Me too I wan open my own can of worms, why do you Cabals form an association to banish the Nigerian culture that let's men get away with cheating, wife beating, and all this other atrocities committed against women YET in the same vein wants to passionately hold on to this same culture that dictates women are to be sold to the highest bidder and treated like chattels like Outstrip's goats ehn

chaircover: Lets digress a little and lets open up another can of worms . . . .

[size=14pt]Who made the women what they are today?[/size] I was on a thread recently and the guys were lamenting that all they did on their girlfriends was spend spend spend.

https://www.nairaland.com/920748/car-girlfriend-which-more-expensive

Why I ask? Why must you pay for their Brazillian weave, Blackberry phones and Blackberry BIS subscriptions? Why must you pay for their school fees, handouts and project costs? What are their parents doing?

Its all well and good, doing all that [size=16pt]but dont you think that the average Nigerian girl will now think that this is the norm[/size] and therefore continue to expect it? and the day that you dont give kata kata will happen.

I had a thriving "Yaba bend down" = "my uncle sent me this from the UK to sell" business that I ran in school to supplement what my parents gave me; and I hardly went home cos I didn't need their money or any mans money for that matter.

[size=16pt]I beleive that when guys start offering other qualities other than money, you will start attracting women who desire the other qualities that you may have apart from the money you want to throw around[/size].

Kai today na today, Naija men have suffered, damned if they do, damned if they don't Oya the time is now and your query has been beautifully addressed by TV01 in large bold font in his post below. Its time to cut the apron's strings and stop doing the "norm" and listen to these men since it is them we want to marry, or abi the Kabals don dey marry themselves ni

TV01:

[size=18pt]For the "aspirational" marriage I desired[/size], the woman I married had to be both right and ready, within a very small margin of error. It took me a long time to understand and to recognise that, and even longer to find her. I waited. God is merciful and kind.

For the record. When I met my wife, I was living in a room you couldn't swing the proverbial cat in. To sleep I had to clear load off the bed. And to get out of the room I had to move things around and gently ease out. It was above a takeaway on a busy road. It was in no way reflective of my means, but I am able to live my beliefs. In the year I lived there, I didn't use the toilet. I went to the gym - how I no go buff . My best friend visited for 5 mins, said "this is only temporary right"? And left. My cousin came and said he wasn't coming back, cos he couldn't let his kids risk the steps or use the loo. Non of my family came to visit me.

I took my WTB there. I saw the startled look in her eyes. She didn't say a word. Later, I challenged her, "won't you comment on where I live?" I asked. "No" she said, "I was surprised, but I know you can do better". [size=18pt]If she had wanted to get married on Mars, I would have begged, borrowed or stolen to make it happen. Be the women we long for and we will be the men your hearts desire[/size].

Best
TV

chinwe11: Thanks for your advices/insults sha. I have read them through, and i have decided to help out. I guess the reason why i had to bring this to NL is because most of my frieds kept warning me before wedding that 'DO NOT PAY FOR ANYTHING DURING THE WEDDING. IT IS THE HUSBANDS RESPONSIBILITY'. Even my relatives said the same thing, that in Ibo land its the man's duty. You get lots of advise from other women, this morning, a friend was telling me that after marriage, you keep your money and spend his, and they say that is what happens in thier homes. When the issue of bringing the 80% came up, i got worried,, cos i felt it would be like i was marrying my self. I have enough money to foot our wedding and even double of that. But was just worried it would be like i was marrying myself, or the man might take me for granted. Also i forgot to add that when i said he should borrow, i planned that we would pay back from my money, so it wont just look like i GAVE him the wedding money. Anyway sha i would bring my 80%.

Thanks for all your advises oh! I would post the wedding pictures here maybe! Thanks

Happy married life in advance

chinwe11: Thanks for your advices/insults sha. I have read them through, and i have decided to help out. I guess the reason why i had to bring this to NL is because most of my frieds kept warning me before wedding that 'DO NOT PAY FOR ANYTHING DURING THE WEDDING. IT IS THE HUSBANDS RESPONSIBILITY'. Even my relatives said the same thing, that in Ibo land its the man's duty. You get lots of advise from other women, this morning, a friend was telling me that after marriage, you keep your money and spend his, and they say that is what happens in thier homes. When the issue of bringing the 80% came up, i got worried,, cos i felt it would be like i was marrying my self. I have enough money to foot our wedding and even double of that. But was just worried it would be like i was marrying myself, or the man might take me for granted. Also i forgot to add that when i said he should borrow, i planned that we would pay back from my money, so it wont just look like i GAVE him the wedding money. Anyway sha i would bring my 80%.

