I just got married recently, not up to two months and its not anything like I imagined. We dated for almost 6yrs before we decided to tie the knot.The man I met and fell in love with was everything I ever wanted in a man. He was caring, selfless, a good listener, very understanding. The man i am now married to is nothing close to the man I dated. This one thinks of himself mostly, he calls me names, hurtful names, names that I find hard to forget even till today. I seem to be talking to myself whenever am talking to him. He raises his voice like he's talking to a kid. It shocks me because he knew my character and my personality before he asked me to marry him yet he did. And now he says these things like they just erupted suddenly. You can imagine your own husband keep mentioning divorce when we are barely 2mnths married. I am not a fan of divorce even if we haven't done our church wedding yet. I am pregnant which makes divorce out of the question for me. But this doesn't seem to bother my husband one bit, he seems to have thought everything out perfectly to his own benefit. Am not happy at all. I don't know how much of this I can take. I wanna do what is best for my baby. This sucks bigtime. What to do? Nairalanders pls help!

Hmmmm. I fear marriage eh!


I checked your profile and your other thread which you tried to erase, you have been playing guys that came your way with "yes" to their request. Now, you became serious with this guy you married after confessing that you didn't love him as he did.
So many things are not adding or I conclude you caused your problem..

Look inward and know what you did or doing that is causing the disaffection btw u guys. Or I say you need a reorientation from your previous experience with other guys giving them a hardwork of making them love or win you.

a whole six years...dating...

what more can i say....

e madness go cure when you don born dat e pikin....

child makes parents responsible at times...
just bear with him my dear...

Hmmmmmm! Why are some men like ds,I pray Allah hlp u change him to normal and u've gt 2 be prayerful too.Dts 1 thn abt courtshp it does nt mke 1 knw eachoda hs claimed and it entails sme evil

Na wa o! Are u sure u r not doing any tin to mk him be like dis? .......dis change is sudden o! just two months after marriage. It is well.

Bwoi, that was so quick. So, ol'boy got bored after just two months, after playing dumb during years of courtship, no?

Now I'm scared.

Let me just lurk and follow the thread.

He Has Changed.. Almost Completely.

He has stopped pretending... Almost completely.

I'm sorry. Am only interested in your title.

Aprime:
He Has Changed.. Almost Completely.

He has stopped pretending... Almost completely.

I'm sorry. Am only interested in your title.

Lmao @ the bold.

Human beings are very funny.

Are you sure it is not the pregnancy that made him marry you?It's one thing to keep dating someone,it's another thing to want to marry the person.

Perhaps,your man is frustrated about certain things.Marriage in the first year(or few years) comes with a lot of friction.For some men,it's like encroaching on their space.You both are trying to get on the same wavelength and it takes some time.Try and have a talk with him.

Darling may God help you ooo cos you on enter one chance............. just joking

you need to be prayerful this is the time you need to start talking to your God

2months and he is tired?

Madam pls dig well this story is not complete.

something must have gone wrong somewhere,
Was it the pregnancy that led to the marriage?
Or he wedded u before you got pregnant?

If it is the former then I am afraid.
If it is the latter-then invite God in full power-he must have eaten okpa in his dreams.

lol.i laugh cos ur post took me dwn three years ago wen i said i do.ma dear first of marriage is not easy no mtr how long u dated.ma dear tk it easy.is frustrating n no communication.in marriage one partner has to bear befre d other comes dwn n deir is mutual understandin.dis first year to communicate is like to say comes lets quarrel.one thing u should know dat marriage is made of two forgivers.no matter what he tells u or u say to him.nd no mtr wat nrver tell your people expect it escalates to mayb life threatening .nva pack out of ur house.trust me with time u wil c it is a bliss.in all u do learn to read ur bible daily.pray for ur home.i ve been dre sis.trust me it will not get not better but great.ur hubby loves u no matter what.the only solution keep telling GOD.keep tryin to communicate.one thing u must kno.the way u re complaing dat is same way he is wishing for peacetrust me.

ShirelleBaby:
2months and he is tired?

Madam pls dig well this story is not complete.

something must have gone wrong somewhere,
Was it the pregnancy that led to the marriage?
Or he wedded u before you got pregnant?

If it is the former then I am afraid.
If it is the latter-then invite God in full power-he must have eaten okpa in his dreams.

We already did our introduction before we found out about the pregnancy..

It shocks me because he knew my character and my personality before he asked me to marry him yet he did.

MEANING this character was not good but if he tolerated it as a boyfriend he should tolorate it as a husband.

