Lord_Reed:

An elephant is hidden under a handkerchief and you are still asking what is that?

30mins? With a female "friend"?

Plu-ease!

the problem is she doesnt have concrete evidence, we may all know what happened but how can she prove it? That is what the man will cling on to. She needs to do some digging and catch him red handed.

But not before she asks herself if she really wants to know, given the way most women here react to cheating I will advise her to ignore it soo long as he doesn't give her reason to doubt him.

dayokanu:

OMG. I am too loving this new queensmith.

Are you sure you aint saying all these to seduce me?

But dont blame the OP too much, Pregnancy throws up a lot of hormones that makes ppl act very emotional

this dayo is very annoying, i advise you to go find a lamp post to hump.

Lord_Reed:

An elephant is hidden under a handkerchief and you are still asking what is that?

30mins? With a female "friend"?

Plu-ease!

So anytime you are with a female friend for 30mins , You are definitely phocking dem

queensmith:

this dayo is very annoying, i advise you to go find a lamp post to hump.

Can you be my lamp post?

your an 1diot

MRbrownJAY:

brotha Coogar
so the oga was on a "supposed" important phone call, he couldnt open the door to his wife but yet he could answer the call from security guy?! lol!

didnt you read where the wifey said that both looked guilty and not comfortable.....or that she always goes to her hubby's office and the door was never closed?

looking guilty is not an evidence. nigerian women often see hands instead of legs when they suspect infidelity.
the crux of the issue is simple - if you don't have an iron cast evidence, never ever accuse anyone!

she's just a disciple of insecurity. if the other person in the room with her husband was a man, would
she think her husband was gay? of course not. which tells you how the mind of an average woman works.

even if she'd found her husband dining with a woman @ the eatery, she would still suspect infidelity and
claim there was guilt written all over their faces. if she's not convinced, she should hire a private investigator.

queensmith: your a darling

IKR.

I know Right

There's no need beating about the bush. He is cheating but don't go all john rambo about the issue because he is expecting that from you. The first thing i think you should think abt is yourself. Am scared u might be his std trash can.

Any sensible man/woman knows that your husband is cheating, the next stage is how you will be able to handle this situation.

not enough information 2 comment on

This is a very serious issue that i won't want you to take any rash decision on it base on the way you are feeling or whatever advise people have given you.I want you to be calm and not give yourself to thinking because that may affect your blood pressure and not good for you health wise and also because of the baby you are carrying.But one thing i will want you to do is to take it up to the Lord in prayer.1 to give you strength and wisdom to deal with the issue,2 to expose everything that look secreative about this issue to you.3 to touch his heart and convict your husband of his sin in case he is cheating on you.4 to lost his peace and only regain it after he must have confess his ordeal.
And lastly to talk to him about your feeling,plesae not to fight with him,but make him to see reason why your marriage will only trive on been sincere with each other and not allowing anything to affect the trust you have for each other.The bible says a "a wise woman builds her home"
The Lord will help you.

coogar:

looking guilty is not an evidence. nigerian women often see hands instead of legs when they suspect infidelity.
the crux of the issue is simple - if you don't have an iron cast evidence, never ever accuse anyone!

she's just a disciple of insecurity. if the other person in the room with her husband was a man, would
she think her husband was gay? of course not. which tells you how the mind of an average woman works.

even if she'd found her husband dining with a woman @ the eatery, she would still suspect infidelity and
claim there was guilt written all over their faces. if she's not convinced, she should hire a private investigator.

trust is based on event that happens during the r/ship.....so as much as this is not a 100% evidence of cheating (a simple questioning would have proved that), it sure left a dent on the trust this lady had for her husband.

dismissing what happened, simply because she didnt catch him red handed, would be foolish and crazy. they need to sit down and solve this like mature couples do, rather than pretend that nothing happened.

if the other person was a man then it would certainly not change the fact that SOMETHING FISHY WAS HAPPENING IN THERE......... and whether it is cheating, stealing or what not, he did not want her to know about it.

Choi see investigation!!! some of you lot would give Agatha Christie's Poirot and Columbo a run for their money

but on a more serious note standing outside for 30 mins waiting for hubby to open the door just to see a female in there with him would leave my mind running wild too.I only pray you won't make any hasty decisions on anything,patience and time will bring it all out before you know it

MRbrownJAY:

trust is based on event that happens during the r/ship.....so as much as this is not a 100% evidence of cheating (a simple questioning would have proved that), it sure left a dent on the trust this lady had for her husband.

dismissing what happened, simply because she didnt catch him red handed, would be foolish and crazy. they need to sit down and solve this like mature couples do, rather than pretend that nothing happened.

if the other person was a man then it would certainly not change the fact that SOMETHING FISHY WAS HAPPENING IN THERE......... and whether it is cheating, stealing or what not, he did not want her to know about it.

