Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

she can become a single mother and get married later. hopefully the future husband won't be traumatized for training someone's else child.

Funny how women can't treat someone's else child as theirs.

2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife (which can be traumatising for her).

How is accomodating your husband's kids traumatising?

Men do marry single mom with kids, accommodate and train them without using the word "traumatising".


If your beloved sister should take the first option which is, "Leave him and become a single mother at her flower age"...when she finds love again and wants to marry, don't you think it would be traumatising for the potential husband to accommodate her child?

Make una try dey use una sense for this country!

No need to rush anything at this moment. She should cancel the traditional wedding immediately till she gets a clear direction. He cannot be trusted. Its so unfortunate that she was dragged into this in her ignorance. Turn to God for help and wisdom because It's going to be a long ride.

Men this one is tough o... Becasue the secret for this long is a very red flag, who knows what else is hiding in his past ... But then again if the children from previous marriage is the only cause for concern then she should stay with him... To give that child a stable foundation ... Men it's a tough one... I am only seeing it from my perspective which Is very inadequate giving that I have no risks involved.

Have he not been avoiding strange calls before she got pregnant?

The signs were there and she ignored. She should start learning to be a nice step mom

olamydey:
No need to rush anything at this moment. She should cancel the traditional wedding immediately till she gets a clear direction. He cannot be trusted. Its so unfortunate that she was dragged into this in her ignorance. Turn to God for help and wisdom because It's going to be a long ride.

No one dragged her into this. This is what she wanted... MARRIAGE.

Women are eager to persuade men to come and know her family without making efforts to know the man's family.

she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays

The lady took him to meet everyone around her without even making move to know anything about him.


Nigerian girls should learn to pay more attention to their potential husband's family and social life instead of forcing him to know everyone and everything about them.

Omoh this matter tie gele

Why would accommodating the man's children from a previous relationship be "traumatizing" for him?

Keeping such a vital information from her was cruel but I see no reason why she should not go ahead with the marriage

Flows001:
Admin please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife (which can be traumatising for her).

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

Last last, na she go make final decision. Leave her to do it with a clear head.

If my opinion means anything, I’ll advice she settles down with the man. Adult children have nothing to gain from her. All they need is his love and they’d be off on their way.

Who even knows ,if he have more kids outside. He might have deceived some other ladies,same way he got your sister. Moral lesson.. Always do proper investigation, before opening toto or preek for some modafucker to ride.This is one of the reasons,I swear for people that tell others not to check partner's phone,when in a relationship. Its better you find out secrets early, rather than later,when the head is already off. Op your sister need take those two as her own,if not. People dey adopt na.. So,she can she cope,except she just wants to be acting wicked to herself and the step kids..

Zonefree:

How is accomodating your husband's kids traumatising?

Men do marry single mom with kids, accommodate and train them without using the word "traumatising".


If your beloved sister should take the first option which is, "Leave him and become a single mother at her flower age"...when she finds love again and wants to marry, don't you think it would be traumatising for the potential husband to accommodate her child?

Make una dey use una senses for this country!

I didn't mean training the children will be traumatising for her, of course he will be responsible for their upkeep.
I meant that the shock of having to be forced to accept what she didn't plan to live with will actually be traumatising for her.
Of course I will personally advice to treat them nicely, because the man himself has been really nice and responsible to her all along.

Flows001:

I didn't mean training the children will be traumatising for her, of course he will be responsible for their upkeep.
I meant that the shock of having to be forced to accept what she didn't plan to live with will actually be traumatising for her.
Of course I will personally advice to treat them nicely, because the man himself has been really nice and responsible to her all along.

No one is forcing her to accept anything. Stop using the word "force" here.

Make she just manage am like that and marry the man. Who knows if those children will be the one to look after her in the future?

The truth is, ur sister already saw the signs B4 she got pregnant for him but her greed for money won't allow her think.

It is only in 9ja you can Bleep 1st daughter, 2nd daughter, 3rd daughter and their mother together all you need to do is show them money.

The funny part is that, when they all get pregnant for the same man, they will be seeking for advice from NL

olamydey:
No need to rush anything at this moment. She should cancel the traditional wedding immediately till she gets a clear direction. He cannot be trusted. Its so unfortunate that she was dragged into this in her ignorance. Turn to God for help and wisdom because It's going to be a long ride.

