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Am I Not Making A Mistake? - Romance (4) - Nairaland

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Am I Not In A Toxic Relationship Like This? / Am I Making A Mistake? / I May Ruin My Girlfriend's Life, If I Make A Mistake (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Devil1Messenger: 6:23pm On Mar 07, 2022
Zonefree:
Ask her, after paying her mum's bride price, will her mum be your wife?
Lolz
Its normal in those areas
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by gadgethead: 6:24pm On Mar 07, 2022
Drsnives:

She is the best girl have come across so far, it will be difficult leaving her

Don't dump her if you really want her. Negotiate with her people and if it's affordable, pay it. But becareful so they don't spring another surprise at you, unless you like being a cash cow
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by dhibs(m): 6:25pm On Mar 07, 2022
OP u sef 4 no pay b4 u marry her so that in the futute,ur son inlaw go settle am.��
Simple wisdom.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Sanchez01: 6:26pm On Mar 07, 2022
McEphiks:


It is like that where I come from as well. Its nothing like double bride price... its just little things most times less than 10 percent of what you'd spend paying your wife to be bride's price

A daughter can't be married when the mom is not according to out tradition.

Modified: the bride price can be paid by anybody in the family either her brothers or her son if she have a grown son.
Forget the girl and move on. It is not your business to pay you girl's mom bride price. If her father was irresponsible not to have done that, don't give them your head in the name of love for them to break coconut with.

It is not your business.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Peng12345: 6:26pm On Mar 07, 2022
ibechris:
That statement from such a lady is grossly irresponsible and this goes to show how irresponsible the father is for not marrying her mum properly and for u,u had better leave the road u walkng on.

Na bush u dey go so.

Na people like you go leave real gold go chase gold coating
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by alizma: 6:27pm On Mar 07, 2022
Drsnives:
Good morning nairaladers, pls pardon my errors.

I met this girl late last year, she's nice, godly and has most of the qualities i want in a wife. i love her, though her dad is late and her mum should be in her late thirties.

Yesterday we were chatting and she was like her dad didn't do the necessary rites on her mum and hence according to tradition i will have to pay her mum's bride price to her family before i will be allowed to start her own (my babe) marriage rites. I just weak cos have never heard of such. Where i won see the money for double bride price?

Pls nairaladers, have any of you come across such ridiculous tradition or she's making it up herself cos i feel like quiting the whole thing.
I just tire. Your opinions are welcomed

Modified: she's from obiaruku in ukuwani local government area of Delta State.
There possibility that she is telling you the truth. I have people in obiaruku but I have not really made enquiry on this kind of marriage before but from my understanding of the happening in the East a they are more closer to, I believe she is saying the truth and their own tradition is reasonably justified. That is if the bride price of the mother is not paid, it will be assumed that the mother was never given out to any man and in such case, the girl belong to her maternal home not her paternal home.
I think that is what they are trying to correct.
I also think the girl is trying to redeem her identity through you, otherwise the bride price of the mother should not be imposed on you but the brothers of her late father, however they can call you for assistance considering that you will benefit from such correction of marital error.
Talk to your woman one on one and also talk to any of her uncle or aunt that is close to you, they will tell you how to go about it without much stress. e.g you people can agreed that you will secretly bring the money meant for the girls bride price to the family before your own tradition marriage, the family will use the money to pay for their late brother's wife bride price and on the day of your own tradition engagement, everything will be done with invalid cheques that will be returned to you later. All na base on understanding and selflessness because if selfishness, you fit pay finish, then one uncle go just come change the goal post.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by vickydevoka(m): 6:27pm On Mar 07, 2022
Shalommy:
It's normal, the mother bride price must be paid before hers. As a man, if you don't pay your wife bride price and you can't collect your daughter's bride price.
So they girl should remain single.or better still get pregnant. May be de daughter will see de person that will pay hers n her granny's own.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by luminouz(m): 6:28pm On Mar 07, 2022
gadgethead:


Don't dump her if you really want her. Negotiate with her people and if it's affordable, pay it. But becareful so they don't spring another surprise at you, unless you like being a cash cow
Will you stop this rubbish

I won't be surprised if you are a sexless simp.

There is no culture that will support such. The guy is being put under pressure to do what's not his duty. It is wrong.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by SarkinYarki: 6:28pm On Mar 07, 2022
Don't pay for both , just impregnate her like her dad did and when the next suitor comes he pays for everyone
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by bepositive11: 6:28pm On Mar 07, 2022
Datboredberry:
Trust me, Africa has some of the most stupid, useless traditions...

I love Africa though...

Where I'm from, a widow must shave her head and sleep on her husband's grave for a week after his death...

There are many...

Even the bride price thing doesn't make sense to me...

shocked shocked shocked That's so unnecessary!!! A widow sleeping on her husband's grave?? Come on... That must be extremely terrifying!!
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Ofez: 6:28pm On Mar 07, 2022
Drsnives:
Good morning nairaladers, pls pardon my errors.