Most women are so insecure that they dont trust their own shadows.

Why was the woman tiptoeing to her husbands place of work in the first place? So this shows that this wasnt the cause of her lack or trust maybe some underlying insecurities.

You dont need to catch someone red handed but you need more than what she has to accuse someone of cheating. Cheating isnt something you accuse your partner of so easily, Iam sure most women would flip if they are wrongly accused of cheating.

Its a workplace and the wife doesnt need to know about what happens in the workplace. There are several reasons to lock the door in the workplace and being indoors with another person doesnt necesarily mean the person is phocking

So if he locks himself in the same room with his mother, sister, niece, boss etc must mean he is phocking them?

dayokanu:

Most women are so insecure that they dont trust their own shadows.

Why was the woman tiptoeing to her husbands place of work in the first place? So this shows that this wasnt the cause of her lack or trust maybe some underlying insecurities.

You dont need to catch someone red handed but you need more than what she has to accuse someone of cheating. Cheating isnt something you accuse your partner of so easily, Iam sure most women would flip if they are wrongly accused of cheating.

Its a workplace and the wife doesnt need to know about what happens in the workplace. There are several reasons to lock the door in the workplace and being indoors with another person doesnt necesarily mean the person is phocking

So if he locks himself in the same room with his mother, sister, niece, boss etc must mean he is phocking them?

you are talking like the husband.

dayokanu: Most women are so insecure that they dont trust their own shadows.

should that be a reason to dismiss what happened in the office?

Why was the woman tiptoeing to her husbands place of work in the first place? So this shows that this wasnt the cause of her lack or trust maybe some underlying insecurities.

as i told you yesterday, its called a surprise visit (focus on the word SURPRISE for a minute), and there is no big deal about that, UNLESS hubby is up to "something".

You dont need to catch someone red handed but you need more than what she has to accuse someone of cheating. Cheating isnt something you accuse your partner of so easily, Iam sure most women would flip if they are wrongly accused of cheating.

technically she didnt accuse him of anything since the man hasnt talked to her about the issue yet.
also, we are all different and therefore, if she wants to accuse her hubby of cheating simply because he was 5mins late back home(for example), then she can. if the hubby had a problem with her antics then he could have divorced her, et voila!

Its a workplace and the wife doesnt need to know about what happens in the workplace. There are several reasons to lock the door in the workplace and being indoors with another person doesnt necesarily mean the person is phocking
So if he locks himself in the same room with his mother, sister, niece, boss etc must mean he is phocking them?

again, as i previously written, if he always kept the door opened but suddenly locked it, then whether he is with his mother, sister or niece is irrelevant......and he STILL would be doing something that he didnt want his wife to know about (if not he would have let her in)

MRbrownJAY:
trust is based on event that happens during the r/ship.....so as much as this is not a 100% evidence of cheating (a simple questioning would have proved that), it sure left a dent on the trust this lady had for her husband.

exactly ma point!
an insecure woman does not trust her husband, if she does then why is she insecure?
the husband is no further behind than where he's @ currenly with or without this incident.
the wife has never trusted him.

dismissing what happened, simply because she didnt catch him red handed, would be foolish and crazy. they need to sit down and solve this like mature couples do, rather than pretend that nothing happened.

dismissing it is the best method. if the husband is guilty, he would give himself up.
but when a woman goes on a rant when her evidence is not air-tight, she has played into the
hands of her husband. she has reacted exactly the way they must have predicted.

if the other person was a man then it would certainly not change the fact that SOMETHING FISHY WAS HAPPENING IN THERE......... and whether it is cheating, stealing or what not, he did not want her to know about it.

fine!
so let her think something fishy was going on in there apart from infidelity.
maybe they were sharing their loot from a highway robbery or plotting to rob chase bank.
but let's rule infidelity out of this - life isn't that simple!

coogar:
exactly ma point!
an insecure woman does not trust her husband, if she does then why is she insecure?
the husband is no further behind than where he's @ currenly with or without this incident.
the wife has never trusted him.

