My name is Gift Anthony (Real name withheld) I am in me early 30s, I got married three years ago and we are blessed with a girl-child. MY husband is a business man while I am a secondary school teacher in a private school. My husband is a man who enjoys sex and would want to have sex three times a week. I have never denied him sex whenever he demands for it. Early this year some unknown gun men stormed our area, they entered people's houses and made away with their belongings. They entered our house and ordered us (me, my husband and my daughter) to lie on the floor. One of them was pointing gun at us and told us he will shoot if we shout or get up. Others entered the rooms and started searching for money and other valuables. They made away with our money and my jewelries. On coming out of the room about going, one of them who acted as their leader ordered me to remove my clothes, I refused and he threaten to shoot my husband. so I did. He asked me to lie on the floor and wanted to have sex with me i refused him. He told me if I don't cooperate that he was going to shoot my husband. I was afraid and I lay on the floor and allowed him have his way. When he was done, the next person had his own. After that, they returned my jewelries and made away with the money. The next morning my husband told me to go to a hospital for test/treatment which I did. I was tested of HIV/AIDS and STD the results were all negative. But since that incident, my husband has refused to have sex with me. He's always giving me excuses. Is either he's tired from the day activities or he's not in the mood. I don't know what to do. I've gone for counselling. Please I need your advice. Thanks

Get a vibrator for the main time. He will get jealous and come back to his senses.

Robbery and rape could be traumatic and could negatively affect a persons psychology.
Pray to God to take control of your household and let him do his work.
Or you give him 'burantashi' one night and see if he wont cooperate as you cooperated with the robbers.

Sorry for your pain. Please how long has this being? I mean time of the rape and now...

Maybe you shouldn't have let them rape you but shoot him instead. Dumb ass husband

Rape him back then tins we go back to normal

Put ur self in his shoes jor... this thing happend right in front of your daughter as well.



So allow him to get past through it.

He's still traumatised dear; not an easy experience for him...
You both need to see a psychologist. ..


hope you were given some medications to prevent any possible STD? (Test you did the nxt day after d rape wouldn't show any std)...but you need to prevent any possible one from forming. ..

Then go bk for test after 6months. .

Wish you the best...

You need to re-visit the lab for another check. If the result conforms with the first test (negative), engage your husband with a heart-to-heart talk, he'll get over the incidence.


...and your daughter? How's her reaction in the home? (oh well, she's still very young).


This is just a phase, it will pass.

That's so mean of him. I would av giving it to you 3ce the day the test results were out. That wud av even brought u out of d trauma.

He's traumatised and needs help.He needs to go through therapy with a trained psychologist.
You also need to go back to the hospital with him and run tests again so he can see that you are all clear.I hope you were placed on HIV prophylaxis.

Sorry about the trauma.May God keep evil away from us all.

He's having a difficult time going through what happened.

Seek professional help and give him some time.
He'd come back.
If you a Christian
#Pray

fkpboss:
Maybe you shouldn't have let them rape you but shoot him instead. Dumb ass husband

Haaa

So you prefer to be raped than allowing your husband get shot, well things we do for love.
Go for another test and ensure you are clean,talk to him but don't beg him,none is your fault,if he insists then he's done with the marriage.

goonsmi:





Haaa

Sorry for the harsh comment but your husband dey Bleep up. I'm also a man na

PresVA:
He's still traumatised dear; not an easy experience for him...
You both need to see a psychologist. ..


hope you were given some medications to prevent any possible STD? (Test you did the nxt day after d rape wouldn't show any std)...but you need to prevent any possible one from forming. ..

Then go bk for test after 6months. .

Wish you the best...

Yes. I was given medication and I visited two hospitals for the test. All were negative.

donbuchi1:
Sorry for your pain. Please how long has this being? I mean time of the rape and now...

It happens January this year.

Bilabong:
Get a vibrator for the main time. He will get jealous and come back to his senses.

What is romance machine?

Both of you need therapy. You can't do this on your own. Wish your marriage the best.

To tell the truth, I may not touch you for a while if I were your husband.
Do you know what it is for your husband to watch riff-raffs take turns on you?
Too bad.

Just let him be. Don't worry him at home. Send messages to him through WhatsApp or sms telling him how much you yearn for his touch.

More importantly improve on the time you spend with him, pray with him and pray for him. And hopefully he will change.

Don't pick quarrels with him even if you perceive he his taking care of himself outside.

Understand that he is going through hard times.

Hes traumatized and feeling guilty that he couldn't help you. It will take time, don't rush it. Let him know its not his fault or your fault and you guys should thank God for Life. give him time he will come around. the wound is still fresh

fkpboss:

Sorry for the harsh comment but your husband dey Bleep up. I'm also a man na

I'm not the op o.

