Flows001:
Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

Flows001:
Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

Flows001:
Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

Raymeg7:


Yes he made a mistake best known to him the reason, but u said his nice guy, why would she leave because his married before, she has known so forge ahead with the marriage, or dose she wants to be second hand woman to another man, that is not a good reason to leave the man,

I beg tell her to continue with her marriage plans, he made be the type that don't like to discuss his past, not that he wants to keep it, just that maybe he don't want to remember such marriage again, please let her accept those kids as her own, she won't regret it

Collins4u1:
she can become a single mother and get married later. hopefully the future husband won't be traumatized for training someone's else child.

Funny how women can't treat someone's else child as theirs.

frozen70:


I think the most important thing is, is this guy responsible, will he be there for your sister or he will abandon her same time ay he did with his first wife

She needs to do a discreet investigation about the man and his wife to be sure both of them are not doing stupid hide and seek game that will finish your sisters heart

Secondly he has to explain to her in details what lead to their separation and are the going for a divorce or they are separating to come back again in future

All this can be done while the bride price date is on going

If she is sure that the man has ended his relationship with her and they don't have hope of coming back again, she has to embrace the children and accept them

But she has to be sure that he will be there to train the children and sponsor their education

Not that he will leave them for her and start another relationship behind your sister

Her discreet investigation can be done behind the man so that she will get full details about him

So that when the man starts telling lies, she will know how to track him

Flows001:

Alright.
I appreciate your contribution

Flows001:

Yes she is lightskinned.

Why did you ask though? 🤔

frozen70:


I think the most important thing is, is this guy responsible, will he be there for your sister or he will abandon her same time ay he did with his first wife

She needs to do a discreet investigation about the man and his wife to be sure both of them are not doing stupid hide and seek game that will finish your sisters heart

Secondly he has to explain to her in details what lead to their separation and are the going for a divorce or they are separating to come back again in future

All this can be done while the bride price date is on going

If she is sure that the man has ended his relationship with her and they don't have hope of coming back again, she has to embrace the children and accept them

But she has to be sure that he will be there to train the children and sponsor their education

Not that he will leave them for her and start another relationship behind your sister

Her discreet investigation can be done behind the man so that she will get full details about him

So that when the man starts telling lies, she will know how to track him

frozen70:


I think the most important thing is, is this guy responsible, will he be there for your sister or he will abandon her same time ay he did with his first wife

She needs to do a discreet investigation about the man and his wife to be sure both of them are not doing stupid hide and seek game that will finish your sisters heart

Secondly he has to explain to her in details what lead to their separation and are the going for a divorce or they are separating to come back again in future

All this can be done while the bride price date is on going

If she is sure that the man has ended his relationship with her and they don't have hope of coming back again, she has to embrace the children and accept them

But she has to be sure that he will be there to train the children and sponsor their education

Not that he will leave them for her and start another relationship behind your sister

Her discreet investigation can be done behind the man so that she will get full details about him

So that when the man starts telling lies, she will know how to track him

Kobicove:


If it were a man that was in such dilemma my advise would be different because then the dynamics of the relationship will change.

Nigeria is a patrilineal society therefore if a man accepts a child from his wife he will likely be the one to bear the financial burden of training up that child in addition to his own biological children. (This often turns out to be a thankless endeavour because in the long run the child will still seek out his/her biological father)

Also there have been instances where a man's adopted children seized his property at his death and prevented his biological children who were much younger from accessing their biological father's assets!

Any other question?!

MechanicMike:


Then she needs to keep the baby sir...truss me!!

Montaque:


You should give your own advice first, so we know if we are saying the same thing. Not condemning others for offering help. Men should not talk again? People are talking from their experience and wisdom. You speak your own.

Georgejeez:


Don't be clever by half , read all the male comments including mine above , you will see Males who are disgusted with the deceit and advising the lady to call it quits instead of continuing on a path that will lead to "Had I Known" .

Y'all need to come out from this victim mentality , hiaaann

Flows001:
Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

olamydey:
No need to rush anything at this moment. She should cancel the traditional wedding immediately till she gets a clear direction. He cannot be trusted. Its so unfortunate that she was dragged into this in her ignorance. Turn to God for help and wisdom because It's going to be a long ride.

Flows001:
Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

Flows001:
Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

Flows001:

Please throw more light on your reason, it can be helpful

Brother...truss me. Don't listen to any crap advise from this nairaland unemploy MOFOLICK mofosmugu people especially from a fat one called Frozen70..she only 24stone lookin for man's on nairaland & I rejected am..twice.. but anyways....


She's lightskin meaning she's fine as hell...so therefore she needs to stay. The only difference is while she stays,she will need to steeepup. The child will grow up one day to find his real dad.when he finds him, he will end up hatin his mother for preventing him coz she was vex. Brother, I tell u this for a simple reason....EXPIRENCE...it happened & it did not end well. She must stay!!((((REAL TALK)))

Zonefree:

How is accomodating your husband's kids traumatising?

Men do marry single mom with kids, accommodate and train them without using the word "traumatising".


If your beloved sister should take the first option which is, "Leave him and become a single mother at her flower age"...when she finds love again and wants to marry, don't you think it would be traumatising for the potential husband to accommodate her child?

Make una try dey use una sense for this country!

Proserpina:
Your comments these days ehn. I think I need to resume sourcing for your groom price and that trip

Flows001:
Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

Zonefree:

How is accomodating your husband's kids traumatising?

Men do marry single mom with kids, accommodate and train them without using the word "traumatising".


If your beloved sister should take the first option which is, "Leave him and become a single mother at her flower age"...when she finds love again and wants to marry, don't you think it would be traumatising for the potential husband to accommodate her child?

Make una try dey use una sense for this country!