Thanks for all your advises oh! I would post the wedding pictures here maybe! Thanks

Most of the time in life our 1st reaction is the most honest one, if you feel it diminishes your potential husband or yourself by contributing financially to your wedding then will you feel the same when rent is due again, when it's time to pay school fees, etc?

If you are looking for a provider then fine don't contribute, however if you are looking for a soulmate then even if na 100%. But really look in your heart and ask yourself what you expect from him and if he can't provide it then you guys aren't ready to get married

awwww . . . . what a happy ending

Poster,

u see . . . that is why you need to be your own woman o. Don't allow jealous friends and family come between you and your HTB o. But before you get too carried away, make sure that guy truly wants you o. Make desperation no make you marry and u go come they regret afterwards. Please, bi ko, ejo o.

Busy_body: Me too I wan open my own can of worms, why do you Cabals form an association to banish the Nigerian culture that let's men get away with cheating, wife beating, and all this other atrocities committed against women YET in the same vein wants to passionately hold on to this same culture that dictates women are to be sold to the highest bidder and treated like chattels like Outstrip's goats ehn

Are just noticing that we some women live double lives

Kai today na today, Naija men have suffered, damned if they do, damned if they don't Oya the time is now and your query has been beautifully addressed by TV01 in large bold font in his post below. Its time to cut the apron's strings and stop doing the "norm" and listen to these men since it is them we want to marry, or abi the Kabals don dey marry themselves ni

BB,

I just dey wonder o . . .u sure say u be woman

jennykadry: LMAO. When an adult makes a mistakes, yu blame the mother. If at this time and day you do not know that an adult should be held respOnsible for their actions then there is no hope for Nigerians in general. Who does that anyways? Blame someone's parents for a grown azzed man's/ woman's mistakes?

Phewww very soon mothers will get blamed if their children start stealing. Olorun ma'je

If she no keep anything for the children...she gets the blame.

mastro:

Most of the time in life our 1st reaction is the most honest one, if you feel it diminishes your potential husband or yourself by contributing financially to your wedding then will you feel the same when rent is due again, when it's time to pay school fees, etc?

If you are looking for a provider then fine don't contribute, however if you are looking for a soulmate then even if na 100%. But really look in your heart and ask yourself what you expect from him and if he can't provide it then you guys aren't ready to get married

Thanks a lot o. I no sabi spoke enrisgh again You just spoken it for me

@ poster,

look in your heart and ask yourself what you expect from him and if he can't provide it then you guys aren't readyFIT to get married. Chikena!!!

ferdiii:

If she no keep anything for the children...she gets the blame.

Secondly, if she no correct or scold the child when she started thieving meat from the pot and stealing 10 kobo from her purse, then she is to blame

Sugardiva:

Come, I ignored u the first tym u replied my post. I don't talk to or argue wit pple like u who hv d comprehension abilities of a 6 year old. The pple I respond to on dis thread r d ones who put forth their arguments maturely n actually understand my posts. Read this carefully cos I'm only gonna type it once: Get off my trail. Do not respond to me if all uve got to say is arrant nansense.

How much do you save every month. U no dey work?

Tgirl4real:

Secondly, if she no correct or scold the child when she started thieving meat from the pot and stealing 10 kobo from her purse, then she is to blame

The child even inherited it from her...she is stealing from the father.It is like mothers scolding their children for not going to school or doing well, when them didn't even have NECO results. Where is the child going to inherit the brains from? Me marry an intelligent and hardworking woman and my two children are showing good signs.

ferdiii:

The child even inherited it from her...she is stealing from the father.It is like mothers scolding their children for not going to school or doing well, when them didn't even have NECO results. Where is the child going to inherit the brains from? Me marry an intelligent and hardworking woman and my two children are showing good signs.

lol

Op,

Despite your change of heart,i would still want you to have a good talk with him and decide if its worth going on with the wedding in August given other things you have complained about in other thread.

Also why not seriously consider cutting the wedding cost?, Even the 80% you would be contributing, a better part can be spent on something else.

Its not too early to start thinking of buying a land (If you havent done that already) or building the house sef.

