deols:

interesting. . .

Girls do all sort of things to look good and be appreciated. Guys can reciprocate this too . Even if you love to wear shorts, dr's no harm nd its no pretence(after all u wont dress d way u do everyday while going for a job interview) to keep it on that very important day nd just dress up(our local nija definition of dat. . lol) 4 d girl. I tell u a guy did ds for me once nd I liked it.

U know they say the way u dress is d way u'r addressed. Your dress sense might be the one reason she's listening to you in the first place.

Thats not to say I think w should wear jalabiyya everyday. We'll b sending our own trads into extinction by so doing. Cant even imagine pple bringing up fatwas on whether the saudi or sudanese jalabiyya would be best or fighting those wearing the pakistani

I could not agree more with you. Dressing and looking good is part of our deen and you are very correct a bro should dress to impress his wife as well. It is only the dress mode or style that is the issue here. Mon to thurs i am dressed in a shirt and fully knoted up in a business style, on weekends i love to wear my casual jeans and  tshirts ( preferably white) with a pair of trainers lols. If a sister doesnt not like my jeans and shirt then she would not be suitable for me either as that would not change after marrying her.

As regards naija clothings i dont have them much as i dont live in Nigeria . . . would love to wear them though.

deols:

Ladies and gents,

HOw long should a relationship last before marriage
 
or better put,

How much years is healthy for a relationship before marriage

Brothers and sisters should be very sincere with themselves in this respect (as with other issues in our lives too). A brother who is looking for a sister should have marriage strictly at the back of his mind. If a brother isn't ready for marriage then he has no business making proposals or 'asking a sister out'. A sister who's not ready for marriage has no business accepting a brother's proposal.

Even though Islam does not stipulate a particular time-frame for courtship, it definitely abhors a man and woman 'dating', 'courting' with no tangible marriage plans in sight. Some courtship period may be delayed by circumstances beyond control. for example, the waliyy or members of either family may be against the union, and attempts are made to make them see reason. Either of the prospective spouses may need to make an urgent and unexpected journey etc. But courtship should never be for the purpose of 'getting to know each other'. You can never know enough outside marriage. Reality and true colours usually set in when couples begin to live together.

The length of time you court does not guarantee the success or failure of the marriage. People have courted for donkey years and still end up in divorce. People have met and married within a couple of months and are living together ever peacefully. Once we've done our Istikhara and put everything in Allah's hand, we shouldn't bother about trying to know our mate through courtship.

So I disagree with those saying a year. IMHO, a year is too long too court, except there are good reasons to do so.

Ti eniyan ba npe lori imi, esinkesin a maa ba le.

_{[sub]any good interpreter in the house?}[/sub]

Lagosboy:

I could not agree more with you. Dressing and looking good is part of our deen and you are very correct a bro should dress to impress his wife as well. It is only the dress mode or style that is the issue here. Mon to thurs i am dressed in a shirt and fully knoted up in a business style, on weekends i love to wear my casual jeans and  tshirts ( preferably white) with a pair of trainers lols. If a sister doesnt not like my jeans and shirt then she would not be suitable for me either as that would not change after marrying her.

As regards naija clothings i dont have them much as i dont live in Nigeria . . . would love to wear them though.

So you can't bend your style to suit hajia

zayhal:

Good question. Because as the Yorubas will say, the prospective husband of a woman are 1001, it's the one on top of the thousand that she'll eventually settle down with.

I agree with deols here. If a lady is not interested in a man, if you don't see him as being your hubby, the father of your kids, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then tell him immediately, as nicely as you can. If he persists, and you're certain you don't want him, tell him very firmly that he's wasting his time and he should stop being a pest to yours. If he's someone you really respect, you can put it in writing. And please ladies, don't sniff at what you won't eat. You know you don't want this man, he invites you to lunch, you follow him. he buys you gifts, you accept them. He offers you a ride, you readily oblige. The truth is that even if you continually tell this man you don't want him, but accepts all these offers from him, it means you're giving him hope, so please, let your verbal rejection match your attitude and disposition towards the man.

Some men handle rejection badly. I can remember a couple of brothers (one of them, an Imam in a mosque in town) in school who stopped talking to me till we graduated because I rejected their proposal. I see this as the height of immaturity. na by force?

Ok. Not only men make proposals, some bold women do too. Now, how do ladies go about this? How should she handle been rejected? Brothers, how do you reject a sister's proposal in order not to hurt her?

A bro once said maybe I have three wives and is she willing to be the fourth and this sister was put off. . . the case was settled. Obviously the sis did not know the bro too well and the sis did not propose directly as well. The bro did not lie as well but phrased it in an intelligent way . . .lol

zayhal:

So you can't bend your style to suit hajia

If it is to wear jalabbiyyah or a thobe then I am sorry that would not happen and it would not even want to marry a sister with such mentality.

