Ironically the Women complaining here would be the first to beat-up their House maid/girl if they catch her doing such.

Lmao some women and their unnecessary jEalousy, Oma se oooo. Blue diva e go better, just pray to God to bless you financially, instead of envying those he already has. It is well, no be our fault say you marry petty man.

emmatok:

Ironically the Women complaining here would be  the first to beat-up their House maid/girl if they catch her doing such.

the women are not married to their housemaids.
there's a universe of difference between wives pinching the money of their partners --- and the housegirls doing it.
please, compare like for like.

emmatok:

Man i was not quoting the original poster,
i was replying armyofone who said "she is a wifey and as such be made to be in charge of the money "

she meant she should be made to be in charge of the money she was given in the first place. she's not talking about the man's bank accounts.

Nobody is talking about bloody chores here.
If a man makes budgets for his spending and his wife decide to inflate the price of her purchases for selfish reasons. It is wrong.
And if the money is not enough to do other things you will be the first to insult the man here.

it is not wrong! the money cannot turn itself into food.
some time, some energy, some sweats and some skills have been added into the equation to make that food.
what's going to pay for that?

Money don't grow on trees.
That is the reality for you.

if he's not capable of marrying, he should stay single and continue to squander his money @ mamaput!
mamaput will not pinch his money. at the end of the day, he would be saving more spending his money at mamaput, isn't it?

Lmao some women and their unnecessary jEalousy, Oma se oooo. Blue diva e go better, just pray to God to bless you financially, instead of envying those he already has. It is well, no be our fault say you marry petty man

Yes o, may God make my husband as rich as yours.
How can i envy you? Small me.

coogar:

the women are not married to their housemaids.
there's a universe of difference between wives pinching the money of their partners --- and the housegirls doing it.
please, compare like for like.

she meant she should be made to be in charge of the money she was given in the first place. she's not talking about the man's bank accounts.

it is not wrong! the money cannot turn itself into food.
some time, some energy, some sweats and some skills have been added into the equation to make that food.
what's going to pay for that?

if he's not capable of marrying, he should stay single and continue to squander his money @ mamaput!
mamaput will not pinch his money. at the end of the day, he would be saving more spending his money at mamaput, isn't it?

LOL, he is not capable of marrying because he controls how his wife spends his money.

You seems to have little/ No ideal about marriages,

For you information most of the Married women boasting here have experienced this issues from their Hubby, but they will come on Nairaland lying about it.

My friend, this is not Marriage on paper.

We are talking about real Marriages here.

9ITE.

@emmatok.
Never mind coogar, he is just 22yrs. He knows nada about marriage.
Too much listening to elders discuss.

You are right. Most women here come and paint a rosy picture.
The internet is an interesting place.

A pauper can become a king, a man can become a woman.
A 16yr old girl can claim to be married.

Funny enough, the real heavyweights hardly brag.

,,,

So if your son or daughter inflates the prices of books, School fees and money spent on groceries its ok?

Why cant the lazt woman get up and look for a job to pay for her own bills instead of stealing

and she would have the guts to tell the children that stealing is bad.

If stealing from your husband is permissible then children stealing from parents should be permissible too

emmatok:

LOL, he is not capable of marrying because he controls how his wife spends his money.
You seems to have little/ No ideal about marriages,

he is a wuss - a crybaby, a moaner, an inconsiderate husband.
his money, his money - it's their money. 2 became 1 the day they walked the aisle. this bush man mentality only exists in nigeria where the man barks every second "my" "my" "my". in marriage - it's "our" "our". if he's not ready to share, he should have remained single.

For you information most of the Married women boasting here have experienced this issues from their Hubby, but they will come on Nairaland lying about it.

My friend, this is not Marriage on paper.
We are talking about real Marriages here.
9ITE.

i am not speaking because of the married women boasting here. i just think this issue is no issue at all - that's my opinion. husband/wife matter - every penny belongs to the both of them. it's a relationship not a dictatorship!

