freecocoa:
There's nothing like being friend-zoned, people in that position put themselves there in the first place.

It's obvious he or she doesn't want you the way you want him/her yet you stay, hoping things would change, doing what you ordinarily won't do for a friend and later you start crying 'friend-zoned' pleaseee.

Like I said it's not that you stay because you hope that things will change. You see, there are people who are direct and unconfused about what they want. They interact with you for a little while, maybe a month or slightly more, and realize that they want to be more than friends with you or have even become that. So they propose a romantic relationship and you say that you just want to stay friends like you were. But they had already become more than friends with you.

Romantic love is more demanding than mere friendly love. So such a person would feel like a jerk to just walk out on you. They love you, right? That means that they have an imperative to take care of you and they will feel guilty if they violate that imperative.

Do you see what the difficulty is? They stay and care for you and run themselves down emotionally for your benefit. You don't replenish them. How do you think that they take care of themselves then? Romantic love is terribly unselfish. I don't mean sexual desire, I mean the love that marriages are built out of. So how do they deal with the hunger for care too? Either they are deriving replenishment from someone who loves them the same way or they are draining until they are filled with negative emotion toward you.

tlThat's the problem with friendzoning.

Friendzone again??
Mobday morning ooooo
Anyway op i agree wd ur sermon.. Buh not only nice guys are friend zoned..

Ihedinobi2 , I am sorry but I am not very sure where your argument is leading. Are you annoyed that ladies friendzone "nice guys" or are you against friendzoning in general especially if you guys feel it's because the lady in question is falling / has fallen for a typical "bad guy"?
Must every lady a guy is interested in, agree to date you guys by force? If she isn't interested in a romantic relationship but chooses (for whatever reason) to keep a cordial friendship with the guy, is that now wrong?!
Also note that some of us girls prefer full disclosure at the very start and let the guy know that we may like too be friends first and see where it leads thereafter. Whats wrong with that

ihedinobi2:
After reading a friend's latest entries in her diary, I thought about writing my "closing" arguments on friendzoning and "nice guys finish last". I decided that it isn't worth my energy right now. But I'll say the following and leave it at that:

Friendzoning is an act of selfishness. This is because love is beautiful when you're the recipient. When someone loves you, they make you a very high priority in their lives. You benefit a lot from that. They're always there for you. You can count on that. If you have any kind of need, they will be right there to stretch themselves and provide it. But here's where it gets tough: love is vastly expensive to the lover. The lover spends a very difficult kind of currency - themselves. Where do you replenish such expenses? Only from other people who love you in the same degree.

Now, someone is spending themselves on you and you enjoy that. But you would rather not spend yourself on them for whatever reason is applicable to you. What do you do? Call Love Friendship and invent arguments for why they should keep up the expense even when it kills them to do so. That is what makes the Friendzone issue difficult to leave alone. Those who have been drained like that tend to be cynical about love and the value or worth of fellow human beings.

About the "nice guys finish last" matter, I have only this to say: like attracts like. If a woman is attracted to men who do not respect or value womanhood, it says a lot about her not just about men who do respect womanhood. If a woman wants tough guys who are all about swag and money and bachelor pads, whatever she says about them being real and all that, it means only that she is not very interested in motherhood and stability. You want to live the life of the club and spotlights, you don't belong in the home, the kitchen and the bedroom and nursery. It's that simple.

When a man or woman is ready to take on life, they don't look for fast-moving stuff, they look for deep roots. And if they have spent their youth running around and jumping on every train headed south, well they have the consequence that they will not be very deserving of any kind of love, to say nothing of a good man's or woman's love. Forgiveness exists to ensure that they can be rescued but it is not something they have any right to. So if you're a nice guy and the flashy girls are giving you the cold shoulder, move on. Don't complain. Simply build yourself a life you can be proud of and you will have your own pick of women. Don't be bitter about other people's choices even if they hurt you. Just free them and thus free yourself to breathe, to live, to grow and become everything you can be.



Addendum: I realize that there is a conflict about the definition of "nice guys". I have only this to say about it: there are dull guys, there are players and there are decent men. Dull guys are boys who have not acquired the, er, "balls" to take on life. Players are the typical bad boys. Decent men are the "nice guys" in question here. Decent men make homes. They tend to keep long relationships so whenever they're in the market after their first time, they aren't nearly always the most polished. They place their women very high on their priority list because they understand gow critical the role of womanhood is to a man. You don't generally find them in clubs, not because they don't like fun but because they have moral boundaries. You won't meet them at strip joints unless they're on a break from decency. They aren't regulars at pick-up bars and restaurants because some things tend to be overdone. A decent guy is simply a man with boundaries. He does not live on a constant high. He is a centered person and does not chase thrills as a matter of course. That's the nice guy here. If you have any other definition, it doesn't apply to my arguments.

