VULCAN:

@HIS MICHELE

I think you are such a wonderful person and regardless of what anyone says please go and see him. Normal precautions should apply.

I am so disappointed reading the comments of most of these posters. I am 34, living in Nigeria and have lived in The UK and for the first time in my life I am so ashamed to be a Nigerian.

Fellow Nigerians are giving you negative advise on him not 'because he is a man and may be an axe murderer but because he is A Nigerian of Igbo extraction.

That is what Jesus meant when he said 'A house divided against itself will not stand.' I don't think this is the generation that will restore Nigeria's greatness. There will arise a generation that looks at the Good in Nigeria and celebrates it far above the bad. They sex-attack a woman in South Africa every few minutes but South Africans are respected all over the world because they believe in their fatherland and each other.

HIS MICHELE please note that most of these negative minded people do not know that Life is meant to be an adventure. Most of them are stuck in routine jobs, living from day to day, just existing not doing anything that will leave a mark for posterity.

Please go on your adventure. Recognise the dangers and prepare but do it because you will live a life of regret if you don't. Every One was born to take one adventure in life but since most have silenced that voice they will not want another to go on theirs.

Every single great man and woman of history took a step that had the potential to destroy them but they went ahead regardless.

Please follow their footsteps.

One of the few sensible posts on this issue.

Ndipe:

Very insensitive remark@Pth. If that is what rocks the girl's boat, then so be it. She asked for our advice, and we told her to leap before jumping. Apparently, she has made up her mind in visiting the guy. Nothing we can do to change it. Labelling her fat and suggesting that she is desperate is a callous remark

I concur
One's race and body-type should not be used to judge him/her.

Face it Hismichele, if this guy were a legal resident of Greece, by now he should have a greek passport. As an EU citizen all he needs is a flight ticket to the US, what then is he afraid of? He has his passport and visa? what else did you expect him to tell you, that he is illegal?

No Europe is not the USA.
EU is not an immigration land.
They do not slap out their passports just like that.

@HisMichele,
I like your attitude regarding this relationship with a Nigerian man. You approach it with that ever-so-confident American mentality (which sometimes, unfortunately, borders on bravado) that the whole world has come to love or hate with equal measure.

I'll suggest you keep up the upbeat spirit even when you get to Greece. Let me drop my fifty cents:
1. If possible, notify the US Embassy in Athens and the US Consulate in Thessaloníki of your presence in Greece. Call ahead of time and fax a copy of your itinerary for their records. This is just a precautionary measure.
2. Ask a lot of questions of him whenever you think something doesn't make sense (don't over do it, but make sure you clarify any thing you're not sure of - do it with all the interest in the world )
3. Regularly check for consistency as regards whatever he tells you - it pays to have a good memory on this one .
4. I'm not very familiar with the social infrastructure in Greece, but you may want to consider conducting a background check on him.
5. Since you have some time (December is four months away) you may want to pay a visit to any of the Greek consulates in California (I think there is one in Los Angeles and another in San Francisco) and inquire about immigration to Greece. Compare the facts you obtain with what he has told you. You may also checkout this website (http://www.greekembassy.org/Embassy/content/en/Root.aspx) for this information. I prefer the coziness of a one-on-one discourse.
6. Enjoy your one month stay in Greece!

If, after 5 years, you still feel strongly about this guy, then there are only two possibilities: this guy is real and you've found the love of your life, or you're living in a fool's paradise. I sincerely hope for the former.

Best Wishes!

@Vulcan

So, you want us to advise the Poster to run and meet the guy simply because we want to protect Nigeria image? I know all Nigerians are not fraudsters, but I must tell any person treading the direction of a Lion’s den to be careful.

What is wrong there trying to unmask the vice of fraud which Nigeria has been known? Do you derive joy in protecting evil? A hidden cat (you have not seen)) can turn to be a Lion that will tear you into two.

Anyway, still not believe the yarn.

Ok, I have been sitting here reading these posts for 2 days. My 50 cents,

What are you ppl so afraid of? That the native Nigerian, now In Greece, would actually want to return with his American wife? Who are you protecting? Certainly not Michele, most posts have been nothing but negative. Yourselves? Because you see a native Nigerian with an American?

What exactly is the problem here?
She is in love with a man, a native Nigerian, they have had a long distance relationship for 5 years. And you think she doesn't know him by now How many of you have actually conducted a long distance relationship? Do you know that when talk is all you have, when the "physical" aspect is removed, you learn all about the person. The sound of their voice on different occasions, the way they think, the way they feel. How they go that "extra" just to be with you?
Michele came here looking for advice, thinking she would get some from the very ppl she is coming to. What she got was bashed. What was the point of that?