I met this girl late last year, she's nice, godly and has most of the qualities i want in a wife. i love her, though her dad is late and her mum should be in her late thirties.

Yesterday we were chatting and she was like her dad didn't do the necessary rites on her mum and hence according to tradition i will have to pay her mum's bride price to her family before i will be allowed to start her own (my babe) marriage rites. I just weak cos have never heard of such. Where i won see the money for double bride price?

Pls nairaladers, have any of you come across such ridiculous tradition or she's making it up herself cos i feel like quiting the whole thing.
I just tire. Your opinions are welcomed

Modified: she's from obiaruku in ukuwani local government area of Delta State.
it is optional
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by iTearHerToto: 6:29pm On Mar 07, 2022
She doesn't mean well for you. Make her your hoe angry
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Nobody: 6:29pm On Mar 07, 2022
grin

Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by harmony75: 6:30pm On Mar 07, 2022
What's this nonsense tradition?! Who tradition ever helped?! I will not advise my son to marry in such tradition!
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by oweniwe(m): 6:30pm On Mar 07, 2022
Datboredberry:
where I'm from, a widow must shave her head and sleep on her husband's grave for a week after his death...

There are many...

Even the bride price thing doesn't make sense to me...

It is your fellow women that enforce such barbaric rules. Is it men that gather around to shave the widow's hear?

Is it the men in the family that will shout at the widow if she refused to sleep on his grave or the mother inlaw and sister in-laws?

Anytime you women are ready to stop all those things, the practice will stop

1 Like

Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by luminouz(m): 6:31pm On Mar 07, 2022
alizma:

There possibility that she is telling you the truth. I have people in obiaruku but I have not really made enquiry on this kind of marriage before but from my understanding of the happening in the East a they are more closer to, I believe she is saying the truth and their own tradition is reasonably justified. That is if the bride price of the mother is not paid, it will be assumed that the mother was never given out to any man and in such case, the girl belong to her maternal home not her paternal home.
I think that is what they are trying to correct.
I also think the girl is trying to redeem her identity through you, otherwise the bride price of the mother should not be imposed on you but the brothers of her late father, however they can call you for assistance considering that you will benefit from such correction of marital error.
Talk to your woman one on one and also talk to any of her uncle or aunt that is close to you, they will tell you how to go about it without much stress. e.g you people can agreed that you will secretly bring the money meant for the girls bride price to the family before your own tradition marriage, the family will use the money to pay for their late brother's wife bride price and on the day of your own tradition engagement, everything will be done with invalid cheques that will be returned to you later. All na base on understanding and selflessness because if selfishness, you fit pay finish, then one uncle go just come change the goal post.

You started it well but ended it horribly.
Either the late father's brothers or the mom's sons or brothers should do the needful.
The mere fact that the fiancee is trying to game the guy this early in their journey is also a red flag for me.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Pascaldebravoo: 6:31pm On Mar 07, 2022
Zonefree:
Ask her, after paying her mum's bride price, will her mum be your wife?

U should understand that tradition is tradition and it's as old as the world itself. As long as the tradition is not diabolical it's normal with people anywhere in the world.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by vickydevoka(m): 6:31pm On Mar 07, 2022
gadgethead:


Don't dump her if you really want her. Negotiate with her people and if it's affordable, pay it. But becareful so they don't spring another surprise at you, unless you like being a cash cow
Abi. No be lie.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by dboyoji: 6:32pm On Mar 07, 2022
Drsnives:

She is the best girl have come across so far, it will be difficult leaving her
It is tradition in some places in Nigeria. Basic rites for the mother has to be performed. The girl is considered a child out wedlock for now. It is usually cheaper than most people know because no elaboration. Meet with the famy of the girl so you guys can come together and know how to go about it. You can actually cut the cost of your wedding. Your wife to be will understand.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Freemasonry: 6:33pm On Mar 07, 2022
I don't blame them, just because you want to do the right thing.
What did they do to the man? Nothing!
Give that girl belle make the bill dey pile up for the next person.
You can't coman kill yourself.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Donchieli: 6:36pm On Mar 07, 2022
Baki da godiya kam

Diya guda ya ishe ki?

Candidlady:



Lmao

Walahai ba lafia cheesy ...this guy you need help ..

It is actually my business Cuz it wouldn't make sense, like a post iread on family section the husband bragging bout being the only one taking care of the house that his wife brings Nada to the table, she is jobless, she is that... Idont want that kinda insult/life for any lady out there...

Would you want your daughter to be a liability in her husband's house?



And yeah Freda is enough for me.. Idont need no husband.. Nagode


Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Nobody: 6:37pm On Mar 07, 2022
Some mumu men sabi marry nonsense sha. Yuck.

'Happy' married life in advance.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by laiperi: 6:38pm On Mar 07, 2022
I would have been against this until it happened to my friend.

