Op,

I am sorry about what you are passing through,I know it is difficult,keep praying and be patient. It is a phase and it will pass soon.

Know that he is your husband,try to satisfy him and respect him,no marriage without challenges.

Do not divorce oooo,if u do na OYO. Those that are advising to divorce here will still be against you thereafter.

In Nigeria and world generally,women are the most stigmatised after divorce and no way to prove the the next husband will be a better man or a saint.

blesie:
So i narrated how little i can of my ordeal since i got married to this man here last week - https://www.nairaland.com/2030889/he-punishing-me-honey-moon

While i got alot of advises from our dear Nairalanders, i had resolve before not to tell the pastor or my parent but to talk to him as many advised, i couldn't look him in the eye actually, i tried to do that many times since that Friday but I couldnt, so i said ok, after sunday service i will build up courage to confront him and voice out my opinion to him.

So on sunday, it was going to be our first sunday after wedding, i had arrange our wears, his and my own, i woke up early to make breakfast for him and prepare him for church, before he woke up i was already in the kitchen so i ask him to take his bath and lets go early.

He took breakfast (i don't take breakfast so i didnt eat), we were all fully dressed and ready to set out, i packed our bible and writing note into the car and the gift we wanted to give our pastor too inside the car.

it was almost time and i said, so shall we, he said not yet and i said what is remaining, he said you're remaining, you havent given me nothing this morning, i said but you just took breakfast, he said nope, i haven't had you. This is like 10minutes for church to start oo.

He came closer and i said please dont let us waste time lets go. He changed. Don't let us do what? did you just say waste time? he dragged me down the couch and started what i will call rape again, at the process he had rough handled everything i wore, roughen my hair, i started crying, he walk down the wardrobe pick up something and ask me to wear it, i told him i'm not going to church again, he started begging that i can't do that but i keep refusing.

He shouted i should let us go, and i refused. He came back and raped me again till i agree i will go. So i dressed up and just ran into my own car, took off.

He thought i was going to church, he also entered the car and make his way to church. When he got to church he called me. I didn't answer the phone. i came home and was lying on the bed thinking of what next to do. i was actually thinking of running away without a word so he can come look for me forever.

So he got to church and the pastor and wife ask him about me, he said i must be inside. The pastor sensed something. did you say she must be inside? Did you two not come together bla bla bla. After serious enquiries he opened up that we had an issue in the morning.

I was lying down and i heard the door bell, i thought he was the one, i did not open it. The bell rang a thousand times i ignored it. The pastor wife called but i didn't answer, so because my car was parked inside they knew i was around. Finally i opened and here my pastor and wife have left the congregation standing there with him.

So they came in and ask me what happened, i told them i wanted a divorce, that my husband was killing me. They ask me what happened, if he was beating me or denying me of sex of not providing etc. I told them he raped me everything over everything and that my greatest surprise was to know he is doing all of these because i couldn't let him have sex with me while we were dating.

They then turned to him and ask him what happened. I never knew some people can talk so well that will make a bad case look good. Anyway he's a barrister.

He said: "Pastor i don't know why this happen but i knew i never ask God to give me a virgin as a wife. My brother married a virgin and till today he cannot enjoy sex so he has resulted to having sex outside wedlock but i have promised myself that i wont do that. Whether she likes it or not, she must satisfy me.

Ever since i met her over 3 years ago, i loved her, even though she told me no sex, i thought she was just been careful so i left her. For 3 years i never touched any woman. Here i was thinking she was practising romance, or sex style she will give me on wedding night because she did not have any virgin trait on her. She was exposed (works in the media), talks fearlessly, gives me headache so i thought oh she is a tough girl.

But on our wedding night, my wife here comes into the room. Before i could finish a call, she rushes to take her bath, cover herself up like she is going for a Mecca trip. She comes here lying with her back facing me. I thought to myself, but this is the same lady that smiles and laughs throughout na. What would have happened? i said ok pls come and bath me. She refused. i had to beg. Then she came standing 50 metres away, throwing water on my body, i got so angry i wanted to beat her up but i calmed down and before i could say jack, she got angry that she is not bathing me anymore. I met her again in the room and she said she tired and want to sleep, i tried to beg her she refused I then say to myself, so after begging her for 3 years to date me, kneel down to propose, beg her parent, beg the church i have to beg again for sex in this house. Not in my life! So i had my way, and i made sure i wasn't hurting her because i realised the first time she was a virgin.

Just to please her that she was a virgin which wasnt much of a big deal to me, i entered a car shop, got her a car, i told her this is for you, she said thanks like i bought her a biscuit and the next morning she left to her office in her own car.

