uzoo:

@Mrs.Chima
no doubt,i agree with you.


but what do you say to people who place their happiness in the hands of that "special someone" to come & marry them,thinking that is what ends it all.

i think marriage is just the begining of all your problems especially when you dont have the right mind-set towards it.

rokiatu:

Well said wifey.

uzoo:

@Mrs. Chima

as much i still agree with you,i wouldnt want the issue or topic at hand to be derailed (talking about divorce) thats a different issue entirely.

btw ,where would you classify ;


1. Love/or lack of it in a marriage
2. Infedility


? ? ? ?

uzoo:

@Mrs.Chima
no doubt,i agree with you.


but what do you say to people who place their happiness in the hands of that "special someone" to come & marry them,thinking that is what ends it all.

i think marriage is just the begining of all your problems especially when you dont have the right mind-set towards it.

rokiatu:

Very good thread.

Overrated as hell if you ask me. Don't get me wrong, infact I am getting marry this year but marriage is really overrated esp in our African comunities. I have seen so many good relationships go sour after marriage.

They make it look as if the sure pathway to happiness is marriage when in reality, it ain't so. Your happiness depends on you, and nobody else.

Infact I have seen many of my friends more miserable after marriage simply because they rush into it, society pressured them to, and they thought marriage was the ticket to heaven.

For me, I am getting married cuz I am now sure. I am also not going into it expecting it to be honemoon everyday. Is gonna be hard, but I am positive I have found the one whom will work with me along the way in trouble and happiness.

I have seen way too many broken marriages to believe that I will just sleep my way thru marriage. I am going in it expecting nothing. If it turns out great (Hopefully) than thanks to Allah.

Society need to stop making it look as if marriage is a walk in the park, it ain't. Is freaking difficult and it ain't the sure way to happiness either so yea is overrated but it does work out for some people.


To sum it up, marriage is a big risk!

dasparrow:

+1. That pretty much sums it up. And yes, marraige is a big risk especially in Nigeria and if you're a lady. A man can throw you out, his family can throw you out, they can seize your kids and you have no legal law that will have your backing like say in advanced societies. If I ever have a daughter, she must never marry a naija man. That alone will give me high blood pressure because I will be so scared for her and her well being knowing how often women are treated like crap in Nigeria by the men.

dasparrow:

+1. That pretty much sums it up. And yes, marraige is a big risk especially in Nigeria and if you're a lady. A man can throw you out, his family can throw you out, they can seize your kids and you have no legal law that will have your backing like say in advanced societies.  If I ever have a daughter, she must never marry a naija man. That alone will give me high blood pressure because I will be so scared for her and her well being knowing how often women are treated like crap in Nigeria by the men.

uzoo:

@Justwise
Give me a break.

what she said has nothing to do with being[b] educated or not.[/b]
some parents may have been through a lot of trauma
either as a child growing up and watching one of the parent being battered/abused.
or as a spouse going through the same torture in the hands of the other spouse
and would go to any length to protect their children from going through the same mistakes or even worse ones.

i wouldn't call that dictating to your child.

uzoo:

@Justwise

when it comes to making marriage decisions. two things

1. Choice;
Yes the parent (regardless of their educational back ground ) doesnt have the right to choose for the adult child who to marry

2. Decision
you said it yourself,the child should be allowed to decide who to marry.

Now the role of the parent here,is to guide the adult right from his child hood in the right direction to make good choices in life that way they can make an "INFORMED" decision on what race,tribe,religion or who to marry.

i still maintain that this is not dictating.

uzoo:

i'm sure we've all heard it before

"train a child in the way he/she should grow and she will not depart from it"

if she wants her child "never" to marry a Nigerian man due to their culture or ways in which they value a spouse ,then she should start to guide her early in the direction
she thinks is right for her in selecting a the right spouse.

i rest my case. . .

but really marriage is not everything,dont do it because everyone else is . . for goodness sake,it shouldn't be torture.

uzoo:

stop the hate on singles. .

if one decides to remain unmarried,then other people should "respect" their choice of being single.

uzoo:

stop the hate on singles. .

if one decides to remain unmarried,then other people should "respect" their choice of being single.