One thing is if Adenuga spends his whole fortune for wedding, Some ppl would still complain that he is stingy and they have seen something better

Try as much as possible to keep this secrete..and since most of your friends are aware,i hope it won't spill to ur husbands ear,wahala fit burst..just saying.

chaircover: Bisi awon wo ni cabals? Have you forgotten that you are one too

Abeg your own, TV and debosky grammer too plenti jare. I no understand am; In fact, I am a product of a failed educational system

Abeg free me make I go cook moin moin elemi meje for Mr CC jare . . . the way to a mans heart wallet is through his stomach

Stop rubbing it in that I did not make the Cabal list joo Me sef I am still in wonderment as to what the cabal is ni oh, and everytime I ask Sir Richvkunt, he sends me off to sit on the fence like a naughty child because he does not want my innocence corrupted Anyway I have given him the passcode to Jenny's heart so you guys should soon watch out for plenty plenty love in the air and possibly an August wedding too, like the OP and then maybe Richvkunt would tell us the mission and vision of the cabals

You see what I mean with this our Nigeran culture, the man will only eat the already aesthetically pleasant looking yam and beans only if the woman sweats on it in the mortar and pestle Ayanma I wonder how people eat something that gross bound together with sweat and saliva and I bet some human skins were shed during those vigorous pounding sessions too, not to talk of the many insects and their eggs hiding in the crevices of the mortar, eurghhh


Back to the most important discussion today on planet earth, what happened to the human rights of those lactating goats, what if they like their belly being rubbed a certain way, what if they didn't wanna breastfeed so they can avoid having slippers boobies, what if they prefer strolling by the beach instead of watching Outstrip watching them fall off those mountains, what if they only prefer 500-count Eqyptian cotton, what if they don't feel comfortable enough answering the call of nature in public, what if they prefer rap music to classical music she forces them to listen to ehn. . . Someone please get me the phone number of the animal welfare unit in Nigeria please






NB:

By the way I saw the-product-of-a-thrice-failed-GMAT-remedial-class-Sagamite and the-product-of-a-closed-down-community-college-Moremi-Ajasoro, on the same thread earlier today blowing kisses at each other. Surely the World is about to end today



Yeparipa, my hands is paining me oh, no wonder the caring Jenny was asking me earlier if I use a PA or write things all by myself, phew

Actually Oga Kadry is the one pounding the yam(figuratively) and I feel sorry for him cos I am on an impromptu sick leave caused by a lumbar muscle sprain which happened at work yesterday, just imagine squatting on the floor to check on someone and gbam I couldn't get up again for 10 solid minutes. As I am talking to you amebo woman, I haven't slept on my bed since yesterday but on a rekliner chair, so my head is seeing smoke as I am sleep deprived. Poor man has been asked to prepare a nice Salmon fish peppersoup to keep me going and I am considering adding that CC's moin-moin to the list .

I am waiting for the day you will post on NLD without mentioning and till then, Let me beg his royal highness to move my 150kg self for a nice massage.

Phewwww and you people say women have no rights?

The man used his money to pay for the house both of you will live in and you came out here to expose his yansh because he asked you contribute to YOUR wedding. What kind of marafakas parade themselves as wives this days!! I am sure the lady still wants a society wedding oh, instead of reducing the expenses..

I wonder what your plans are as helpmeet to the man when he successfully marry you. shior

FYI: if don't like his attitude you should call off the wedding and save the dude impending catastrophe.

Tgirl4real:


Are just noticing that we some women live double lives



BB,

I just dey wonder o . . .u sure say u be woman

I am kukuma 110% all woman. Feel free to come onboard with myself, Jennykadry, Chaircover and counting. . .our mission and revolution to put that Philosoper Plato in his place for coming up with the suggestion that nurture aka Mothers are culprits, afterall who does not know that in our respectable popular culture, it is the man who raises the children whilst the woman goes out to work to earn their daily bread

And you can invite that ya male fwend Ferdiii too, afterall we need a strong and steady pair of hands to carry our bags too

BB, u no serious. U too like torey

Jenny, pele op. Ndo!!! i hope I got that right

Tgirl4real: BB, u no serious. U too like torey

Jenny, pele op. Ndo!!! i hope I got that right

I am serious and 100% well as always. You must be confusing me with that yabaleft inmate, I have all of a sudden forgotten what that her name is sef. She is the one claiming muscle pull which she has forgotten was the same excuse she used exactly 3 days ago, all because she wants steaming hot pounded yam served in bed. My vexation with her is why can't I have "bad taste" like hers too, so I can get someone to cook me those horrible looking smelling like armpits abasha concoction monstrousity called pounded yam. And I bet it is those women talking over the mortar that suupplies the abundance of saliva that makes it sticky, eughhhh yuck bleughhh

Ehn hen Tgirl, what was your question again, you were saying

chinwe11: Thanks for your advices/insults sha. I have read them through, and i have decided to help out. I guess the reason why i had to bring this to NL is because most of my frieds kept warning me before wedding that 'DO NOT PAY FOR ANYTHING DURING THE WEDDING. IT IS THE HUSBANDS RESPONSIBILITY'. Even my relatives said the same thing, that in Ibo land its the man's duty. You get lots of advise from other women, this morning, a friend was telling me that after marriage, you keep your money and spend his, and they say that is what happens in thier homes. When the issue of bringing the 80% came up, i got worried,, cos i felt it would be like i was marrying my self. I have enough money to foot our wedding and even double of that. But was just worried it would be like i was marrying myself, or the man might take me for granted. Also i forgot to add that when i said he should borrow, i planned that we would pay back from my money, so it wont just look like i GAVE him the wedding money. Anyway sha i would bring my 80%.

