crackhaus:

Bullsh1t!
What if she has more than one son, she'd be attached to all of them the same way, yes?

My take is that MIL-DIL relationships are dependent more on the chemistry between both than on just the MIL - she may not just like her son's new wife.

We all know that if you have more than one son,you will definitely have a favourite.
The relationship between a MIL and a DIL is dependent MORE on WHO the MIL IS or sometimes on who the DIL IS!

cKaiser:


Dont you think its female nature to pick petty quarrels?

The men who found no fulfillment in their matrimonial homes, How come they are not disturbing their daughters husband?

Have we not seen how girls pick petty fights even in school hostels over ordinary bunk space while in the boys hostel you would barely know who owns the space? Or are those transferring aggression from their matrimonial homes too?

Even on this forum how many times have we seen female posters just stay on each others throat for years or those ones are transferring marital frustrations too

nope it is not in my nature to pick petty quarrels. I run from trouble and confrontations. I never talk na quarrel I wan come quarrel? So color me confused if I don't understand that line of it being women's nature.

Now you're sounding like I said marital dissatisfaction is the only reason why a woman may be troublesome. Hmm. I didn't say that. Some women are troublesome by their own genetic make up.

crackhaus:

You missed the point in that bit you quoted.

This is the point:
The troublesome mother-in-laws you say are embittered and frustrated didn't wake up one early sunny morning some yonder years ago to say, 'hey, my son will grow up soon and get married...I'm going to hate/frustrate his wife'.

Do you get it?

you've started again. You miss the point and you turn around to say someone else did. Of course they didn't wake up and say I've decided to torment my future daughter in law. No no. It took years to build that dependence on their kids for emotional happiness and affection. Because they didn't get it where they were supposed to.

cococandy:
nope it is not in my nature to pick petty quarrels. I run from trouble and confrontations. I never talk na quarrel I wan come quarrel? So color me confused if I don't understand that line of it being women's nature.
Now you're sounding like I said marital dissatisfaction is the only reason why a woman may be troublesome. Hmm. I didn't say that. Some women are troublesome by their own genetic make up.

Are there men who endure marital frustrations? How come these men dont go frustrating their son in law like the so called frustrated women do to their daughter in Law

cKaiser:


I think its female nature. The MIL people are complaining about today also complained about their own MIL 30yrs ago, 30yrs from now another set of wifes would be complaining about these MIL
MIL vs wife saga is a common occurrence all over the world even in cultures the men dont "cheat like the devil Nigerian men"

You get it.

cococandy:
lol. that Is true 100percent. Tales of clashes between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law mostly arise because the mothers forget that the sons aren't their husbands. The man who should have been loving them and giving them the attention they need didn't do that. Probably abused them and cheated on them all through the marriage and they swallowed the bitter pills "because of their kids". Now a daughter- in-law wants to come steal their consolation from them? It didn't dey.

100% correct.

I can't even wait for these crevettes to grow up fast so we continue from where we left off . Too much distractions.

Then it's to follow my Son and his wife about.
You also have men married to mummy, their wives are just for breeding, nothing else.

Then these group of women will focus on their sons for emotional support. What a dumbsh1t cycle

cKaiser:


Are there men who endure marital frustrations?

my brother that's what I should be asking you o.

-Are there men who put up with years of adultery from their wives and stay in the marriage swallowing all sorts of philandering and maybe physical and emotional abuse but don't divorce because of their kids?
- Are there men who don't leave their wives because society scorns them as divorcees and mocks them as single parents?
- Are there men who think of the well being of the so called marriage institution first before their own happiness?
-Are there men who have had to fight their wives numerous lovers,wear red boxers , cook her best meal and pray their rosaries hoping to win the affection of their wife back and praying that the phase will end so that dear wifey can come back to them after she's gotten the fvckery out of her system or maybe after she's caught one STD and is ready to retire from playing the field?
- do you know any married man who has willingly decided to endure all that because the society he's in doesn't take kindly to him having a say in his own happiness and what he wants out of his own life?