If it is to wear Naija styles then of course I am a yoruba guy and would dress like that when the occassion permits.

zayhal:

Brothers and sisters should be very sincere with themselves in this respect (as with other issues in our lives too). A brother who is looking for a sister should have marriage strictly at the back of his mind. If a brother isn't ready for marriage then he has no business making proposals or 'asking a sister out'. A sister who's not ready for marriage has no business accepting a brother's proposal.

Even though Islam does not stipulate a particular time-frame for courtship, it definitely abhors a man and woman 'dating', 'courting' with no tangible marriage plans in sight. Some courtship period may be delayed by circumstances beyond control. for example, the waliyy or members of either family may be against the union, and attempts are made to make them see reason. Either of the prospective spouses may need to make an urgent and unexpected journey etc. But courtship should never be for the purpose of 'getting to know each other'. You can never know enough outside marriage. Reality and true colours usually set in when couples begin to live together.

The length of time you court does not guarantee the success or failure of the marriage. People have courted for donkey years and still end up in divorce. People have met and married within a couple of months and are living together ever peacefully. Once we've done our Istikhara and put everything in Allah's hand, we shouldn't bother about trying to know our mate through courtship.

So I disagree with those saying a year. IMHO, a year is too long too court, except there are good reasons to do so.

Ti eniyan ba npe lori imi, esinkesin a maa ba le.

_{[sub]any good interpreter in the house?}[/sub]

I very much agree with you , especially that you can only know someone until you live with the person. Someone i know dated a guy for about 7 years and they got married. IT did not take 6 months before trouble started and trouble everyday. The marriage is on the verge of collapse,

However regarding the length of time , i think the legnth should rather be on understanding and knowing the sis/bros background, There are many sisters here in the UK that you find in sheesha houses , they party and all sorts , some smoke and they have a hijab. Some of them have had a very funky lifestyle and you would not know what you are getting into. Anyone can repent and become a good person which is good masha Allah but I believe a bro/sis should know what he/she is getting into.

I'd prefer to marry a gyrator i know was one and she changes for the better, rather than marry a pretender.

This thread is turning out to be a symposium. How difficult can it be to find 1 person out of over 500 million to spend the rest of your life with?

zayhal:

Good question. Because as the Yorubas will say, the prospective husband of a woman are 1001, it's the one on top of the thousand that she'll eventually settle down with.

I agree with deols here. If a lady is not interested in a man, if you don't see him as being your hubby, the father of your kids, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then tell him immediately, as nicely as you can. If he persists, and you're certain you don't want him, tell him very firmly that he's wasting his time and he should stop being a pest to yours. If he's someone you really respect, you can put it in writing. And please ladies, don't sniff at what you won't eat. You know you don't want this man, he invites you to lunch, you follow him. he buys you gifts, you accept them. He offers you a ride, you readily oblige. The truth is that even if you continually tell this man you don't want him, but accepts all these offers from him, it means you're giving him hope, so please, let your verbal rejection match your attitude and disposition towards the man.

Some men handle rejection badly. I can remember a couple of brothers (one of them, an Imam in a mosque in town) in school who stopped talking to me till we graduated because I rejected their proposal. I see this as the height of immaturity. na by force?

Ok. Not only men make proposals, some bold women do too. Now, how do ladies go about this? How should she handle been rejected? Brothers, how do you reject a sister's proposal in order not to hurt her?

Let her know you appreciate the fact that she has invested some emotional capital in you. In addition, let her know that you do not hate or look down on her. It is just that it takes 2 to make it work and you know that you are not the one for her because of the genuine reasons you may have. Let her know that you think she will make a great wife for somebody else and that you will pray for her on the matter.

It is also essential that you limit contact with her thereafter.

Having typed that I have to say: who are we kidding? Rejection hurts especially if that person has qualities you like and appreciate or because you are just hopelessly in love. However, you have to be dignified even if you are hurt and do whatever it takes to get over the person.

[Quote]Some of us forget that the sahabas had beards before islam and the mushriks had beards as well, the Prophet PBUH recommended trimming of the moustache to differentiate the two people. There are two kinds of command in fiqh Amr haqiqi and amr ijaazi. Amr haqiqi is a rule from the most High to we lowly humans., this kind of command has no clause in it is like "Wa aqeemu salatu wa aatu Zakah" Establish prayer and pay zakah etc. These type of comman are always categorised under Waajib acts

On the other the second type of amr is like "marry two, three or four . . . BUT if you fear you cannot do justice then marry one" . This verse is also a command from Allah but it is placed on the second category of commands because there is a clause to it . . which is BUT.

