How would you advice I handle a situation where a young girl confides in me that my father molests her!! She claims its not once but several times! No penetrative sex yet! But she fears if she continues to stay in the house he might resort to that as she claims that his touches are getting more intense! I love my father and have great respect for him I know him to be a loving man to all and well respected in the society! Am afraid of the implications of this matter if she tells another soul about her claims. She threatens to expose him publicly if he tries it again! What do I do? How do I confront my father about this? Should I send her away hoping that her exist will bury the whole issue? I'm really disturbed about this case because I was a victim once! I was fondled by a mature man in my neighbourhood as a six year old! I've NEVER told a soul! Not even my hubby! This will be the first time I've mentioned it. I hail her courage that's if its true! Even though I sorta believe her because my assaulter was also a man accorded much respect in the society which was why I felt ashamed and afraid to tell my mum or anyone because i new nobody would believe me as I was already tagged an "OGBANJE". I will really appreciate your candid opinion of HOW YOU WOULD HANDLE THIS! Thanks.

Coldfeet: How would you advice I handle a situation where a young girl confides in me that my father molests her!! She claims its not once but several times! No penetrative sex yet! But she fears if she continues to stay in the house he might resort to that as she claims that his touches are getting more intense! I love my father and have great respect for him I know him to be a loving man to all and well respected in the society! Am afraid of the implications of this matter if she tells another soul about her claims. She threatens to expose him publicly if he tries it again! What do I do? How do I confront my father about this? Should I send her away hoping that her exist will bury the whole issue? I'm really disturbed about this case because I was a victim once! I was fondled by a mature man in my neighbourhood as a six year old! I've NEVER told a soul! Not even my hubby! This will be the first time I've mentioned it. I hail her courage that's if its true! Even though I sorta believe her because my assaulter was also a man accorded much respect in the society which was why I felt ashamed and afraid to tell my mum or anyone because i new nobody would believe me as I was already tagged an "OGBANJE". I will really appreciate your candid opinion of HOW YOU WOULD HANDLE THIS! Thanks.

pls send her away shap shap,to save ur dad disgrace n shame if its true he did dat

As a past abused victim yourself you OWE it to this little girl to do something about the abuse. Listen no one helped you but you are in a position to help this little girl, who trust you enough to tell you this terrible secret she had been keeping. Please remove the child ASAP from this dangerous enviornment, its not good for her. Now about your dad you can confront him if you like, but he most likely will lie to save face, so trying to get the full story out of him. Please do the right thing and remove this child, You know op as a past abused victim I am even shocked you are posting this on NL you know how this child is feeling and yet you have not reacted. This story is upsettting to me because i feel you should have already done what you know needs to be done in your heart.

taryour:
pls send her away shap shap,to save ur dad disgrace n shame if its true he did dat

Like, honestly?
The supposed guilty man is to be protected while the supposed victim is to be shut up, by being sent away? You people are something else!

Coldfeet: How would you advice I handle a situation where a young girl confides in me that my father molests her!! She claims its not once but several times! No penetrative sex yet! But she fears if she continues to stay in the house he might resort to that as she claims that his touches are getting more intense! I love my father and have great respect for him I know him to be a loving man to all and well respected in the society! Am afraid of the implications of this matter if she tells another soul about her claims. She threatens to expose him publicly if he tries it again! What do I do? How do I confront my father about this? Should I send her away hoping that her exist will bury the whole issue? I'm really disturbed about this case because I was a victim once! I was fondled by a mature man in my neighbourhood as a six year old! I've NEVER told a soul! Not even my hubby! This will be the first time I've mentioned it. I hail her courage that's if its true! Even though I sorta believe her because my assaulter was also a man accorded much respect in the society which was why I felt ashamed and afraid to tell my mum or anyone because i new nobody would believe me as I was already tagged an "OGBANJE". I will really appreciate your candid opinion of HOW YOU WOULD HANDLE THIS! Thanks.

Who's this girl to you?

Coldfeet: How would you advice I handle a situation where a young girl confides in me that my father molests her!! She claims its not once but several times! No penetrative sex yet! But she fears if she continues to stay in the house he might resort to that as she claims that his touches are getting more intense! I love my father and have great respect for him I know him to be a loving man to all and well respected in the society! Am afraid of the implications of this matter if she tells another soul about her claims. She threatens to expose him publicly if he tries it again! What do I do? How do I confront my father about this? Should I send her away hoping that her exist will bury the whole issue? I'm really disturbed about this case because I was a victim once! I was fondled by a mature man in my neighbourhood as a six year old! I've NEVER told a soul! Not even my hubby! This will be the first time I've mentioned it. I hail her courage that's if its true! Even though I sorta believe her because my assaulter was also a man accorded much respect in the society which was why I felt ashamed and afraid to tell my mum or anyone because i new nobody would believe me as I was already tagged an "OGBANJE". I will really appreciate your candid opinion of HOW YOU WOULD HANDLE THIS! Thanks.

have a straight talk with your father!
what sorta advice do you need to handle a simple issue as this one?
you would have to confront your dad and tell him the girl has been spreading the news to
whoever cares to listen and before your father brings disgrace on himself and his family,
he should put a stop to his randy ways.