Do you have your answer now?

thorpido:
We all know that if you have more than one son,you will definitely have a favourite.
The relationship between a MIL and a DIL is dependent MORE on WHO the MIL IS or sometimes on who the DIL IS!

I think it is dependent on the kinda relationship/dynamic between them and independent of what the MIL may have gone through in her marriage.

cococandy:
you've started again. You miss the point and you turn around to say someone else did. Of course they didn't wake up and say I've decided to torment my future daughter in law. No no. It took years to build that dependence on their kids for emotional happiness and affection. Because they didn't get it where they were supposed to.

Lol...please correct me - you said that MILs who give their DILs sh1t usually do so because they probably had a crappy marriage with their Nigerian husbands and chose to suffer in silence, wasn't this your point?

cKaiser:


Are there men who endure marital frustrations? How come these men dont go frustrating their son in law like the so called frustrated women do to their daughter in Law

First of all,the men don't and won't stay in such relationships long enough to be conditioned by it.
Again men have other places to let out their frustrations than in a son's house.......womanize,sit in bars and get drunk,gamble etc.

cococandy:
my brother that's what I should be asking you o.
-Are there men who put up with years of adultery from their wives and stay in the marriage swallowing all sorts of philandering and maybe physical and emotional abuse but don't divorce because of their kids?
- Are there men who don't leave their wives because society scorns them as divorcees and mocks them as single parents?
- Are there men who think of the well being of the so called marriage institution first before their own happiness?
-Are there men who have had to fight their wives numerous lovers,wear red boxers , cook her best meal and pray their rosaries hoping to win the affection of their wife back and praying that the phase will end so that dear wifey can come back to them after she's gotten the fvckery out of her system or maybe after she's caught one STD and is ready to retire from playing the field?
- do you know any married man who has willingly decided to endure all that because the society he's in doesn't take kindly to him having a say in his own happiness and what he wants out of his own life?
Do you have your answer now?

Possibly Yes and many have had to take to alcohol as a resort and some just bailed out

The married women that cheat arent they married to someone? You mean all those men wont know their wifes are cheating? and to the main question do these men take their frustrations to their son-in-law?

thorpido:
First of all,the men don't and won't stay in such relationships long enough to be conditioned by it.
Again men have other places to let out their frustrations than in a son's house.......womanize,sit in bars and get drunk,gamble etc.

Those women who they take to short time hotels most have husbands, Do you think all these husbands are dead and blind not to know?
Probably they do and just deal with it differently like I said take to alcohol or gambling or just run away. So why arent they going to disturb their son in law like the women do?

crackhaus :
and independent of what the MIL may have gone through in her marriage.

not. Do you know some women will see their daughters in law as evil if it happened that they used to kneel down and serve their husbands food but their son cooks for the wife sometimes? most times to them, you've to go through what they went through or else you're having it easy and they can't have non of that.
To some they were used to being seen and not being heard and even if their husband used to come back by midnight everyday they were just glad that he even came at all and considered themselves lucky. Only for them to visit their son and see that he's accountable to his wife?
Or maybe they find out you guys operate a joint account which means you've to be aware of any expenditure your husband makes from the family account as against their generation that had to manage whatever they were given. No questions asked.
Some even knew their husband's mistresses and out-of-wedlock kids only for you to marry their son and demand faithfulness?

To them you're controlling their son and they are having non of it.

urheme:


my dear, don,t die because of man,
don,t kill any body because of man,
don,t let man kill you,

develop a hard shell to his infidelities that is if divorce is not an option for you, keep your self happy, live your life, concentrate on giving your kids a good life
he may go and take another wife, don,t care and don,t hurt especially if you have a well paying job to look after your self, get busy, go for higher degree as phd and other professional courses.

if you are so emotional about sex and love which I believe is just a relief from tension, you can use prayers to hold your self if you are a strong Christian, if not indulge in vibrators, it will not kill you slowly like your husband, my cheating husband is the least of my worries.

