190_@:
Shy one - Go and ask your real friends and take your problems off this forum

i dont know why 90% of the women in this forum are so un happy in their relationships despite they advice people

week in week out

Shy-One:

I know that we live in 2 different countries - he is in Naija and I am in the U.S.

- IS THIS WAT I THINK IT IS

NOTICE IM WRITING IN GREEEN  

ogugua88:

That's your magic number ba? 90. Everything these days na "90% of women blah blah blah".

Help her or carry go o. It's nearly midnight on a Saturday and you're at home on your computer causing e-wahala. I don't know when you became a preacher.

Breathes down

Shy-One:
I know that we live in 2 different countries - he is in Naija and I am in the U.S.

I know that Lagos has alot of issues with public services (water, electricity) etc.  The U.S. has issues of extreme cold and overpriced housing, very expensive to live in this country.

But I don't care - I have to live with myself and be happy with myself and I won't be happy with someone who is a person of strict routines and sees romance as something to engage in only in the "dating" period of a relationship.

I think that if romance starts to sizzle and marriage hasn't yet occurred - it is an indicator of what the marriage will be like as well.

NL what do you think about this?  So Ladies - I need your advice - do you care about keeping romance alive in your relationship or is it ok for it to die down and just being a person of routine is what you expect out of a marriage - you go to sleep, you go to work, you go to church and the special moments and times are fewer and fewer the longer you are together.

Are women OK with this happening?

190_@:

[size=18pt]
- IS THIS WAT I THINK IT IS

NOTICE IM WRITING IN GREEEN   [/size]

ogugua88:

I'm not okay with that happening at all. My advice to you is to end it as you're being hopelessly optimistic. I've seen this kind of thing before. Just remain friends.

Shy-One:

I have to be honest with myself - maybe its a fairy tale that I'm looking for - but this is my life right? A spark has to remain in my love life, It doesn't matter if the Love is 5 minutes old or 80 years old - it isn't optional - even during routines such as work, family or challenging interactions between us - you still need to make me feel those golden feelings that make me laugh and blush, that only you can do - if I am the only extender of feelings - I can see my way out. Can you say Romance 101?
NL - I am having to re-evaluate my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much but I am having a change of heart. I am rethinking whether or not I want to take this to the next level. Or pull out now and just remain friends to save both of us heartache and trouble.
Romance is more important to me than food. I need your advice.

Shy-One:

I know that we live in 2 different countries - he is in Naija and I am in the U.S.

Shy-One:

@ Omega

I would never dishonor him or myself with any guys that come my way - and yes there are many that come my way - but God watches me and my actions at all time - I deeply believe that what you do in the dark you reap in the light

talina:

@ shy-one
From what you said, it sounds like you have answered your own question and then doubted it. What speaks the loudest is your "Gut" feeling. It is always right so try to feel/hear it.  Only you know what you need. Each person expresses their love differently, and his way may be different than yours and you must be compatable in that way. But I must say, the most intense and loving relationship I was in was with a Nigerian man who was NOT a romantic. Romance didnt matter. So go figure the dynamics of love.

Shy-One:

do you people know that I have to let the doctor shoot me up 10 times with medicine to prevent

Malaria
Hepatitis A
Hepatitis B
Yellow Fever

and a whole list of other crap that I cannot even remember just to Visit Nigeria?  do you know that?  

I do not take medicine - but I am going to be one pill swallowing heifer to cross an ocean of water to visit this man?  Then the hotels are astronomical in price - it is horrible

For me to step off the plane into a country that I have never in my life seen or really paid any attention to - before I met this man - this country which has water problems and electricity problems - but I am swallowing all of my thoughts and still taking shots and getting on a place FOR US and his idea of romance and my idea of romance look to be MILES APART

I mention flowers and he laughs and says "Americans"

I mention let's get married on the beach in Lagos "He screams NO - NEVER" - We are to marry at the Registry at the Court

I want to be barefoot on the beach in a long gown with my hair loose blowing in the wind holding flowers with violins playing.

He wants his pastor at the Registry at the Court - I said bring your pastor to the beach - he screams My pastor won't go to the beach.

Gosh is Shy-One fooling herself here?  Maybe strangerF is right after all - maybe this just isn't going to work.

omega25red:

well to a certain extent you are wrong because you know the hardships that causes his behavior as you mentioned time differences traffic etc. you can put energy all you want but Nigeria will still be Nigeria and the u.s will be the u.s. going over there to pacify your relationship probably will not work because I'm sure within a month or two of you being back the same old feelings will be back. i say all this to say if you want to make this work you will have to be really strong and be willing to expend that energy or else cut your loses and start fresh

long distance relationships are not easy imagine my situation almost ended too and our distance was only btwn ny and dc

Shy-One:

I know that you are right - that is why I have for the past 4-5 months overlooked his ever increasing "fewer and fewer calls that dictated only certain times of day to talk as well as instead of 2-3 hours on the phone or on Skype during both of our work hours and later in the day - it has now dwindled to only in the evenings and then dwindled to 20 minutes here and 20 minutes there"

Though he is not wanting to end our personal relationship.

But I cannot exist in a personal relationship that has dwindled to this level - I am sill a young, vibrant, attractive, very high-sex drive woman who needs attention.  I don't want to see a relationship or a marriage as one in which I am having to make constant sacrifices of romance.

I will sacrifice money, my time, my everything - but when it comes to Romance - THE FIRE IN THE FIREPLACE HAS TO ROAR AND WANE VERY STRONG AT ALL TIMES.

omega25red:

well to a certain extent you are wrong because you know the hardships that causes his behavior as you mentioned time differences traffic etc. you can put energy all you want but Nigeria will still be Nigeria and the u.s will be the u.s. going over there to pacify your relationship probably will not work because I'm sure within a month or two of you being back the same old feelings will be back. i say all this to say if you want to make this work you will have to be really strong and be willing to expend that energy or else cut your loses and start fresh

long distance relationships are not easy imagine my situation almost ended too and our distance was only btwn ny and dc

davidylan:



But I cannot exist in a personal relationship that has dwindled to this level - I am sill a young, vibrant, attractive, very high-sex drive woman who needs attention.  I don't want to see a relationship or a marriage as one in which I am having to make constant sacrifices of romance.

I will sacrifice money, my time, my everything - but when it comes to Romance - THE FIRE IN THE FIREPLACE HAS TO ROAR AND WANE VERY STRONG AT ALL TIMES.

omega25red:

malaria is serious so dont complain about the shots and seriously i hope you are not trying to get married at bar beach  
so if you marry the dude then what? are you moving to Nigeria or is he coming out here?
where will you two live?
will he have a job?
how do your folks feel about him?


too many questions

omega25red:

the bolded will be a problem since the penile teleportation device has not been perfected yet

Shy-One:

I forgot to tell you - he actually fell asleep on the phone while I was talking to him - he was asleep - completely asleep - in the middle of my sentence he fell asleep - do you know how that made Shy-One feel?  I hung up and he called the next day embarrassed and very apologetic - I kept calling his name over the phone and he was out for the count -unconscious.

Please tell me about your long distance relationship - what did you do to prevent it from ending.  Please help me.