Missy_B:
Like, honestly?
The supposed guilty man is to be protected while the supposed victim is to be shut up, by being sent away? You people are something else!


Who's this girl to you?

am sure d girl is still young n naive,if she stays,d man will deny it all and would even involve alot of pple,tell lots of lies against her to look saint,and all will turnd against her,dey will laff st her n call her names since she dosnt have a witness. D best is for her to leave ASAP. my own opinion

Take her away as others have suggested, but not without letting her know it's in her best interest,work on her psyche,else she misunderstands you.
She must be an intelligent girl to have taken such step, therefore be wise. She respects you to have opened up to you,show her some care.

Depending on your relationship with your father, I'd suggest you put up something else in defence to the girl's removal, else he'll may feel embarassed and resort to threats when he does it to subsequent ones.

With no intention of being rude, this might not be the first victim of your dad's molestation,she's just courageous enough to speak up.
Therefore,it'd be better you go for boys instead. You should do all you can to avoid/reduce the disgrace,because you can't control your dad.

Missy_B:
Like, honestly?
The supposed guilty man is to be protected while the supposed victim is to be shut up, by being sent away? You people are something else!


Who's this girl to you?

My cousin.

taryour:

am sure d girl is still young n naive,if she stays,d man will deny it all and would even involve alot of pple,tell lots of lies against her to look saint,and all will turnd against her,dey will laff st her n call her names since she dosnt have a witness. D best is for her to leave ASAP. my own opinion

Sending her away to protect her from stigmatization or outsiders' disbelief is one thing, sending her away to protect the father, better put, save the father the shame and disgrace is another thing.
For the sake of sanity, I do hope you meant the first, but mistakenly inscribed the latter.

Coldfeet: My cousin.

I'm not quick to dish out advice, so I wouldn't know what to advise you to do, but, try at all costs not to make her regret ever confiding in you. Investigate the issue if possible, and if you have enough reason to believe your cousin completely, confront your dad strictly. Until then, make sure she's safe and not exposed to further danger.

What is the relationship between you and your dad like?
How well do you know your cousin?
I will advice you investigate this matter thoroughly
If possible ask your cousin to narrate how it all began and when your dad does touch her. Is it at night? during the day? etc
Please don't make the mistake of sending her away without getting to the root of this because if you do
what makes you so certain that act won't be passed on to another victim by your dad if it is true

Coldfeet: My cousin.

you need to keep the old man in check . . . darn !!!

Missy_B:
Sending her away to protect her from stigmatization or outsiders' disbelief is one thing, sending her away to protect the father, better put, save the father the shame and disgrace is another thing.
For the sake of sanity, I do hope you meant the first, but mistakenly inscribed the latter.


I'm not quick to dish out advice, so I wouldn't know what to advise you to do, but, try at all costs not to make her regret ever confiding in you. Investigate the issue if possible, and if you have enough reason to believe your cousin completely, confront your dad strictly. Until then, make sure she's safe and not exposed to further danger.

Without knowing it, you have already dished out a good advice.

OP, being a victim of such act in the past should make you heed Missy B's advice. Let your dad know she already confided in you; that will most likely stop him from continuing the act if he is really a man of honor. But beyond that, make sure your dad does not maltreat your cousin cause she confided in you.

Adding to what Missy B said, you can take things a bit further by setting your dad up so that you can have concrete evidence to confront him with. I really dont know how you are going to do this, only you knows the layout of your house and the times and room he attacks this little innocent girl in. Its important you confront him to save this poor girl from abuse and to protect other children that he might molest in the future.

Please do the right thing for this little girl. Like someone rightly said, you've been abused before so you know what it feels like.

Would be following up this situation to know how this ends. keep us posted.

Tell her to get evidence!!

I say this because this is Nigeria. . Nobody ever believes the victims. . Tell her to get video evidence. When next she is at home, she should either get voice evidence on her phone or better still video evidence. . And with that, both of you should confront your daddy and blackmail his sorry arse. Make him an offer he cant refuse.

OAM4J:

Without knowing it, you have already dished out a good advice.

OP, being a victim of such act in the past should make you heed Missy B's advice. Let your dad know she already confided in you; that will most likely stop him from continuing the act if he is really a man of honor. But beyond that, make sure your dad does not maltreat your cousin cause she confided in you.

