AWESOME!! Looking at the site now. I am in office administration, but work for a wonderful woman who helps train people to work from home. So I can always do that also. I know most people (men or women) would not just up and move, but I have a spirit that loves to find new places. My youngest is of the same spirit. My oldest child is 20, and out of the house, if I do move, I would want to do it before my 5 year old gets so old that she would not adjust easily.

Anyway i will not want to ask you too many personal questions or better do not answer the following questions.
Are you older than the man?
Has he been married b4 and dose he have children too.
If he is younger than you and has no kids, i do not think the marrage will work out well , Not in Nigeria.
I advice you to see if you can contact them Nigerwives.
They can answer all your questions. Up to good schools and school fees.

Na wa o

@ poster,
look before you leap!

Oh, and he is older than me by a few years. He has never been married and has no children. He loves my daughter very much and speaks to her on the phone and sends her cards and presents. Her own father she has never met, he was a bad man. But this man is very loving to her.

I never know there is an association for Foreign wives in Naija.

Anyway visiting Naija is great, especially for foreigners (but not N-Delta in the interim).

Follow the advice of previous posters, about visiting on your own first without your daughter to assess the situation and probably get to know the guy better one on one.

Goodluck.

Smiles, well I am taking her. I have worked full time since she was 3 months old. I am looking forward to spending some time with her. She is really looking forward to going and flying on the airplane. We will have our own place for the month, and I will keep her safe. But mostly looking forward to going shopping and seeing the sites (as long as they don't all burn away in the many fires they are having there) with her without having to work. I love this website NigerWives.com it is very helpful and informative. There is so much difference culturally, and I love that!!!! But I want to make sure, even going by myself, that I would not offend anyone by being ignorant of the customs.

Well as long as its a visit you can take her along.
I thoughtyou were relocating with out visiting first

I admire your enthusiasm, you seem like a free spirited woman, very adventurous. It appears you've missed a lot and you're trying to live in the moment, however i must be honest with you sweetheart. Nigerian men a arguably the most romantic in the world (once a there's a catch) and in your case, trust me , you're a catch. (an American citizen, longing for affection, tender love and care) you're quite vulnerable. Like i said, NIgerian men are arguably the most romantic in the world, most times its a means to an end, on rare occassions its genuine, i would try my best not to show my nigerain side by being hypocritical (the average NIgerian is a bloody hypocrite so watch out, be prepared) but i would advise you to get closer to this guy, and that goes way beyond phone calls and chatting. HOw many times have you seen him on webcam? do you know what habits he has? do you have any idea what his I.Q is? do you know if he has intimacy issues? do you the level of his personal hygeine( i mean for someone you intend to share the rest of your life with, hygeine is a huge issue) are you sure he's not married with kids? my point is; there's a lot you dont know about this guy. stop to think logically, i mean with your head in conjuction with many otheres and not with your heart. i'll end my post here, however when you get to Nigeria, gimme a ring, i would be happy to show you the fun spots in lagos(I'm based in Lagos, the comercial nerve centre of Nigeria, the most intreresting place in the land). Good luck in your sojourn.

Everyone is so wonderful here, looking out for a girl!! He is not married, I know he has told him Mother and family about me. I have spoke with his brother when he went home for a visit. As for him looking to come to the US, he is not that interested. He loves Greece and wants to go back to Nigeria someday. I have physical pictures he's sent me of him in his apartment and when he traveled to Italy and visited the Cathedrals there. I know that he can be telling me anything I want to hear, that is why I'm going to stay for a month. Two weeks is too short for us to really get acquainted with each other, our habits, etc. I am a pain sometimes, I am used to being single and doing what I want, the way I want it. So he may not like me once we meet, LOL

But either way will be fun!!

Great Article. I would agree that my man is very loving. He always tells us he loves us. He sends us birthday, christmas, valentine cards or just "I'm thinking of you" cards for no reason whatsoever. He is very affectionate and caring. He has already told me that he does not want me wearing 'sexy' clothes so other men would look at me, and that is not a problem for me. I'm a bit old fashioned I suppose.

As for the article, I highly disagree with what he says about western women not wanting the "whole" family. I would love to meet his mother and family. I want to make sure I know how to greet her respectfully and with honor. I would want her to like me and find me "worthy" of her son. She is much older, as he is the youngest of 9 children. I pray I will be able to meet her before her time here on Earth is over.

