I can still remember that night like it was yesterday. An off-campus hostel in one of the universities in the Niger delta area of Nigeria.
“Make una no worry, the beans go soon done” said Brown. “Hope say you put enough oil?” I asked. “You no trust me again, enough oil dey am” Brown replied me.
We were all gathered outside the hostel waiting for the beans, all seven of us boys. I, Brown, Desmond, Wizzy, Miko, Starl, and sir Patosky. We were gathered around the beans with a big bowl of pap mixed with enough milk and sugar. We descended on the food like a park of wolf on a prey. Some students were cheering us on while others were rebuking us. A gentle guy called ‘Jeep’ wanted to join us but one of the students advised him not to. A few minutes after we ate the beans, I started feeling funny, I was very excited and I started singing, free styling, as in forming my own songs in the afro hip-hop way and people were cheering me on. In between songs I was making one speech and the other, and people were laughing at what I was saying hysterically, especially Miko, he was laughing beyond control, his laughing was not normal.

By the time all these events started unfolding, our hostel became a comedy central. Sir patosky and Wizzy had already gone because they lived at different hostels from us. Starl went inside his room and was raping and making weird noise. Brown and Desmond were standing like soldiers, laughing beyond normal to whatever is being said. At this junction I know you must have clued in that the beans was no ordinary beans. The beans we ate was cooked with igbo(weed). Out of the blue miko stood up and dived to the ground, then started swimming like a pro. Laughs of different kind were heard from different corners of the hostel. I became afraid then for miko and us because, by this time, the reality that we are extremely high on weed and about going mad had sunk in. Out of the blue again, miko while being rescued by Brown and Desmond, stood up and ran towards the gate, fortunately, Brown and Desmond caught up with him and brought him back. Even though Brown and Desmond were high, they were more experienced at taking weed, so they were not disturbed much by the weed.

Starl and jeep rooms were close to each other, so they were good neighbours and friends. Starl met with jeep and was asking him all kinds of weird questions, “Jeep, is this my room?” “Is it normal for my room to be moving round and round?” “There is a ghost in my room, how can I kill it?” Jeep was very worried and annoyed at his friend’s predicament. He confronted Brown and was speaking grammar, demanding why Brown gave his friend Igbo beans. Instead of Brown giving him answers, he started laughing hysterically which also brought laughter from every corner of the hostel. At this point Starl was displaying, he brought out a sheet of paper and started writing – Mom I’m very sorry I have disappointed you by eating beans with igbo and going mad. Forgive me mom. When the letter was read out by other students, echoes of laughter was heard again. After the commotion, Miko started dancing and I was dry-humping one of the pillars of the hostel and was singing at the same time. Not far from me was one of the chambers of the hostel, Jess and Uba were sitting on it discussing my insanity like I was not there. Jess said to Uba “That is how a guy I know in agbor went mad after eating beans cooked with weed, till today he is roaming the streets of agbor mad.” “Well, I just pray say this my guys no go mad o, because this one don dey pass be careful o.” replied Uba. What they were saying was like a wakeup call for me. But even as I try to stop myself from behaving insanely, I couldn’t. In my mind I was like “So na like this I go take mad, me weh be first son.”
Miko was being chased by Brown and Desmond as he ran all over the hostel. He was caught and was taken to his room where they gave him a bath and milk to drink. After that, his sanity was brought back a little. As for me, I went into my room to sleep it off but I couldn’t, my room was turning 3600 . Later, deep into the night, when everybody was asleep, we heard funny noises from the last room of the hostel. Who was making such noise?