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Is Marriage Over Rated? - Romance - Nairaland

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Is Marriage Over Rated? by uzoo: 9:48am On Jan 09, 2012
so far,this new year alone ,all i hear from friends & families even girls i dont even know that well is

"i just want to get married"

" infact it has to be this year"

"i'm just looking for someone that will come & marry me so i can start having a family,all my mates are married"

"i really need to get married this year,i'm not getting any younger"

"if i was married & living in my husband's house ,people, especially my families & friends will begin to give me the respect i deserve"


so i ask- when did marriage become a yard stick in measuring
one's life achievements and success? undecided
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by Nobody: 10:01am On Jan 09, 2012
Very good thread.

Overrated as hell if you ask me. Don't get me wrong, infact I am getting marry this year but marriage is really overrated esp in our African comunities. I have seen so many good relationships go sour after marriage.

They make it look as if the sure pathway to happiness is marriage when in reality, it ain't so. Your happiness depends on you, and nobody else.

Infact I have seen many of my friends more miserable after marriage simply because they rush into it, society pressured them to, and they thought marriage was the ticket to heaven.

For me, I am getting married cuz I am now sure. I am also not going into it expecting it to be honemoon everyday. Is gonna be hard, but I am positive I have found the one whom will work with me along the way in trouble and happiness.

I have seen way too many broken marriages to believe that I will just sleep my way thru marriage. I am going in it expecting nothing. If it turns out great (Hopefully) than thanks to Allah.

Society need to stop making it look as if marriage is a walk in the park, it ain't. Is freaking difficult and it ain't the sure way to happiness either so yea is overrated but it does work out for some people.


To sum it up, marriage is a big risk! tongue
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by iice(f): 2:43pm On Jan 09, 2012
Been so since i was in high school like a gazillion years ago. No be today e start.

The institution is not overrated. People make it overrated. Like everything they touch, they turn it to shyt.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by 25omega(m): 3:00pm On Jan 09, 2012
. With the population boom there are more women than men and less and less men are running to settle down do the vast amount of choices they have. Also a man can still get a woman preggers until he dies but a woman has a time limit so your biological clock starts pulling at you and reminding you that you are at the prime age to have kids.

So some women are raised to not have kids until they are married, and these women start to complain when their "biological clock starts ticking"


anyway for some other women its not so much the biological clock they are looking forward to having someone take care of them so they can sit on their asses while spitting out kids every other year.


just some thoughts
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by Mynd44: 3:20pm On Jan 09, 2012
Very over-rated
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by Yorisb: 3:28pm On Jan 09, 2012
Love is love and you do not need any legal document or ceremony to prove/show it. IMO.

However, as an institution, I reckon it's not overrated. . .

But then again, it's not the be-all-end-all of human existence and/or perpetual relationships.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by MrsChima1(f): 4:26pm On Jan 09, 2012
Marriage institution isn't overrated. 
False information about marriage is overrated.
Lack of love and understanding in marriage is overrated.
Lack of compatibility in partnership is overrated.
Lack of self identity before partnership identity is overrated.
Lack of compromise and communication in marriage is overrated.
Lack of hard work and patience in marriage is overrated.

People doesn't go into marriage thinking their lives will be different, they go into because they think it is what they are supposed to do at this time via peer and family pressure.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married, but to go into thinking that you will be happy when you went in miserable is pure wrong on the other spouse. 

Be happy and content with self first then seek a partner to share it with.  Date different people and learn about their weaknesses and strengths before getting into serious relationship.  Why rush it? 

Parents, stop forcing your children to get married and allow them to make adult decisions on their own.  You have done your part as parents, let your babies fly and learn.  Trust in your children and your Creator that they will listen to all the positive things and influences you have taught them and live their lives accordingly. 

Teach your children the way they should go and they will never depart from it.  They may not do it as you say but they will always remember what they have learned from you. 

True love come from above and many will NEVER experience it because many DO NOT WAIT for the right time/sign.