I am pregnant which makes divorce out of the question for me.

MEANING: no love lost between us,


You can`t work on him but you can work on yourself. He married you because he saw you as a partner for life. When you change he will change. From what you have written you want the marriage too so try and work on it.
Girlfriend is not wife. You have to be good to him , tender and caring like a woman should be and I believe that if you make efforts you will come back here and give us testimony.
Above all love and respect for him.

Aprime:
He Has Changed.. Almost Completely.

He has stopped pretending... Almost completely.

I'm sorry. Am only interested in your title.

point of corrections, both of them have stopped pretending

This one tough. Marriage never even start sef. Is anything troubling him that he is taking out on you? I hope he didnt pretend for 6yrs or wasnt force to marry because of the pregnancy. Talk to him.

@OP:

What brought about the change? What changed? His reaction to your actions? His actions?etc.

He might be the type of man who sees courtship as different from marriage so he is now treating you as a 'wife'.

Discuss to find out his expectations are. Are you also sure your hormones are not playing tricks on you?

What circumstances surrounded the wedding ceremony? Too high a BP? Too expensive? Major disagreement between families?

It is well

my dear ur preg has nothing to do in d issue.infact wen u bth feel like nothin to discuss d baby somehw brings a talk.i took in ma weddin nite n went tru all u re sayin.marriage is patience.n above all prayers cos trust me satan is api wen couples quarrel or fight cos den u bth re vulnerable.ma dear hold GOD NOW dan ever.wen u feel tired tink of ur baby.due to so so quarrel i almost had ma bby tru operation cos i was always tinking n ma huby was alwys depressed.u both find it hard to agree on one thing.so now cast yr burden at GODS feet n jst tink of d bundle of joy.forgive n keep prayin dat where GOD needs to work on ur both characters he should.forget d divorce na mouth ur hubby dey.i n ma hubby said worse dan dose back then.i ve friends who also experienced same.we all look back n laugh.i showed ma hubby ur post n he said tell her we ve been dre n made it tru n same will b for her.but hold GOD in dat six years u had not been joined so d bth parties re been careful.plsssss dnt tell ur issues to friends if u want to njoy ur home.wen dat baby comes dts d sec u c first changes but like i said one party has to come down for d other no matter d hurts dat does not mean doing it to stipudity level.jst try n avoid some issues then wen d other party is calm evn if it takes weeks politely talk tins tru n as a woman b patient in d walk of marriage n life

If he asks for divorce give it to him now or do it years down the line, your choice. You have not wedded, yet you feel so trapped, nawaoooh!!!

You just made me scared of marriage all the more


But waito , its your story is incomplete .

byvan:
If he asks for divorce give it to him now or do it years down the line, your choice. You have not wedded, yet you feel so trapped, nawaoooh!!!

Which kind of advice is this kwa for goodness sake? Are u angry? Nawa o
If you become a marriage counselor, I wonder how many marriages will survive your tutelage.

DukeNija:


Which kind of advice is this kwa for goodness sake? Are u angry? Nawa o
If you become a marriage counselor, I wonder how many marriages will survive your tutelage.

What are you on about? Her husband asked for divorce, why won't she grant it or is marriage by force where you come from? If I am a marriage counselor, yes no worthless marriage will survive my tutelage. They are not even wedded! Dragging someone kicking and thrashing to the altar will always end in regret. This man is already fed up, you can't force a man to remain a husband when he has checked out already, the better people get this, the easier for everyone.

Ohwhy:
I just got married recently, not up to two months and its not anything like I imagined. We dated for almost 6yrs before we decided to tie the knot.The man I met and fell in love with was everything I ever wanted in a man. He was caring, selfless, a good listener, very understanding. The man i am now married to is nothing close to the man I dated. This one thinks of himself mostly, he calls me names, hurtful names, names that I find hard to forget even till today. I seem to be talking to myself whenever am talking to him. He raises his voice like he's talking to a kid.

Dating is very different from marriage. Based on my little experience, the first year of marriage can be very challenging. You are both learning to live with each other and he is probably feeling as frustrated as you are. You are both learning how to tolerate and forgive each other. Some people take longer to go from "me" to "us". The name calling is really hurtful and painful. The name calling, the talking to you like a kid (which is bad) and the fact that you feel like you are talking to yourself while talking to him means that you and your husband are yet to establish a good way to communicate with each other. I know its difficult but I think you should start by trying to improve the communication.

Ohwhy:

It shocks me because he knew my character and my personality before he asked me to marry him yet he did. And now he says these things like they just erupted suddenly.

