dayokanu:

My mom, My sister, my aunt would take out whatever she brought into the union. if she has a car, she would rive her car out. if they have joint accounts or investment she would get her part of that. But nothing that belongs to the man.

I would never support greed. Its not like the womans gratuity is being demanded here.

if the woman wanted to marry someone else, Would you have told her to part with her gratuity also just because she wanted out?

You should be asking her that what if as a civil servant he was not being paid his gratuity & pension due to corruption and lets say the woman was a petty trader all her life and did well, then she decides in old age that she is tired of him and wants to leave the relationship, will Efemena say she should have left part of her money for him?

Or would she say "Shebi he is a man. He should have planned for his old age" and "Well, he was not treating her right. That is why she would be leaving him at this old age. Next time he should respect his woman".

Sagamite:

He is not leaving with the spoils of his first marriage. He is leaving with the spoils of his hard work during his long-suffering life of hard work.

What made his life "long-suffering"?

~ Did he have to endure the pain of 4 child births? Or endure the physical changes to one's body after child birth?

~ Did he have sleepless nights nursing the kids? Infact, was he ever left holding the baby?

~ Did he combine housework, child minding, running after his spouse's whims / demands for bedmatic exercises even when exhausted?

~ Did he even, ever learn how to cook? Do his own laundry? And I bet in addition to all that, his wife must have been forced to get involved in some petty trade, just to supplement the household income.

~ So what exactly made his life "long-suffering"?

I can guarantee you that if you go and look at the paperwork of the gratuity and paychecks (i.e. the spoils) it was addressed to Mr X, not the marriage of Mr and Mrs X.

It becomes inheritance when he dies, not before it. And even when he dies, it is inheritance only to people he wishes to will it to.



Did I miss out daughter in my list?

Oh shyt!

Ok. Try and figure out what you think I would have said.

Gottcha! Don't be coy, Sagamite. I'd like to hear it (directly) from the horse's mouth, so to speak.

pembisco: Ol dos sayn natn wl mek dem do such 2 their pop,hm! Dts because u ar privlegd 2b in gud terms wt ur pop,belv me e get a way if ur pop treat u eh,u'll wish hm death

I maintain nothing would make me touch any of my family except they attempt to physically harm or beat another family member Thats when i would restrain them

How can you wish your own Pop or Momsie death for what?

what the man has done was wrong morally. But nothing whatsoever in this matter can justify the act of ''HIS'' own children sending him out of ''HIS'' own house.

overloved: what the man has done was wrong morally. But nothing whatsoever in this matter can justify the act of ''HIS'' own children sending him out of ''HIS'' own house.

What makes you think the house is exclusively "His"?

And why on earth should he bring his e-yawo (new wife) into the home he shared with his first wife and kids?

Sagamite:

You should be asking her that what if as a civil servant he was not being paid his gratuity & pension due to corruption and lets say the woman was a petty trader all her life and did well, then she decides in old age that she is tired of him and wants to leave the relationship, will Efemena say she should have left part of her money for him?

Or would she say "Shebi he is a man. He should have planned for his old age" and "Well, he was not treating her right. That is why she would be leaving him at this old age. Next time he should respect his woman".

Maybe I would have said all that, or maybe I wouldn't have.

Shame, but this thread is about the man's actions, not an assumption of the woman's actions based on a series of "what-if's".

Efemena_xy:

What made his life "long-suffering"?

~ Did he have to endure the pain of 4 child births? Or endure the physical changes to one's body after child birth?

~ Did he have sleepless nights nursing the kids? Infact, was he ever left holding the baby?

~ Did he combine housework, child minding, running after his spouse's whims / demands for bedmatic exercises even when exhausted?
.

Which of these was forced on her? Its funny women expect to be compensated for doing what they wanted (have kids)

I once asked a woman who was of the same opinion that she sacrificed her body, took care of babies bla bla bla. I asked her if your husband had told you from the beginning of the relationship that you shouldnt have babies so you wont ask for compensation would she have agreed?

She replied that she would have left the man because she wanted babies.

So why expect to be compensated for what you doing what you longed to do for most of her life.

Efemena_xy:

What makes you think the house is exclusively "His"?

And why on earth should he bring his e-yawo (new wife) into the home he shared with his first wife and kids?.

Did you miss the part about the man renting a new place and leaving the house for the first wife and kids yet they still went to beat him on the suspicion that he inflicted her with mental illness

dayokanu:

Which of these was forced on her? Its funny women expect to be compensated for doing what they wanted (have kids)

I once asked a woman who was of the same opinion that she sacrificed her body, took care of babies bla bla bla. I asked her if your husband had told you from the beginning of the relationship that you shouldnt have babies so you wont ask for compensation would she have agreed?