I'm in total support , but where is your mum?you need to handle your dad with maturity pls, good luck

I think the best option is to send her away... Or better still Organize a sexy fine babe for your Dad.. Maybe it would reduce his Konji

This is a serious matter, somehow i believe the little girl . . . .i don't think she'd just form a story like that.

My advice to u is quietly & quickly send the girl away before people get to know, give her all the supports and protection she'd needs now. After then, meet ur dad in a happy mood, Look him eyeball to eyeball and as him ''Dad, imagine me staying with your younger sister and her husband starts molesting me,every now and then and, and u get to know, what'd u do?

Coldfeet: How would you advice I handle a situation where a young girl confides in me that my father molests her!! She claims its not once but several times! No penetrative sex yet! But she fears if she continues to stay in the house he might resort to that as she claims that his touches are getting more intense! I love my father and have great respect for him I know him to be a loving man to all and well respected in the society! Am afraid of the implications of this matter if she tells another soul about her claims. She threatens to expose him publicly if he tries it again! What do I do? How do I confront my father about this? Should I send her away hoping that her exist will bury the whole issue? I'm really disturbed about this case because I was a victim once! I was fondled by a mature man in my neighbourhood as a six year old! I've NEVER told a soul! Not even my hubby! This will be the first time I've mentioned it. I hail her courage that's if its true! Even though I sorta believe her because my assaulter was also a man accorded much respect in the society which was why I felt ashamed and afraid to tell my mum or anyone because i new nobody would believe me as I was already tagged an "OGBANJE". I will really appreciate your candid opinion of HOW YOU WOULD HANDLE THIS! Thanks.

How will you cure an ailment without treating the cause?
If the lady can be so humble to confide and tell you her experience in secrete i believe she is worthy of a good friend and a nice family.
The ailment to be cured is your daddy's inordinate affection and lust. I believe your father is not living with your mother and he needs to quench the fire of his s.exual desires. if you are not careful hes coming for you too. Study him and investigate the matter, if possible set a trap for him make sure you catch him, then if he doesn't change advice the lady to go and you too should find your way out or else father to daughter is an incest

taryour:


pls send her away shap shap,to save ur dad disgrace n shame if its true he did dat

How will you cure an ailment without treating the cause?
If the lady can be so humble to confide and tell you her experience in secrete i believe she is worthy of a good friend and a nice family.
The ailment to be cured is your daddy's inordinate affection and lust. I believe your father is not living with your mother and he needs to quench the fire of his s.exual desires. if you are not careful hes coming for you too. Study him and investigate the matter, if possible set a trap for him make sure you catch him, then if he doesn't change advice the lady to go and you too should find your way out or else father to daughter is an Inbreeding

I think you need to talk to your dad and find out the truth. Abuse is not something to be taken lightly. This isnt something you should sweep under the carpet. If there is any truth to the matter, think about what the girl is going through and what she has to deal with. Would you want someone doing that to your daughter? Get to the bottom of the issue and try to find out the truth about the matter. Hope it is a false accusation for your sake.

Good luck

[size=39]me i am confuse[/size]

Free2rhyme, relax. Is this just about coldfeet's NL personality, or do you just have something against her from an earlier brush? This is to much, too caustic.

Na waooo. tell ur mum abt his ooo, plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

your cousin definitely isnt the only one, the first nor the last one ur dad will molest.

plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Coldfeet: How would you advice I handle a situation where a young girl confides in me that my father molests her!! She claims its not once but several times! No penetrative sex yet! But she fears if she continues to stay in the house he might resort to that as she claims that his touches are getting more intense! I love my father and have great respect for him I know him to be a loving man to all and well respected in the society! Am afraid of the implications of this matter if she tells another soul about her claims. She threatens to expose him publicly if he tries it again! What do I do? How do I confront my father about this? Should I send her away hoping that her exist will bury the whole issue? I'm really disturbed about this case because I was a victim once! I was fondled by a mature man in my neighbourhood as a six year old! I've NEVER told a soul! Not even my hubby! This will be the first time I've mentioned it. I hail her courage that's if its true! Even though I sorta believe her because my assaulter was also a man accorded much respect in the society which was why I felt ashamed and afraid to tell my mum or anyone because i new nobody would believe me as I was already tagged an "OGBANJE". I will really appreciate your candid opinion of HOW YOU WOULD HANDLE THIS! Thanks.

This coldfeet is a mysterious person. Your comments and posts lately are mysteriously conceived. I wonder what you are really behind that virtual you. Are you not the same coldfeet that claimed of using diabolical means to attract a sugar daddy to your own advantage. Here https://www.nairaland.com/903900/what-worst-relationship-advice-youve
Your dad is a respectable man in the society yet you are a spoilt brat with 'larger than life' attitude. Get a life fast.