Like others above said, he is still traumatized by the scene! Goosebumps must be appearing on his skin each time he remembers it. Pray for him, he isn't himself

How you guys assume the rape victim is strong and okay enough to have "a talk" with her husband is baffling. Like it's absolutely nothing and it takes nothing to get over the rape and move on! The husband is the one who needs to be strengthening and encouraging her after the incident. She needs love even though she's acting strong and in need of affection.

They both need counselling from an unbiased professional especially that uneducated and uninformed husband of hers.

He is traumatized? How dare everyone make this about the man?

How old are these commenters above anyways?

GenAnsahCinC:

What is romance machine?

Vibra-tor

GSKing:
How you guys assume the rape victim is strong and okay enough to have "a talk" with her husband is baffling. Like it's absolutely nothing and it takes nothing to get over the rape and move on! The husband is the one who needs to be strengthening and encouraging her after the incident. She needs love even though she's acting strong and in need of affection.

They both need counselling from an unbiased professional especially that uneducated and uninformed husband of hers.

He is traumatized? How dare everyone make this about the man?

How old are these commenters above anyways?

So he is not traumatised?Do you know what trauma is?Being a witness to that experience is not trauma?
I think we should ask how old YOU are?

trauma - /ˈtrɔːmə,ˈtraʊmə/
noun
1. a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.
2. physical injury.

Thank you all. I appreciate your time.

Listen to yourself. So she was raped and you think she should also be fine with being cheated on. SMH.

infogenius:
To tell the truth, I may not touch you for a while if I were your husband.
Do you know what it is for your husband to watch riff-raffs take turns on you?
Too bad.

Just let him be. Don't worry him at home. Send messages to him through WhatsApp or sms telling him how much you yearn for his touch.

More importantly improve on the time you spend with him, pray with him and pray for him. And hopefully he will change.

Don't pick quarrels with him even if you perceive he his taking care of himself outside.

Understand that he is going through hard times.

GSKing:
How you guys assume the rape victim is strong and okay enough to have "a talk" with her husband is baffling. Like it's absolutely nothing and it takes nothing to get over the rape and move on! The husband is the one who needs to be strengthening and encouraging her after the incident. She needs love even though she's acting strong and in need of affection.

They both need counselling from an unbiased professional especially that uneducated and uninformed husband of hers.

He is traumatized? How dare everyone make this about the man?

How old are these commenters above anyways?

Useful advice, but irrelevant in this context as the husband is not complaining, at least he didn't open a thread to complain about his wife. In this case, it is the woman who needs affection, so whatever act she can pull together to get it right is okay.

In simple psychology, her incessant request for s.ex can even put some men off. Ordinarily, the man should be the one trying to make love with her wife after the incidence. Majority of ra.pe victims sometimes show phobia for se.x, although there are exemptions.

I think the woman should put se.x aside, and focus on rebranding her home, her mental health and general well-being.

Personally, I don't think any psychologist can handle the issue better. OP and her husband only need to sit down and work things out.

@OP, go to your hubby and pour out your mind. You both should sit down, go to YouTube (if you can) and polish your mind with resources. Trust me, that man is a good man. Only a dog (I mean a real dog) would immediately jump on his wife after witnessing such. At the moment, his mind is busy, thinking, calculating and hoping to one day get hold of those armed robbers. He loves you dearly! If se.x is the only thing that has changed ever since, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

If you can seek vengeance on those armed robbers, please go ahead. It will go a long way in the healing process. The fastest way to heal your home is to get hold of those guys, put 2 car tyre on their heads and light them up with a match stick. No amount of psychological lessons can heal your home faster.

Chances of achieving the above may be slim, but an attempt would still do the magic. I stopped worrying about my 1st and last robbery case the day I learnt the robber died.

Follow that path madam! As long as those thieves are alive and around with no attempt to get them jailed or buried, it may take a while to restore your home.

k

GSKing:
How you guys assume the rape victim is strong and okay enough to have "a talk" with her husband is baffling. Like it's absolutely nothing and it takes nothing to get over the rape and move on! The husband is the one who needs to be strengthening and encouraging her after the incident. She needs love even though she's acting strong and in need of affection.

They both need counselling from an unbiased professional especially that uneducated and uninformed husband of hers.

He is traumatized? How dare everyone make this about the man?

How old are these commenters above anyways?

you are in Nigeria ooo, most believe the woman is to bear all the pain..... one even advised her not to be angry in case she finds out the husband has started having affairs


nobody is saying he shouldn't be traumatised but for the women to come out for an advise , he must be really avoiding her.

I hope you got treatment to prevent contracting HIV because it may take 1-3 months for you to know if you actually contracted anything from the incident or not. In my mean time maybe you and your husband can go for counselling, it may help him too get over the traumatic incident.