jennykadry: speak for yourself busybody. My mother has never failed me and will never fail me. she is my mentor and God bless her. Infact Whatever BB, whatever.

dayokanu:

The bolded is why the ability of some women to think rationally is always questioned.

So paying for an apartment is now Blowing money? And stingy is the adjective to describe someone who spent his money on a much more important thing (renting a house) Would you have been ok if he finance the wedding but he and the wife after the extravagant wedding are squatting with friends?

So for him not to be stingy, he should have stayed in the falling building and paid for the owambe wedding so the building can fall on the and crush them to death?

Excellent thinking

dayokanu:

The bolded is why the ability of some women to think rationally is always questioned.

So paying for an apartment is now Blowing money? And stingy is the adjective to describe someone who spent his money on a much more important thing (renting a house) Would you have been ok if he finance the wedding but he and the wife after the extravagant wedding are squatting with friends?

So for him not to be stingy, he should have stayed in the falling building and paid for the owambe wedding so the building can fall on the and crush them to death?

Excellent thinking

jennykadry: Like I said speak for yourself and not Nigerian mothers in general. You typed it yourself based on what you have read so far from women on this forum, so please don't insult our mothers, some of us got to where we are right now with their help and support. No be by force say we all must have mothers who failed us,kappish?

Ileke-IdI:
PS: In the Yoruba household, or atleast in the Ekiti household, both family pitches in.

@Iyalode
Hey beautiful

Trimia: paying for an apartment is not blowin money, furnishing and renovating it with 80% of money intended for a weddin is blowin it. What do you need that much furnishing in a house for at once. You can gradually buy things. I believe he wasn't sitting/sleeping on the floor in his previous apartment so he at least had basic furniture. The previous rent was due to expire in september anyways so how did he plan on renewing it? With the weddin money i guess. And beside, if he was cash strapped, instead of sayin "oya pay now shebi you have money" he should have put off weddin preparations for a while thats what every rational human being would do.

dayokanu:

The bolded is why the ability of some women to think rationally is always questioned.

So paying for an apartment is now Blowing money? And stingy is the adjective to describe someone who spent his money on a much more important thing (renting a house) Would you have been ok if he finance the wedding but he and the wife after the extravagant wedding are squatting with friends?

So for him not to be stingy, he should have stayed in the falling building and paid for the owambe wedding so the building can fall on the and crush them to death?

Excellent thinking

Trimia: paying for an apartment is not blowin money, furnishing and renovating it with 80% of money intended for a weddin is blowin it. What do you need that much furnishing in a house for at once. You can gradually buy things. I believe he wasn't sitting/sleeping on the floor in his previous apartment so he at least had basic furniture. The previous rent was due to expire in september anyways so how did he plan on renewing it? With the weddin money i guess. And beside, if he was cash strapped, instead of sayin "oya pay now shebi you have money" he should have put off weddin preparations for a while thats what every rational human being would do.

blacklion:
My brother, its simply incredible. Between this thread and the one about a wife's 'entitlement' to inflate grocery bills or pinch hubby's money, I honestly don't know which is more depressing.

The mindsets or attitudes of some women that are on display here are not new or a revelation; in fact, the thread has just reinforced some old, ugly stereotypes about Nigerian women. But to see such mindsets being vigorously defended and even advocated by supposedly educated, enlightened and liberated women is mind boggling.

Just imagine!!! Squandering money on a one-off ceremony is now a more important priority than securing a roof over one's head?

And this is coming from supposedly adult women?

We hail thee, Nairaland

ferdiii:

Which Nigeria today? The one that is prosperous? Or the one people are being sacked via facebook? Ur own economy, how buoyant is it? Nigeria today my foot! Must you follow the crowd? Na you go do that borrowing.

Purist:

Okay, I understand you now. And about my own views on marriage, well, let's just say that I only preach what I practice myself.

jennykadry: LMAO. When an adult makes a mistakes, yu blame the mother. If at this time and day you do not know that an adult should be held respOnsible for their actions then there is no hope for Nigerians in general. Who does that anyways? Blame someone's parents for a grown azzed man's/ woman's mistakes?

Phewww very soon mothers will get blamed if their children start stealing. Olorun ma'je

Trimia: Apparently d only part of my post you saw was d rent. Did you not see my suggestion to suspend d wedding? And its men like you that will still laugh at d woman for not gettin married at d age of 29

chaircover:

Bisi, u sef. If its not our mothers that failed, it is our fathers. If I fail at this stage of my life, na me o!


. . . . . meanwhile the landlord and the agent are laughing all the way to the bank, piling the money up, so that it is there ready to assist their own son pay for his own wedding

N.I.G.E.R.I.A!!!!!!!!