BlueDiva:

@emmatok.
Never mind coogar, he is just 22yrs. He knows nada about marriage.
Too much listening to elders discuss.

you probably married in the 80s, long before mandela got his freedom so marriage is imprisonment for you.
may you be delivered from the shackles.

You are right. Most women here come and paint a rosy picture.
The internet is an interesting place.

A pauper can become a king, a man can become a woman.
A 16yr old girl can claim to be married.

Funny enough, the real heavyweights hardly brag.

it's the naija mentality in you. where men turn themselves into demi-gods and tyrants and you think that should be the norm.
notice the people who are on the same side as me are all staying abroad. an environment where women are empowered and the husband knows marriage is a 2-way street.

if these wives make trouble, the husband is the one that would be escorted out of the house by the police until the wife is comfortable with him around.

if you make trouble for your partner, you are the one that would be bruised, beaten and sent back to your parents house.
so no one is painting a rosy picture here. the women are just telling you as it is. in 2011, if your husband still harasses you over 1000 naira, then you are probably in the wrong marriage. beware!

most women are full housewives in nigeria.

Not true. You are prolly thinking about the urban elites and middle class. Most rural women are farmers, petty traders in local markets plus full-time housewives. Most urban women in the lower socio-economic categories (and they are the majority of the population) are petty traders/artisans plus full-time housewives. In pre-colonial Nigeria, full-time housewives were rare. Even wives and daughters of most kings and chiefs had to go to the farm or trade in the markets.

Interesting 'confessions' from the ladies

Lemme see - when a typical naija woman catches her hubby telling petty lies about his movements after work, she swiftly goes gaga about how bigger lies proceed from small lies, how she knows he is keeping concubines outside, how she has good reason to suspect he has fathered a battalion of brats around the town etc, etc.

Now that OP caught his wife inflating prices and pilfering the change, we are told its the norm for married women and that OP is a stingy, petty and mean man and a loser to boot for complaining about 'small change'.

Chai!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man pikin don suffer for this world

Anyway, nothing new here really - have long known most naija women regard inflating food money and pilfering change as a wife's right/privilege but its interesting being reminded how naija women reason. Including even the so-called liberated and empowered women residing 'abroad'

^^What has infidelty from the man's side got to do with this thread?I don't get it, there is no ground for comparisons @ all.

Damnnnnnnnnn, I just read coogar's last reply and all I can say is wow. Your wife will be a luck woman. Would have loved to quote but I'm on mobile. I will definitely quote when I change to my lappy.

You really summed it up. You really can tell from replies, those that are stuck in naija bondaged marriage and those that
are in the westernized world, who have tasted freedom and have such wonderful husbands they submit to and respect regardless.

abegi, let it go

it prolly is because the man is hard up

if its that much of an issue, he should buy the stuff himself

there may be all sorts of factors he hasn't considered

we rarely buy exactly whats on our lists - at least that happens with me - i may see something i want to try

plus, depending, it may be  a case of  what the husband would buy, the wife would not buy

i can remember plenty of gragra over diapers

there are several cheaper ones out there that madam insisted gave the baby rashes - but for me diaper na diaper - shebi they used cloth nappies on us?

and so on and so forth

plus, its a marriage - oya debosky and co, eating from the soup pot at times other than meals - is that stealing, esp if your wife doesn't know?

Yes, its not really a biggie and the hubby ought to let it go since the amounts involved are petty. Indeed, any grown man with minimum common sense knows better than to demand a full and comprehensive breakdown of his wife's request for housekeeping or food money or to ask for the details of his wife's spending of money that he already gave her. Ask no or few questions and you'll get told no or few lies. Women are natural actresses anyway.

However, I hope what is good for the goose is equally good for the gander. Inasmuch as men are expected to tolerate or ignore petty dishonesty from their wives over minor amounts of money, one hopes women will be equally understanding about their hubby's fibs about money spent while "hanging out with the boys".

In particular, one hopes that the women making excuses/justifications for the wife's minor dishonesty on this thread will be equally very understanding when similar discussions come up on NL about minor dishonesty from a husband.


