@mrs chima valid point some nigerians are ploygamous still i feel that dude is hiding something from you

Russialane:

@mrs chima valid point some nigerians are ploygamous still i feel that dude is hiding something from you

I do know Nigerian men can be very protective when it come to their wives and things however keeping the family in the dark is a bit suspicious in my opinion. 

Even if he has CROOKED family members not ONE FAMILY MEMBER he can trust that isn't his parents? Come on!

I can see if it was just a random guy on Facebook requesting friendship I can see why her husband wouldn't want her to add him.  My husband FORBADE me not to add anyone that weren't family or family friends. 

We have TRUSTED family members/friends from both sides on our facebook page and have each other passwords.

Marriage is a wonderful news and not sharing it with families is sad.

he probably sees you as naive and susceptible to the wiles of his country men. I do the same as well.
My fiance and i were apart for a few weeks and you would not believe 1 guy i considered a great friend for 8 solid years was already seeking to replace me under 48 hrs! and all thru FB as well! Thankfully she was a very smart and loyal girl . . .

davidylan:

he probably sees you as naive and susceptible to the wiles of his country men.

Do you think that insulting to the girl?  To know her husband think she is not smart enough to say NO and handle her business appropriately? 

In this case, both families aren't aware of the marriage according to OP.

Poster these people are st[i]up[/i]id!!! they will only deceive you!

what country is this?

Mrs.Chima:

Do you think that insulting to the girl?  To know her husband think she is not smart enough to say NO and handle her business appropriately? 

In this case, both families aren't aware of the marriage according to OP.

Oh i didnt know families were not aware of the marriage. hmm interesting and i wonder why.

davidylan:

Oh i didnt know families were not aware of the marriage. hmm interesting and i wonder why.

That's why Russianlane said he smelled rat. Not because the husband doesn't want his family on his wife's facebook page that is a nonissue.

I know when you get married everybody and your enemies would know right?

Mrs.Chima:

Just because you married in Magistrate court doesn't mean he doesn't have other wives.  You do know Nigeria recognize polygamy marriages as well.  

It is highly unusual for a Nigerian man to keep family in the dark and just because you are sweet doesn't mean you are silly.  (I hope not)

The fact that your husband told you not to add any of his family members really bothered you and you respected his wishes but it doesn't solve how you are feeling.  You must have some doubts and suspicions or you wouldn't have asked the question.  

Talking about the issue and dissolving the issue are two different things so try to dissolve it if you can or you will continue to cause issues in your relationship.  

Real talk. 

But my husband is Christian and not Muslim! I thought that polygamy was only suitable for Muslims in Nigeria?
You know, I am bothered, because even his friends in Nigeria laughed about his behaviour with me, anyway I did never go into this discussion with them, because they should not see that I was troubled about the decision of my husband, it was anyway not their business.
He did not want to let me leave the house alone, althought all of them (even pastors wife, who brought the topic to me) said, it is not dangerous, after everybody in the community got to know me. He had one guy who was in the house all the time to do shopping for me and help with the household (a young brother, he said, but no relative, had to get used to the meaning, it´s different here). I got so bored after a day, because I am used in working and doing things on my own, that I took the kitchen things out of the guys hand and sent him look after the TV set and started cleaning the whole house to busy me somehow. (My husband was a little angry, because he said, the guy is to do that and I should just chill and relax, but when I explained him I am not used to this and he knows, I work a lot in my country, the matter was settled.) (His mother laughted completly and said he shouldn´t be difficult, because "Your wife is like a Yoruba women" - anyway I did not understand that comparison).
And there was another guy to go out with me when he was not at home to acompany me with shopping. And this was after the marriage ;-( . He took me to all his friends and relatives to visit once, but only when he was with us, I was not to go alone (the pastors wife was angry with him for that) and they should have been sent away when he was not here if they came to visit. The only place we went several times was his church, what was ok for me, because I know, this is important for him. When his uncle, who had invited us to come to visit again, because we had many interrests together and a lovely two hours discussion about commerce and politics, came to the airport to say goodbye, my husband was angry, because he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. And he forbid me to add him, when he sent me a fb friendship question. Anyway, it would have been no problem in my country to hug a relative you like and this man is happily married with three nice children, so what?
I am slightly confused. He is not like that here. Even if I go out in the evening to meet some business friends, he doesn´t mind.

And I am neither stupid, nor do I wan´t to change my husband for one of his friends. Hell, I am running my own business here. And he knows that. The problem is, I was so happy that his familiy welcomed me warmly, because mine wouldn´t welcome him, it´s just they wanted me to marry another guy who was more "proper" to their opinion and suited better in family plans. Yes, it´s in Europe sometimes, too, that families wish different husbands for the girls and don´t accept anyone else, I had to break up with my whole family for this marriage. I am not sad about this, because I am running my own business since I moved out from my parents place, anyway I am no cow to sell for the best price but as it is common here, choose my husband, because he is the best friend, lover and partner a girl could wish for. But I am sad and hurt, because he keeps his family so much apart.

I am sorry you lost me on the "Your wife is like Yoruba women".      What is Yoruba woman like?

Polygamy marriages in most parts has nothing to with religion but culture.  It doesn't matter if you are Christian, Muslim, or Jewish.  If the culture supports the lifestyle regardless of religion it will be celebrated.