Thanks for all your advises oh! I would post the wedding pictures here maybe! Thanks

Chinwe,

You/your relatives are absolutely correct that among the Igbo, it is the man's responsibility to cover the costs of the traditional marriage and church wedding. No question whatsoever about that.

It is indeed your prerogative to insist that your fiance shoulder the entire costs of the wedding. In which case, it is your responsibility to find a man that is willing and able to bear the entire costs of marrying you.

Tgirl4real: BB, u no serious. U too like torey

Jenny, pele op. Ndo!!! i hope I got that right

I am serious and 100% well as always. You must be confusing me with that yabaleft inmate, I have all of a sudden forgotten what that her name is sef. She is the one claiming muscle pull which she has forgotten was the same excuse she used exactly 3 days ago, all because she wants steaming hot pounded yam served in bed. My vexation with her is why can't I have "bad taste" like hers too, so I can get someone to cook me those horrible looking smelling like armpits abasha concoction monstrousity called pounded yam. And I bet it is those women talking over the mortar that suupplies the abundance of saliva that makes it sticky, eughhhh yuck bleughhh

Ehn hen Tgirl, what was your question again, you were saying

jennykadry: Actually Oga Kadry is the one pounding the yam(figuratively) and I feel sorry for him cos I am on an impromptu sick leave caused by a lumbar muscle sprain which happened at work yesterday, just imagine squatting on the floor to check on someone and gbam I couldn't get up again for 10 solid minutes. As I am talking to you amebo woman, I haven't slept on my bed since yesterday but on a rekliner chair, so my head is seeing smoke as I am sleep deprived. Poor man has been asked to prepare a nice Salmon fish peppersoup to keep me going and I am considering adding that CC's moin-moin to the list .

I am waiting for the day you will post on NLD without mentioning and till then, Let me beg his royal highness to move my 150kg self for a nice massage.

Phewwww and you people say women have no rights?

I can see you have started skipping your vital meds again hence reason you are hallucinating that I dey follow you, me that I never read your post at all, like the infamous. . .er. . . Arrant nonsense and ingredient, mschewww.


I wonder why my hand is "suddenly" paining me and I feel the onset of a muscle pull too coming on

dayokanu: Op,

Despite your change of heart,i would still want you to have a good talk with him and decide if its worth going on with the wedding in August given other things you have complained about in other thread.

Interesting! After spending the entire thread ranting against us, you are now in essence saying the same thing as what me, chaircover and some other ladies on here have said though we used different words. The difference between you and us is that we could deduce their other issues she complained about in her other thread without seeing that thread, just based on her original post here!

blacklion:

Chinwe,

You/your relatives are absolutely correct that among the Igbo, it is the man's responsibility to cover the costs of the traditional marriage and church wedding. No question whatsoever about that.

It is indeed your prerogative to insist that your fiance shoulder the entire costs of the wedding. In which case, it is your responsibility to find a man that is willing and able to bear the entire costs of marrying you.

I'm sorry, before you started all your previous rants on this thread o, when you saw Chinwe's user name, what tribe did you initially assume she was from?

ileobatojo:

Interesting! After spending the entire thread ranting against us, you are now in essence saying the same thing as what me, chaircover and some other ladies on here have said though we used different words. The difference between you and us is that we could deduce their other issues she complained about in her other thread without seeing that thread, just based on her original post here!

Interesting too.


Y'all "initially" deduced[\b] yet said nothing the men didn't say.

Dayokanu too alongside the other men "initially" [b]deduced the same thing and said nothing you ladies didn't say too.


Houston we have a non-problem I thought Debosky eloquently covered this already. Core blimey wimmin, you just gotta love them

blacklion:

Chinwe,

You/your relatives are absolutely correct that among the Igbo, it is the man's responsibility to cover the costs of the traditional marriage and church wedding. No question whatsoever about that.

It is indeed your prerogative to insist that your fiance shoulder the entire costs of the wedding. In which case, it is your responsibility to find a man that is willing and able to bear the entire costs of marrying you.