The "white and fat" comment, whoa, that just reeks of insecurity. Now, tell me again, with the response she has gotten here, what kind of attitude does she now have regarding the Naija ppl?

I also am in love with a Nigerian man. We have had a long distance romance for 2 years. If you think for one minute that I do not KNOW my man, you need to think again. If you think for one minute that we have not spent COUNTLESS hours together, both online and via phone, you need to think again. We have spent holidays, birthdays, and every other special ocassion you can think of together, sharing our lives, on cam, with headsets, talking, laughing, loving, being a family. My kids adore him, they chat with him, they text him, he IM'S them. They know him and he knows them.

There is not a doubt in my mind that Michele has not done the same, and knows her man well.
She came here looking for advice, and got very little usable advice. She got attacked.

"Unmasking the vice of fraud?"
Don't think for one minute that she hasn't heard THAT a million times either. Do you really think a fraudster would spend 5 years of his life with her? He could get that easy, somewhere else.

Where is it written, in the big book of life, that because we are women, we are stupid? I am a lot of things, but I in no way am gullible. Make NO mistake, I am NO man's fool. Nor do I believe Michele is either.

Good luck Michele, you will do what your heart and your brain tells you, and do it for no one but yourself and your man.

I know there are going to be negative responses to this post. Quite honestly, I don't have time for replys, I have a life to lead, not bashing to be dealt with. Ya'll need to suck it up.

Thank you!!! I could not believe my eyes when I saw all that was written last night. First of all I said I had "dated" that was a total of 2 men, in 5 years. Not several,

As for the white and fat?? Yes I am white, very white, not that color should have anything to do with this, NOR am I "fat". I'm not a teenager, and I have had 4 kids, but also that has nothing to do with it. He has seen my pictures and he loves me as I am and thinks I'm beautiful.

I also know that inside beauty is more important and I am beautiful either way. Unlike some of the hearts that have spoken here. I will pray for your hearts to be softened.

Thank you Nikkysgirl for standing up for a sister, when I was not online to defend myself. It is most appreciated. And you are absolutely right when it comes to having a deeper understanding when the physical is not the center of the relationship. I know by the tone of his voice if he's had a good/bad day. I know when he is worried or upset. This is a man who stood for an hour and 15 minutes to use the pay phone to wish me happy birthday on a 3 minute call. He is very devoted as a friend and that has nothing to do with romance. Some of you could take a lesson!!!

So, you want us to advise the Poster to run and meet the guy simply because we want to protect Nigeria image? I know all Nigerians are not fraudsters, but I must tell any person treading the direction of a Lion’s den to be careful.

What is wrong there trying to unmask the vice of fraud which Nigeria has been known? Do you derive joy in protecting evil? A hidden cat (you have not seen)) can turn to be a Lion that will tear you into two.

Even if the man were American or European, the advice people are giving in this thread would still apply.

I completely understand that, but what I was asking about is "hypothetically" if this works out, would Nigeria be a good place to bring my daughter.

Any man can lie, I've learned that, they can tell you anything they want. And they are always found out sooner or later. What worried me, is that I wouldn't want her looked down upon due to her being mixed if things did work out, if we moved there.

Either way, I'm going to Greece, first and foremost to have a good time and vacation with my daughter - something I have never done. I get to meet a friend who I've known online, by phone and by mail for 5 years. The relationship is not really the issue. If it works, it works, if not, her and I will travel to Africa someday soon, as she has a heart to go there. So all the rest of this is superfluous.

He said he would come here, and meet my family but I want to go to Greece and take a vacation.

I asked him to come, but he doesn't want to really. He said he's afraid to come over.

@HisMichele
Are you sure you are not a fake?

Those two contradicting statements were made by you. First on page 2, second on page 4 of this thread.

Yes, I was asked why he hadn't come here. He didn't want to, and quite frankly him being afraid had more to do with me than anything else, but I didn't want to get so personal on here.

He has said he will come visit, but I would prefer to come there. Up until lately I have viewed him as only a friend, and that is why he was afraid to come. Because he says he loves me and he knows it would be hard if he came here and I "blew him off". That is why he was afraid.

Our relationship in the last few months has grown stronger and he now has more faith in my feelings toward him being sincere. I think he was afraid to become too attached and get his heart broken.