There, have a nice thought or two now.

Finally! I found one guy that reasons with a straight head.

I wonder what the women folk have to say in response to this.

Personally, I am sick and tired of all the stereotypes that are so prevalent today.

Mightyify:


I will appreciate if you could be clearer with your reply.

Wow, just wow! I'm sorry my comment is very clear and if you can't see that, then you'll keep being a b00tycall till she decides she's done.

ihedinobi2:
After reading a friend's latest entries in her diary, I thought about writing my "closing" arguments on friendzoning and "nice guys finish last". I decided that it isn't worth my energy right now. But I'll say the following and leave it at that:

Friendzoning is an act of selfishness. This is because love is beautiful when you're the recipient. When someone loves you, they make you a very high priority in their lives. You benefit a lot from that. They're always there for you. You can count on that. If you have any kind of need, they will be right there to stretch themselves and provide it. But here's where it gets tough: love is vastly expensive to the lover. The lover spends a very difficult kind of currency - themselves. Where do you replenish such expenses? Only from other people who love you in the same degree.

Now, someone is spending themselves on you and you enjoy that. But you would rather not spend yourself on them for whatever reason is applicable to you. What do you do? Call Love Friendship and invent arguments for why they should keep up the expense even when it kills them to do so. That is what makes the Friendzone issue difficult to leave alone. Those who have been drained like that tend to be cynical about love and the value or worth of fellow human beings.

Of course!

I have always told you guys that women are selfish.

When they friendzone a guy they know fancies them, it is usually for selfish reasons. They are using him to boast their ego and self-confidence.

He is being used just the same way a guy is shaggging a girl who fancies him but he has no interest dating and is going to dump anyway. Then you see women whining about the latter and then trying to train them to be selfless mugus called "real men".

If a girl is not interested in you and showing interest in you, WAKA PASS. Be an expert in waka-passing, cut the BS of "I am a gentleman, I would be patient and give her time" mugu many are trained to be.

vivaciousvivi:
Ihedinobi2 , I am sorry but I am not very sure where your argument is leading. Are you annoyed that ladies friendzone "nice guys" or are you against friendzoning in general especially if you guys feel it's because the lady in question is falling / has fallen for a typical "bad guy"?
Must every lady a guy is interested in, agree to date you guys by force? If she isn't interested in a romantic relationship but chooses (for whatever reason) to keep a cordial friendship with the guy, is that now wrong?!
Also note that some of us girls prefer full disclosure at the very start and let the guy know that we may like too be friends first and see where it leads thereafter. Whats wrong with that

madam there's a girl I had as friend. I made advances but she declined. My guys laughed at me so damn bad. I bone and settled as just friends. Few weeks later she started doing all sort of things to me cos at that moment she was squatting with us. Things like Kissing me, calling me boo(that felt good meehn) She even grabbed my dik Pricked me with her nipplez I was suffering Why would she do that? A Girl I asked out and she said NO. Isint that bad? Well, to cut the long story short a night she was so Hot and couldn't help but had me fukc her and said I shouldnt tell my friends lolz but I had to cos That was my VIctory moment. The rest is history. I got many similar stories trust me. You wana be "platonic friend" then don't play with my heart or my dik.

ihedinobi2:

About the "nice guys finish last" matter, I have only this to say: like attracts like. If a woman is attracted to men who do not respect or value womanhood, it says a lot about her not just about men who do respect womanhood. If a woman wants tough guys who are all about swag and money and bachelor pads, whatever she says about them being real and all that, it means only that she is not very interested in motherhood and stability. You want to live the life of the club and spotlights, you don't belong in the home, the kitchen and the bedroom and nursery. It's that simple.

When a man or woman is ready to take on life, they don't look for fast-moving stuff, they look for deep roots. And if they have spent their youth running around and jumping on every train headed south, well they have the consequence that they will not be very deserving of any kind of love, to say nothing of a good man's or woman's love. Forgiveness exists to ensure that they can be rescued but it is not something they have any right to. So if you're a nice guy and the flashy girls are giving you the cold shoulder, move on. Don't complain. Simply build yourself a life you can be proud of and you will have your own pick of women. Don't be bitter about other people's choices even if they hurt you. Just free them and thus free yourself to breathe, to live, to grow and become everything you can be.

Rubbish!

Fine attractive, good quality, wifeyable girls are attracted to tough guys with an edge.

