logica: Oh, so it took your "hubby" to tell you for you to know what's "right"? Or maybe this is just an opportunity to remind "us" that you have a "hubby"?

debosky:

Thank heavens your hubby has a good brain on his shoulders. . . . .that should more than make up for your own erm. . . .questionable reasoning on this issue earlier.

You open eye enter market my dear.

Sugardiva: @ purist ur definition of marriage is certainly admirable, but bliv me u don't knw my definition of marriage so don't judge ok? The definition I gave u is the general perception in Nigeria today. Call it archaic but dats hw Nigerians think 2day. There is almost no man in Nig who wld cuk n clean 50 percent of d time in a marriage. Evn u who is saying this I only give u the benefit of the doubt believing u since I don't knw u.

I am nt arguing based on my opinion of wat marriage shld be, I am arguing based on wat most peeps think it to be. For ur 50 50 sharing idea to work evry1 wld av to hv ur ideology but evry1 doesn't. So its gud for u, but nt a gud premise upon which to base ur advice to the OP.

blank: So many lazy men on this thread. Someone even said that if he sees the woman that will pay 100% that he will jump at it. Tomorrow they will say women are gold diggers.

slimyem: ....at least you know what he used his own part of the money for...
Its towards both your comfort after the wedding!
If you can afford it and he's worth it,then do and stop wondering about what's okay of not!don't be SELFISH!
Or betterstill postpone the wedding until he saves up enough money for the wedding and hope he hasnt changed his mind about marrying you by that time!

ronkebp: since the lady has the money for the wedding, she should assist her fiance and pay for it

ronkebp: and if she feels she cannot pay, then she should wait till when he saves up, which might take another 2 years. simple.!!!!

ronkebp: We still dey here people?

Lets come to the conclusion of the matter, i asked my hubby last night and he said, since the lady has the money for the wedding, she should assist her fiance and pay for it and if she feels she cannot pay, then she should wait till when he saves up, which might take another 2 years. simple.!!!!

so i supoort my hubby's suggestion, Poster, help your fiance and pay for the wedding, if you cannot afford the remaining 80% just let him know, and both of you should put heads together, to either reduce all the expenses you have in mind and cut your coat according to your cloth. I wish you well.

dayokanu:


Since the lady has the money (in Nigerian language) = Shebi you have the money

Now carry cutlass about the use of "Shebi you have the money"

Tgirl4real: @ Fhemmmy,

I quite get you. There is nothing like having an understanding partner. I can also imagine how a responsible man will feel if he can't provide adequately for his family. Trully, our society is tough now.

I pray God continue to give our 'sensible' men the wisdom, ability, finances and everything it takes to be a real man.

victorian: Thats most Nija men for you.. Lazy, Golddiggers and the first to cry foul after selling themselves cheap to women.. sorry guys but its true.

blank: So many lazy men on this thread. Someone even said that if he sees the woman that will pay 100% that he will jump at it. Tomorrow they will say women are gold diggers.

chaircover: Many of the women on this thread understand this issue deeply but the men are just looking at the tip of the matter.

chaircover: Many people dont seem to understand the deeper meaning of marriage/wedding. We are not talking about a birthday party or house warming party; we are talking about a one off wedding here. This is the foundation of their married lives.

chaircover: Personally I would rather put all my money into the accommodation issue rather than put 80% down for the wedding. I dont think that many of you understand the real meaning of a wedding and the deeper matters involved and what it really means when you say that you want to marry a woman. There is one wedding but many many more accommodation renewals.

chaircover: And as for the 50/50 western world split that many are talking about, how many of you in theory are marrying these women? and why not? why do so many of you still prefer to marry Nigerian women over these women? How many of you talking especially the naija based peeps will accept their wives kicking them out of the house and barring them from seeing the children simply because she has fallen out of love with you or she caught you with another woman? You all want your cakes and eat it.

Hi nairalanders.

I am getting married soon, but i am getting scared and confused as the day draws nearer (december).

I have dated my man for four years, and it seems things are getting worse. Despite the fact that it took him three years to decide he wanted us to get married (for some reason he wasnt sure for the three years), now that we are supposed to get married i am having double thoughts.

While he is a nice person, i dont just feel the spark. He is very non challant about everything now in the relationship. HE might offend me, and if i get upset, he acts like he absolutely doesnt care and ignores me without an apology or claims i like wahala. When i even say okay, lets talk about this thing you did, he says he doesnt want to talk about it. He did the same about four weeks back, and for the first time (i hardly get angry), i got angry and didnt speak with him for a whole week and he came apologizing and begging. Well after i forgave him, he was all loving and caring for a while, then shifted back. Now i have been asking him we should like go out or spend some time together, (we dont live together o) and he keeps saying he is in a mood, he is stressed, and i am like wth! My problems with him are:


1. Isnt showing much love and affection: for someone who is getting married, i feel that the love and affection, the eagerness should be there.
2. Always entering moods. today he is in a foul mood and doesn't want to talk to me. tomorrow he is another foul mood and wants to be alone (even when we are together.
3. I am the one always doing things for him, always setting dates for us to go out, always making out time for us to see, sometimes it seems like i am forcing him to do things together with me.
4. he doesnt even seem excited to be getting married. When we talk about it, i just get this non challant attitude again. Been asking him when he wants to come and see my people formally, and all i get it 'you are pressuring me', i need to get some things in place first.