come on man, the fact that she visited her husband at work does NOT mean she is insecure at all. for all we know she could simply be a caring partner coming to tell him a good news, or coming to spend time with him (as she has always done) because she misses him, or because she needed to use a computer/fax/photocopy at his office etc...... saying that coming to his office AUTOMATICALLY means that she is insecure is far fetched!

dismissing it is the best method. if the husband is guilty, he would give himself up.
but when a woman goes on a rant when her evidence is not air-tight, she has played into the
hands of her husband. she has reacted exactly the way they must have predicted.

i have to disagree on that. dismissing the issue would allow this man to believe that he got away with what he did (if he did anything) and since we all know that people need to be honest in marriage, i see no reason why this lady should stop being honest now. so, if she has any worries then she certainly should voice her concerns.

fine!
so let her think something fishy was going on in there apart from infidelity.
maybe they were sharing their loot from a highway robbery or plotting to rob chase bank.
but let's rule infidelity out of this - life isn't that simple!

the fact that he didnt want her to know what was going on is the problem here, not infidelity (per se).........as his other half, she has all the rights to demand to know what he was up to. wouldnt you want to know if your other half was into something fishy (aka illegal/improper/dishonest)? i know i would!

MRbrownJAY:
come on man, the fact that she visited her husband at work does NOT mean she is insecure at all. for all we know she could simply be a caring partner coming to tell him a good news, or coming to spend time with him (as she has always done) because she misses him, or because she needed to use a computer/fax/photocopy at his office etc...... saying that coming to his office AUTOMATICALLY means that she is insecure is far fetched!

why didn't she call the husband before coming? it's a place of work for feck's sake. . .not a business centre!
i wouldn't want anyone dropping by unannounced as well. a woman can show how much she cares in other ways.
don't pussyfoot around me in the name of caring. . .that's arrant nonsense! she kept knocking the door,
she never for once called her hubby she was around until the security guy did - and you still insist she
is not insecure - i laugh in zamfara.

MRbrownJAY:
i have to disagree on that. dismissing the issue would allow this man to believe that he got away with what he did (if he did anything) and since we all know that people need to be honest in marriage, i see no reason why this lady should stop being honest now. so, if she has any worries then she certainly should voice her concerns.

whether she rants or not, this man has gotten away with it.
she found no single evidence that he was cheating when she visited and she's raised an unnecessary alarm.
if anything, she has forewarned the husband and if the hubby is really cheating, he must have learnt a
lesson or two to perfect his skills in infidelity.

MRbrownJAY:
the fact that he didnt want her to know what was going on is the problem here, not infidelity (per se).........as his other half, she has all the rights to demand to know what he was up to. wouldnt you want to know if your other half was into something fishy (aka illegal/improper/dishonest)? i know i would!

i repeat - it's a place of work.
there are certain stuff in my office that are confidential. my woman has no right to know them.
if i am in a middle of such stuff and my wife drops by, she's gonna have to wait at the reception.
it's as simple as that.

bro Coogar, you are running away from the issue (like Dayokanu did) and need to stay on track:

A) the fact that this woman came to the office is IRRELEVANT, as we can clearly see that she has done so in the past and the hubby had no problem with that. so stop trying to make a point out of what offices are for bla bla bla. if you guys dont like your woman coming to YOUR offices then fair enough, the op and her hubby ARE DIFFERENT (and if he had a problem with it, he would have told her)! so stick to the issue at hand, instead of telling us how YOU run your household.

B) she came to the place many times before and the door was NEVER closed. shouldnt she question why the door is suddenly closed?

C) when the oga finally opens after 30mins and he is found in the company of a lady "friend", doesnt wifey has the right to know what was going on and why it took 30mins to open?! or is it against the law now for a wife to know what her husband is doing in his locked office?!

MRbrownJAY: bro Coogar, you are running away from the issue (like Dayokanu did) and need to stay on track:

A) the fact that this woman came to the office is IRRELEVANT, as we can clearly see that she has done so in the past and the hubby had no problem with that. so stop trying to make a point out of what offices are for bla bla bla. if you guys dont like your woman coming to YOUR offices then fair enough, the op and her hubby ARE DIFFERENT (and if he had a problem with it, he would have told her)! so stick to the issue at hand, instead of telling us how YOU run your household.

B) she came to the place many times before and the door was NEVER closed. shouldnt she question why the door is suddenly closed?

C) when the oga finally opens after 30mins and he is found in the company of a lady "friend", doesnt wifey has the right to know what was going on and why it took 30mins to open?! or is it against the law now for a wife to know what her husband is doing in his locked office?!