Thank you so much. You have really helped. And no, divorce is not an option because it doesn't guarantee happiness, as I will still be thinking of him and hurting the more.

crackhaus:

I think it is dependent on the kinda relationship/dynamic between them and independent of what the MIL may have gone through in her marriage.

What determines chemistry or relationships?Usually personality.
What determines personality?Character
What determines character?A combination of nature,environment, thoughts and things that are fed into the subconscious.

Largely,the way you will relate with people is determined by who you are.

crackhaus:

Lol...please correct me - you said that MILs who give their DILs sh1t usually do so because they probably had a crappy marriage with their Nigerian husbands and chose to suffer in silence, wasn't this your point?

thereby making their kids (sons especially) the alternative source of affection and emotional happiness. Which is often not healthy for the young man when he marries because his mother is dependent on him in a way that is not proper.

That's the full point

cKaiser:


Those women who they take to short time hotels most have husbands, Do you think all these husbands are dead and blind not to know?
Probably they do and just deal with it differently like I said take to alcohol or gambling or just run away. So why arent they going to disturb their son in law like the women do?

nope they don't know. They live in fools paradise thinking they are the only ones who have the monopoly to cheat. Hence many can live for 20 years in the same house with a son who is the carbon copy(splitting image)of their neighbor yet they won't know he's not their son

cococandy:
not. Do you know some women will see their daughters in law as evil if it happened that they used to kneel down and serve their husbands food but their son cooks for the wife sometimes? most times to them, you've to go through what they went through or else you're having it easy and they can't have non of that.
To some they were used to being seen and not being heard and even if their husband used to come back by midnight everyday they were just glad that he even came at all and considered themselves lucky. Only for them to visit their son and see that he's accountable to his wife?
Or maybe they find out you guys operate a joint account which means you've to be aware of any expenditure your husband makes from the family account as against their generation that had to manage whatever they were given. No questions asked.
Some even knew their husband's mistresses and out-of-wedlock kids only for you to marry their son and demand faithfulness?

To them you're controlling their son and they are having non of it.

Like I said before, you can't be sure of the reasons why a MIL behaves the way she does.

cKaiser:


Those women who they take to short time hotels most have husbands, Do you think all these husbands are dead and blind not to know?
Probably they do and just deal with it differently like I said take to alcohol or gambling or just run away. So why arent they going to disturb their son in law like the women do?

Some don't know and the ones who know are definitely cheating themselves so they turn a blind eye.
The nature of men is different from that of women and we react differently.The way men deal with their frustrations is different from that of women.The son-in-law's place is the least of places to go.

crackhaus:

Like I said before, you can't be sure of the reasons why a MIL behaves the way she does.

ok let's leave it at that.

thorpido:
What determines chemistry or relationships?Usually personality.
What determines personality?Character
What determines character?A combination of nature,environment, thoughts and things that are fed into the subconscious.

Largely,the way you will relate with people is determined by who you are.

While you make some points, it's also presumptuous to ascribe a troublesome MIL to how well her own marriage fared.

She may not just like her DILs character/behaviour.

happywife:
I need advice on how to cope with a cheating husband.

I have always suspected that my husband was cheating on me but confirmed it recently when i found some condoms were missing from our home n his bank statement showed payment for a hotel when i was away on a short trip .when i confronted him his stories ranged from his friend took it to i was mistaken in my counting n to i went to the room but changed my mind n left without doing anything. but his behaviour showed he was sorry for about 2 weeks then back to normal. problem now is i cant bring myself to trust him n my love for him is reducing daily.when he comes home late from work or doesn't take my calls all i can think about is that he is with another woman. To be honest it's killing me slowly cos i find myself calling him n quarrelling with him constantly.