@coldfeet

I truely sympathazie with your situation and salute your courage in facing the reality. Most other people would have dismissed it but being a victim made you open and receptive to the probability its true. I have once advised a young girl about such a situation once and it worked. But in the instance i mentioned, she was the one molested. But i believe a variation of the script will work for you.

The main essence is to put the fear of God and exposure into him so that he will quit the develish habit. You however need the coperation of the cousin in question. The best solution, however is to send the girl away immediately. If this is not possible in any way then i'll recommend you look at the possibility of implementing the list below in a most convincing manner.

1. Firstly approach your dad with an untrue tale of your friend being molested and your circle of friends recommending she opens up to the pastor about it (I'm assuming u're a christian).

2. Next get your cousin to openly declare she's having a confession, preferrably a day before church. Your dad may try various means to prevent her from going to church or buying her off, because he may suspect the game is up.

3. Get your cousin to stay behind after church under the pretext of seeing the pastor, but make sure you're there to keep an eye on her. If possible i would advise she truly opens up to your pastor but ommit your dad's name out of the confession (few girls can do this witout breaking down and spilling the beans so i wont advise it).

4. Next help her get her eyes reddened and head home. You may probably find your dad at the gate waiting. If he asks you what happened, declare that your cousin told the pastor she was molested but declined to mention whom. I would then advise that you open up about your own experience but make it a light once or twice incident and show your vehemence and rain curses on such people.

Now all these requires a bit of acting but i bet it will work (a variation of this worked on a randy uncle to a teenage 16yr old). If your dad doesnt desist, i'll advise you send the girl away immediately if you're worried about his integrity because it would blowup in his face if he cotinues(your cousin seems to have a mind of her own).

This issue seems a bit rampant, based on my discourse with a lot of girls and adult ladies, that i've come to conclude that every 3 in 10 girls in Nigeria is molested one way or the other before the age of 18. I'll advise every parent to keep a sharp lookout, especially for doting uncles, cousins, niece, rental compound so called relations etc. They are mostly the perpetrators of such evil designs.

Wish you every luck.

OP, ensure that the girl leaves your house as soon as possible, it is for her own 'protection'. Now, you have to be very tactful and find-out if your father is really doing such stuff. When you find out, you need to let him know that someone knows and he needs to stop before he ends-up behind bars. You may want to do this via a trusted third party. What is the role of your mother in all of this?

That girl must leave but ensure you do it with decorum. Unfortunately, this is still an accusation and we cannot be totally sure that your cousin is not lying.

Wow listen OP you been told what to do, How would you feel if someone did it to your daughter? Get that child out of the danger zone PLEASE

There is no cousin in the picture.She must have been the victim herself...Omale jati jati oniranu.

ducksoup:

This coldfeet is a mysterious person. Your comments and posts lately are mysteriously conceived. I wonder what you are really behind that virtual you. Are you not the same coldfeet that claimed of using diabolical means to attract a sugar daddy to your own advantage. Here https://www.nairaland.com/903900/what-worst-relationship-advice-youve
Your dad is a respectable man in the society yet you are a spoilt brat with 'larger than life' attitude. Get a life fast.

guy dey try read well luk @ d ending of wat she said am nw a change person

Coldfeet:
[b]The WORST advice I've ever
taken from someone was from
my now ex friend Nike! She told
me that she knows someone who
will make my PAPILO(sugar dad)
at the time love me exclusively
and give me whatever I demand!
I followed her and was giving
some unknown substance to lick
and to speak my desires to a
horn!!! after I'd written down the
guys name and mothers name
alongside mine. I was giving three
little cuts on my chest and back!
And that was it! My man became
my mugu! He bought me a
murano! Rented and stocked up
a shop at a shopping complex in
lekki! My bank account was at
the greenest it has ever been! I
lived the 'good' life! And funny
enough I started refusing this
guy sex and he never
complained! One day my ex friend
told me baba wants to see you
o! And I thought what for? He
has done his job and I've payed
him! So I refused to see the
baba. To cut a long story short
AM THANKFUL TO GOD that i am
still alive today to tell this story
to whoever cares to read, all of
a sudden I became dispensable!
The guy doesn't have my time
anymore! I crashed my suv
hitting someone in the process,
spent a lot on that! My business
took a dive! I developed rashes
over my body! The house I built
in lekki had to be sold so I can
offset my mounting bills! I became
worst than who I was when I
decided to manipulate my papilo.
Today am happily married to a
wonderful man and a mother of
two belles and two princes! I had
to give up all i acquired from
that demonic union in order to
survive and start afresh! The 3
little marks are still there to
remind me of that time but I
know that with time it will all
fade away!! I gained the world
and almost lost my soul! Ladies
and Gents beware of use council
you keep.[/b]