My dear MBJ, this back and forth will actually lead no where. The woman in question, it seems have not questioned the husband. NL, will not give her the answers she is looking for. Like I said in my earlier post, I believe this is a case of the woman being insecure. What stops the wife from calling the hubby on his cell to let him know she is coming, or even when she gets there why didn't she call hubby (albeit knowing the security have alerted him). Also what stops her from just leaving a message on his cell or with the staff and head home.
I believe the op is looking for people on this forum who will confirm her suspicion. Though am not married yet, but I believe Marriage is not for the immature mind and insecure people.

I still insist the OP goes home and focus on her marriage, herself, and the unborn child. NL will definitely confuse her the more at the moment.

@OP
This Wouldn't have been a problem if your husband came out to

1- welcome you to his office 2-3 minutes after you arrived
2- tell you he is in meeting with a female friend
3- asked you to be a little patient as its private discussion


But your husband didn't do that so - yes you have every reason to be worried

30 minutes is a lot of time to be spending locked in a room with a female(friend, client etc). Truth is how many women would be comfortable if a man(friend or not)locked them in a room if there weren't up to something dodgy....

my 3 cents

good luck...

MRbrownJAY: bro Coogar, you are running away from the issue (like Dayokanu did) and need to stay on track:

nipping the bud is not running away from the issue.

A) the fact that this woman came to the office is IRRELEVANT, as we can clearly see that she has done so in the past and the hubby had no problem with that. so stop trying to make a point out of what offices are for bla bla bla. if you guys dont like your woman coming to YOUR offices then fair enough, the op and her hubby ARE DIFFERENT (and if he had a problem with it, he would have told her)! so stick to the issue at hand, instead of telling us how YOU run your household.

she has done so in the past does not mean it would always be welcome. maybe she did so when the hubby was less busy.
on this particular day, the husband was very busy attending to an important client and the matters being discussed were important n confidential.
what's the husband to do? leave his client(where he gets his daily bread) and attend to an insecure wife? is that how it's done.
the woman should have brought a dining table and continental dishes/drinks to convert the office into a dining room.

B) she came to the place many times before and the door was NEVER closed. shouldnt she question why the door is suddenly closed?

and on this day she found the door closed/locked - why didn't she call her husband on the fone that she's outside?
is it too much to call her hubby that she's around? no. she's more particular about what she's going to find inside the office.
the wife is insecure!

C) when the oga finally opens after 30mins and he is found in the company of a lady "friend", doesnt wifey has the right to know what was going on and why it took 30mins to open?! or is it against the law now for a wife to know what her husband is doing in his locked office?!

did she call the husband at any time during the 30 mins wait to let him know she's around?
shouldn't that tell you this woman tiptoed to the office? she was on a mission to the office.
maybe someone tipped her off a woman is in the office with her hubby and she decided to find out what's up?

see them analyzing as if they were there.

@OP, just beg your husband to use protection when next he meets this client.

MRbrownJAY:

trust is based on event that happens during the r/ship.....so as much as this is not a 100% evidence of cheating (a simple questioning would have proved that), it sure left a dent on the trust this lady had for her husband.

dismissing what happened, simply because she didnt catch him red handed, would be foolish and crazy. they need to sit down and solve this like mature couples do, rather than pretend that nothing happened.

if the other person was a man then it would certainly not change the fact that SOMETHING FISHY WAS HAPPENING IN THERE......... and whether it is cheating, stealing or what not, he did not want her to know about it.

GBAGAMM!!!!! This was why i really did not have anything to say to the lady, we cannot say he cheated because ''the door was locked and a lady was in there with him, lets assume it was one big, fat ugly, crayfish seller, am not sure she will say the hubby is having an affair, even if the door was locked for hours.

If she had caught him, pants down, with the lady in ''my secretary position'' on the table, now we know where or how to direct advice.
Just like you have suggested, they should have a discussion about what happened that day, and it is not about throwing tantrums and crying like a baby. I don't know why so many people do not have do's and dont's in their marraiges.

@OP

Most men will engage in extra-marital affair if they know they will not be caught. They do it, not because their wives are not attractive, neither is because they don't get enough sex. The fact that you trust him so much does not mean that he is an angel, the day he is not on guard he will do it. When you have calm down, sit him down and remind him of the marriage vow, remember, originally, Africans marry more than one. While the white people will divorce if the marriage is preventing them from sampling outside, the African will marry additional wives. Now, it is no longer fashionable to marry more than one wife, yet the instinct to try out another woman is still there. A lot of men struggle not to get into extra-marital affair but the temptation is real!