As I have said, I have dated TWO other men since we met online, and he's been upfront about his feelings for me since after the first year we knew each other. It was very hard for him when I did this, even though I had told him we were just friends and I really did not think us ever meeting would be a reality. The doubts about his being genuine and not just someone who was trying to "scam" me took time to work through. Yes, he could still be trying to lie to me, but after 5 years and he could have easily found someone else. He has stayed faithful as a friend and as a man.

I have been praying for someone who would love me no matter what and stay by my side, and my eyes were finally opened that he has been here the whole time. So it may not work out, and we may not end up being a couple, but I have to see and know for sure. If God is giving me this man, who am I to turn away such a precious gift because of what "might" happen or what he "might" be lying about??

And as I said above, the question I was posting was how my daughter would be treated if we ended up moving there. I like to plan, and as this may happen in 6 months or 6 years or never, I want to make an educated decision.

What are you people so afraid of? That the native Nigerian, now In Greece, would actually want to return with his American wife? Who are you protecting? Certainly not Michele, most posts have been nothing but negative. Yourselves? Because you see a native Nigerian with an American?

I guarantee you nobody wants a native Nigerian(What the hell is a native Nigerian) To call some one native in Nigeria is a big fat insult.
Apart from the fact that he is Nigerian , even small children know of the dangers of internet friends.

What exactly is the problem here

you have said it in other words .we are jealous frustrated black women that hate to see our Natives with white women

Don't think for one minute that she hasn't heard THAT a million times either. Do you really think a fraudster would spend 5 years of his life with her? He could get that easy, somewhere else.

You are so naive whats five years for a Nigerian seeking his fortune.
There are women here that have not seen their children in over 10 years and its not because of lack of love.
Some spend that time on their way to the promised land in the Shara

@HisMichele
Are you sure you are not a fake?

Those two contradicting statements were made by you. First on page 2, second on page 4 of this thread.

This is starting to look fake. First she said they were going to get married and she was highly interested in moving to Nigeria. Now she says she's just visiting him to see how things go. This is probably some bored white person trying to start some shyt up in here.

In a space of five years a lot can be said.
we are not here to judge and i see no offence in her posts.
If there is a fake here its Nikkysgirl defending Nigerians here and making fun of them the way the dress in another topic

Oh dear!Lot's of bullshit in here!

Michele, in your first post you sounded so enthusiastic about getting married to this man. You even told us in another post that you can't wait to marry him and meet his mother and treat her with all respect. You told us you want to be a good wife for him. This means you two have agreed to get married and that's why you're making the move to go and see him.
Why are you sounding all defensive after a few attacks? You don't seem to be so sure of what you're doing or whom you're dealing with?

HisMichele:

Either way, I'm going to Greece, first and foremost to have a good time and vacation with my daughter - something I have never done. The relationship is not really the issue. If it works, it works, if not, her and I will travel to Africa someday

You sound more confused than any of us here. Why the sudden "whatever" attitude? If you're sure about what you're doing you'll be firm on your decisions. Why doesn't the relationship of whom you want to marry matter the most? You better make up your mind and stop playing games here.

"One brother who lives in Napoli".

lol . .what does his brother do in ITALY?

"He is willing to move to the US but I am wanting to move to Nigeria".

HisMichele:

Yes, I was asked why he hadn't come here. He didn't want to, and quite frankly him being afraid had more to do with me than anything else, but I didn't want to get so personal on here.

What exactly are you saying? Damn! Talk about unserious minds.

"As for staying here and dating someone close to home, been there, done that, and I've had it with dating men in America. They only want someone who looks like a model, unless you make a lot of money, then they only want you for your money and as soon as either is gone, so are they".

Why won't you be tired of dating men when you seem all confused? I see no reason why a woman of your age with 4 damn kids will be jumping from man to another. That's what teens and young adults do. You now want to hang on this prey, huh? You do well!

HisMichele:

Up until lately I have viewed him as only a friend, and that is why he was afraid to come.

Our relationship in the last few months has grown stronger and he now has more faith in my feelings toward him being sincere. I think he was afraid to become too attached and get his heart broken.

As I have said, I have dated TWO other men since we met online, and he's been upfront about his feelings for me since after the first year we knew each other. It was very hard for him when I did this, even though I had told him we were just friends and I really did not think us ever meeting would be a reality.

You decided to get serious with him after ALL your relationships failed huh? How nice and smart of you.
I'm really marvelled at this man. Are you really sure this dude is Nigerian? Naija no deh Bleep up like this o! 4 kids, white, fat, unserious, on about almost every man around. I worry seriously about this man. Apart from the fact that he may be fake, he's strangely strange.