@ OP - once a man gives a woman money, its gone, dead and buried; no point whatsoever asking for details how it was spent. Now that you've discovered that your wife inflated prices, its your prerogative to reduce the amount you give next time but you don't need to make a big song and dance about it beforehand. Just take necessary action as a man and if she complains, inform her of your discovery and you guys iron it out from there.


@ all - its funny how we are constantly bombarded with the propaganda that the modern naija women are independent, empowered, autonomous, can make it on their own, don't need a man to survive yet here we are being told that the independent, self-sufficient women still see it as their privilege to inflate housekeeping estimates. I mean, if you are all that independent and financially empowered, why then do you need to play 419 on your hubby?


The comments from some diasporan women are really amusing. One would have expected them to reason differently from the less financially empowered/autonomous home-based women. You can take a woman out of naija but you can't take that naija mentality out of her

This has been one of the most interesting and amusing threads ever on NL - at least for me.

...

Ehen, let the banter go all round Inflating price and pilfering hubby's wallet is the wife's privilege; hanging out with the boys on Friday night is hubby's privilege. She should not ask ask how much he spent at the joint or whether it was only boys sitting at the table

Yes O! Life is indeed too short

coogar:

he is a wuss - a crybaby, a moaner, an inconsiderate husband.
his money, his money - it's their money. 2 became 1 the day they walked the aisle. [b]this bush man mentality only exists in nigeria [/b]where the man barks every second "my" "my" "my". in marriage - it's "our" "our". if he's not ready to share, he should have remained single.

i am not speaking because of the married women boasting here. i just think this issue is no issue at all - that's my opinion. husband/wife matter - every penny belongs to the both of them. it's a relationship not a dictatorship!

you probably married in the 80s, long before mandela got his freedom so marriage is imprisonment for you.
may you be delivered from the shackles.

it's the naija mentality in you. where men turn themselves into demi-gods and tyrants and you think that should be the norm.
notice the people who are on the same side as me are all staying abroad. an environment where women are empowered and the husband knows marriage is a 2-way street.

if these wives make trouble, the husband is the one that would be escorted out of the house by the police until the wife is comfortable with him around.

if you make trouble for your partner, you are the one that would be bruised, beaten and sent back to your parents house.
so no one is painting a rosy picture here. the women are just telling you as it is. in 2011, if your husband still harasses you over 1000 naira, then you are probably in the wrong marriage. beware!

LOL,

Now i know you are one of those WESTERNIZED NIGERIANS who seems to know more then the Oyinbos.

It is a pity you now Judge Nigerian Marriages by your Western Laws. Nonsense.

The White Man(rich,middle-class and poor) your are praising here also barks, when their wife inflate their spending.Yes they do.

You also forget to tell us that your White Men now sign[b] Prenuptial  [/b] before getting married, meaning his assets are intact in case things fall apart.

Financial management is a serious issue in marriages world-wide which usually leads to divorce , so it is  not limited to Nigeria.

Their is no[b] Utopia [/b] in marriage, stop bashing people according to your views.

the amounts invloved are imho too small for all this gragra, unless the guy is ebenezer scrooge

plenty of give and take in marriage

BlueDiva:

Don't mind these small NL girls.
Either they are still newly weded kids or they're lying about their status.

Married for over 10 yrs and it ain't always a tea party.
I had these fantasies in my first 3yrs of marriage too, as a very young bride.

You are losing the point here . . . it's NOt about how rich a man is, it's about how free he is with material things around his own wife.

Apparently we can never know the kind of r/ship this poster has with his wife and therefore cannot rightly conclude about her reasons for lying. But by the time a man claims his wife is he 'property' and so her money should be his and not the other way round, something is worng. By the time a man complains about a woman spending his 'hard-earned money', then something is not right!

You probably have a hubby who , even though doesn't have mush, is willing to share the little he has with you, so unlike this poster's wife, you may not see the need to lie.

Maybe I'm still quite in experienced in the whole marrige thing but my understanding of it is that we share EVERYTHINg we have.