It is perfectly normal and evolutionary, so they are entitled to and justified for their attraction.

There is nothing wrong with it (as long as they don't whine when men also follow their own natural instincts, which is what I have a problem with).

Attractive women are human beings and hence they need stimulation. When you have the mugu nice guy coming and giving them the same ol' rubbish they get everyday, they would be bored and unattracted to them. A bad boy gives them that uniqueness and a project to stimulate their minds.

When they get older and lose their looks, then they would want nice guys because they don't have that much same ol' rubbish everyday anymore, so the same ol' rubbish is now a bit attractive as it is becoming more unique. Also, it is better than nothing. Then the nice guy gets in there at "last".

It really is that simple.

vivaciousvivi:
Ihedinobi2 , I am sorry but I am not very sure where your argument is leading. Are you annoyed that ladies friendzone "nice guys" or are you against friendzoning in general especially if you guys feel it's because the lady in question is falling / has fallen for a typical "bad guy"?
Must every lady a guy is interested in, agree to date you guys by force? If she isn't interested in a romantic relationship but chooses (for whatever reason) to keep a cordial friendship with the guy, is that now wrong?!
Also note that some of us girls prefer full disclosure at the very start and let the guy know that we may like too be friends first and see where it leads thereafter. Whats wrong with that

Pls re-read with open mind to get his drift. He openly expressed his thought on NL most write about topic without taken sides rather doing the needful both for the 'zoner' and the 'zoned'. Shikena.

ihedinobi2:

Like I said it's not that you stay because you hope that things will change. You see, there are people who are direct and unconfused about what they want. They interact with you for a little while, maybe a month or slightly more, and realize that they want to be more than friends with you or have even become that. So they propose a romantic relationship and you say that you just want to stay friends like you were. But they had already become more than friends with you.

Romantic love is more demanding than mere friendly love. So such a person would feel like a jerk to just walk out on you. They love you, right? That means that they have an imperative to take care of you and they will feel guilty if they violate that imperative.

Do you see what the difficulty is? They stay and care for you and run themselves down emotionally for your benefit. You don't replenish them. How do you think that they take care of themselves then? Romantic love is terribly unselfish. I don't mean sexual desire, I mean the love that marriages are built out of. So how do they deal with the hunger for care too? Either they are deriving replenishment from someone who loves them the same way or they are draining until they are filled with negative emotion toward you.

tlThat's the problem with friendzoning.

I honestly don't seem to get what your point is, if you started out as friends with someone and later develop feelings that can't be returned, how is it difficult to continue being friends with the person? Fine, even if you have trouble remaining just friends, what stops you from having a heart to heart with the person, telling him/her how you feel and why remaining close friends isn't good for you?

I have been in that place before, he was into me and I couldn't return his feelings, he withdrew from me and I contacted him to know why, he said it was difficult to remain friends because of how he felt, I understood and let him go and after a while, we became friends again even better than before.

Just how do you blame the lady for a guy choosing to remain in such a situation? No one can treat you anyhow without your consent, it's that simple.

Hian! 2014 is a good year. Guys with brains who understand life finally registered on Nl. Great write up Op. I agree that friendzoning is selfish but human nature is inherently selfish it takes a lot to look within and tow the path of selflessness.

vivaciousvivi:
Ihedinobi2 , I am sorry but I am not very sure where your argument is leading. Are you annoyed that ladies friendzone "nice guys" or are you against friendzoning in general especially if you guys feel it's because the lady in question is falling / has fallen for a typical "bad guy"?
Must every lady a guy is interested in, agree to date you guys by force? If she isn't interested in a romantic relationship but chooses (for whatever reason) to keep a cordial friendship with the guy, is that now wrong?!
Also note that some of us girls prefer full disclosure at the very start and let the guy know that we may like too be friends first and see where it leads thereafter. Whats wrong with that

I dont mean to play the advocate here, but I really do think he came through quite clearly.

Perhaps you are an exception among ladies but in truth many ladies are really like he has explained. Selfish!.

What exactly is "Friendzone" anyway?

IMO, i think this friend zone concept came out as a result of the fact that ladies are so complex, they do not understand even themselves.

A lady wants to feel secure an wanted yet many ladies would rather stick to the "bad" guys because he's got "Swag"

The "nice-guys" who my friend had aptly described as "men with boundaries" are most often pushed to the backwaters because they dont know "whats-up" when in fact they really do know how it goes down, they just only live by high standards and principles.

It amazes me to think that a lot of ladies this days complain that good men are hard find when right under their noses there are several waiting to be picked.