She returned and i wanted to kiss her and she said i was disturbing her that she is tired. I was so angry. Whenever i I'm angry, i just have sex with her to calm myself down so i dont go drinking or even beat her. The only day i can admit to raping her was when she returned from work and i had sex with her. She stayed on the couch crying. I took wine in two glasses, gave her one but she pushed the wine glass away from me.

He continued. "I then said jokingly, 'you see its your time to cry now, im giving you those hot sex so you remember the times you used to punish me, insult me and make me go through hardtime but you've got to change now because I'm your husband, if not you will be crying like this.

Then my wife stood up and said to me, 'God will judge you for your wickedness!'

What!!! So i am wicked for having have sex with my wife? The same woman i paid a huge ransom to her calabar relations to marry her? I got so angry so i raped the hell out of her that day. She almost fainted, though i felt bad afterwards.

So this morning, we were set for church. I wanted to kiss her and just touch her a little because she was looking beautiful. She started that stubbornness again. She pushed me away like trash so i showed her I'm more powerful by having sex with her and she said she wasn't going to church anymore.

I brought something else for her to wear she refused and i remember she does anything i want her to do while having sex with her so i gave her another round and she ran out to the car. I thought she has left for church but no. So, this is what i have been passing through."

My pastor wife was first to comment. She said "What!!! Did you do all that i heard?"

I said, "No ma, he is not saying it the way it is. He raped me."

So they started asking the questions one after the other. ''Did you bath only you on your wedding night?''

My husband jumps in. "Ask her if she ever bath with me together since we were married!"

At that point, i felt like asking him to stop talking. My pastor said, "how old are you again? In case i have forgotten". i said "26, sir".

He said "Why na.. why, did you not read? But you are learned na. Why did you have to do all of these?"

The pastor turns to the wife and said, "mummy, did you not put her through counselling?"

They all started blaming me and apologizing to my husband. My pastor's wife had a one on one with me. They asked me to kneel to beg him.

They ask me to dress up lets go to church, it was suppose to be our thanksgiving sunday. I told them, "i wont be able to go as my eyes was already red". In my mind I'd rather sit and start thinking of how i can satisfy this man.

As advised, i bath with him last night, as expected he had sex with me in the bathroom, i felt like fainting but i kept quiet this time. I bear it like its a price i have to pay.

We had sex 3 times before the night was over. Now he is happy.

HONESTLY IF I KNEW THIS IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT, I WOULD HAVE JUST STAYED IN MY MOTHER'S HOUSE. THEY DID NOT PURSUE ME OUT

You wrote all this......you dey try o

treasuress:
upon all your acient behaviour the nigga still invested his money to buy you a car, and you have never bathe with your husband once , God pvnish anybody dat critisize that nigga, she is telling the story onesided, a dude dat can wait for 3yrs without touching you, YOU DONT LOVE HIM, FACE IT, DIVORCE HIM LET SOMEBODY BETTER TAKE YOUR PLACE,

GBAM

Seriously i feel your pain but th truth is u married a beast in the form of a man......though its funny but that is the truth...you didn't allow him to touch you for THREE DAMN YEARS !!! and now that he has YOU, My dear he will do the unthinkable.
He must have been dreaming and fantasizing about sex sex sex when he was telling you i do on the altar, u wanna ask why? because he was just waiting for the honeymoon when he will gladly open the door
You just gotta be romantic and understand him and you both need a dialogue
if after few months to a year and you cant still cope, its best to let go because seriously i don't think you can deny him of his right because your body does not longer belong to you ANYMORE...YOU ARE NOW MARRIED...CASECLOSED

sarutobie:

woman champion did you read the op first story? she admitted to conniving with her friends to spend the man's money on frivolities, the man abstained from having sex with her for THREE years...he still went ahead to marry her..and on the wedding night she refuses his advance? dude shut da Bleep up! even though the husband is not here to tell his own side of the story, the OP's own version has a lot of holes and fingers that point right back at her already.

one bottle of moet for you

I found this story shocking....I had to walk away, think a bit, and then read it again.

As a man I find my fellow man's behavior in this story disgusting.

The problem is marital rape , indeed rape of any kind in this country is not taken seriously. We just keep quiet about rape, while calling the victim names behind his/her back at the time where she or he would need healing.

I also find the behavior of the pastor reprehensible.....and I speak as a born again christian of over 20 years. At the very worst, he should have counseled the man against sexual lust. Seems like the pastor regards marriage as a lust fufillment zone, not as a place of building mutual love and affection.

Ultimately, the issue is that we do not know how to talk about sex in this country. We hide behind conservative attitudes (attitudes which I fully support BTW)...and in the process throw out the baby with the bathwater.

And as a result....we youngsters learn about sex, love and relationships from the wrong source. We never learn that sex should be in the context of serving others....instead we see it as a means of self fufilment and self enjoyment. Am sure that was the guy's view of sex.....it is for my own enjoyment....not for mutual enjoyment.

