abandon his own, soon u will surmount all these trials...

phorget:
Make una no marry liability una no go hear...
Why should I be the one to set up a lady? What has her parents been doing? And such parents will still expect me to pay bride price o.

I can gladly set up my wife to be it's nothing, but she has to be a hustler too

Never in any cases refuse food prepared by your wife.

Lol is that the best you can come up with?

You seriously need to improve your game.

NarcissistKing:


Says a kid that's being fed by his nana.

angelfallz:
The fact of the matter is, they are trying to conceive. It is possible the woman is anxious about is looking for ways to distract herself. A woman not being able to conceive 1 year after marriage would certainly cause to be anxious and worried.

It's true. Not easy sha...both for the wife and the man too...everybody dey under pressure

angelfallz:
Lol is that the best you can come up with?

You seriously need to improve your game.

I won't indulge you no more, kiddo. Now, run along.

vickydevoka:

Madam calm down! What is. Worrying you is women supporting women syndrome. It's natural in ur blood. Imagine say na de man start de business, n de wife come chop something. I get sisters, if de husband collect groundnut u go see fight that dey, him must pay. Buh me way be him brother go carry coke n bread she go de smile. Women worst enemy is her husband. Man will be thinking his wife loves him until he loses his source of income, dats when he will know he is an enemy to his wife. (Not all women behave like that. I have a sister that can die for her jobless husband)

That's your sister. That's why our businesses run down few months after starting. We want to start reaping from a business that we should be building. A business needs to be built to an extent before you can eat off it and it will still stand. It's like starting a business today and expecting to start paying house rent from it and school fees the way someone running that business for 5 to 10yrs is doing. Yours will die off and you will be calling village people. If you want to start off such business, make sure you have your rent for that year and if possible the following year iean including the shop rent if you are renting a shop. Make sure you have food to sustain yourself with while the business grows a little except you are willing to starve fora few months or years. You sister allows your guys to take coke but can't let her husband take groundnuts, that's her. She thinks her husband is the enemy of her business meanwhile you guys are. It also depends on her relationship with her husband so don't you that as a yardstick to measure other women's relationship with their husbands.
Businesses grow faster when the owner has less responsibilities, like being single, staying in a family house, doing the business in a good place, not paying much transport to the place of the business and all that and also how much was use as the kick off capital. Not when you use 200k to start w provision store and then your bills and feeding comes from the same shop and you think such a business will last 6months. It won't.

distinguish:
We have been married for a year now. We have been trying to conceive. Because of the emotional stress attached my wife said she can't be staying at home alone, it causes her stress. She said she wants to start doing something. At least a business.

I took a loan from my place of work and we started the business for over 2 months now. The issue now is that, I don't always have cash on me anymore. Any little money I got it's for the business. Basically, we mostly feed from the business.

Yesterday, after we returned home, she started giving me attitude, I asked her what the issue was, she started telling me how I am killing the business, not taking good care of her, not having money to take care of her and all sort of rubbish, she brought out how incompetent I am as a husband and what have you. I never said a word to reply her and its eating me up seriously, I could not sleep the whole night. This is the person that I sacrificed a lot for. I was supposed a take a professional course this November, but because of her I had to postpone it.

Please I need your advice.

PS: I did not eat the food she prepared last night.

Guy, you're not the only one in this... The first year of marriage is very tough cos you need to be patient as well as loving. Whenever you feel down, simply think about the good things that made you love your wife in the first instance.
You can do well to read articles from this page as they've helped my marriage too:
https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/family/

I hope you are repaying the loan from the business money, it must not be from your salary pls make it clear so that u can balance your responsibility at home

MadamVanessa:




It's not always right to judge from one sided story. I wish i can hear what your wife have to say as regards to the story on ground, so i can give my judgement objectively without being biased.

As a lady I wouldn't expect any less from you. If na woman post this now, u for nu Yan like this....I fear who nu fear una

Francismeek:
Brother there's a reason they said men love unconditionally but women love opportunistically, women love only on the bases you provide something, what you did for them in the past doesn't matter once you ain't doing it continuously,... Don't be frustrated ,just pray to God to improve your finance that's all... But know women can change on you anytime any day ,... Their loyalty is only to their feelings.

Their loyalty is only to their feelings and to whatever is convenient for them.

Where do you want me to run along to mister?

Funny picture though, where did you get it?

Lastly, you seriously need to up your game. Your insults or comebacks are not up to standard okay?

NarcissistKing:


I won't indulge you no more, kiddo. Now, run along.

distinguish:
We have been married for a year now. We have been trying to conceive. Because of the emotional stress attached my wife said she can't be staying at home alone, it causes her stress. She said she wants to start doing something. At least a business.

I took a loan from my place of work and we started the business for over 2 months now. The issue now is that, I don't always have cash on me anymore. Any little money I got it's for the business. Basically, we mostly feed from the business.

Yesterday, after we returned home, she started giving me attitude, I asked her what the issue was, she started telling me how I am killing the business, not taking good care of her, not having money to take care of her and all sort of rubbish, she brought out how incompetent I am as a husband and what have you. I never said a word to reply her and its eating me up seriously, I could not sleep the whole night. This is the person that I sacrificed a lot for. I was supposed a take a professional course this November, but because of her I had to postpone it.

Please I need your advice.

PS: I did not eat the food she prepared last night.

should i add salt to the injury??

Wen u finally bear children, dey will value her more than u.

Normal things in marriage, just chill and continue, your are doing well.
Sacrificing to establish her is wonderful, she need to grow up and appreciate what you have done.

It is good that you didn't respond to her outburst, otherwise things would have gotten out of hand.
Don't stop Loving and supporting her, she will later show appreciation.
NB : NEVER ABANDON FOOD TO SLEEP HUNGRY YOU WILL HARM YOURSELF. AFTER ALL THE FOOD IS YOURS, THE WOMAN IS YOURS, THE HOME IS YOURS.
God bless your family