And please don't talk about the 'reality' of husbands wanting better life for themselves than their own wife . . . . That's just one of the sad things about your own marriage!

blacklion:

Yes, its not really a biggie and the hubby ought to let it go since the amounts involved are petty. Indeed, any grown man with minimum common sense knows better than to demand a full and comprehensive breakdown of his wife's request for housekeeping or food money or to ask for the details of his wife's spending of money that he already gave her. Ask no or few questions and you'll get told no or few lies. Women are natural actresses anyway.

However, I hope what is good for the goose is equally good for the gander. Inasmuch as men are expected to tolerate or ignore petty dishonesty from their wives over minor amounts of money, one hopes women will be equally understanding about their hubby's fibs about money spent while "hanging out with the boys".

In particular, one hopes that the women making excuses/justifications for the wife's minor dishonesty on this thread will be equally very understanding when similar discussions come up on NL about minor dishonesty from a husband.


@ OP - once a man gives a woman money, its gone, dead and buried; no point whatsoever asking for details how it was spent. Now that you've discovered that your wife inflated prices, its your prerogative to reduce the amount you give next time but you don't need to make a big song and dance about it beforehand. Just take necessary action as a man and if she complains, inform her of your discovery and you guys iron it out from there.


@ all - its funny how we are constantly bombarded with the propaganda that the modern naija women are independent, empowered, autonomous, can make it on their own, don't need a man to survive yet here we are being told that the independent, self-sufficient women still see it as their privilege to inflate housekeeping estimates. I mean, if you are all that independent and financially empowered, why then do you need to play 419 on your hubby?


The comments from some diasporan women are really amusing. One would have expected them to reason differently from the less financially empowered/autonomous home-based women. You can take a woman out of naija but you can't take that naija mentality out of her

This has been one of the most interesting and amusing threads ever on NL - at least for me.

Seriously . . . . are you comparing THIS with infidelity

It's funny how you guys are getting all self rigfhteous over some petty change when in actual fact that is not the issue here. I bet if you were married and your wife did the same to you, you won't see it as that big a deal as this poster's!

If the woman was making her own money, I don't think he would react this way. But like any selfish man, he has a feeling of resentment that he's the sole bread winner in his family and there what 'taboo' it is that his wife is spending change from purchases. Infacr, it should be him using the 'change' to drink and club with his freind, afterall, it's his hard-earned money!

His wife is just supposed to stay home, cook, clean, wash his clothes and feed the baby! The only money she should spend sholuld be the one he gives her out of the 'goddness' of his heart!

This is why some of us will NEVER be fulltime Housewives!

oyb:

the amounts invloved are imho too small for all this gragra, unless the guy is ebenezer scrooge

plenty of give and take in marriage

Tell them hon!

Ujujoan:


This is why some of us will NEVER be fulltime Housewives!

Well, its pretty interesting that even some non-fulltime housewives here on this thread are also justifying fibbing about the food money

Abeg, leave matter. This has nothing to do with professional/career woman vs fulltime housewife. Even female telco and bank workers earning armed robber salaries still do the same thing.

blacklion:

Well, its pretty interesting that even some non-fulltime housewives here on this thread are also justifying fibbing about the food money

Abeg, leave matter. This has nothing to do with professional/career woman vs fulltime housewife. Even female telco and bank workers earning armed robber salaries still do the same thing.

Try not to be too close minded, it'll help you a lot!

Like I've always believed, it's not a lie! Not when he doesn't care how much you buy it or how much change you keep in your pocket . . .  that's how a real man behaves.

But this poster is soo selfish that  he's interested, not in what is being bought, but in how much his wife is 'making' from it. Tufiakwa!

Working women might be doing the same thing but they won't have a hubby who complains about it because he knows she contributes enough financially and earns enough money too, so 600 buck can hardly change her life!

If I 'pilfer' 1k from my hubby, trust me, he's not going to come to NL and open a thread about it!

Ujujoan:

It's funny how you guys are getting all self rigfhteous over some petty change when in actual fact that is not the issue here. I bet if you were married and your wife did the same to you, you won't see it as that big a deal as this poster's!