She replied that she would have left the man because she wanted babies.

So why expect to be compensated for what you doing what you longed to do for most of her life.

I tire ooooo

They also want to be compensated for having sex to boot. Imagine compensation for sex? The thing that they both enjoy and in many cases the Women more so than the man

dayokanu:

Did you miss the part about the man renting a new place and leaving the house for the first wife and kids yet they still went to beat him on the suspicion that he inflicted her with mental illness

Nope, I didn't miss the first part of the post. Saw it. My question is in direct response to the comment made by the poster above me.

Nonetheless, his actions must have caused her mental breakdown

So yeah, he is directly responsible for her illness and should be held accountable to it.

chic2pimp:

I tire ooooo

They also want to be compensated for having sex to boot. Imagine compensation for sex? The thing that they both enjoy and in many cases the Women more so than the man

Lol! How you take know, sef??

dayokanu:

Which of these was forced on her? Its funny women expect to be compensated for doing what they wanted (have kids)

I once asked a woman who was of the same opinion that she sacrificed her body, took care of babies bla bla bla. I asked her if your husband had told you from the beginning of the relationship that you shouldnt have babies so you wont ask for compensation would she have agreed?

She replied that she would have left the man because she wanted babies.

So why expect to be compensated for what you doing what you longed to do for most of her life.

Simple. Because she stood by him through thick and thin!!

Probably even had to endure his snoring at night too...

Efemena_xy:

Nope, I didn't miss the first part of the post. Saw it. My question is in direct response to the comment made by the poster above me.

Nonetheless, his actions must have caused her mental breakdown

So yeah, he is directly responsible for her illness and should be held accountable to it.

Just like someone hissing at you can cause an accident.

A man took a decision he thought was best for himself and he is accused of causing others mental breakdown?

When i toasted you many years ago and you said no cause me breakdown, When you broke up with your bf, should he also hold you accountable to wrecking his life?

I dont know if manhandling this man was the best thing to do. I would kill any sibling of mine that does that to my dad but then, my father would never do to us what this man did to his family

Efemena_xy:

Lol! How you take know, sef??

Because I get Womantology Degree

Abi you wan deny the fact u no dey enjoy am pass your better half?

Efemena_xy: Simple. Because she stood by him through thick and thin!!

Probably even had to endure his snoring at night too...

Who forced her to endure with him through thick and thin? She did it because she wanted to. She had a choice to leave but chose not to. No why should she be compensated for that.

Do you know how many things the man too endured? lets start with the nagging first

jennykadry: I dont know if manhandling this man was the best thing to do. I would kill any sibling of mine that does that to my dad but then, my father would never do to us what this man did to his family

Definitely manhandling your own father can never be the right thing to do. That shows that the children are idiotss and hopefully their own children too would beat them up.

They should be more concerned with fixing their mom, By beating the man are you forcing him to go back to their mother? So he can kill her one night?

dayokanu:

Just like someone hissing at you can cause an accident.

A man took a decision he thought was best for himself and he is accused of causing others mental breakdown?

When i toasted you many years ago and you said no cause me breakdown, When you broke up with your bf, should he also hold you accountable to wrecking his life?

Oh please! You KNOW it's a lot more than that.

That poor lady probably had to endure unbearable psychological stress and torture from that man over a long period of time. I know you won't understand that from a woman's point of view.

But tell me this: how would the image of your wife ditching you, to be mounted upon by a young stallion night after night make you feel?

I know you'll want to murder her, but what if she's also physically stronger than you? How would knowing how helpless you are in that situation affect your mental state of mind?

jennykadry: I dont know if manhandling this man was the best thing to do. I would kill any sibling of mine that does that to my dad but then, my father would never do to us what this man did to his family

Ofcourse it was the wrong thing dude

After all He granted them their wish and moved out of the house. So why Harass and rough handle the poor fellow?

chic2pimp:

Because I get Womantology Degree

Abi you wan deny the fact u no dey enjoy am pass your better half?

Not gonna answer that!

Efemena_xy:

Oh please! You KNOW it's a lot more than that.

That poor lady probably had to endure unbearable psychological stress and torture from that man over a long period of time. I know you won't understand that from a woman's point of view.

But tell me this: how would the image of your wife ditching you, to be mounted upon by a young stallion night after night make you feel?

I know you'll want to murder her, but what if she's also physically stronger than you? How would knowing how helpless you are in that situation affect your mental state of mind?

I would feel bad but what can i do? Can i force someone to like me, keep liking me or what can i do?

