chaircover:

I didn't read anywhere where it was said that the man gave up his home. He wanted to bring in new wifey to live with them all and the kids insisted that he go rent a place for new wifey.

They said the man couldnt bring his new wife home and he gave up the house and went to rent a new place with his new wife. So what more do they want?

chaircover:
I also didnt read anywhere that the wife didnt bring in an income. . . . and seriously how did a man on such a low wage send 4 kids to uni and build a house on his wages alone?

Bricklayers, Farmers, market women etc send kids to universityIts not as if its that hard. The total amount I paid in school fees and accomodatioon to get a 5yr degree was less than 10,000. Thats like $70

His wife may have been a petty trader, in which case she wont get a pension/gratuity from anywhere.

chaircover:
One thing that we are overlooking is that all 4 children are against the father which tells us something . . . . . . Not one child could stick up for his/her dad. That alone speaks volumes. Not very encouraging.

Not strange at all, This is one thing women do everytime. its not ununsual for the women to always poison the mind of the child against the man. When there are spousal disagreement, the first thing women do is to tell the kids how terrible a person their dad is and how she is the Saint even when the man is the one providing all the finances.

Why cant 4 Graduates contribute money to take care of their mom and had to resort to beating their dad?

What if the man didnt come out openly but schemed to have the woman killed and he went ahead to marry the sweet sixteen? isnt that what other men do?

But the man was being true to himself that he wasnt feeling the union anymore and he asked to leave

Efemena_xy:

No, not another person's but her's. They were married, not boyfriend and girlfriend. So what belonged to him belongs to her and vise versa. That's how it works in marriage.

Now if he decides to introduce a third person into the equation a.k.a the new wife, fine, let him do so - but not with the money that was earned from his first marriage.

I don't believe in robbing Peter (first wife) to pay Paul. Let Paul (yeye gold-digging new wife) go make it out on her own!

But you believe in robbing Patrick (the husband) to pay Peter?

chaircover: Dayo you are so out of touch. Uni fees, handouts, accommodation, lecturer backhands and so on is not a walk in the park. Many many parents cant afford to send their kids to uni and that is a fact.

Lets assume that all 4 kids are aged over 20. How can someone poison the minds of kids that grown. meanwhile lets for argument sake that their minds were poisoned. He couldn't have been a good dad in the first instance or it wouldn't have been so easy to poison all 4 minds.

Who says that he went to live in the rented flat with wife number 2? If he did then why were the kids able to throw his things out of the house. Looks like he was keeping two homes.

How far are you sure when they were growing up and he was going out to hustle in Lagos and its go-slow from 7am to 10pm to put food on the table and has no time to be with kids, the lovely and dedicated wife was not frequently bad mouthing him to the kids and raising them up to hate him?

I am sure if that is the case, you women will say "he must have not been a good husband that is the only reason she would do that".

Sisi_Kill:
What is your definition of "dealing with it in a graceful manner"

There are two options involved, it is either she agrees with the idea by defining the terms of the new relationship or disagrees and dots the 'Is' and crosses the 'Ts' of a divorce whilst protecting her interest and those of her children. Either way, she can move on with her life and her children can do the same without much rancour and bitterness towards their father.

Let me not lie to you, those kids have cursed themselves unless their father truly forgives them.

Sagamite:

But you believe in robbing Patrick (the husband) to pay Peter?

What ever belongs to Patrick belongs to Peter and vise versa, so it shouldn't matter.

But it does matter when Patrick decides to bring in the gold digging Paul. In that case, he should go it alone with Paul.

You can't eat your cake and have it.

Efemena_xy:

What ever belongs to Patrick belongs to Peter and vise versa, so it shouldn't matter.

Because?

chaircover: Dayo you are so out of touch. Uni fees, handouts, accommodation, lecturer backhands and so on is not a walk in the park. Many many parents cant afford to send their kids to uni and that is a fact.