1 Like

Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by uzoo: 9:42am On Jan 10, 2012
@Mrs.Chima
no doubt,i agree with you.


but what do you say to people who place their happiness in the hands of that "special someone" to come & marry them,thinking that is what ends it all.

i think marriage is just the begining of all your problems especially when you dont have the right mind-set towards it.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by Nobody: 3:34pm On Jan 10, 2012
Well said wifey.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by MrsChima1(f): 3:35pm On Jan 10, 2012
uzoo:

@Mrs.Chima
no doubt,i agree with you.


but what do you say to people who place their happiness in the hands of that "special someone" to come & marry them,thinking that is what ends it all.

i think marriage is just the begining of all your problems especially when you dont have the right mind-set towards it.



Marriage in itself was never the issue.  Marriage was the scapecoat for those who weren't willing to face their own personal issues.  (I am talking about those who gave up and divorced over trivial things)

Let me list trivial things so people will have an idea of what I meant by "trivial":

weight gain/loss
barren/impotency
Disability/mild illnesses
Lack of employment
Mismanagement of funds

I agree, some people place their happiness in the hands of others and when reality sink in their minds, they have realized they married for the wrong reasons.  That's why divorce are high in many countries that allows divorce freedom and spousal murders in countries that are strict on divorce.  

Marriage is about partnership and MANY aren't marriage material.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by MrsChima1(f): 3:39pm On Jan 10, 2012
rokiatu:

Well said wifey.

Thanks wifey. kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by uzoo: 3:47pm On Jan 10, 2012
@Mrs. Chima

as much i still agree with you,i wouldnt want the issue or topic at hand to be derailed (talking about divorce) thats a different issue entirely.

btw ,where would you classify ;


1. Love/or lack of it in a marriage
2. Infedility


? ? ? ?
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by MrsChima1(f): 4:16pm On Jan 10, 2012
uzoo:

@Mrs. Chima

as much i still agree with you,i wouldnt want the issue or topic at hand to be derailed (talking about divorce) thats a different issue entirely.

btw ,where would you classify ;


1. Love/or lack of it in a marriage
2. Infedility


? ? ? ?

Infidelity is a good ground for divorce however it doesn't mean that you should divorce depending on the severity of infidelity. If a spouse can't take the fact that they were cheated on then divorce is a good way because the marriage was defiled.

People who have lack of love in the marriage had it before they entered it. That's why I said you can't expect happiness if you went into marriage miserable and for the wrong reasons. It is trivial because the person shouldn't have entered the marriage but you can't control a cheating spouse who not only put their own health at risk, but yours as well. That's a big no no.

I know some couples who have experienced infidelity and are still married. It took them a long time to trust each other but it could be done.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by ronkebp(f): 4:32pm On Jan 10, 2012
uzoo:

@Mrs.Chima
no doubt,i agree with you.


but what do you say to people who place their happiness in the hands of that "special someone" to come & marry them,thinking that is what ends it all.

i think marriage is just the begining of all your problems especially when you dont have the right mind-set towards it.

It is the beginning of another life, they don't have an idea, that is why they think their problems would be over when they get married and in reality they see the opposite.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by Mynd44: 6:54pm On Jan 10, 2012
The only thing that is overrated is punny
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by dasparrow: 6:04am On Jan 11, 2012
rokiatu:

Very good thread.

Overrated as hell if you ask me. Don't get me wrong, infact I am getting marry this year but marriage is really overrated esp in our African comunities. I have seen so many good relationships go sour after marriage.

They make it look as if the sure pathway to happiness is marriage when in reality, it ain't so. Your happiness depends on you, and nobody else.

Infact I have seen many of my friends more miserable after marriage simply because they rush into it, society pressured them to, and they thought marriage was the ticket to heaven.

For me, I am getting married cuz I am now sure. I am also not going into it expecting it to be honemoon everyday. Is gonna be hard, but I am positive I have found the one whom will work with me along the way in trouble and happiness.

I have seen way too many broken marriages to believe that I will just sleep my way thru marriage. I am going in it expecting nothing. If it turns out great (Hopefully) than thanks to Allah.