Tradition is tradition if it does not involve rituals or blood. Please always have in mind that price is supposed to be a token. In some of our cultures, it is returned or an exchange of traditional price of marriage.

In othe cultures, if the lady has a PhD, you might as well elope, your children will pay later.

This guy is lucky that he was not asked to pay penalties and fines on top like my friend.

Usually, the girl thinks her boyfriend can afford it.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Nobody: 6:39pm On Mar 07, 2022
Drsnives:

She is the best girl have come across so far, it will be difficult leaving her

Don’t let emotions get the best of you so you don’t get trapped in the end. What kind of tradition do we even have in Nigeria sef? Why should you be the one to pay your mother-in-law’s bride price? Are you the one that wants to marry your mother-in-law?
You better think twice before they start carrying all the family’s financial issues on you.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Emyogalanya: 6:39pm On Mar 07, 2022
Drsnives:
Good morning nairaladers, pls pardon my errors.

I met this girl late last year, she's nice, godly and has most of the qualities i want in a wife. i love her, though her dad is late and her mum should be in her late thirties.

Yesterday we were chatting and she was like her dad didn't do the necessary rites on her mum and hence according to tradition i will have to pay her mum's bride price to her family before i will be allowed to start her own (my babe) marriage rites. I just weak cos have never heard of such. Where i won see the money for double bride price?

Pls nairaladers, have any of you come across such ridiculous tradition or she's making it up herself cos i feel like quiting the whole thing.
I just tire. Your opinions are welcomed

Modified: she's from obiaruku in ukuwani local government area of Delta State.
it can only happen if the father is still alive. Let me explain. The father cannot take bride price for the daughter since he did not pay for the mother. You can't benefit from a woman you did not pay/invest on. By right the lady belongs to her mum's family. Only they can collect her bride price if they are the ones asking you to pay for the mum, they are wrong they can only stop the marriage in reference to their own daughter the mum. If you pay for the mum it means the mum is also your wife along with the daughter. That's also another abomination. However the girl can provide money to her father's family to officially pay her mum's bride price. It's only in case as a man if your mum's bride price was not paid and your dad is late, you will provide money for your family to officially marry your mum by proxy for your dad. Then the burial can go on

1 Like

Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by JUSTDREY: 6:39pm On Mar 07, 2022
With what you just said, i can now confirm that the message is true, have heard such from a lady friend while in school of what his boyfriend must do to have her as legally wife. Funny enough, she told me she was warning his dad to pay off her mom bride price in other not to make her boyfriend pay the rest on her mom. There are consequences for any woman off bride price in their family which i may not sure of.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Nobody: 6:39pm On Mar 07, 2022
Zonefree:
Ask her, after paying her mum's bride price, will her mum be your wife?
And can he hammer the two of them grin grin grin
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Almaigaa: 6:41pm On Mar 07, 2022
Ulunne777:


Your foolishnesses is legendary.
It is Igbo matter that will finally choke you.

Onye ara


Kikikikikikikikikikikiki, the thing pain Okoro well well. grin grin

Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Integrafamoo: 6:42pm On Mar 07, 2022
Drsnives:
Good morning nairaladers, pls pardon my errors.

I met this girl late last year, she's nice, godly and has most of the qualities i want in a wife. i love her, though her dad is late and her mum should be in her late thirties.

Yesterday we were chatting and she was like her dad didn't do the necessary rites on her mum and hence according to tradition i will have to pay her mum's bride price to her family before i will be allowed to start her own (my babe) marriage rites. I just weak cos have never heard of such. Where i won see the money for double bride price?

Pls nairaladers, have any of you come across such ridiculous tradition or she's making it up herself cos i feel like quiting the whole thing.
I just tire. Your opinions are welcomed

Modified: she's from obiaruku in ukuwani local government area of Delta State.
Ideally In Yoruba land, her mum bride price must paid before she can legitimately receive on her daughter but I think her husband family should be responsible if she did not marry after his death.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Nobody: 6:43pm On Mar 07, 2022
Traditionally, paying her mum's bride price is tantamount to you being married to her. Review your options and look inward.
Re: Am I Not Making A Mistake? by Nobody: 6:44pm On Mar 07, 2022
Drsnives:
Good morning nairaladers, pls pardon my errors.

I met this girl late last year, she's nice, godly and has most of the qualities i want in a wife. i love her, though her dad is late and her mum should be in her late thirties.

Yesterday we were chatting and she was like her dad didn't do the necessary rites on her mum and hence according to tradition i will have to pay her mum's bride price to her family before i will be allowed to start her own (my babe) marriage rites. I just weak cos have never heard of such. Where i won see the money for double bride price?

Pls nairaladers, have any of you come across such ridiculous tradition or she's making it up herself cos i feel like quiting the whole thing.
I just tire. Your opinions are welcomed

Modified: she's from obiaruku in ukuwani local government area of Delta State.
Had it been the father was alive he would have done that for his own wife before giving out his daughter for marriage.

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