[b]@pleep[/b] u see ur sef dumb idiot nonsense

Wildwater, i feel for you. Let me say its not a cultural thing and it might be far from jealousy. Since u'v met some of his ppl n u r ok wt dem bf u married him, respect d level of access he is allowing u wt ppl around him. He is probably scared of something he believes can destroy wat both of u share, dont let ur curiosity drive u into avoidable problems. Good luck dear.

Just like somebody said on the thread. Just go along with it and Good luck.

Mrs.Chima:

I am sorry you lost me on the "Your wife is like Yoruba women".      What is Yoruba woman like?

Polygamy marriages in most parts has nothing to with religion but culture.  It doesn't matter if you are Christian, Muslim, or Jewish.  If the culture supports the lifestyle regardless of religion it will be celebrated. 

I didn´t really understand his mother´s comment either, because I think people have the same characters all over the world and it has nothing to do with nationality. But I didn´t know that this thing is cultural in Nigeria. We have Muslims here, too, they marry the first wife for our and Muslim law, then they get divorced after our law, but remain married after Muslim law and marry the second wife at both laws. So legal polygamy under muslims takes part here, too, this is why I never would marry a muslim, my husband will be busied by me :-) and I would never accept a second wife. If he wants to take another girl, I will sign the divorce papers without hesistation and might he get lost. I do not need a man to care for me, as I can handle my life myself. Marriage means for me to have found the person who is best friend, best lover and you have not to look back to know he is here for you. But for a Christian here, no matter if Protestant, Catholic or what so ever a second wife is out of discussion, well, they will take lovers, sure, many men here do that. But they would never take a lover into their real life.

these people are id[i]io[/i]ts and liers. Poligamy has everything to do with religion. In some relgions its permitted in others it is not. It is practiced mainly in northern Nigeria. If your husband has multiple wives and is not muslim or from the north, he is probably an animist.

r u from malaysia

Brightmind:

Wildwater, i feel for you. Let me say its not a cultural thing and it might be far from jealousy. Since u'v met some of his ppl n u r ok wt dem bf u married him, respect d level of access he is allowing u wt ppl around him. He is probably scared of something he believes can destroy wat both of u share, dont let your curiosity drive u into avoidable problems. Good luck dear.

Thanks, Brightmind, this is what I am wondering. And :-) :-) I am laughing now, because, he used exactly the same words on me "Don´t let your curiousity drive you into avoidable prolems". Then he added "I know my people". You know, I really love him very much, but why is it so difficult for him sometimes, to be just straight? Except for this little thing now here on Nairaland, I really tell him everything. And if he just tell me straight about his people, there would be no questions between us that I do not want to ask him really anymore, because I know he has something, whatsoever, that worries him, when I meet his people. Financial is nonsense. I never would make any agreement without talking with him about it first. And this, he should really no by now.

pleep:

these people are id[i]io[/i]ts and liers. Poligamy has everything to do with religion. It is practiced mainly in northern Nigeria. If your husband has multiple wives and is not muslim or from the north, he is probably an animist.

r u from malaysia

Thanks, and no, I am from Europe :-), Beware me of being from malaysia :-) :-), this is part of my problem, I had absolutely no contact with Nigerians before I met my husband and except for some commercial data not much knowledge of your country, makes it difficult.

Wildwater

Just know Muslims aren't the only ones practicing polygamy.  Polygamy marriages aren't done just in Nigeria by the way.  

Someone on the thread is seeking attention and hopefully it doesn't derail your thread on childish bullshit.  

It is not a cultural thing and your husband has his own agenda.

these are the states where polygamy is legal is Nigeria. your husband is Yoruba, so he wouldn't be from any of these states.
even if he is a muslim, its unlikely that he would keep a second wife in a state were its not legal.

Mrs.Chima:

Wildwater

Just know Muslims aren't the only ones practicing polygamy.  Polygamy marriages aren't done just in Nigeria by the way.  

Someone on the thread is seeking attention and hopefully it doesn't derail your thread on childish bullshit.  

It is not a cultural thing and your husband has his own agenda. 

Well, anyway this was new to me. Because if he was married to someone else legally, this would put him into jail here and be a five minutes divorce on court.

pleep:

these are the states where polygamy is legal is Nigeria. your husband is Yoruba, so he wouldn't be from any of these states.
even if he is a muslim, its unlikely that he would keep a second wife in a state were its not legal.

Wow. Thanks for the info, well he is from Ogun State and lived in Lagos, That makes it quite unusual for him to have another wife, I suppose,

SMH. 

If he was practicing bigamy in AUSTRIA he would be jailed. Austria doesn't have govern power over Nigeria neither does Nigeria over Austria.

Mrs.Chima:

SMH. 

If he was practicing bigamy in AUSTRIA he would be jailed.  Austria doesn't have govern power over Nigeria neither does Nigeria over Austria. 

Yes. and Yes again, but you can be sure, that fearing another woman was not the topic for me (anyway he knows how I would react, just kick his ass out the moment I got to know it, ).I am sure about him having noone else and not sending money to some family there, he even rejected when I offered to help his best friends brother with some university fee.

wildwater:


Yes. and Yes again, but you can be sure, that fearing another woman was not the topic for me (anyway he knows how I would react, just kick his Bottom out the moment I got to know it, ).I am sure about him having noone else and not sending money to some family there, he even rejected when I offered to help his best friends brother with some university fee.

As long as you are sure.