As much as i want to get married (will be 29 this year), i am just not sure i want to put up with these attitude for the rest of my life, or marry someone who doesnt seem so crazy about me even though he claims he is.

My question is this:
I know no one is perfect, but i dont know if i can put up with this behaivour or non challance for the rest of my life. to be honest at 29, i am so scared of leaving, as i know it might take a while to get someone else and marry, but i just dont know. MY friends claim i am taking things to seriously, that i cant get a hundred percent man, but at least cant i get 70? i dont know oh. I am really scared. I love this man, but the thought of a sad marriage is making me scared.

chaircover: @TV so if you were in this mans shoes, what would you have done?

chaircover: Many of the women on this thread understand this issue deeply but the men are just looking at the tip of the matter.

Many people dont seem to understand the deeper meaning of marriage/wedding. We are not talking about a birthday party or house warming party; we are talking about a one off wedding here. This is the foundation of their married lives.

I dont think that many of you understand the real meaning of a wedding and the deeper matters involved and what it really means when you say that you want to marry a woman.

And as for the 50/50 western world split that many are talking about, how many of you in theory are marrying these women? and why not?

As regards the yoruba culture where the brides family picks up the reception (note it is the brides family; not the bride) even with that, a grooms family with pride, will still provide at least food and drink for their own guests or at the very least send a cow to the wives family.

What I can see in the whole matter is that they have communication problems and they both lack trust in each other and based on that alone, I think that they should postpone the wedding for now.

Re the rent issue, they should have had a discussion a long time ago, the moment they realized that the wedding money was going to become accommodation money and both sat down and agreed a way forward.

chaircover: @TV so if you were in this mans shoes, what would you have done?

Fhemmmy: I ant believe that this thread is still growing . ..

texazzpete:

. . . You haven't even married yet and you're showing a far greater affinity for 'tradition' than love and understanding . . .

Trimia: You people should stop calling this woman selfish its pisin me off. Wich of the men here can go and meet thier friends and boast that- ah na my babe pay for our wedding cause she get money. Ideally, marriage costs should be split even, are u trying to say that if the poster here was jobless, or was even still in school the man won't marry her again because she can't pay for d wedding. And d woman didn't even say she couldn't assist in payin d bills, she only complains that eighty percent seems rather unfair to her. And those of you saying the man used his money to rent a house for the BOTH of them should think again. He rented his own house (most probably in just his name) and invited d woman to live with him. So he eventually is the stingy one for asking his girl to pay most of the cost on d basis that he blew his money renting an apartment (was he planning to sleep under bridge wit her). Any man who wants to express thier authority as d head of the house should know one thing, if your wife pays for that wedding, you automatically lose your authority.

Trimia: You people should stop calling this woman selfish its pisin me off. Wich of the men here can go and meet thier friends and boast that- ah na my babe pay for our wedding cause she get money. Ideally, marriage costs should be split even, are u trying to say that if the poster here was jobless, or was even still in school the man won't marry her again because she can't pay for d wedding. And d woman didn't even say she couldn't assist in payin d bills, she only complains that eighty percent seems rather unfair to her. And those of you saying the man used his money to rent a house for the BOTH of them should think again. He rented his own house (most probably in just his name) and invited d woman to live with him. So he eventually is the stingy one for asking his girl to pay most of the cost on d basis that he blew his money renting an apartment (was he planning to sleep under bridge wit her). Any man who wants to express thier authority as d head of the house should know one thing, if your wife pays for that wedding, you automatically lose your authority.

Trimia: You people should stop calling this woman selfish its pisin me off. Wich of the men here can go and meet thier friends and boast that- ah na my babe pay for our wedding cause she get money. Ideally, marriage costs should be split even, are u trying to say that if the poster here was jobless, or was even still in school the man won't marry her again because she can't pay for d wedding. And d woman didn't even say she couldn't assist in payin d bills, she only complains that eighty percent seems rather unfair to her. And those of you saying the man used his money to rent a house for the BOTH of them should think again. He rented his own house (most probably in just his name) and invited d woman to live with him. So he eventually is the stingy one for asking his girl to pay most of the cost on d basis that he blew his money renting an apartment (was he planning to sleep under bridge wit her). Any man who wants to express thier authority as d head of the house should know one thing, if your wife pays for that wedding, you automatically lose your authority.