Nice use of reverse wordplay, thumbs up

I am surprise that, this question should even come up.....both of you are working and collecting salary...if the guy uses his money to pay rent and foot all wedding expense..what are you going to use your money for?

Women baff's me a times...they want equality and full representation but do not want any responsibility. My advise is, if you do not think it is equitable to share expenses with your future husband, you better cancelled the marriage altogether...because from your story, the guy is not a millionaire, he appear to be a regular guy that would use the help of his wife here and there in the future (which is normal and expected)...and he has shown you how things are going to be in the future by asking you to contribute and he is wise to refuse your advise for him to go into debts.

Am more surprise that, you would advise him to go into debt than to contribute to both of your happiness. Something is not right with that...Is this a marriage of convenience? Do you really love this guy? Are you sure you really want to marry him? Do you plan to live the rest of your life with him?

Busy_body:

Dayokanu too alongside the other men "initially" deduced the same thing and said nothing you ladies didn't say too.

Thank you? But let him speak for himself.

ileobatojo:

Interesting! After spending the entire thread ranting against us, you are now in essence saying the same thing as what me, chaircover and some other ladies on here have said though we used different words. The difference between you and us is that we could deduce their other issues she complained about in her other thread without seeing that thread, just based on her original post here!

Actually most women on here are questioning/insulting the man on why the man shouldn't have money to spend on the wedding or why would the woman have to pay for her wedding even if she had the means.

How many of the female posters here told her to break up the relationship? Rather they were more concerned about how he should go find the money anyhow even if it means going to borrow and the cultural implications of spending on her own wedding, Some said why should he spend money on accommodation instead of on the wedding

Instead of the apparent selfishness, inconsiderate nature of the woman and twisted thinking of some females here

ileobatojo:

Thank you? But let him speak for himself.

You 'ladies" are the ones childishly turning this into an "us versus them" situation. And when you start going on about how it is the majority of you ladies on the other side of the fence who are deep and have the deductive reasoning skills. . .er. . .we the remaining minority ladies are the dunces and dundee united abi. . . Or is it because we reason sometimes like the men, you expect you can wrap us round your little fingers too with those sweet coy words you women use to bedazzle men!!!


As for "your plight", I will forward the motion to Seun to strongly consider installing an "oshuka" button on NL2, so that "we" can carry "our" posts on "our" head if "our" petulant stroppy self do not want anyone to touch it. In the meantime, you can avail yourself to tthe diary section. Once you come out of this section, turn first left and second right, you can't miss it. Mind you, don't let the door hit you on the way out though

ileobatojo:

Interesting! After spending the entire thread ranting against us, you are now in essence saying the same thing as what me, chaircover and some other ladies on here have said though we used different words. The difference between you and us is that we could deduce their other issues she complained about in her other thread without seeing that thread, just based on her original post here!

What exactly is ur point
There's nufin u said here that hasn't been analyse by 3-5 persons in different ways.

ileobatojo:

I'm sorry, before you started all your previous rants on this thread o, when you saw Chinwe's user name, what tribe did you initially assume she was from?

So, u agree it's a tribe thing Good! At least we have a common ground.

Busy_body:
As for "your plight", I will forward the motion to Seun to strongly consider installing an "oshuka" button on NL2, so that "we" can carry "our" posts on "our" head if "our" petulant stroppy self do not want anyone to touch it. In the meantime, you can avail yourself to tthe diary section. Once you come out of this section, turn first left and second right, you can't miss it. Mind you, don't let the door hit you on the way out though

ROFLOL

I beg to ask, who knows where debrief is? She don born ni

BTW BB,
CC is fond of calling hubby Mr CC on NL and Jenny calls hers Mr Kadry. I'm just thinking o, would u like to call your hubby MR Busybody? cos I won't like to call mine MR Tgirl4real for example. Hehehehe

Busy_body:


You 'ladies" are the ones[b]childishly[/b] turning this into an "us versus them" situation. And when you start going on about how it is the majority of you ladies on the other side of the fence who are deep and have the deductive reasoning skills. . .er. . .we the remaining minority ladies are the dunces and dundee united abi. . . Or is it because we reason sometimes like the men, you expect you can wrap us round your little fingers too with those sweet coy words you women use to bedazzle men!!!


As for "your plight", I will forward the motion to Seun to [b]strongly consider installing an "oshuka" button on NL2, so that "we" can carry "our" posts on "our" head if "our" petulant stroppy self do not want anyone to touch it. In the meantime, you can avail yourself to tthe diary section. Once you come out of this section, turn first left and second right, you can't miss it. Mind you, don't let the door hit you on the way out though[/b]

The irony in the bolded words speaks for itself.