In conclusion, I believe, it is because you trust him that makes it very painful for you, you need to know that anything can happen along the way. Wishing you a bliss in you marriage.

30 mins wiv a lady and d door locked it obvious hez cheating... My advice to u don't pretend u donkt know what is happening it will make maters worse.. Sometimes jst telling him wil be enof to put a stop to dis affair just look for d appropraite place and time to confront him. Do not ask if hez cheating CHEATERS ALWAYS LIE. Dats why u av to av evidence like phone calls and all dat to be able to present as evidence when confronting him. As traumatic as it is to find out ur husband is cheating u need to face the reality of d situation.. Ignoring him gives him a go ahead to continue. Face him let him know you want it to stop. The sooner u confront him d beta for u. D longer u wait will make him more atttached to d oda lady and makes it harder to get ur marriage on track.. Ask him abt d affair and what he feels for dis oda woman.. Don't bother yourself abt d lady just face ur husband Goodluck :

mimicue: 30 mins wiv a lady and d door locked it obvious hez cheating... My advice to u don't pretend u donkt know what is happening it will make maters worse.. Sometimes jst telling him wil be enof to put a stop to dis affair just look for d appropraite place and time to confront him. Do not ask if hez cheating CHEATERS ALWAYS LIE. Dats why u av to av evidence like phone calls and all dat to be able to present as evidence when confronting him. As traumatic as it is to find out ur husband is cheating u need to face the reality of d situation.. Ignoring him gives him a go ahead to continue. Face him let him know you want it to stop. The sooner u confront him d beta for u. D longer u wait will make him more atttached to d oda lady and makes it harder to get ur marriage on track.. Ask him abt d affair and what he feels for dis oda woman.. Don't bother yourself abt d lady just face ur husband Goodluck :

much truth in this statement! what I don't understand, are you telling here to look for evidence like phone calls etc? this checking your spouse thing will mess it up even more.

d comments here re so funny n not so funny? wat is wrong wit a woman goin to d office to visit d husband unannounced? can't she pack a little lunch for him once in a while? some guys even said that office work is private! then, u don't know wat marriage means! don't some armed robbers tell their wives wat they do? i just have a question for d guys esp dayokanu: if u found ur wife in a similar position, wat ll u do?

@op you are pregnant please make that yourfirst priority, you dont want to develope high bp and pre eclampsia. talk to your hubby and get this stress off your chest.

Take it easy,many men and husbands are like that.They like to hunt.
Do not react by fighting the man or the girl because it may compound things for you.
Your husband may be encouraged to carry on the affair and you'll look like a fool fighting the girl
However,you can warn her but do so in the presence of someone or report her to her church if she belongs to one.
If you have the courage and the will,relate with your husband as if nothing happened,as if you saw nothing.
His conscience will deal with him more than your words can.Soon he will be sober and will behave himself.
If you are a christian,start praying for him.Hand him over to God and God will handle him.
its not worth it breaking down the marriage because your husband committed adultery.
If you do that,even the pastor who wedded you will blame you for being immature!
Take it as one of the storms in marriage.
Check yourself.Did you send him out,through your actions?
Do you satisfy him sexually?
Are you warm,courteous and friendly to him?
Do you dress attractively or like an old maid?
Do you cook delicious meals for him?
Do you give him attention?
If a wife is deficient in these & other areas,and the man gets them from a woman elsewhere,that may be the attraction to go hunting.
Wives have to sit up and don't take it for granted that having married,it is time to relax.
The wooing game continues until death does them part.
Men and Husbands,fear God oh and keep to your vows.
Adultery is a grievous sin before God.
Remember King David in the Bible.
His sin with Bathsheba brought terrible judgment upon his household.The Judgment was that the ''sword will not depart from your house'' and it happened in many ways.A son,Ammon raped his sister,Tamar and he was killed for that by another brother,Absalom. Absalom himself slept with his father's concubines openly,then plotted to overthrow his father,the King.He died in battle.Another son,Adonijah was killed by Solomon who reigned after David. These tragedies that befell King David was because he committed adultery.

bukatyne: d comments here re so funny n not so funny? wat is wrong wit a woman goin to d office to visit d husband unannounced? can't she pack a little lunch for him once in a while? some guys even said that office work is private! then, u don't know wat marriage means! don't some armed robbers tell their wives wat they do? i just have a question for d guys esp dayokanu: if u found ur wife in a similar position, wat ll u do?

He would be brandishing cutlass, with red-shot eyes..........