Society need to stop making it look as if marriage is a walk in the park, it ain't. Is freaking difficult and it ain't the sure way to happiness either so yea is overrated but it does work out for some people.


To sum it up, marriage is a big risk! tongue

+1. That pretty much sums it up. And yes, marraige is a big risk especially in Nigeria and if you're a lady. A man can throw you out, his family can throw you out, they can seize your kids and you have no legal law that will have your backing like say in advanced societies. If I ever have a daughter, she must never marry a naija man. That alone will give me high blood pressure because I will be so scared for her and her well being knowing how often women are treated like crap in Nigeria by the men.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by Nobody: 10:57am On Jan 11, 2012
dasparrow:

+1. That pretty much sums it up. And yes, marraige is a big risk especially in Nigeria and if you're a lady. A man can throw you out, his family can throw you out, they can seize your kids and you have no legal law that will have your backing like say in advanced societies. If I ever have a daughter, she must never marry a naija man. That alone will give me high blood pressure because I will be so scared for her and her well being knowing how often women are treated like crap in Nigeria by the men.
grin grin grin grin grin grin
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by justwise(m): 11:21am On Jan 11, 2012
dasparrow:

+1. That pretty much sums it up. And yes, marraige is a big risk especially in Nigeria and if you're a lady. A man can throw you out, his family can throw you out, they can seize your kids and you have no legal law that will have your backing like say in advanced societies.  If I ever have a daughter, she must never marry a naija man. That alone will give me high blood pressure because I will be so scared for her and her well being knowing how often women are treated like crap in Nigeria by the men.

This is the problem i have with some supposedly educated people, you don't have the right to detect to your daughter who to marry, you will end up pushing her into a wrong marriage.

No country has a perfect marriage history, its an individual thing and people should be allowed to choose who to marry without any unnecessary pressure from family and friends who claimed to know what is good for everybody.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by uzoo: 12:14pm On Jan 11, 2012
"PEOPLE WHO HAD LACK OF LOVE IN A MARRIAGE HAD IT BEFORE THEY EVEN ENTERED IT"

@Mrs. .Chima

thats where you are wrong.
i have seen relationships that had real love long before they even got married and few years into the marriage the marriage collapses
, either because one stops loving the other,or for one reason or the other that isn't "trivial".
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by uzoo: 12:45pm On Jan 11, 2012
@Justwise
Give me a break.

what she said has nothing to do with being educated or not.
some parents may have been through a lot of trauma
either as a child growing up and watching one of the parent being battered/abused.
or as a spouse going through the same torture in the hands of the other spouse
and would go to any length to protect their children from going through the same mistakes or even worse ones.

i wouldn't call that dictating to your child.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by justwise(m): 1:10pm On Jan 11, 2012
uzoo:

@Justwise
Give me a break.

what she said has nothing to do with being[b] educated or not.[/b]
some parents may have been through a lot of trauma
either as a child growing up and watching one of the parent being battered/abused.
or as a spouse going through the same torture in the hands of the other spouse
and would go to any length to protect their children from going through the same mistakes or even worse ones.

i wouldn't call that dictating to your child.

It got alot to do with Education, it sound primitive to me for parents to dictate to their daughter who to marry, if your daughter is old enough to get married surely she is old enough to make that decision for herself, yes parents can advice, suggest, guild her through that decision period but the ultimate decision has to be hers and shouldn't be forced on her.

There is no perfect non-Nigerian man out there, going through torture in marriage is not an excuse to tell your daughter who to marry, all Nigerian men can't be that bad while Nigerian women are all angels.