Not to be a kill-joy here; I hope what you have is real but to put so much stock into someone you have never met. I am a white American and have been with a Nigerian man for almost 2-years. Be very, very careful, I am speaking from experience, and from what I have seen and heard, with both his friends and his family. Good luck with your situation but, proceed carefully, both for you and your daughter.

Cathy

Cathy,

Why do you say that? Is he abusive to you? We all take a chance with the men we date, in the US or abroad. That is why I'm going for a month, long enough for him to be himself, and myself as well. I hope you are happy, and if not what can you do to change your situation??

I did not post to be analyzed. Yes, we are very happy. Abusive, not in the least. I have just seen, heard and watched his friends and family quite a bit. You have never met him, talking on the phone and talking in person are 2-different things. You may get off the plane and have nothing in common with the man, face to face. When you finally meet, I hope he is everything you want in a man, and that you are everything he wants in a woman but, to make possible life changing decisions on someone you have never met. Be careful is all I am saying, especially with a child involved.

Cathy

And, honestly, a month is not enough time to really know someone,

You don't want to try Nigerians! It baffles me that since 5 years of your "relationship" you never met. How is that possible? Why didn't he bother to visit you and your "children"? Why are you going after 5 years?

What is he doing in Greece? Does he have a legal job or business going on over there? Greece is very notorious when it comes to DRUGS (Or you know what's up as well )
To be honest with you, it's almost impossible for a Nigerian to marry a white woman/ foreigner with children. The guy must really be needing something from that woman. It's not a common move of Nigerian men!

He loves you, sends cards and all that is not the point. The man must be wanting more than just "love". However, I may be wrong.

He told you he's not married and doesn't have kids, huh? PLease NEVER believe that. Listen to what Nigerians are telling you 'cause you asked for it. The whole story sounds pretty familiar to US.

Hope to hear from you in January excited like this.

HisMichele,

My darling, you seem to be very courageous. Let me start by saying this, I have a child for an igbo man and not been igbo myself (but nigerian) i did not survive the relation. I went ahead to date another igbo man, who loved my son to pieces but after nearly 3yrs (living together, investing etc) he is now married to a fellow igbo lady.

Let me start by telling you this, the igbo tradition is one that is well guided and NOT easily diluted if ever. What i mean is that an igbo man can love you, marry you and u have kids but his family will treat u as an outcast but your 'male' children will / may be well loved and accepted. Its very difficult to break their traditions and its rarely done, without disatrous consequences.

I read a post of yours saying you will really love to meet his mother etc lol!!!! Apologies, but its not like in the western world where your mum gives u call before she comes over to say hello. a typicall example, his mother arrives unannounced and tells you she is here indefinetely due to 'medical' reasons and then sends your world into a rollacoaster of hell.

Sometimes it works, there are alot of foreigners (ladies) in nigeria, married to our men. But I will suggest you speak to some of them and they can tell you of their experience before u get into it.

Once in and you are able to endure, its a really nice feeling, but trust me YOU MAY HAVE TO GO THROUGH HELL! now do u really want to do that with your daughter.

Igbo men are VERY LOVING - maybe to a fault, but also VERY possesive, things you take for granted ie having male friends etc may be a thing of the past.

It is doable, but i will thread with extreme caution and care. Learning the language will be to your utmost benefit.

I understand that greece may not offer what you want for your daughter in terms of education, but i'll give you this real life story:

an aunt (yourba) got maried to a guy (half igbo/ half yourba) both nigerians, they both met in nigerian whilst on youth corp service, she came from an upper class rich family and is a british national, the guy is the exact opposite, but well learned too. they meet, court and he said when they get married, nigeria will be home, after a lot of persuassion. she caved and married him. got pregnant and decided to come back to the UK to have the baby due to medical reasons, so the guy came too. when they got here, he suggested going for his masters programme before they returned home, so they had to file for his residency, which was easy as they had been married and baby due any time soon. anyway to cut the long story short. 2 children later, well established guy, with his residency all completed, he abandons her and the kids. TOTAL ABANDONMENT.

His mum (who is igbo) has always said d wife as a yourba girl frm a rich family was more experienced and too street wise for her son.

Thank God for God, cos its only God who has sustained the lady and taken her from grass to grace again. But i tell you it was a horrible sight as i witnessed it and i actually said no i wont get married to someone who hasnt got his papers sorted out by himself.

The story above is a daily occurance, and occurs even between nigerians. You will be surprised that even people who can read teh signs on the wall get caught how much you, who cant even see the sign let alone read it.