Clear direction is for to leave and later marry another man that will train her child Abi?

95% of step kids don't wish their step mom well.

All the same, I think it's time she digs deep into everything that happened in his first marriage.

This one go long o.

I don't blame your sis about her betrayal after finding out he has children before.

Not all women can accommodate step children. Either grown up or babies.

She alone can decide for herself at this point.

Anny69

Your advice is requested here.

olamydey:
No need to rush anything at this moment. She should cancel the traditional wedding immediately till she gets a clear direction. He cannot be trusted. Its so unfortunate that she was dragged into this in her ignorance. Turn to God for help and wisdom because It's going to be a long ride.

Alright.

Thank you very much for your time🙏

Savedday2:
The truth is, ur sister already saw the signs B4 she got pregnant for him but her greed for money won't allow her think.

It is only in 9ja you can Bleep 1st daughter, 2nd daughter, 3rd daughter and their mother together all you need to do is show them money.

The funny part is that, when they all get pregnant for the same man, they will be seeking for advice from NL

No she didn't see any sign before then, she was already an entrepreneur who was staying on her own, fending for herself and school, she even helped me with finances in my final year in the University, so she wasn't lured because of money, he merely toasted her like every other guy and he looks quite young.
She even took extra step to go stay at his house for two weeks in Abuja, just to know more about him, and he introduced her to basically all his colleagues and friends, none of them showed any negativity.

She was just an innocent victim which at this point is quite unfortunate.

Zonefree:

No one is forcing her to accept anything. Stop using the word "force" here.

I guess you wouldn't want your daughter's first offspring to grow up without the love and presence of a father, every young lady desires to start a fresh family with a young husband, without having to worry about sharing her husband's affection with children from another woman.
It would have been very easy for her to end everything and go away if she never had a child at all.
Thank you for your time.

TsbAfrica:
Men this one is tough o... Becasue the secret for this long is a very red flag, who knows what else is hiding in his past ... But then again if the children from previous marriage is the only cause for concern then she should stay with him... To give that child a stable foundation ... Men it's a tough one... I am only seeing it from my perspective which Is very inadequate giving that I have no risks involved.

Alright.

Thank you very much🙏🙏

Zonefree:

How is accomodating your husband's kids traumatising?

Men do marry single mom with kids, accommodate and train them without using the word "traumatising".


If your beloved sister should take the first option which is, "Leave him and become a single mother at her flower age"...when she finds love again and wants to marry, don't you think it would be traumatising for the potential husband to accommodate her child?

Make una dey use una senses for this country!

op give your sister this to read.

This is why traditionally, suitors are vetted by experienced family members (eg fathers, brothers, uncles,), to prevent women from falling to dubious men like this.

Women's mistakes are very expensive, and such dubious men in a bid to forcefully privatize a woman to themselves will impregnate her to reduce her options.

She could have escaped this if she was not having sex, or having sex with protections at least. Everything is timing, hence I said time is your best friend. If she was not pregnant for example, time would reveal this part of him that he is hiding, and your sister could just disengage easily.

But with a child involved, disengagement becomes very hard. This is exactly his target, and he has achieved that. It's a hard decision to make, but if I have to pick one, it would be for your sister to not be with him.

You cant trust such a man. He will have more dirty tricks in the future to play. Perhaps, marriage with your sister will become stale like his present one, and he will repeat the same process with another woman.

Westerhoffe:
Anny69

Your advice is requested here.

I don't have any to give.

Reason why I keep preaching this.. Always go tru your partner's phone, so you will know who you are getting married to.

But no, some people will say it's their privacy yen yen yen.
But you can touch your partner private parts not their phone? De play...

Touch their phone so you will avoid had I know stories or hide my ID..

Check my signature and text me on WhatsApp let me teach you how to read anyone's WhatsApp message directly on your phone.

Everyone is allowed to send me a WhatsApp message

You go buy drink for me too before we start so hold small money... Cos no be free.

Flows001:
Admin please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

Flows001:
Admin please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

my nigggggga . this is commmon sence. she stays.... is she lightskin?(no oofeince)