May I also say that it appears some of your kids are white and some are mixed. True?

HisMichele:

The doubts about his being genuine and not just someone who was trying to "scam" me took time to work through. Yes, he could still be trying to lie to me, but after 5 years and he could have easily found someone else. He has stayed faithful as a friend and as a man.

Your doubts should still linger until "face me I face you", OK?

Basically, I don't buy your "love" for each other, the relationship and all what you've mentioned. Keep it coming anyway.

If she has moved from a state of blind commitment to one of caution,all the better.

I pray so.

I am an American woman who is in love with a wonderful man from Nigeria. He lives abroad, and we are going to see him in December. We have been good friends online/phone for over 5 years. He writes faithfully and sends birthday/holiday cards always. He wants to get married, and I can't wait. What I worry about is that I have a "mixed" daughter who is 5 years old and we are not sure where we should live. I just want to be with him, and be a good wife. However we must consider that in Greece, they only teach Greek in the schools, unless you want to pay ungodly amounts of money for private American schools. He has told me that Nigeria teaches English in the schools, so the language barrier would not be such an issue as in Greece. My daughter has wanted to go to Africa since she was 2 years old and he is teaching me Igbo. I only worry about how she will be treated there. Race has never been an issue here due to the diversity in cultures (especially in California) and she is a beautiful child (inside and out) and everyone who meets her, loves her. Any thoughts or advice would really be appreciated. I am new to this site, but a lot of the posting have really helped me. Thanks!!

This is my original post. Yes I want to marry him. I'm not going to go visit him and marry him the first day I meet him. I am being realistic, and maybe he will not want to marry me after he meets me in person (having nothing to do with my looks but with our personalities). Yes my other kids are white, because my ex-husband is white. We have been divorced for 13 years. I have only dated a few men seriously since then due to being a full time mother and working full time. I also know what a marriage means now (I was very young when I got married and had no clue) and will not marry unless it's for the rest of our lives. That and the few men I have dated end up not wanting to really settle down, or they want the "perfect woman" no kids, no baggage, etc. So I focus on my children.

My other children are grown and do not live with me, only my 5 year old does. She is my heart. I would die to protect her. This was all hypothetical and wanted to know how people in Nigeria felt toward mixed children, mixed relationships, as I do not know and do not KNOWINGLY want to put her into a life where people are RUDE to her due to being ignorant and racist.

Most of you seem like you try to confuse things and twist words to make your own ugly remarks either about your own countryman - his sincerity, character or other - or about making assumptions that I am a fat white woman?? What the hell? Now you ask why I'm getting defensive?? WOW

I'm blown away, there are a few on here who have stuck to the topic and answered me honestly and from their heart, good hearts. But the rest of you make me want to never go to Nigeria if all you know is how to hate each other and attack those around you. It is sad.

HisMichele:

Most of you seem like you try to confuse things and twist words to make your own ugly remarks either about your own countryman - his sincerity, character or other - or about making assumptions that I am a fat white woman?? What the hell? Now you ask why I'm getting defensive?? WOW

I'm blown away, there are a few on here who have stuck to the topic and answered me honestly and from their heart, good hearts. But the rest of you make me want to never go to Nigeria if all you know is how to hate each other and attack those around you. It is sad.

We are telling you facts about Nigerians abroad. We don't hate each other but are aware of OUR capabilities. What's wrong in letting you know your risks? Who says you shouldn't go? Who says you shouldn't marry him? All we want is for you to have these facts at the back of your mind. Without doubt, I know you'll go to Greece more "eye opened" than before you started this thread.

Go to Nigeria. There are many Americans there as well and other nationales. You won't be the first nor the last.

Sorry if you were attacked but see it as an 'eye opener'.

Na wa o! A lot of Nairalanders seem to be very pessimistic about relationships outside what they see as regular: "we are seeing each other; s/he lives in VI, and I live in Ikeja", or "we both reside in the Baltimore area". I never knew some Nigerians were this skeptical!!! I hope the bulk of the Nairaland regulars aren't people who have suffered irreversible damage from relationships that went sour . Na wa o, this thread is truly an eye opener for me on the level of pessimism and skepticism that people can have about relationships. Knowledge has most definitely been gained here .

We have told you to be careful and you think we dislike you or object to your going to meet your husband. Keep in mind, if we hate you, we will not advise you to be cautious when dealing with our own brother. Though, he might be a nice guy.

However, the ideas that have lighted here and, time after time, have given you new courage to face life readily, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth.

