slimyem: ....at least you know what he used his own part of the money for...
Its towards both your comfort after the wedding!
If you can afford it and he's worth it,then do and stop wondering about what's okay of not!don't be SELFISH!
Or betterstill postpone the wedding until he saves up enough money for the wedding and hope he hasnt changed his mind about marrying you by that time!

Sugardiva:
OP i think ur HTB may not be very good with financial planing to get into this dilemma. He knew his rent was expiring in sept and then fixed a wedding in august but only made financial provision for one of those events. So u can try to complement him by helping him with planning your finances.

ferdiii:

Why marrying sef? Make sure u kill only one man in ur quest!

chinwe11: Nairalanders, i have some questions oh. I am getting married in August..............my fiance and i are both working, but the house where he is staying now is having some problems, and might fall soon, so the landlord told them all to evacuate so he can renovate. (The rent was expiring in September anyway) My fiance then decided to use part of the money for the wedding to rent a new house for us. The problem now is, after renting the house, he had to do renovations etc, and now the wedding for the money is almost finished to about 20% left. he is now saying shebi i also have money that i should make up the remaining 80%. Please nairalanders what do you think? Is a woman supposed to pay the bulk money for the wedding?



Afterall what plans did he have for rent after the wedding? I told him to borrow money he said no.

Sugardiva:
@ all the guys talking abt how couples shld foot wedding bills 50 50 una no get shame? That sounds like irresponsibility.

Sugardiva:
A man's job is to provide! A woman should supplement not provide. Thats by both cultural and biblical standards.

Sugardiva:
Be there waiting for a woman who will pay ur bils. Mschew!

taryour:

it is totally bad to borrow money for ur wedding.. Its not by force to av a big elaborate wedding n besides lots of food will b waisted were there are some ppl out there hungry and wunt even mind eating d leftovers. Cut ur cloth accordin to ur size but if u insist on a big wedding then u shouldnt av a problem dropin d 80% of d funds if u av d money,afterall d house he got n renovated is for d both of u n ur future kids. This happens only once in a life time so no big deal in carrying d expence, marriage is abt love,so if u truely love him n want him for d rest of ur life use d funds u av n a assure u he would appreciate it n cherish u forever but that dosnt mean U SHOULD PUT IT TO HIS FACE AFTER MARRIAGE THAT AFTERALL U FOOTHED ALL D BILLS WEN U AV ARGUMENTS IN UR UNION. If u ever do such then u are shame to womanhood.

odo_von_nestor: [b]Going by culture the man should foot the bill for d wedding. [/b]That's d way it should be in africa culture, if he doesn't have enough he should cut to his size. Our custom demands dat a marry should take the whole responsibilty "to be a man ino easy".

That doesn't mean dat d woman should use her money in running of the family buh it must be after she has been married int the house.

Ibime:

Which culture is this?

English white wedding is not our culture.

If we wanna follow English tradition, we should follow it to the letter. . . in English tradition, the father of the bride pays for the wedding. Why should the OP be stressing her fiance over something her father should be handling?

ronkebp: We still dey here people?

Lets come to the conclusion of the matter, i asked my hubby last night and he said, since the lady has the money for the wedding, she should assist her fiance and pay for it and if she feels she cannot pay, then she should wait till when he saves up, which might take another 2 years. simple.!!!!

so i supoort my hubby's suggestion, Poster, help your fiance and pay for the wedding, if you cannot afford the remaining 80% just let him know, and both of you should put heads together, to either reduce all the expenses you have in mind and cut your coat according to your cloth. I wish you well.

Purist:

No, it's not. It's simply common sense. Both parties should contribute EQUALLY in all ramifications so that they can both claim EQUAL stakes in their relationship. This is marriage for crying out loud, not a master-slave relationship. By the way, it seems you ladies discard the equality rule ONLY when pecuniary responsibilities are not in your favour. I'm pretty sure you have no troubles earning the SAME salary as your husband, or even more.



Cultural practices vary from place to place, even within Nigeria. You should be more specific when referring to culture. Besides, as someone has repeatedly mentioned here earlier, culture and tradition should only be sustained in correspondence to their relevance in the times we are living in. The days when men were required to be the SOLE provider are long over. Such traditions only stood and were rightly justified in the past because men were the only ones allowed to work, while the women sat at home. These days, women not only work, they are even beginning to earn much more than the men. As a result, surely, we cannot still continue to hold on to such archaic "cultures", can we? Law was made for man, not the other way round.

And talking of biblical standards, you're certainly being selective here. The same Bible permits women NOT to speak in the church. I'm fairly certain that doesn't go down well with you. And besides, the bible says that the woman should be the helper, isn't it? That is exactly what this woman here is being asked to do. Obey the bible and HELP her husband-to-be out.



No one is asking the woman to pay his bills. All we're clamouring for that she contributes as a co-partner in the relationship. Why is this so hard to grasp?

Claus:

A lot of people have already explained how the rental market works in Nigeria. From what we see, this was a genuine emergency. If your rent expires in a house you're already in, you just renew it for an additional year, so it's feasible he had set aside that renewal money.

However, he had to move out and get a new apartment which would normally require 2 to 3 years advance rental payment + other agency costs. In addition, the poster mentioned some renovation he had to do to the new apartment. That's where the unexpected costs came in.