Can i ask a question, why has it taken 5yrs to make a physical contact. Do you know how many nigerian men are married and their wives pretend to be their sister to lure foreigners into marrying the guy

I wont say dont go, cos you may well become one of the lucky ones, and i wont say go ahead cos u may well be devasted. All i can say is whatever you decide, go with a plan a, b, c, d and e. and whatever you do make sure ur travel documents are always up to date to get u out and back home to safety ASAP.

All the best of luck and remember that with God all things are possible!!!

Lets know how you get on!

Mama put!!!!!

Girl i really like that website o. who would have known that such a website ever existed!

Nice work ladies, the beauty of this forum (when used correctly) is that we can all share our heart aches wihtout revelaing our identity.

Thanks

Sometimes, experience is the best teacher, but then, these stories are stuff that you hear from teenagers, not from a grown-up woman. The whole story sounds quite suspicious from the beginning, you have been in a relationship with this guy for five years, yet you have not met face to face before? Why? He lives in Greece, and you live in California.

2. How certain are you that this guy is legitimately employed?

3. Why would you throw all cares to the wind by visiting Nigeria when you have not even met this guy? Supposing you get robbed or worse get maimed by dubious people, masquerading around as genuine people.

There are stories of foreigners who travelled to Nigeria and had one of the worst experiences in their lives. For you who have little knowledge (I would assume) about the culture, and his people, then, leaping before viewing, even if it is just for a vist is certainly not advisable. Please reconsider your visits, and at the very least, try and meet this guy face to face, be it in Greece or in California.


A word, as they say is enough for the wise!

I can understand why she has not seen him for five years.
When you have a lot of things to do five years can fly past very fast.

A Nigerian man is just like any other man on earth with a different upbringing, so learn how the Nigerian society operates, then you can further get acquainted with the way we are, sefini, i have alot of brothers, uncles and cousins, who are married to foreigners and still live together, not just recently, been together for years, some are not even married to men or women from the country they currently reside, so you should clear your mind off the notion that says Nigerian men marry just because of paper or getting a permanent stay where ever they are
i just advice you, tell him to come to the states to see you, rather than you going to Greece. if he's really a Nigerian man, he should be the one visiting because Nigerian men are known to always be the one in the front line facing any thing that comes the way of their family

wish u all the best
leap b4 u jump
but what u trying to do feels risky to me
but all the same listen to ur heart
take care @ poster

If at all you are real. Good, but first go alone and see the person.

I can as well recall one music they played in Nigeria, Yahoo, Yahoo oh, eeh Yahoo, Yahoo oh eeh. This is just a music, think about it too, hence you have not seen the person before.

Michelle, I'd tread here with the utmost caution.

I'm British, and got married to a Sri Lankan back in September 1995. As far as I knew, she was in the UK legally, I had no reason to doubt her good intentions.

The red light went up 6 months after we got married - she would race down the stairs every morning to intercept the post, it turned out the Home Office were writing to her, as well as myself. They wanted to know if I supported her application, to apply for British citizenship, on the strength of our marriage. I didn't have a clue what they were talking about, as y wife had always claimed she had an indefinite stay, after she graduated.

To cut a long story short, it transpired she was less than honest, was engaged to a Sri Lankan back in Colombo! She was also very reluctant to start a family, I guess it wouldn't have fit in with her plans to divorce me after getting what she wanted, bring her Sri Lankan fiance over to the UK, then marry him!

In the end, she went "dark" on me, and it took me 3 years to track her down, with the help of a private investigator I hired, as well as my solicitor. Cost me close to 15k in lawyers and private eye fees to finally get shot of her!

I also had to make several statements to the Home Office, that stated that I was unaware she was not in the country legally - she actually claimed I demanded money from her, so I would help her stay! Happily, my past record of integrity spoke for itself, and I managed to get an annulment, on the grounds the marriage was fraudilent on her part, and she was deported back to Sri Lanka, despite her muttering that the Tamil Tigers were after her.

And this is from someone I knew for over a year, in the same country as myself! Your case is very different - how come he hasn't made the effort to see you and your daughter in 5 years? How sure are you he's in love with you?? How can you be in love with a voice heard over the phone, or letters / texts / emails Even a webcam conversation gives NO guarantees he's the person you're actually corresponding with. He could be anyone!