Trimia: Apparently d only part of my post you saw was d rent. Did you not see my suggestion to suspend d wedding? And its men like you that will still laugh at d woman for not gettin married at d age of 29

Busy_body: I keep saying it and will keep screaming till I make myself hoarse - our Nigerian Mothers have failed us girls and are still failing us. . . Dang I have never seen such distastefully inherent selfishness, misguided priorities and warped and backward sense of reasoning "all round" in my life, until I encountered "the typical Nigerian woman"

And jeez, look at the wishy-washy excuses my fellow women keeps on coming with. . .I used to get so flipping mad at the thousands of naseuous threads belittling Nigerian women that has been springing up in that cesspit called the romance section recently and one day nearly almost barged in, until someone told me to stop loosing sleep over it that those guys were spitting nothing but the truth. . .words failed me that day. . .wharrashame.

Busy_body: I keep saying it and will keep screaming till I make myself hoarse - our Nigerian Mothers have failed us girls and are still failing us. . . Dang I have never seen such distastefully inherent selfishness, misguided priorities and warped and backward sense of reasoning "all round" in my life, until I encountered "the typical Nigerian woman"

She is probably at Kosofe Local govt registry this morning with her pako biscuits, crate of coke and her N2,000 while Debo and TV are using microscope and scapel to dissect Grammar

Sugardiva: The OP can contribute to the wedding considering the circumstances after all in marriage the two become one and so do their resources. They can cut down on expenses and foot the bill with his 20 percent and what the OP has. (Personally ive never thot it the complete duty of the man to foot the bill. Ive always thot he can foot the bill to the best of his ability and then i can supplement.)

However i dont agree with the pple abusing the OP and calling her selfish. Try to look at her dilemma from her eyes. It would be emotionally tasking not just financially tasking for a woman to foot the bill of ur wedding 80 percent. you would always feel like u forced urself on him. Also as some posters hv pointed out she stands a high risk of being abused by her in laws as forcing herslf on him.

OP i think ur HTB may not be very good with financial planing to get into this dilemma. He knew his rent was expiring in sept and then fixed a wedding in august but only made financial provision for one of those events. So u can try to complement him by helping him with planning your finances. Also his comment of shebi u have money may just be the fact that he is under pressure speaking (but u know him better so be the judge). My advice is if you are very sure he loves u and takes responsiblity for u, dont let this get between u. Foot the bill and marry him. if he is the good guy he will always love n respect u for standing by him and supporting him.

@ all the guys talking abt how couples shld foot wedding bills 50 50 una no get shame? That sounds like irresponsibility. A man's job is to provide! The Op's situation is kind of different cos he used up his money on their rent but if u like no go work find money. A woman should supplement not provide. Thats by both cultural and biblical standards.Be there waiting for a woman who will pay ur bils. Mschew!

Tgirl4real: I tire for this thread o.

Wey poster sef



I will not completely blame "our Nigerian Mothers o". A lot of other factors are responsible. [size=14pt]The society itself is to blame for fueling such evil/selfish mindset[/size]. Then, girls of nowadays carry the majority blame. Those that were brought up well have decided to turn deaf ears to the cry of their parents. That is why you will see a big difference between 2 sisters. While one is conservative, the other is extravagant.

Our moral value in this country is gradually turning to zero.

Tgirl4real:

BB,

if I get you right, I think you are talking about Nigerian Mothers of today. Am I right?

chaircover: Lets digress a little and lets open up another can of worms . . . .

Who made the women what they are today? I was on a thread recently and the guys were lamenting that all they did on their girlfriends was spend spend spend.

https://www.nairaland.com/920748/car-girlfriend-which-more-expensive

Why I ask? Why must you pay for their Brazillian weave, Blackberry phones and Blackberry BIS subscriptions? Why must you pay for their school fees, handouts and project costs? What are their parents doing?

Its all well and good, doing all that but dont you think that the average Nigerian girl will now think that this is the norm and therefore continue to expect it? and the day that you dont give kata kata will happen.

I had a thriving "Yaba bend down" = "my uncle sent me this from the UK to sell" business that I ran in school to supplement what my parents gave me; and I hardly went home cos I didn't need their money or any mans money for that matter.

I beleive that when guys start offering other qualities other than money, you will start attracting women who desire the other qualities that you may have apart from the money you want to throw around.

chinwe11: Thanks for your advices/insults sha. I have read them through, and i have decided to help out. I guess the reason why i had to bring this to NL is because most of my frieds kept warning me before wedding that 'DO NOT PAY FOR ANYTHING DURING THE WEDDING. IT IS THE HUSBANDS RESPONSIBILITY'. Even my relatives said the same thing, that in Ibo land its the man's duty. You get lots of advise from other women, this morning, a friend was telling me that after marriage, you keep your money and spend his, and they say that is what happens in thier homes. When the issue of bringing the 80% came up, i got worried,, cos i felt it would be like i was marrying my self. I have enough money to foot our wedding and even double of that. But was just worried it would be like i was marrying myself, or the man might take me for granted. Also i forgot to add that when i said he should borrow, i planned that we would pay back from my money, so it wont just look like i GAVE him the wedding money. Anyway sha i would bring my 80%.

Thanks for all your advises oh! I would post the wedding pictures here maybe! Thanks