I graduated Uni about 10yrs ago. And I had classmates whose parents were farmers and petty traders. I have 3 younger ones who have graduated Uni since, one even finished last december and the cost of Uni are not that expensive in Nigeria unless you are talking about private schools. Every govt worker earns minimum wage. My school fees in Ife for my first 4 yrs. N500 school fees and N90 accomodation

chaircover: Lets assume that all 4 kids are aged over 20. How can someone poison the minds of kids that grown. meanwhile lets for argument sake that their minds were poisoned. He couldn't have been a good dad in the first instance or it wouldn't have been so easy to poison all 4 minds.

That is the stock in trade of women, they do it all the time. While a man would hardly go to tell the kids about the problem with their mother, the woman wouldnt hesistate to do that. It happens all the time. Its not about being a good or bad dad, thats just the way women are.

maclatunji:

There are two options involved, it is either she agrees with the idea by defining the terms of the new relationship or disagrees and dots the 'Is' and crosses the 'Ts' of a divorce whilst protecting her interest and those of her children. Either way, she can move on with her life and her children can do the same without much rancour and bitterness towards their father.

Let me not lie to you, those kids have cursed themselves unless their father truly forgives them.

So either share her husband or leave? Gotcha!!

Let me not lie to you, those kids have cursed themselves unless their father truly forgives them.

Well since Daddy already cursed himself by treating the woman who labored with him for years like trash. . . equation balance, I say!

Sagamite:

Because?

Because they were married. You know, for better for worse

or should I say for worse for better.

But our regular John Doe wants it to be for worse (I stay), for better (I ditch you and just waka...)

Efemena_xy:

Because they were married. You know, for better for worse

or should I say for worse for better.

But our regular John Doe wants it to be for worse (I stay), for better (I ditch you and just waka...)

That does not answer my question.

How does being married "for better for worse" make one party entitled to another party's sweat?

Now you have raised more questions:

What makes you think marriage vows count for shyt? Did she always obey him? Did she always love him? Did she always honour him?

You are recantng worthless rituals?

The man was gentle sha, some men will insist on the second wife being in that home, if they kids make too much noise, he will bring in the third one. Those kids do not have focus in life, instead of hustling to make it in life so they can take care of their mom, they are sitting down in their papa's house feeling like dons.

Sagamite:
I mean it, i really do. It has to be so in a perfect world. I mean give her everything and start a new life with whomever.
I'm an advocate of any woman being treated well/right.

armyofone: Sagamite:
I mean it, i really do. It has to be so in a perfect world. I mean give her everything and start a new life with whomever.
I'm an advocate of any woman being treated well/right.

And also an advocate of men can rot for all you care as long as the woman gets what she wants.

Perfecto World of armyfuneyankan!

hercules07: The man was gentle sha, some men will insist on the second wife being in that home, if they kids make too much noise, he will bring in the third one. Those kids do not have focus in life, instead of hustling to make it in life so they can take care of their mom, they are sitting down in their papa's house feeling like dons.

All 4 of them o!

I am almost convinced there is hardly anyway they would be like that without the mother having brought them up hating their father. Justifiably or not.

Now is that a type of woman this man should spend the rest of his precious, short remaining life with just to please the insecurities of women teriffied of being unloved and lonely in old age? Or to please some social marriage values?

He should submit his life to misery till he dies?

Maybe the man retired and realised "Fck it! Life is so short, I better fcking enjoy it"!

Look guys, you can go all the way to condemn the father...there is nothing one's parents would do that will warrant disobeying them,....except instructing you to worship other deity than God. It is between the man and his wife, period. And the wahala wey all these 'babalawos' dey cause for family no be small thing.....but the point is...why do people go to them in the first place?

Mmh,nawao! D old man startd the fire.he has to quench it himself by rescinding on the decision 2 marry a new wife

This is a sad situation but unfortunately not a new occurrence in our community.I'm just wondering what kind of father this man has being to his children,I mean ALL 4 kids ganged up against him?.