I dont think i can leave him cos he cheated on me cos lets face it most men do i just need advice on how to cope with my emotions cos i m soo unhappy n its affecting every area of my life . Sometimes i feel like paying him in his own coin but i m a one man kind of babe.

I just want to concentrate on my kids now but how do i cope with being suspicious all d time n being jealous n bitter n a whole lot of emotions thats killing me.

bin resisting d urge to comment Bt it just failed. woteva happened to being alone making ur money n sleeping wit peace of mind? shey wen I adviced against marriage, many tot I was d Antichrist... anyways, I doubt if u nid our advice. you probably hv made up ur mind wot ur next line of action shud be.its just d innocent kids I pity. may God help dem.

cococandy:
thereby making their kids (sons especially) the alternative source of affection and emotional happiness. Which is often not healthy for the young man when he marries because his mother is dependent on him in a way that is not proper.

That's the full point

Still assumptions.

But before we end this;
Women who had blissful marriages don't and can't become terrible mother-in-laws?

cococandy:


why would I feel that need? People who feel such need are usually people who are frustrated themselves. So question is why will I be living in bitterness up to the point of frustration with no hope for change or repentance from such a man and do nothing about it because erm he's a man and there's nothing I can do about it or one of those other lame hare brained excuses some females come up with to excuse bad behavior just to feel like they are not the only ones in misery.

No sir,if I do have a son sometime in this life,in my middle age or old age I will be very occupied picking the grey hairs from my darling husband's hair than going around fomenting trouble for my daughter in law because I can't stand the loving my son is giving her.
Ain't nobady gat time for that shiit

the same way you got no time is the same way many Nigerian mother in laws have got no time these days .The generalization poo is a problem with nigeria. The fact that you had this experience does not mean it happens to majority. This happens to women who are either solely dependent or are idle themselves. As a woman just as I wont take poo from my husband is the same way I won't take poo from my inlaws. Well I have lived the most part of my life in Nigeria, I don't believe in living abroad anyways and I have lived in 4 major cities in this country , I said its ancient and village because I have barely heard of these issues. There is this class of women I am yet to understand , this class complains about Nigerian men , complains about mother inlaws and family in law, complains about everyday living. How can they be pleased really ?

cococandy:
nope they don't know. They live in fools paradise thinking they are the only ones who have the monopoly to cheat. Hence many can live for 20 years in the same house with a son who is the carbon copy(splitting image)of their neighbor yet they won't know he's not their son

thorpido:
Some don't know and the ones who know are definitely cheating themselves so they turn a blind eye.
The nature of men is different from that of women and we react differently.The way men deal with their frustrations is different from that of women.The son-in-law's place is the least of places to go.

Most people think men are stupidd and dont know what they are doing.

I am sure some of MKO Abiolas wifes too thought he didnt know they were cheating until they saw he mandated them to have their kids do a DNA? You would think Kema Chikwe's husband, those Nollywood actresses, those celebrities husband too dont know

Even the average joes on the street, whose wife go to sleep with men around you think he is dumb and doesnt know a thing? The woman who was sleeping with one popular Pastor you would think her husband dont know.
I know guys who have caught their wife cheat and wont say a thing outside. One didnt even tell a single soul about it because of the shame the society would tag him for allowing a philandering wife, It was until he divorced her years later before he told people whereas if it was a woman immediately she would raise alarm

Because men have a way of internalising or rather ignoring things you think they dont know also?

So everyone in the area knows Mrs X is doing runs and her husband wont have any idea, any slipped text, calls, etc or no one would tell her husband

crackhaus:

While you make some points, it's also presumptuous to ascribe a troublesome MIL to how well her own marriage fared.

She may not just like her DILs character/behaviour.

Actually,I'm not saying a troublesome MIL is automatically a product of a failed marriage.Some people are naturally troublesome and can't be easily satisfied.
However,women who pick quarrels with their DILs usually are letting out some frustrations that to a great extent has to do with their own marriages.