Maybe I sound soft and sentimental here...but when I get married (I am single and searching)....sex is going to be a two way thing for me. Because if it isn't.....then it means I love myself more than my wife.



There....I guess our problem in this country is that we love ourselves too much.

TomiwaDamola:
Get a divorce before he begins to do even worse to you.
Also report him to the[b]police and women's rights groups.[/b] You shouldn't have to suffer just because you didn't put out while you were dating.

What will the policee' do? Likewise women's right, if I may wanna ask, dis is domestic issue, and the said man, frm wat I can read, is legally married to the lady, and a lawyer for that matter, in other words, they should settle the issue within the family.

:PALL IN FAVOR OF SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE SAY "AYE"... THE "AYES" HAVE IT!!!

Many women will kill to have that guy oooo.

treasuress:
upon all your acient behaviour the nigga still invested his money to buy you a car, and you have never bathe with your husband once , God pvnish anybody dat critisize that nigga, she is telling the story onesided, a dude dat can wait for 3yrs without touching you, YOU DONT LOVE HIM, FACE IT, DIVORCE HIM LET SOMEBODY BETTER TAKE YOUR PLACE,

truer words have never been spoken..to think that people here (mostly the women) will judge a man who could wait for three years without sex and still put a ring on it guilty?

pweetixandy:
Hmmm..u and ur "husband" are not just compatible sexually. Ur not even romantic sef. What happend that morning would not have happend if u had just kissed him passionately and told him to wait until after service and u'll make him forget his name.instead u were doing like wood. Better divorce his silly behind and move on to the next phase of ur life cos as it is,100yrs of therapy will not help. U are not sensual and he is not patient. Hez a beast who shld be left alone,since u dnt know how to tame this beast. And u two dnt even have kids yet and u have a non existent sex life..incredible!

I can sense wickedness in this man even from his own explanation. A virgin and she is treating her that way? If only it is a true life story then i say sorry it won't last long soonner shall he be tired.

sarutobie:

woman champion did you read the op first story? she admitted to conniving with her friends to spend the man's money on frivolities, the man abstained from having sex with her for THREE years...he still went ahead to marry her..and on the wedding night she refuses his advance? dude shut da Bleep up! even though the husband is not here to tell his own side of the story, the OP's own version has a lot of holes and fingers that point right back at her already.

What is your view of sex?

If it is all about you.....then I suggest that your marriage would have problems down the line....when and if you get married (And I am not praying bad for you...just stating facts. Women don't like masters...contrary to popular opinion)>

"This is a story for the gods"

.....Olamide must be the one narrating this tale........."laleyi maa konramo......

sarutobie:

woman champion did you read the op first story? she admitted to conniving with her friends to spend the man's money on frivolities, the man abstained from having sex with her for THREE years...he still went ahead to marry her..and on the wedding night she refuses his advance? dude shut da Bleep up! even though the husband is not here to tell his own side of the story, the OP's own version has a lot of holes and fingers that point right back at her already.

What is your view of sex?

If it is all about you.....then I suggest that your marriage would have problems down the line....when and if you get married (And I am not praying bad for you...just stating facts. Women don't like masters...contrary to popular opinion).

(This dobule post is to be blamed on agents from the village infecting my computer.....)

bushdoc9919:


What is your view of sex?

If it is all about you.....then I suggest that your marriage would have problems down the line....when and if you get married (And I am not praying bad for you...just stating facts. Women don't like masters...contrary to popular opinion)>

dude forget story ( I am beginning to doubt the entire story sef cuz it just doesn't add up)...the woman here is the one being selfish..

sign of d end time .... my sister u ve to bear it 4 d rest of ur life a pastor once said " bad marriage is like hell....u never included God b4 u married him ...u were unguarded and I tell u divorce is not d solution .... I tink with dz ur experience could lead to a trauma wch cannot end if u get married to another person but u will only spread ur disease to an innocent man

At times, when you marry the so called church boy, you're sitting on a long thing.

cjeriia:
mumu..!! C spiteful advice. I sure say u don old 4 ya papa house.

lol..dnt u think u sound dumb making assumptions about somone u dnt know,dumb to me tho .divorce is there na,ehn..kerewa or leave him. O tan!

@blesie

In all honesty, both of you are wrong.

Your hubby is dead wrong for forcing you to have sex. It does not matter that you are his wife; there is no rule that says a married couple must have sex. Sex is the norm, but technically its not a must.

On your own part, you should have discussed your stance on sex with your husband beforehand. I know nobody usually has such a discussion, but where you don't have any desire for sex with a man, you should let him know before you get married to him. I was stunned to read that on your wedding night you just bathed and proceeded to sleep. Who does that?!