Please, please, please, let us agree that this was a genuine emergency that can happen to anyone.

Sugardiva:

I see ur point but thats not entirely true. I live and rent houses in Nigeria and You CAN rent houses for one year. In Lagos as a matter of fact the law requires the lanlord to collect only six months rent except both parties agree otherwise (altho im not certain the lanlords comply wit that law.) The point is all of what we're saying is just assumptions since we were not there with the OP HTB and so neither u nor i can be entirely sure of if it was actually a true emergency or not so i cant agree with u on that.

Sugardiva:

I see ur point but thats not entirely true. I live and rent houses in Nigeria and You CAN rent houses for one year. In Lagos as a matter of fact the law requires the lanlord to collect only six months rent except both parties agree otherwise (altho im not certain the lanlords comply wit that law.) The point is all of what we're saying is just assumptions since we were not there with the OP HTB and so neither u nor i can be entirely sure of if it was actually a true emergency or not so i cant agree with u on that.

Ibime: The OP should know that no man ever dreamed of his wedding day as a child.

Most men do not care if they get married in front of a congregation or infront of two witnesses.

In other words, whatever the man decides to spend on a wedding is a gift to his wife.

That you expect a man to ignore his primary responsibility of providing shelter in order to cater for your wedding fantasy (secondary responsibility) speaks more about you than the guy.

Perhaps you would prefer if he asked you to take care of shelter so he could pay for the wedding.

I actually feel sorry for this man you are about to marry. No man wants to marry a flaky woman with mixed-up priorities.

BREAK UP WITH HIM AND GO FIND ANOTHER MAN WHO WOULD PAY 1million Percent of your wedding expenses while you just sit down there like Sallah ram waiting for Buyer . Later you would come here and ask us why the man treats you like trash when he bought you completely like an item in the market

Sugardiva: The OP can contribute to the wedding considering the circumstances after all in marriage the two become one and so do their resources. They can cut down on expenses and foot the bill with his 20 percent and what the OP has. (Personally ive never thot it the complete duty of the man to foot the bill. Ive always thot he can foot the bill to the best of his ability and then i can supplement.)

However i dont agree with the pple abusing the OP and calling her selfish. Try to look at her dilemma from her eyes. It would be emotionally tasking not just financially tasking for a woman to foot the bill of ur wedding 80 percent. you would always feel like u forced urself on him. Also as some posters hv pointed out she stands a high risk of being abused by her in laws as forcing herslf on him.

OP i think ur HTB may not be very good with financial planing to get into this dilemma. He knew his rent was expiring in sept and then fixed a wedding in august but only made financial provision for one of those events. So u can try to complement him by helping him with planning your finances. Also his comment of shebi u have money may just be the fact that he is under pressure speaking (but u know him better so be the judge). My advice is if you are very sure he loves u and takes responsiblity for u, dont let this get between u. Foot the bill and marry him. if he is the good guy he will always love n respect u for standing by him and supporting him.

@ all the guys talking abt how couples shld foot wedding bills 50 50 una no get shame? That sounds like irresponsibility. A man's job is to provide! The Op's situation is kind of different cos he used up his money on their rent but if u like no go work find money. A woman should supplement not provide. Thats by both cultural and biblical standards.Be there waiting for a woman who will pay ur bils. Mschew!

taryour:

adding to what i av said above op, d 80% money pecent u puting down isnt a big deal if u insist on having an elaborate wedding,but if u dont want to use ur mony at all ( which am sure wiil leave a very very bad impression abt u in ur hubby mind) den cot all expences down n use d 20percent he as left. Ur htb like every oda man in dis life knows dat d man should b d one to pay d bride price no matter how broke he is. Good luck.

Sugardiva:

But i still maintain my stand that its a man's responsiblity to provide. A man who doesnt feel so is not mentally ready for marriage. u talking abt equality?

Sugardiva:
In a marriage a woman is solely responsible for domestic upkeep of the home all d cleaning, washing n cooking, taking care of the kids and according to u 50 percent of the finances she gets working at a job just as demanding as her hubby's. What does the man contribute? Only 50 percent of the finances. Is it just me or is equality defined differently in ur dictionary?

Tgirl4real: @ Fhemmmy, it seems you have finally taken a chair and you are having a drink on this thread. You just they reply everybody

ronkebp:
Lets come to the conclusion of the matter, i asked my hubby last night and he said . . .

Sugardiva: @ purist ur definition of marriage is certainly admirable, but bliv me u don't knw my definition of marriage so don't judge ok? The definition I gave u is the general perception in Nigeria today. Call it archaic but dats hw Nigerians think 2day. There is almost no man in Nig who wld cuk n clean 50 percent of d time in a marriage. Evn u who is saying this I only give u the benefit of the doubt believing u since I don't knw u.

I am nt arguing based on my opinion of wat marriage shld be, I am arguing based on wat most peeps think it to be. For ur 50 50 sharing idea to work evry1 wld av to hv ur ideology but evry1 doesn't. So its gud for u, but nt a gud premise upon which to base ur advice to the OP.

ronkebp: We still dey here people?

Lets come to the conclusion of the matter, i asked my hubby last night and he said[b], since the lady has the money for the wedding, she should assist her fiance and pay for it and if she feels she cannot pay, then she should wait till when he saves up, which might take another 2 years. simple.!!!![/b]