Besides, you've also got a child to think about. You say your child likes him, but how can a 5 year old develop a relationship with a man he / she's never seen? I'd normally say, visit his country, and get a "feel" for the place, before giving up your current way of life for the unknown, but in this case, I'd advice you NOT to even consider a visit. In fact, why don't you suggest he visits you first? Makes perfect sense, if he "loves" you as much as he claims to. If you decide he's to visit you, make sure it's at a neutral location, don't give him your home address, untill you are ABSOLUTELY, 100 per cent sure he's who he claims to be.

I got off lightly - over 3 years hunting down my ex, and 15k worse off, but it was a lesson I learnt the hard way. You may NOT get off as easily, with a child involved, things could get pretty messy.

Take care, stay safe and good luck.

Forgive my little cynicism,I have reason to believe that this post is just a fabrication by somebody to keep nairalanders busy.check the poster's footnote before you abuse me.However,if its true or not,someone is going to learn something from the replies. Here is my own take on it. Be wise and make thourough investigations(oh sorry,the word investigation is too hard),maybe research before taking such a life changing decision.Do it with your head and not your heart.If you dont, i bet it you will be here in some 1 or 2 years time asking for advice on how to deal with your wicked 'husband'.

Hismichele, I admire your tenacity in trying to go to Greece to see your Nigerian Boyfriend.

Please follow your heart and do not listen to my fellow Nigerians who are killjoys, especially where an Igbo is involved, do you detect the hint of envy in their writeups?( ala ptm & konari).

The Igbos, if you must know fought a war against their fellow Nigerians to avoid extermination  of their race by genocide,(1967-1970) .After the civil war each, Igbo Adult was given #20 (Twenty pounds) and told to go and fend for themselves and family; naturally, the first law of nature which is selfpreservation became the lot of the Igbos as some of them went into commerce, buying and sellling, and through dint of hardwork could now be said to be the richest of all Nigerians.

However, some Igbo took their law of self preservation too far and became involved in sharp practices like 419 and drug trafficking etc.This could have been avoided if they were properly integrated into the Nigerian Society after the civil war as was learnt in the case of Germany, which had to fight two wars for the whole world to sit up and fashion a marshall Plan for her; the marshall plan has turned around their economy and made her an economic powerhouse in Europe and the rest of the world.

However, the Igbos alone are not the only ones involved in sharp practices as other tribes in Nigeria are equally guilty, but the goodnews is that these bad Nigerians are not up to 0.0001% of the entire Nigeria population. This means that the vast majority of Nigerians are honest and good people, even though an insignificant number are giving them a very bad image.

Please enjoy your trip to Greece

@Ochi-aha

I'm an Igbo, my advise for her to be careful has nothing to do with your write-ups. Don't go into tribe in this issue.

Point of correction guys, the lady has Children and not a child. The oldest is 20 and the[b] last is 5[/b]._{(Read her fist post on this 2nd page)}

What is a Nigerian man doing in Greece for 5 years (probably more) without a family there or back home and is whole heartedly willing to marry a woman with kids? I refuse to believe that!!!

Ochi-aha, that post was totally uncalled for.

ochi-aha:

However, some Igbo took their law of self preservation too far and became involved in sharp practices like 419 and drug trafficking etc.

However, the man could be one of the people who "took their self preservation too far and became involved in sharp practices like 419 and drug trafficking!"

Its not always bout 419 or drugs.
some people are looking for honest jobs.
Its also not just a Nigeria or African thing even Aisans are doing the same thing and have a lot in common. when it comes to seeking papers.
What am worried about is that the man has never been married b4 or had children as he claimed.
If that was the case i would have had more hope for the relationship working out.

Free yourself from worry.we specializes in background checks and surveillance I am in Nigeria, Very covert if necessary. Contact me when ready to proceed. Either way, best wishes for a successful outcome

She may be requested to pay surveillance fee – another OBT?

Smiles, WOW!! I don't have a computer at home, so this morning when I read all this I am blown away!! As for why we've never met, he has wanted to, I have not. I have heard all the stories about Nigerians, and scams, greencards, etc. So I was a bit shy about meeting him. He has been up front about what he does, and it is not gun running. He also has been going to school there in Greece as well. He said he would come here, and meet my family but I want to go to Greece and take a vacation. I am 37 years old, and not some silly school girl. I am not "up and leaving" everything here. I am just first taking a step toward meeting him in person. I am going for a month as I can't see spending that sort of money only for a week (he is paying for half, since I want to come there). And I understand about his family. His mother will be 70 years old this year, so I would like to meet her before I don't have a chance, even if we were to just stay "friends". I thank you all for all the advice!! You're the best!!