Education is not just about paper qualification, its about allowing people to make their decisions and you respect that.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by uzoo: 2:44pm On Jan 11, 2012
@Justwise

when it comes to making marriage decisions. two things

1. Choice;
Yes the parent (regardless of their educational back ground ) doesnt have the right to choose for the adult child who to marry

2. Decision
you said it yourself,the child should be allowed to decide who to marry.

Now the role of the parent here,is to guide the adult right from his child hood in the right direction to make good choices in life that way they can make an "INFORMED" decision on what race,tribe,religion or who to marry.

i still maintain that this is not dictating.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by justwise(m): 2:59pm On Jan 11, 2012
uzoo:

@Justwise

when it comes to making marriage decisions. two things

1. Choice;
Yes the parent (regardless of their educational back ground ) doesnt have the right to choose for the adult child who to marry

2. Decision
you said it yourself,the child should be allowed to decide who to marry.

Now the role of the parent here,is to guide the adult right from his child hood in the right direction to make good choices in life that way they can make an "INFORMED" decision on what race,tribe,religion or who to marry.

i still maintain that this is not dictating.

My issue is with dasparrow who said this:

. . . If I ever have a daughter, she must never marry a naija man. That alone will give me high blood pressure because I will be so scared for her and her well being knowing how often women are treated like crap in Nigeria by the men, . . .

Using the terms: 'must' and 'never' to me is dictating, how would not marrying a Nigerian man equal to successful or happy marriage?
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by uzoo: 4:07pm On Jan 11, 2012
i'm sure we've all heard it before

"train a child in the way he/she should grow and she will not depart from it"

if she wants her child "never" to marry a Nigerian man due to their culture or ways in which they value a spouse ,then she should start to guide her early in the direction
she thinks is right for her in selecting a the right spouse.

i rest my case. . .

but really marriage is not everything,dont do it because everyone else is . . for goodness sake,it shouldn't be torture.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by Mynd44: 4:09pm On Jan 11, 2012
smh
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by uzoo: 4:22pm On Jan 11, 2012
marriage is seriously over-rated ,especially amongst Nigerians.

you need to see the look on the
faces of some Nigerian people i know
when you tell them things like;

"oh,thats my boss , or thats my sister"

and then they go asking "why isn't she married"

what kind of a dumb question is that. .?!

like she/ he has to be married to fit into your list of "responsible " ,"successful" ,and " happy" people.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by uzoo: 4:25pm On Jan 11, 2012
marriage is seriously over-rated ,especially amongst Nigerians.

you need to see the look on the
faces of some Nigerian people i know
when you tell them things like;

"oh,thats my boss , or thats my sister"

and then they go asking "why isn't she married"

what kind of a dumb question is that. .?!

like she/ he has to be married to fit into your list of "responsible " ,"successful" ,and " happy" people. angry angry
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by LaParisienne(f): 4:28pm On Jan 11, 2012
**Walks in and duffs hat for the steaming debate undecided **




@Topic,
 Heck to the no.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by justwise(m): 4:40pm On Jan 11, 2012
uzoo:

i'm sure we've all heard it before

"train a child in the way he/she should grow and she will not depart from it"

if she wants her child "never" to marry a Nigerian man due to their culture or ways in which they value a spouse ,then she should start to guide her early in the direction
she thinks is right for her in selecting a the right spouse.

i rest my case. . .

but really marriage is not everything,dont do it because everyone else is . . for goodness sake,it shouldn't be torture.

'Pushy' and the over religious parents doesn't always bring up the best behaved children, if they do then pastor's children will have 'heaven' stamped on their foreheads.

I would love to marry somebody who is with me because we love each other and NOT because her parents 'recommended' me for her.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by uzoo: 1:06pm On Jan 12, 2012
stop the hate on singles. .

if one decides to remain unmarried,then other people should "respect" their choice of being single.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by Mynd44: 1:13pm On Jan 12, 2012
uzoo:

stop the hate on singles. .

if one decides to remain unmarried,then other people should "respect" their choice of being single.
Re: Is Marriage Over Rated? by justwise(m): 1:13pm On Jan 12, 2012
uzoo:

stop the hate on singles. .

if one decides to remain unmarried,then other people should "respect" their choice of being single.

I don't hate single women, nothing wrong with being single, i'm single though it doesn't stop me from letting my head down when i want to. . .

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