That is still no excuse for him to rape you. He should really, utterly apologize for it.

If this marriage is to work, you have to be more forthcoming sexualli, since it appears that every time you guys have had sex, you did not really consent to it. Under our laws, divorce is actually permitted on grounds of denial of sex. Another ground for divorce is the abuse you have received.

In any discussion you guys have on what the way forward is, be ready to negotiate away some of your frigidity.

I'm just being curious here...are you attracted to him sexually? Didn't you guys ever make out before the wedding?

Don't worry it wont last long he will be tired of sex the way he is going about it, and when that happen you would be the one that would beg him for sex. Till then i await your testimony.

when i started reading this story the first time she wrote, i thought someone somewhere was just trying to cook up a story to entertain or engage nairalanders,but i have come to discover its a through life experiece,

Now this is my contribution: we all need to understand that dis lady was a virgin when her husband met her,not having experience sex in the past until the night of there honey moon, like the husband confirmed,sex can always be hell if you are new to it expecially for a woman. another point is that when a man its having sex with a woman and that womans reaction shows its painful on her, what it does to the man"s emotion is that it boost him to want to do more, psycollogically the man feels satisfy.so when the woman scream for painful pleasure the man got satisfy and want to do more.
my advice to her is that with time the woman will get use to it and become more sexually hungry than the man as time goes on.... because "olomi lo ma re".....


But the guy na correct guy sha unto skelew things.....

Before I start I would like to ask if You love him and what u thought u would be doing in your husband's house, did u think u were just going to be cooking or what?

Now having asked all those. I would advice u think hard about all those questions and change your mindset about just enduring and satisfying him to enjoying yourself while u also satisfy him.

Did u know that it is written in the bible that u should satisfy your husband with your breast? If u don't know go and research and write out all the duties of a goog and perfect wife Heb woman...u might think no, am on my right but u will be justified only when u perform all ur duties as a wife including sex.

For him, if his mind for marrying u is cos of sex, well u guys are married now and God hates divorce so don't even think about it. All u have to do now keep praying for him and since I sense he is a church person, call him so u guys can always pray together..remember a family that prays together stays together...raise prayer points like we will be happy in my family I choose to love him deliberatly and he will also, and so on...its time for u to let go and let God ok

sarutobie:

Mrs....you wicked o! kitten OVERWORK even on her wedding night? after three years of abstinence between her and the husband? even your mama no go support you for this one..

Abegi.....my mama no go support gini? Person no go fit even try dis kain thing wit me sef! Make my husband do me so te down-below go dey hot.....abeji shin ga apor!

Don't mean to grin but the story is kinda funny and sad at the same time....especially when ur husband said u dressed as if u r on ur way to mecca. . Na wa o.

Btw, why must he rape to get his balls drained?

AKMoney1:
Why is everyone blaming the husband? Did you guys read the first part of the story where she clearly stated that she used him to have a good lunch, dinner or whenever she just feel like going to the cinema, that the guy never disappointed her? For good 3 years she played and milked him like wtf? How many guys can stand that? To the ladies if ur brother is in such courtship what will be your reaction?

Still yet the guy didn't give up and went ahead to marry her but only for the girl to start misbehaving on the very night of their wedding. Why won't you wanna bath with/for ur hubby? She even tried to resist the sex on their wedding night, come on we all have blood in our veins na and this guy has spent a fortune up till that moment. And even after the sex he realized she was a virgin and might be hurt, he bought her a car to compensate her. But ordinary kiss she can't give her hubby as a thank you.

Even though abusing her sexually is not the best option but what if he was beating her?

None of you guys here is saint enough to call him a beast except you pray to be treated the way she treated him while courting or you want your brother to be treated thus.

As for the lady in question, my advice for you is to beg him and change to a loving wife he wants you to be. Not always about sex, show him love and affections and if it's sex give him he's your husband.

Thank you jor. Don't mind all these hypocrites.

PART 3: I RAN AWAY FROM HIS HOUSE AND NOW HE WANTS ME BACK.

I doubt if this story is truth self,sounds so fake to me!!

sarutobie:

dude forget story ( I am beginning to doubt the entire story sef cuz it just doesn't add up)...the woman here is the one being selfish..

Maybe...but my point still stands....sex is not all about you.

It is about you and your partner collaborating to produce a sense of mutual satisfaction and enjoyment.

The minute it becomes all about you...is the time when the seeds of destruction in your marriage are sown (One word...menopause).

pweetixandy:
my brother,marriage is not a by force sometin..if she can't dance kerewa for him,let her leave him. lemme even ask,have u ever given in to his sexual advances without him begging. This woman didn't do her homework well before getting married.

she be learner abi..LOOOL

nothing wrong with the man. op is mostly likely a les..bian. yes, there are lots of them around.
just divorce the poor man.

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