Since its petty change, why do it at all?

So what is the issue if not relative degrees of dishonesty.

I can understand a full-time housewife married to a struggling man having to fib in order that she can buy undies or make-up. But here on this thread, some of you who are career/professional women with your own independent incomes are busy rationalizing/justifying a wife inflating price estimates so she can skim some change on top. I don't get it.

In the real world, we all tell white/petty lies now and then just to keep things smooth. But I've never heard it justified as acceptable behaviour. Fine, I know (and so do most sensible men) that many or even most wives will inflate prices now and then and pilfer change found in a trouser pocket etc. But some of you are sounding like its normative conduct. If so, then its equally justified for a man with a monthly salary of N200k to blow N30k in one night at a joint while hanging out with his friends and then lie to his wife that he spent only N10k.

Ujujoan:


But this poster is soo selfish that  he's interested, not in what is being bought, but in how much his wife is 'making' from it. Tufiakwa!

You call this Selfish Aunty Uju

Gluckdude:

Well, let's break it down. first to be honest, i am the one involve.so ignore the friend part.
If anyone says i am being stingy,that is totally wrong, [size=14pt]how can a man who gives his woman the amount that she needs being considered STINGY.she uses a blackberry touch,courtsy me,she makes her hair every 2 weeks with about 8k,she is free to my wallet anytime she wants to get minor stuff from the stores, it goes on and on[/size], THE MONEY IS NOT REALLY THE ISSUE, IT'S THE TRUST. if i dont trust her with hundred's how can i trust her with millions.
putting up instances. i was planning on getting her a  ride to make her movement more confortable, the scenerio that will play out if i ever consider doing that is, she will walk in any time she is broke or feel like it, and tells me that maybe the shaft or the 4 shock absovers are all  broken and needs to be fix. she will gulp up 20k or there about.in 5 years time, she will migrate to maybe 100k,  only God knows what will happen in 20 years to come.
i have never denied her  anything she ask of. and i dont cut down her demand. if she needs 10k, i always give it to her.
the point here is not the 500 or in another word not the amount that is inflated. the issue here is the trust has been depleted.
we all do this when we were in college, i understand. that is children to parents. totally different. how can i justify a partner that i will make my next of kin to all my worth, be so keen about making money from me.
each time i remember this, i get mad just  looking at her face,i just dont trust her anymore.i dont care what she is using the money for, i will always give her anytime she needs it. why estort it from me against my wish and knowlegde.honestly i am sad about it.
i see no reason why anyone will support what she did. she is deceitful and she will have to regain that trust, which i know will take a lot of time.
if you equate this scenerio with that of you and your boss, first its ok for you to know your boss dont really trust you 100%, no good boss will ever trust his employee, so you can steal from him as long as you want, just pray he doesn't  found out, you will be sitting your sorry arse at home. hunting for another invisible job.
GREAT THINGS START FROM SMALL BEGINNING, SO DOES silly THINGS.
enough said.

blacklion:

Since its petty change, why do it at all?

So what is the issue if not relative degrees of dishonesty.

I can understand a full-time housewife married to a struggling man having to fib in order that she can buy undies or make-up. But here on this thread, some of you who are career/professional women with your own independent incomes are busy rationalizing/justifying a wife inflating price estimates so she can skim some change on top. I don't get it.

In the real world, we all tell white/petty lies now and then just to keep things smooth. But I've never heard it justified as acceptable behaviour. Fine, I know (and so do most sensible men) that many or even most wives will inflate prices now and then and pilfer change found in a trouser pocket etc. But some of you are sounding like its normative conduct. If so, then its equally justified for a man with a monthly salary of N200k to blow N30k in one night at a joint while hanging out with his friends and then lie to his wife that he spent only N10k.

Like I said, I don't know the real situation with the poster and his wife so I can't conclude on her state of mind.