The scholars that hold the opinion of the beard not being wajib have cited some of the above. Also, in any issue where there is difference of opinion among the jurists in the sunni school. We do not condemn but rather we respect those who do not follow our opinions. I respect people with long beards and may Allah reward them as long as their intention is pure, however i expect these people to not consider those without beard as a lesser muslim or lower in eeman because Allah clearly says taqwa is not in the outer look but inside.

And God knows best[/Quote]Indeed Allah knows best. Absolutely, no human being knows the exact level of God consciousness even in him/herself. No one can say even Salah alone, which is higher in degree to beard is enough as means of piety. Obedience to and fear and love of Allah, and obedience to and love for Muhammad [as] for the pleasure of Allah, are truly the ingredients that a person must have. This way, the effort is for the reason given and nothing else.

Everyone has his/her own evolution into faith. While I will prefer a woman who wear Hijab, I will not want to because of my jealous nature have a woman who does not cover because the evil in the hearts of the pubic at large.

Hijab in my case for woman is whatever covers what are supposed to be covered without the concept of pasting it on the body. You know the type; covered but uncovered.

^^^ okay noted.

I am learning more than i envisage on this thread. Keep coming please

zayhal:

Brothers and sisters should be very sincere with themselves in this respect (as with other issues in our lives too). A brother who is looking for a sister should have marriage strictly at the back of his mind. If a brother isn't ready for marriage then he has no business making proposals or 'asking a sister out'. A sister who's not ready for marriage has no business accepting a brother's proposal.

Even though Islam does not stipulate a particular time-frame for courtship, it definitely abhors a man and woman 'dating', 'courting' with no tangible marriage plans in sight. Some courtship period may be delayed by circumstances beyond control. for example, the waliyy or members of either family may be against the union, and attempts are made to make them see reason. Either of the prospective spouses may need to make an urgent and unexpected journey etc. But courtship should never be for the purpose of 'getting to know each other'. You can never know enough outside marriage. Reality and true colours usually set in when couples begin to live together.

The length of time you court does not guarantee the success or failure of the marriage. People have courted for donkey years and still end up in divorce. People have met and married within a couple of months and are living together ever peacefully. Once we've done our Istikhara and put everything in Allah's hand, we shouldn't bother about trying to know our mate through courtship.

So I disagree with those saying a year. IMHO, a year is too long too court, except there are good reasons to do so.

Ti eniyan ba npe lori imi, esinkesin a maa ba le.

_{[sub]any good interpreter in the house?}[/sub]

I agree that a guy should only seek a woman if marriage is on his mind. Islam doesnt allow Bf/Gf relationships.

But,I so much dont understand how d 'no courtship" thing works. I donno how u start looking out only when u'r ready. does that mean if a guy finds the girl of his dreams but would only be ready say, after two yrs, he shouldnt approach her nd let someone else take her.

ITs a big relief u know, when u'r sure uv found d right person nd it depends on u to den avoid all d esinkesin from getting there. Since Islam doesnt stipulate any time, I think it is best we dont.

Lagosboy:

I could not agree more with you. Dressing and looking good is part of our deen and you are very correct a bro should dress to impress his wife as well. It is only the dress mode or style that is the issue here. Mon to thurs i am dressed in a shirt and fully knoted up in a business style, on weekends i love to wear my casual jeans and  tshirts ( preferably white) with a pair of trainers lols. If a sister doesnt not like my jeans and shirt then she would not be suitable for me either as that would not change after marrying her.

As regards naija clothings i dont have them much as i dont live in Nigeria . . . would love to wear them though.

dressing up dosnt necessarily mean trads oo,  your shirt nd trousers esp wv dose trainers cld go for dressed up in naija. . lol since majority wear palms, HMMN!

nd dose shirts, make dem TM lewins(d only shirt makers I know ) nd u'r a big boy. .lol

Lagosboy:

A bro once said maybe I have three wives and is she willing to be the fourth and this sister was put off. . . the case was settled. Obviously the sis did not know the bro too well and the sis did not propose directly as well. The bro did not lie as well but phrased it in an intelligent way . . .lol

dat wld put me off too. dat bro sha!

Now that the singles are getting together, I think you guys should begin to seek the right potential partner in the tossed up salad, you have here.
Lagosboy should make sure this is the year for marriage. So are the other brothers.

Further, the sisters can propose, since Khadija [ra] proposed to the Prophet [as].

If that pious woman proposed to "that Prophet", then the sisters should be able to imitate her.

Shame about marriage is not in Islam.