I was expecting at least one or two of the children to try and add some sense or reason with him about some of the poor choices he has made or even talk to him about the reasons behind what he is doing,surprisingly none of them did instead they all openly disrespected him.

Maybe people didn't see this but the marriage might not have been a solid one to begin with. Why on God's green earth would a senior citizen suddenly leave the woman he has spend years and gone through the ups and downs of life with and then get a younger woman as a new companion?

Sagamite:

That does not answer my question.

How does being married "for better for worse" make one party entitled to another party's sweat?

Now you have raised more questions:

What makes you think marriage vows count for shyt? Did she always obey him? Did she always love him? Did she always honour him?

You are recantng worthless rituals?

Okay, let's for the sake of this argument say the answer to your questions are: No, they don't count, No she never obeyed him, No she never loved him nor honoured him. Infact, ontop of all that, she was a wicked, self-centred, nasty, difficult woman and a nightmare to live with. She was the very essence of a bad woman.

Then what on earth stopped him from upping sticks and leaving then? Why stick with such an "evil" woman when he was penniless koboless?

Why did the "scales" suddenly fall off his eyes when the gratuity payment came through?

I asked this before and I'll ask it again - would you wish the fate of this lady on your daughter? Sister? Mother? Aunt? or any other close female relative??

I think you know within yourself that this guy was b@ng out of order.

Efemena_xy:

Okay, let's for the sake of this argument say the answer to your questions are: No, they don't count, No she never obeyed him, No she never loved him nor honoured him. Infact, ontop of all that, she was a wicked, self-centred, nasty, difficult woman and a nightmare to live with. She was the very essence of a bad woman.

Then what on earth stopped him from upping sticks and leaving then? Why stick with such an "evil" woman when he was penniless koboless?

Why did the "scales" suddenly fall off his eyes when the gratuity payment came through?

I asked this before and I'll ask it again - would you wish the fate of this lady on your daughter? Sister? Mother? Aunt? or any other close female relative??

I think you know within yourself that this guy was b@ng out of order.

He can choose when it is convenient for and best for him to leave a relationship. That is his business.

And that is EXACTLY what virtually all women do and they hardly ever get vituperated for it.

I wish my sister, mother, aunt, sister-in-law, fairy god-mother, babalawo's wife, pure water seller, Amala specialist etc any fate they deserve in life.

I treat people the way they deserve to be treated. That is my ethos in life.

Efemena_xy:
I asked this before and I'll ask it again - would you wish the fate of this lady on your daughter? Sister? Mother? Aunt? or any other close female relative??

I think you know within yourself that this guy was b@ng out of order.

Its not about wishing it on anyone. if this should happen to my mom, sister or any close relative, First i would get her out of that house and rent a house for her. and get her out of the house before harm comes to her.

But nothing absolutely nothing would make me go attack my father

Chei Women are Emotional Creatures oo

Ofcourse not surprised one bit the so called Evil man is being for all and sundry while the saintly, butter would not melt in her mouth, goody 2 shoes wife gets away scots free.

Some have even gone as far as to suggest he is the sole reason for her current mental state lol. Ofcourse nau he is the one responsible. After all we can see the sango and Amadioha statues wrapped around his neck


Now Let's get one thing straight. I'm not in any way defending the actions of the man however I felt the need to comment because of the posts I am currently reading are flat out ridiculous. These comments should be fed to Real Men not Fake Men like yours truly

And the arguments continue

Sagamite:

He can choose when it is convenient for and best for him to leave a relationship. That is his business.

And that is EXACTLY what virtually all women do and they hardly ever get vituperated for it.

I wish my sister, mother, aunt, sister-in-law, fairy god-mother, babalawo's wife, pure water seller, Amala specialist etc any fate they deserve in life.