A girl that would friendzone a guy is just a materialistic person who wants to eat from several pots at the same time without commiting herself.

Thinkr:
You ask a girl out and she says NO and you call it a test? Damn! That's a NO and not a test. If she eventually dates you then know she's out of better options. You get?

What i'm talking about is if it's a girl that worths it. Some girls are very good and before you get any, you really have to act like someone she'll want and keep. She just wants to talk you as man to woman and not woman to woman. You get my drift?

I saw ur. Write up and it behold me.Seriously. U nailed how am feeling inside.I don't want to go into details buh here it is.Please do u think I should let go as its obvious she takes other too serious than me.My question is this?Shee said she can't marry for love.For what a beg

freecocoa:
I honestly don't seem to get what your point is, if you started out as friends with someone and later develop feelings that can't be returned, how is it difficult to continue being friends with the person? Fine, even if you have trouble remaining just friends, what stops you from having a heart to heart with the person, telling him/her how you feel and why remaining close friends isn't good for you?

I have been in that place before, he was into me and I couldn't return his feelings, he withdrew from me and I contacted him to know why, he said it was difficult to remain friends because of how he felt, I understood and let him go and after a while, we became friends again even better than before.

Just how do you blame the lady for a guy choosing to remain in such a situation? No one can treat you anyhow without your consent, it's that simple.

I think the point is clear and your statement only buttresses it further. He developed feelings for you and you backed off becos you couldn't return it. Some won't back off. Infact they become more prominent yet they would never return the affection. They only keep preying on the other person becos they feel he is vulnerable and can be used. So they don't back off.

Its not the ones who back off that he is referring to. Its the ones who stay and still accept the affectionate undertones but dont intend to return it.

Most guys are really not happy been "friendzoned" what of ladies that are "sexzoned" you keep a gal only Becos she is useful to you only behind close doors, knowing fully well that you do not have any reasonable plan for her. Why are the ladies not complaining about this? It looks like you enjoy been sexzoned

Sagamite:


Rubbish!

Fine attractive, good quality, wifeyable girls are attracted to tough guys with an edge.

It is perfectly normal and evolutionary, so they are entitled to and justified for their attraction.

There is nothing wrong with it (as long as they don't whine when men also follow their own natural instincts, which is what I have a problem with).

Attractive women are human beings and hence they need stimulation. When you have the mugu nice guy coming and giving them the same ol' rubbish they get everyday, they would be bored and unattracted to them. A bad boy gives them that uniqueness and a project to stimulate their minds.

When they get older and lose their looks, then they would want nice guys because they don't have that much same ol' rubbish everyday anymore, so the same ol' rubbish is now a bit attractive as it is becoming more unique. Also, it is better than nothing. Then the nice guy gets in there at "last".

It really is that simple.

Funny way of thinking..who is a tough guy?? I have seen beautiful attractive gurls with guyz who are not "tough"...u don't hv to b tough, razz or "bad" to get any beautiful gurl.. All u need to is to be confident, know yourself worth and channel the energy u use in trying to be tough or bad into something more productive and positive.

The world is changing and gurls are looking beyond smoking, drinking, clubbing and "toughness" they need intellectual tough guyz...

Its the era of strAtegy every one is getting smart and its not toughness that gets u girls or p u s s i but smarts

zeongeon:
Funny way of thinking..who is a tough guy?? I have seen beautiful attractive gurls with guyz who are not "tough"...u don't hv to b tough, razz or "bad" to get any beautiful gurl.. All u need to is to be confident, know yourself worth and channel the energy u use in trying to be tough or bad into something more productive and positive.

The world is changing and gurls are looking beyond smoking, drinking, clubbing and "toughness" they need intellectual tough guyz...

Its the era of strAtegy every one is getting smart and its not toughness that gets u girls or p u s s i but smarts

What rubbish are you chatting?

Who said you will not find beautiful attractive girls with tough guys?

Do you understand odds?

Classicalmusic:
What i'm talking about is if it's a girl that worths it. Some girls are very good and before you get any, you really have to act like someone she'll want and keep. She just wants to talk you as man to woman and not woman to woman. You get my drift?

stop saying that bruh. If you ask a girl out and she says NO. Free her. Simple. Don't hurt urself more. If its hard to get then let her keep waiting for who will wait for such. Only kids still chase girl likes its do or die.

princefunmi:


I think the point is clear and your statement only buttresses it further. He developed feelings for you and you backed off becos you couldn't return it. Some won't back off. Infact they become more prominent yet they would never return the affection. They only keep preying on the other person becos they feel he is vulnerable and can be used. So they don't back off.

