Flows001:
Admin please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

As far as she is after one now, her options are limited.

Let her face the consequences of her action.

If she quit the marriage, life will be miserable for her and the child.

Her loss.

She should leave trust me when I say the man isn't worth it,how can you leave your kids and then don't care for them no.matter anything his kids comes first,I think the guy is a womanizer and doesn't deserve a second chance,I just pity the innocent kids involved... she should leave b4 another pregnancy or she would also experience the same results...my goodness please moderators should push this to frontpage please,so disheartening 😱😱😱😱

MechanicMike:



my nigggggga . this is commmon sence. she stays.... is she lightskin?(no oofeince)

Yes she is lightskinned.

Why did you ask though? 🤔

Anny69:
I don't have any to give.

Says who?
Madam drop advice.

Flows001:

Yes she is lightskinned.

Why did you ask though? 🤔

My advice is for her to stay and accommodate the other children.
Your sister is still very young and just starting life so she needs a man seriously, right now. The unborn baby needs his dad more than ever.

It is not a good time to be a single mother at this age.

Take my advise and she would never regret !

Hardluck

Stop having premarital sex, una no dey hear.

There's no big deal here...you're lucky the man didn't run away

Funny how women can't treat someone's else child as theirs.

Can men treat other children as theirs?

Truth is, if your sister continues with that guy on that faulty foundation that is cemented with the lies and deceit, she should expect to see more of such shockers from the guy, because it is obvious the guy is dishonest and cannot be trusted. And yet, if she walks away as a single mom , it will have telling consequences for her in the future except the Lord sees her through. In all, and whatever the option, it is like chosing between the devil and the deep blue sea. The choice is left to her.

Flows001:
Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

Where is dilemma? I even tot the husband still married to his first baby mama, she should even been happy that the guy wants to formalize the Marriage.


Tell ur sister to continuing the preparation and be praying towards successfully Marriage biko.

I think it's even good that everything revealed before marriage proper.

In this case, option number 2 presented by you should be explored. Not forgeting to clearly state that the guy is a real piece of work

Trouble dey sleep and your sister go wake am up.
The man in question open-up and your sister is still contemplate on the marriage. She should continue with marriage rites because the man has not failing in his responsibilities.

Flows001:
Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

Collins4u1:
she can become a single mother and get married later. hopefully the future husband won't be traumatized for training someone's else child.

Funny how women can't treat someone's else child as theirs.

Very good answer Aswear

Flows001:
Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

Please what is the delima here?

Zonefree:

How is accomodating your husband's kids traumatising?

Men do marry single mom with kids, accommodate and train them without using the word "traumatising".


If your beloved sister should take the first option which is, "Leave him and become a single mother at her flower age"...when she finds love again and wants to marry, don't you think it would be traumatising for the potential husband to accommodate her child?

Make una dey use una senses for this country!

at east have some decency. How do you think children will coexist with a woman that caused their father to abandon that mum and them?
If you are a child,and your dad walk out of you and your mother to go be with another woman,how happy will you be living with that same woman?
I love children,and if I have the means to take care of any,I will,even if their parents are wicked-because kids are innocent. But the acrimony in the hearts of the children in op case will be too much to bear.

Comparing it to men marrying and accommodating single moms,let me state:
1) I know of cases of single mum of one of which but not multiple children
2) most cases the father is out of the picture completely but in this case the previous family is still calling. No man will be stay with such woman if they are man is still trying to win his way back to her life.

3) considering the deceit involved,if roles were switched and a man realizes his wife to be has two kids and is married,will he stay or leave?

If it were a male that posted the story above,will you encourage him to stay?

Kobicove:
Why would accommodating the man's children from a pervouus relationship be "traumatizing" for him?

Keeping such a vital information from her was cruel but I see no reason why she should not go ahead with the marriage

If it's a man that is in such dilemma will this be your advice?

To beat that man naim dey hungry me right now... If I was you I go beat shege comot for im body.

pansophist:
This is why traditionally, suitors are vetted by experienced family members (eg fathers, brothers, uncles,), to prevent women from falling to dubious men like this.

Women's mistakes are very expensive, and such dubious men in a bid to forcefully privatize a woman to themselves will impregnate her to reduce her options.

She could have escaped this if she was not having sex, or having sex with protections at least. Everything is timing, hence I said time is your best friend. If she was not pregnant for example, time would reveal this part of him that he is hiding, and your sister could just disengage easily.

But with a child involved, disengagement becomes very hard. This is exactly his target, and he has achieved that. It's a hard decision to make, but if I have to pick one, it would be for your sister to not be with him.

You cant trust such a man. He will have more dirty tricks in the future to play. Perhaps, marriage with your sister will become stale like his present one, and he will repeat the same process with another woman.

Deserving of an award!

slimjohn2k5:
Have he not been avoiding strange calls before she got pregnant?

The signs were there and she ignored. She should start learning to be a nice step mom

U will not die young jarè.......

If she loves the guy and he agrees not to keep sensitive things from her again....she should go ahead and accommodate the kids. Let her know the main reason the first marriage didn't work out before he repeats that with her.

.

A complicated situation, she should take out time to think and come up with what she really wants.

She might regret other people advise later if it's not favourable and hold resentment against them.

If there is one lesson any intending couple should learn:

Never marry out of pity, sentiments, coercion or pressure! No matter the circumstances.

E get why.

You pple are always talking of Baby Mama & Baby Daddy.
If I may ask, do you think there still single babes & guys out there ?
This is what you get when the society is filled with Baby Mama's & Baby Papa's.
I nor kwn weda to tell the girl to stay or to leave the choice is hers.
Well if she leaves,then a new Baby Mama is in town.

okerekingsley90:

🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

She should stop reproducing and just move on. That man will not bring anything meaningful. He may abandon her in future to go to another place to do same. If he was genuine, he should have told your sister before all these about his former home. Tell your sister to move on, improve herself and start over ooo.

gloryhomemaker:
A complicated situation, she should take out time to think and come up with what she really wants.

She might regret other people advise later if it's not favourable and hold resentment against them.

True.

Thank you very much 🙏

If he was properly married to the first wife, then there is no relationship between them in the first place but adultery expanded and extended.
Adultery expanded engaging in premarital sex leading to pregnancy. Adultery extended marrying a man previously married.
In any case, no Marital union exist between them before God, wether or not they legalize the union.
Her best option is to quit the union. repent from her sins, bear the shame that comes along with such lifestyle and keep herself till God decides to bless her with a worthy and truthful husband.

Luke 16:18 (KJV) Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.(vice versa)..MDF!