I treat people the way they deserve to be treated. That is my ethos in life.

no u dnt mean it bro,u knw u dnt wish ur sis or mum 2b treated same way,besides if u ar talkin abt d fate we deserv,ol of us wuld hv bn comdemd 2 death 4 d bible say ol hv sinned nd faln shot of Gods glori...hop u ar a christain though

pembisco: no u dnt mean it bro,u knw u dnt wish ur sis or mum 2b treated same way

Okay, abeg tell me what I mean.

dayokanu:

Its not about wishing it on anyone. if this should happen to my mom, sister or any close relative, First i would get her out of that house and rent a house for her. and get her out of the house before harm comes to her.

But nothing absolutely nothing would make me go attack my father

So, you'll get her out of the house empty-handed, with nothing to show for, (after giving 30 years of her life to him) as though she's the one to blame for the failed marriage?

No one is saying you should go attack your father. However, I do know that if it were the other way round, say this lady in question wanted to marry or be with someone else, she too would have been thrown out of the house - and no one, absolutely no one would have batted an eyelid on her behalf.

Sagamite:

He can choose when it is convenient for and best for him to leave a relationship. That is his business.

And that is EXACTLY what virtually all women do and they hardly ever get vituperated for it.

I wish my sister, mother, aunt, sister-in-law, fairy god-mother, babalawo's wife, pure water seller, Amala specialist etc any fate they deserve in life.

I treat people the way they deserve to be treated. That is my ethos in life.

Good. He's free to do so, but without the spoils of his first marriage.

I know the payment being discussed here is probably peanuts, but those peanuts which he intends to spend on his little gold-digger are his long suffering wife's retirement and his kids inheritance.

Let him go over to his greener pastures, empty handed.

pembisco: no u dnt mean it bro,u knw u dnt wish ur sis or mum 2b treated same way

Ah! But Sagamite is one clever dude now!

He's refused to answer a vital part of my question. i.e: Would he mind if a man treated his very own daughter that way??

Efemena_xy:
Good. He's free to do so, but without the spoils of his first marriage.

I know the payment being discussed here is probably peanuts, but those peanuts which he intends to spend on his little gold-digger are his long suffering wife's retirement and his kids inheritance.

Let him go over to his greener pastures, empty handed.

He is not leaving with the spoils of his first marriage. He is leaving with the spoils of his hard work during his long-suffering life of hard work.

I can guarantee you that if you go and look at the paperwork of the gratuity and paychecks (i.e. the spoils) it was addressed to Mr X, not the marriage of Mr and Mrs X.

It becomes inheritance when he dies, not before it. And even when he dies, it is inheritance only to people he wishes to will it to.

Efemena_xy:

Ah! But Sagamite is one clever dude now!

He's refused to answer a vital part of my question. i.e: Would he mind if a man treated his very own daughter that way??

Did I miss out daughter in my list?

Oh shyt!

Ok. Try and figure out what you think I would have said.

[quote author=Efemena_xy]

So, you'll get her out of the house empty-handed, with nothing to show for, (after giving 30 years of her life to him) as though she's the one to blame for the failed marriage?

No one is saying you should go attack your father. However, I do know that if it were the other way round, say this lady in question wanted to marry or be with someone else, she too would have been thrown out of the house - and no one, absolutely no one would have batted an eyelid on her behalf,u are so ryt guy

Efemena_xy:

So, you'll get her out of the house empty-handed, with nothing to show for, (after giving 30 years of her life to him) as though she's the one to blame for the failed marriage?

No one is saying you should go attack your father. However, I do know that if it were the other way round, say this lady in question wanted to marry or be with someone else, she too would have been thrown out of the house - and no one, absolutely no one would have batted an eyelid on her behalf.

My mom, My sister, my aunt would take out whatever she brought into the union. if she has a car, she would rive her car out. if they have joint accounts or investment she would get her part of that. But nothing that belongs to the man.

I would never support greed. Its not like the womans gratuity is being demanded here.

if the woman wanted to marry someone else, Would you have told her to part with her gratuity also just because she wanted out?

Ol dos sayn natn wl mek dem do such 2 their pop,hm! Dts because u ar privlegd 2b in gud terms wt ur pop,belv me e get a way if ur pop treat u eh,u'll wish hm death