Its not the ones who back off that he is referring to. Its the ones who stay and still accept the affectionate undertones but dont intend to return it.

Then the person is a f00l, I'm sorry to say, he is to back off, everyone likes being treated nicely and I don't see how someone will say "please stop treating me nicely" especially after she's told you she can't be more than a friend.

At what point should someone apply common sense? Honestly, only people with no self esteem will stay and allow someone toy with their emotions when it's very obvious the feelings can't be returned, if someone only wants to use you, shouldn't that tell you the person is a selfish individual who does not deserve what you bring?

I say it again, people treat you the way you allow them to, no two ways about it.

You guys hv come again with this friendzone issh
Nice guy or bad guy if u don't want 2 b friendzoned, you won't

When you meet a lady, tell her exactly how u feel, to avoid being friendzoned. Some guys will jst b nice to girls and be there for her without speaking up or making moves.

Guys are to be blamed for all the friendzones not girls.

I don't even have female friends.(The is a diff btw knowing a girls name and saying "hi and its been ages" when u meet and being friends)
Guys be lyk I'm hving a party pls invite ur female frnds, I'm lyk wer I wan carry dem from?

No girl born of a woman can friendzone me.

Sagamite:


What rubbish are you chatting?

Who said you will not find beautiful attractive girls with tough guys?

Do you understand odds?

you can make ur point without being aggreSsive aS usual

zeongeon:
you can make ur point without being aggreSsive aS usual

When you want to make a point, make sure it is sensible before you call mine "funny thinking". How about that?

I am just being intellectually superior as usual.

Nice guys only finish last if they are chasing shadows ! I like nice and decent guys but the problem they have most times is that they prefer bad and indecent girls .

princefunmi:


I dont mean to play the advocate here, but I really do think he came through quite clearly.

Perhaps you are an exception among ladies but in truth many ladies are really like he has explained. Selfish!.

What exactly is "Friendzone" anyway?

IMO, i think this friend zone concept came out as a result of the fact that ladies are so complex, they do not understand even themselves.

A lady wants to feel secure an wanted yet many ladies would rather stick to the "bad" guys because he's got "Swag"

The "nice-guys" who my friend had aptly described as "men with boundaries" are most often pushed to the backwaters because they dont know "whats-up" when in fact they really do know how it goes down, they just only live by high standards and principles.

It amazes me to think that a lot of ladies this days complain that good men are hard find when right under their noses there are several waiting to be picked.

A girl that would friendzone a guy is just a materialistic person who wants to eat from several pots at the same time without commiting herself.

I think we probably have a different definition of what Friendzoning means. Hence the strong difference in opinion. Thanks anyway

smartigo:


Pls re-read with open mind to get his drift. He openly expressed his thought on NL most write about topic without taken sides[b][/b] rather doing the needful both for the 'zoner' and the 'zoned'. Shikena.

Bro, even though you have digressed from my point of view...kindly read his write-up again "with an open mind". He clearly took sides with the Male gender biko. Shikena!

A very dangerous and risky venture i call it.

vivaciousvivi:


I think we probably have a different definition of what Friendzoning means. Hence the strong difference in opinion. Thanks anyway

Maybe we do.

freecocoa:
Then the person is a f00l, I'm sorry to say, he is to back off, everyone likes being treated nicely and I don't see how someone will say "please stop treating me nicely" especially after she's told you she can't be more than a friend.

At what point should someone apply common sense? Honestly, only people with no self esteem will stay and allow someone toy with their emotions when it's very obvious the feelings can't be returned, if someone only wants to use you, shouldn't that tell you the person is a selfish individual who does not deserve what you bring?

I say it again, people treat you the way you allow them to, no two ways about it.

Obviously, Master Cupids arrow has never pierced you through.

If it has then you would understand what is at play.

I see a girl, I like her. I toast her she rejects me and say we can only be friends. Of-course I want this girl so I will keep trying and hoping.

A normal girl who has said a serious NO before will withdraw when there is a persistent attempt at getting her.

But that a guy has persisted inspite of a NO does not make him a fool. Infact he is an optimist. Someone who hopes he can still get the girl.

Sagamite:


When you want to make a point, make sure it is sensible before you call mine "funny thinking". How about that?

I am just being intellectually superior as usual.

what ever makes u happy.

muafrika:
Do we have a friend zoning situation here veave?

Ask d.op

Richiy:


So what are you saying We that are extroverts should now do what

.....Time for Personality Conversion

Richiy:


So what are you saying We that are extroverts should now do what

.....Time for Personality Conversion