My wife usually makes this statement whenever our daughter is disturbing her and she needs to do something for me: 'hey,let me have time for my husband'.By God's grace we grow into old age together,do you think she will have time for a DIL?Probably not.

majekdom2:
the same way you got no time is the same way many Nigerian mother in laws have got no time these days .The generalization poo is a problem with nigeria. The fact that you had this experience does not mean it happens to majority. This happens to women who are either solely dependent or are idle themselves. As a woman just as I wont take poo from my husband is the same way I won't take poo from my inlaws. Well I have lived the most part of my life on Nigeria, I don't believe in living abroad anyways and I have lived in 4 major cities in this country , I said its ancient and village because I have barely heard of these issues. There is this class of women I am yet to understand , this class complains about Nigerian men , complains about mother inlaws and family in law, complains about everyday living. How can they be pleased really ?

it is good and fine to say you won't take poo from in laws if you have a husband who stands by you in times of problems. What of those who don't have such husbands? They either put up with the poo or leave. We know naija women in naija hardly leave the marriage no matter the flavor of poo they have to swallow, hence most are walking bags of frustration. Anyway the MIL and DIL saga is not ancient o. It still happens very much.

You're also right about women who complain about everything. AKA nagging. Their matter dey heavenly high court as we speak. Another thread would do justice to their issues

majekdom2:
There is this class of women I am yet to understand , this class complains about Nigerian men , complains about mother inlaws and family in law, complains about everyday living.

You are in the spirit.

Makes one wonder if it's from their personal experiences or watching too many Nollywood movies...

crackhaus:

Still assumptions.

But before we end this;
Women who had blissful marriages don't and can't become terrible mother-in-laws?

hardly.

cKaiser:




Most people think men are stupidd and dont know what they are doing.

I am sure some of MKO Abiolas wifes too thought he didnt know they were cheating until they saw he mandated them to have their kids do a DNA? You would think Kema Chikwe's husband, those Nollywood actresses, those celebrities husband too dont know

Even the average joes on the street, whose wife go to sleep with men around you think he is dumb and doesnt know a thing? The woman who was sleeping with one popular Pastor you would think her husband dont know.
I know guys who have caught their wife cheat and wont say a thing outside. One didnt even tell a single soul about it because of the shame the society would tag him for allowing a philandering wife, It was until he divorced her years later before he told people whereas if it was a woman immediately she would raise alarm

Because men have a way of internalising or rather ignoring things you think they dont know also?

So everyone in the area knows Mrs X is doing runs and her husband wont have any idea, any slipped text, calls, etc or no one would tell her husband

interesting. So some men do hide and put up with infidelity? Ok I'm hearing this on nl for the first time.

cococandy:
my brother that's what I should be asking you o.

-Are there men who put up with years of adultery from their wives and stay in the marriage swallowing all sorts of philandering and maybe physical and emotional abuse but don't divorce because of their kids?
- Are there men who don't leave their wives because society scorns them as divorcees and mocks them as single parents?
- Are there men who think of the well being of the so called marriage institution first before their own happiness?
-Are there men who have had to fight their wives numerous lovers,wear red boxers , cook her best meal and pray their rosaries hoping to win the affection of their wife back and praying that the phase will end so that dear wifey can come back to them after she's gotten the fvckery out of her system or maybe after she's caught one STD and is ready to retire from playing the field?
- do you know any married man who has willingly decided to endure all that because the society he's in doesn't take kindly to him having a say in his own happiness and what he wants out of his own life?


Do you have your answer now?

the day a woman puts this kind of mentality behind her is the day her empowerment start. Uneccessary pity is a problem with majority.

majekdom2:
the day a woman puts these kind of mentality behind her is the day her empowerment start. Uneccessary pity is a problem with majority.

by putting the mentality behind her do you mean not conforming to those kinds of theories or situations because she's expected to? If yes,welcome to my side if the club.