When your past bf told you it was over would you force him to be with you?

the best thing is to move on with your life and be glad you left it alive.

If you see a man beating a woman because she ditched him, I am sure you would be the first to call him a LOSER

Efemena_xy:

Oh please! You KNOW it's a lot more than that.

That poor lady probably had to endure unbearable psychological stress and torture from that man over a long period of time. I know you won't understand that from a woman's point of view.

But tell me this: how would the image of your wife ditching you, to be mounted upon by a young stallion night after night make you feel?

I know you'll want to murder her, but what if she's also physically stronger than you? How would knowing how helpless you are in that situation affect your mental state of mind?

Pls expand on this statement.
What unbearable psychological stress and torture did she endure from the Man that he himself did not endure probably in several folds from her too?

Efemena_xy:

Not gonna answer that!

Pls do oo
I take that as a yes right?

dayokanu:

I would feel bad but what can i do? Can i force someone to like me, keep liking me or what can i do?

When your past bf told you it was over would you force him to be with you?

the best thing is to move on with your life and be glad you left it alive.

If you see a man beating a woman because she ditched him, I am sure you would be the first to call him a LOSER

Re: the bolded, my point exactly! Now in that situation, wouldn't you feel it's your right to take the two-timing, selfish spouse to the drycleaners??

Say, as little compensation for putting you through that??

chic2pimp:

Pls expand on this statement.
What unbearable psychological stress and torture did she endure from the Man that he himself did not endure probably in several folds from her too?

The knowledge of him dropping her like a sack of unwanted potatoes, for someone younger. It's an insult.

Pls do oo
I take that as a yes right?

No way, won't answer that. And no comment.

Infact, I'm off to bed jor - make una carry on without Efe...

majority of the comment here are constructed from a sentimental point of view and feelings/pity for the woman being abandoned, but that should not exclude the fact that there are legal ways of doing things.

I pity the woman condition too, but fairness has never being a friend to human, and its a thing that people must learn to live with. people divorce for various reason and majority of the people who divorce ends up with another spouse, which is likely the same in these case, so why does it appear like a big deal? if a party is not interested in the marriage anymore, then he/she should file for a divorce. abi na only young people de divorce? women also divorce their husband too, so this case should not appear to be like the man is wicked and inhuman in attitude.

@Post

What these adult kids did was not exactly the best although I can't blame them either since only they know what their mother has been through with their dad. I am however wondering why an old baba will be marrying another wife in his old age when his first wife is still alive. The bible says: let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of thy youth (Proverbs 5:18). So why would this man forsake the wife of his youth who gave him 4 children and toiled with him through thick and thin all these years?

And then Nigerian bred men in Nigeria will quickly accuse young Nigerian ladies in Nigeria for being gold diggers and refusing to date or marry them if they don't have alot money. I mean, can you blame them? our mothers married our fathers when they had barely anything, toiled with them, bore their children, but the minute these husbands/fathers got a little chomp change in their pocket, they began to misbehave and act a fool by carrying and/or marrying younger women; young enough to be their daughters.

Infidelity and polygamy in this day and age brings lots of woes, division and bitterness within the family as we can see in this man's case. I am a firm supporter of honesty. If you know as a man that you believe in polygamy and plan to dabble into it at some point in your marital life or journey, kindly let your first wife know of it whilst the both of you are still dating and getting to know each other.

There is nothing more disheartening as deceiving a woman by telling her that she will be the only woman to grace your matrimonial bed as your wife and the mother of your kids and then years later after she has toiled with you and supported you as a helper and good wife should, you turn around and marry another wife. It is a slap on the face of any woman who believes in the one man - one woman marraige philosophy as outlined in the new testament of the bible.

Anyways, the kids should go and take their mother to the doctor. With all the religiousness of most Nigerians who claim to be children and believers of Jehovah God Most High, an astounding number still dabble into the occult and into the wide open arms of the devil when they visit native doctors/babawalos. When will our people ever learn?

He's laid his bed, let him lie on it. Won't waste a single brain cell on gross irresponsibility. Nonsense.

maclatunji:

The man has done little wrong! Yes, his 1st wife and kids are bitter but heck! The man has trained them and is not abandoning his first wife.

Secondly, it is a fact that many Nigerians are schooled but not educated. This is the reason we are where we are as a country- people spend 4 or more years in institutions of higher learning and still think like secondary school students. If the woman is sick, get her psychiatric help. Yes, I am religious and believe in prayers but this must not conflict with proper medical treatment.