Sweetnecta:

Now that the singles are getting together, I think you guys should begin to seek the right potential partner in the tossed up salad, you have here.
Lagosboy should make sure this is the year for marriage. So are the other brothers.

Further, the sisters can propose, since Khadija [ra] proposed to the Prophet [as].

If that pious woman proposed to "that Prophet", then the sisters should be able to imitate her.

Shame about marriage is not in Islam.

ou kay!

he/she must be flexible to switch to, !

Assalamu Alaikum. My name is Aliyu Abubakar. Am looking 4 a gud muslim lady 2 be my wife. A good practising 1 dat has faith in her heart. I cnt put my fone number, but here is my email abubilal24@gmail.com  so any interestd persn shld mail me nd i'll gve her my number.

Interesting. Nyc thread. Make deen (religion/spirituality) d priority when u are looking for a spouse as one of d the responsibilites of d father to his children is to find dem a good mother. ur spouse shd also be attractive/appealing to u, as a marriage was dissolved by d prophet (saw) after d wife came to complain dat she couldn't stand d husband who she claimed was a good man but whose looks repulsed her. We shd also try to avoid d danger of prolonged dating/courtship which is prevalent in d west as it may lead to worse evils.

Salam, nice thread.

My requirements:

Must be a muslim (I don't mind any race or tribe.)
Pray 5 times a day.
Can read the Quran.
Respect his parents, the elderly - people in general.
Can do house chores and cook.
Must at least be a high-school graduate.
Understanding, patient, trustworthy and related qualities.
Dresses modestly.
Knows the value of money.
Likes adventure and challenges.


More to come later.

@deols; [Quote]ou kay![/quote]what is that? is that a slang?

Anything for those of us who are still searching for partners?

tanimz:

Salam, nice thread.

My requirements:

Must be a muslim (I don't mind any race or tribe.)
Pray 5 times a day.
Can read the Quran.
Respect his parents, the elderly - people in general.
Can do house chores and cook.
Must at least be a high-school graduate.
Understanding, patient, trustworthy and related qualities.
Dresses modestly.
Knows the value of money.
Likes adventure and challenges.


More to come later.

Sweetnecta:

@deols; what is that? is that a slang?

i think she meant okay.

Sweetnecta:

@deols; what is that? is that a slang?

I posses all those qualities but i don't think i can do house chores and cook.

let me know if i can have yur info so we can start from there.

Lagosboy:

masha Allah, sis Zahyal has given a good explanation on this issue.

Bismillahi Arahamani Araheem
This issue of beards sometimes is a contentious issue amongst muslims and some muslims make a big issue out of it. Some scholars mainly of the Wahabiyyah school and the deobandis of the indo pak region consider a beard as compulsory , some even go as far as saying it is a major sin if you shave your beard. This issue has to take us back to the basis in usul ul fiqh or the categories of ahkam in fiqh

Wajib -  Compulsory and if you dont sinful
Mandub/Sunnah -  recommended and if you dont sinless
Haram or Halal
Makru - Frowned upon
Mubah - neutral

Some of us forget that the sahabas had beards before islam and the mushriks had beards as well, the Prophet PBUH recommended trimming of the moustache to differentiate the two people. There are two kinds of command in fiqh Amr haqiqi and amr ijaazi. Amr haqiqi is a rule from the most High to we lowly humans., this kind of command has no clause in it is like "Wa aqeemu salatu wa aatu Zakah" Establish prayer and pay zakah etc. These type of comman are always categorised under Waajib acts

On the other the second type of amr is like "marry two, three or four  . . .  BUT if you fear you cannot do justice then marry one" . This verse is also a command from Allah but it is placed on the second category of commands because there is a clause to it  . . which is BUT.

The scholars that hold the opinion of the beard not being wajib have cited some of the above. Also, in any isse where there is difference of opinion among the jurists in the sunni school. We do not condemn but rather we respect those who do not follow our opinions.  I respect people with long beards and may Allah reward them as long as their intention is pure, however i expect these people to not consider those without beard as a lesser muslim or lower in eeman because Allah cleary says taqwa is not in the outer look but inside.

And God knows best

Well-said Man!!

Gr8 thread,
"Jazakumu'llahu khaeran",
Love you all,
Ma salam!

Hmmn, I've dated a xtian girl who possesses everything I want bt hw I wish I see a muslim girl wit these qualities. Intelligent, educated, caring, charming, light in complexion, and many more.

^^^ am not sure that a problem all you need do is talk to her and if she can take your religion then no prob with her,

Interesting thread,

^^yeah! Been following it from the beginning, I soo much like and admire deols, den maclatunji et al, keep it up. I'm really learning a lot from this thread and I'm sure so many other 'side liners' are too, Jazaakha llahu khairan.

A nice thread