Can you please explain this a bit more? what character are we talking about here. Please I am not in anyway blaming you but telling us more might help.

Ohwhy:

You can imagine your own husband keep mentioning divorce when we are barely 2mnths married. I am not a fan of divorce even if we haven't done our church wedding yet.
I am pregnant which makes divorce out of the question for me. But this doesn't seem to bother my husband one bit, he seems to have thought everything out perfectly to his own benefit. Am not happy at all. I don't know how much of this I can take. I wanna do what is best for my baby. This sucks bigtime. What to do? Nairalanders pls help!

I don't think he means it when he talks about the divorce. Whatever you do don't beg him when he talks about divorcing you because if you do, then you are going to be begging for a long time.Take care of yourself dear and your body as you are pregnant. I hope that in the near future the two of you will look back today and laugh it off.

Only two people that wants to stay married will remain married no matter the length of courtship , a thousand years of courtship alone can never do the magic. It's not how long but how well...

byvan:



What are you on about? Her husband asked for divorce, why won't she grant it or is marriage by force where you come from? If I am a marriage counselor, yes no worthless marriage will survive my tutelage. They are not even wedded! Dragging someone kicking and thrashing to the altar will always end in regret. This man is already fed up, you can't force a man to remain a husband when he has checked out already, the better people get this, the easier for everyone.

This your Iron fist approach to marriage will end 85% of all marriages in the world. Who said they are not yet married? Pls read the post again. Besides, you should know dat marriages in their first year are quite challenging and most marriages get better with time. Some previous posters have said they experienced worse and said worse things, but have great marriages now, so please take a cue from them. Love is a war we fight to keep. Take anger classes!

DukeNija:


This your Iron fist approach to marriage will end 85% of all marriages in the world. Who said they are not yet married? Pls read the post again. Besides, you should know dat marriages in their first year are quite challenging and most marriages get better with time. Some previous posters have said they experienced worse and said worse things, but have great marriages now, so please take a cue from them. Love is a war we fight to keep. Take anger classes!

;DYour first line got me laughing because my dh says that too, intentionally hurting someone will not count as part of 1st year marital ish for me. That I don't share the popular opinion doesn't qualify me for anger management class , Good night.

Op,you are not telling us everything?

SirShymex:
Bwoi, that was so quick. So, ol'boy got bored after just two months, after playing dumb during years of courtship, no?

Now I'm scared.

Let me just lurk and follow the thread.

It's their first year of marriage. They are still getting to know themselves.

Awwww eiyah pele

I don't get this " it's their first year of marriage, they are getting to know themselves" ish

For God's sake, they dated for 6 years! While I agree that the first few years are most times not Rosy but no, it does not involve a party utterly disrespecting, saying really mean things, wrecking the emotions of the other.

@Op, it's a 50-50 game. It can get better or worst. Your call.
All the best.

All these feminists and lesbians here spewing thrash please shut up! How can a man change suddenly after six years courtship? @OP you never talk true! Come out plainly and tell us why you changed and what you changed to so we will also know why he changed. It takes two to tango.

Ohwhy:
I just got married recently, not up to two months and its not anything like I imagined. We dated for almost 6yrs before we decided to tie the knot.The man I met and fell in love with was everything I ever wanted in a man. He was caring, selfless, a good listener, very understanding. The man i am now married to is nothing close to the man I dated. This one thinks of himself mostly, he calls me names, hurtful names, names that I find hard to forget even till today. I seem to be talking to myself whenever am talking to him. He raises his voice like he's talking to a kid. It shocks me because he knew my character and my personality before he asked me to marry him yet he did. And now he says these things like they just erupted suddenly. You can imagine your own husband keep mentioning divorce when we are barely 2mnths married. I am not a fan of divorce even if we haven't done our church wedding yet. I am pregnant which makes divorce out of the question for me. But this doesn't seem to bother my husband one bit, he seems to have thought everything out perfectly to his own benefit. Am not happy at all. I don't know how much of this I can take. I wanna do what is best for my baby. This sucks bigtime. What to do? Nairalanders pls help!

My take on this is that you have a nasty character or character flaws which you know very well and which your husband tolerated during the dating years in hopes that the abracadabra of marriage and pregnancy will change you. Both of you are naive marriage "jambitos". Your husband is naive for thinking that marriage is a magic formula for changing people and you for thinking that nasty behaviour should be tolerated in marriage. Since we can't advice your husband I say to you change your nastiness if you want to preserve your marriage.