You cannot kick your father out of his own house especially on his own decision.

rascality begets rascals

Which sort of useless, hopeless kids are these?their dad obviously does not have relatives or cool friends else those punk kids would be chiling out in some barracks now. They've tactically taken over the house with their dad thrown out and mom abandoned in some herbalists hut.
A man wants a second wife?fine!last I checked polygamy is not a crime.he's getting the wife with his own money, not anyones.instead of the kids to offer emotional support to their mom, they were busy fighting to keep a house they knew how or when it was built.
In my own books and if actually the dad moved out of that house, I see absolutely nothing wrong with the mans decisions. Given the limited info the op has, is it established that the man didn't settle his wife before venturing into the new marriage? Foolish children!!!
What says they are not responsible for their moms predicament?how come when their dad announced his intention of using his gratuity to get a new wife all they thought of was asking him to move out as opposed to asking for a nice settlement for their mom?
Btw, if the dad already moved into a new place with the new wife, how come he's still "thrown out" ?
The new wife sef is cool headed, if its some 'isi agbo ncha' type of women, those kids would be cooling down somewhere now. Yeye dey smell.

That lack of a sense of justice always shows up in your post, once it has to do with some religious belief.

How can a woman work to raise four kids, the man retires and then for a reward finds the old woman a definite constant source of heartache in her old age.

The girl he married is probably much younger than some of his kids.

[size=14pt]Justice, even if we concede that he can have his "new wife", decrees that if he is rich enough to marry another woman at that old age, he must also be rich enough to get her a house of her own. The old building belongs to the woman and her kids. Period.[/size]

See! That wasn't so hard, if you only learn to temper religious belief with human empathy.

maclatunji:

The man has done little wrong! Yes, his 1st wife and kids are bitter but heck! The man has trained them and is not abandoning his first wife.

Secondly, it is a fact that many Nigerians are schooled but not educated. This is the reason we are where we are as a country- people spend 4 or more years in institutions of higher learning and still think like secondary school students. If the woman is sick, get her psychiatric help. Yes, I am religious and believe in prayers but this must not conflict with proper medical treatment.

You cannot kick your father out of his own house especially on his own decision.

I have to agree with Some of ify's points there. What kind of demon possessed these kids to manhandle their father? I still don't get it. I don't support the man bringing in another wife and this is why I always pray that "may I not build for another to inhabit" and may my labor in life not be in vain. This new wife could be innocent for all we care. All this herbalist said this and said that in this 2012 is balderdash. Were this children educated at all? If so it was a bloody waste of time as I see their talent in cassava cultivation in the village.

ifyalways: Which sort of useless, hopeless kids are these?their dad obviously does not have relatives or cool friends else those punk kids would be chiling out in some barracks now. They've tactically taken over the house with their dad thrown out and mom abandoned in some herbalists hut.
A man wants a second wife?fine!last I checked polygamy is not a crime.he's getting the wife with his own money, not anyones.instead of the kids to offer emotional support to their mom, they were busy fighting to keep a house they knew how or when it was built.
In my own books and if actually the dad moved out of that house, I see absolutely nothing wrong with the mans decisions. Given the limited info the op has, is it established that the man didn't settle his wife before venturing into the new marriage? Foolish children!!!
What says they are not responsible for their moms predicament?how come when their dad announced his intention of using his gratuity to get a new wife all they thought of was asking him to move out as opposed to asking for a nice settlement for their mom?
Btw, if the dad already moved into a new place with the new wife, how come he's still "thrown out" ?
The new wife sef is cool headed, if its some 'isi agbo ncha' type of women, those kids would be cooling down somewhere now. Yeye dey smell.

1million Gbosas for you.

I am very impressed with this comment from you

Well, you can pray all you want. What are your kids supposed to do if after decades of prayer someone actually went ahead to try to inhabit where you built, and definitely gunning to make it all in vain? Throw the man and his new wife out!

The new wife may be or may not be innocent, the real issue is the man's lack of sense. As I said above, if he is rich enough to marry another wife he should be rich enough to get her a new house too. Human empathy would show anyone that the "so called" new wife would move to dispose of the old woman in any way possible. Two women cannot live together under normal circumstances talkless of this type of incogruity.

Those who insist on polygamy and continue to practice it only multiply their own pains, and they destroy the future of their own children.

jennykadry: I have to agree with Some of ify's points there. What kind of demon possessed these kids to manhandle their father? I still don't get it. I don't support the man bringing in another wife and this is why I always pray that "may I not build for another to inhabit" and may my labor in life not be in vain. This new wife could be innocent for all we care. All this herbalist said this and said that in this 2012 is balderdash. Were this children educated at all? If so it was a bloody waste of time as I see their talent in cassava cultivation in the village.