But at last, let it not be I was told - when you finally reach the point where days are governed by only darkness, and you begin to ask about daylight.

Again, one thing to know is, no one tells his enemy to be cautious. However, if you are real – then fear nothing, go along with your child – that is the only thing you want to hear.

you know what?
every woman always thinks that her man is different the one non bad apple.
@ HM i warned you many posts ago to stop telling more . Because i could see what was comming.
I refered you to women like yourself with children like your own living in Nigeria.
But you did not listen. among other things they too would have told you to be careful.
As Nigerians, we know how far Nigerians can go.
And most of us had your interest at heart.
Du you really know how far Nigerians can go?
Do you know that a nigerian man can keep a black wife in his house and tell the white wife its his sister?
Do you know that its hard to find a Nigerian man in his 40s that has never been married.
Did you know that nigerians do not even have to attend their own wedding(Traditional wedding.
I can sit here in Germany and my dad can find a husband for me in Nigeria and do the wedding with out my going there.

mamaput:

you know what?
every woman always thinks that her man is different the one non bad apple.
@ HM i warned you many posts ago to stop telling more . Because i could see what was comming.
I refered you to women like yourself with children like your own living in Nigeria.
But you did not listen. among other things they too would have told you to be careful.
As Nigerians, we know how far Nigerians can go.
And most of us had your interest at heart.
Du you really know how far Nigerians can go?
Do you know that a nigerian man can keep a black wife in his house and tell the white wife its his sister?
Do you know that its hard to find a Nigerian man in his 40s that has never been married.
Did you know that nigerians do not even have to attend their own wedding(Traditional wedding.
I can sit here in Germany and my dad can find a husband for me in Nigeria and do the wedding with out my going there.

I bow for you. I couldnt have said it any better.


@HM all are points are valid

@mamaput
Which kind of father do that? Getting married to someone you never met? That is unacceptable and can never happen in my own culture _{without your consent}.

champredd we are not talking of without concent.
But about on behalf of

"On behalf of" without consent is not good. But if you request (maybe you can't find your kind of man where you dey), that is still acceptable.

I appreciate the concern. But calling me a White Fat woman is uncalled for. One, you don't know what I look like, and Two you have no clue who I am.

I am white, and have said so. I'm not a malnourished model by any means, nor am I "fat". I am healthy. Either way, that should have NOTHING to do with who a person is on the inside, as the color of their skin should not either.

I have no problem with people giving me advice, I welcome it. I DO NOT think it is appropriate for the name calling, toward myself or toward other Nigerians. There are a few who have given me GREAT advice, and pointed me in the right direction. I have had contact with a few women who are in the position that I may be in. And they have been wonderful. Thank you!! You know who you are!!

As for him having another wife, I have asked him, and he says no. He is very devote Catholic and wants to be married in the Church and have it recognized by the Church. I really don't think he'd care where we got married if he was just looking for a "free ride". I am not jumping blindly, and would love to marry this man if he is for real. He is very sweet, devoted and caring. If he is not for real, it won't be the first time that's happened, but either way I'll have a great vacation.

champredd:

"On behalf of" without consent is not good. But if you request (maybe you can't find your kind of man where you dey), that is still acceptable.

who is the you here.?
you mean you do not know that there are many Nigerians here that cannot travel out?
What i wote is a fact. Thats just it anyother thing you write is a waste of space

Dear HisMichele,
I admire your stand in the face of the many unjustified attacks. Pls note that there are a lot of foreigners here that are enjoying their marriages to Nigerians & I dont see why yours should be different. Your daughter will easily get adjusted and and will find the place fun to be, you'll see. Hold on to ur dreams m'lady and dont get distracted by unkind remarks - they abound everywhere. Enjoy ur marriage girl. Regards

Feelgood, thank you so much. I think you're quote says it all!!! Many blessings to you!

I trust you will not take to heart the venom that seems to come with many of our 'advices' - your man would have told you about our passion in putting across our views on many issues. Take a trip to different boards n' threads and you'll find that behind those strong words are a really folksy and nice people. That is not saying we dont have our bad sides - who doesnt anyway?
I pray your marriage/relationship will shame ur detractors. Be cool

I trust you will not take to heart the venom that seems to come with many of our 'advices' - your man would have told you about our passion in putting across our views on many issues. Take a trip to different boards n' threads and you'll find that behind those strong words are a really folksy and nice people. That is not saying we dont have our bad sides - who doesnt anyway?
I pray your marriage/relationship will shame ur detractors. Be cool