But if it were me, I won't lie . . .  but if something is 1,500, I can decide to collect 2k for it and I know that my hubby will not get a heart attack over it. In the same way, if my hubby wants me to buy something worth 1,500, he can give me 1k and I will make it up with my own money without making a big deal out of it. That's why we are married!

I give my hubby money to buy things for me too and I don't care how much 'change' he makes from it. It's just money for God's sakes, not blood!

jay bee:

You call this Selfish Aunty Uju

Yes . . it's selfish. Why is he bragging about the gifts he bought his own wife

She's free to go to his wallet anytime? then why is he crying over change

Just because he says these things doesn't make them true . . . . If you read his posts clearly, you'll see how he detests having to spend his 'hard earned' money on his own wife! That's sad.

the long and short of it - better make sure u have your own money, or you will be taking bs all your life

the reason why the man can blather is because from all accounts, it is all one way

how can the woman even save to buy the guy a birthday gift at this rate?

what nonsense

its because the man is the 100% provider there is all this gragra

if the wife was earning her own money the man would not be able to make too much noise, one day she would just vex - wetin - is it not just n600 - oya take n3000 as advance pilfering and stop making noise

if the guy is hard up i can understand

oyb:


how can the woman even save to buy the guy a birthday gift at this rate?

thank you. If she wants to surprise him she can't, because he expects her to ask for correct pampers money. Oloshi

emmatok:

LOL,
Now i know you are one of those WESTERNIZED NIGERIANS who seems to know more then the Oyinbos.
It is a pity you now Judge Nigerian Marriages by your Western Laws. Nonsense.

i am very sure you bagged a professorship in hypocrisy.
so i should not judge nigerian marriages by western law when we have fully adopted their practises. why do you practise the religion they brought to your doorstep in africa? why do you wear jeans? you should be covering your honour with pawpaw leaves. . . .like your ancestors!

why do you speak their language? why do you use their technology?
why the heck won't i judge nigerian marriages by western laws? so you actually feel the way women are mistreated in nigeria is normal? by now, the education and exposure we have had should be reflecting in our society. so it's a shame that this man is complaining about 500 naira in 2011. he belongs to the stone-age.

The White Man(rich,middle-class and poor) your are praising here also barks, when their wife inflate their spending.Yes they do.

over amounts less than $5, they don't. the money this husband is screaming about will not even get you a meal at mac donalds. what sort of husband is he? and yet, he wouldn't mind spending $500 in a strip club or the various whorehouses in lagos.

You also forget to tell us that your White Men now sign[b] Prenuptial  [/b] before getting married, meaning his assets are intact in case things fall apart.

what has prenuptial got to do with police escorting you out of your own house if there's trouble at home? prenuptial ko, pre-nautica ni.

Financial management is a serious issue in marriages world-wide which usually leads to divorce , so it is  not limited to Nigeria.
Their is no[b] Utopia [/b] in marriage, stop bashing people according to your views.

financial management of 500 naira change, 400 naira change, etc. this husband is a disgrace to manhood.

we are talking about his wife here, not the housegirl. she is the mother of his children.
pray tell. . . .what does he think the woman does with the extra she keeps to herself? she definitely spends it on herself to look good. shouldn't that make the man happy? my happiness as a husband is incomplete without making my wife look good.

the compliments i get from my friends about her looking good will complete my joy. that is my wife, my life partner.
this husband shouldn't be married at all if 500 naira makes so much difference to him. i repeat, he's a wuss, a moaner, a cry-baby!

Ujujoan:

Seriously . . . . are you comparing THIS with

Lmao, even I had to read and re read his comment many times just to see if infidelity can be compared to this

coogar:


so i should not judge nigerian marriages by western law when we have fully adopted their practises. why do you practise the religion they brought to your doorstep in africa? why do you wear jeans? you should be covering your [b]honour[/b]with pawpaw leaves


the compliments i get from my friends about her looking good will complete my joy. that is my wife, my life partner.
this husband shouldn't be married at all if 500 naira makes so much difference to him.

Hahahahahahaahahah @ honor, not laughed this much in ages.

Tell them, which sane man does not look at his wife with pride when friends compliment her.