Please Nairalanders I need help because I am loosing my patience.
I have been married to my wife for 6years and I have never had dinner before 9PM. Sometimes I'm served dinner past 11pm. My wife doesn't have any job yet. I wake early every day because I have to bath and dress our two kids up in the morning while she makes their breakfast and prepare something for the lunch boxes. I drop the kids at school and go to work from there. I return home before 6pm and dinner is never ready. I have complained and complained and she makes adjustments for two days each time I complain. I got angry at a point and told her I will not eat her food after 7pm. That week, she acted on my instruction and I really ate at 7pm or just before 7:30pm. That is the only week I enjoyed dinner early. I have even developed pot belle due to eating late.
I got home early today and she started picking vegetables to make soup at about 3:30pm. This is 8pm and I still haven't eaten. I am so angry. I really see her busy working in kitchen but I don't know why it takes so long for the food to be ready. Not that she attends to the kids. I assist the kids in their homework and prepare them for bed. I'm very angry. Please advise.

she is on go-slow strike!

This one serious o!



Does she use manual to cook


U really need to stay in d kitchen with her to see what delays her

I had similar problem, until started making good my threat of not eating her food once it's after 7.30pm. Now dinner is ready and served btw 7 and 7.30pm

You should be angry - a hungry man is an angry man.

Some women just don't understand that the way to a man's heart is through his belly. When you start eating from #ediblecatering now, they will be crying.

Just start coming home with takeaway pack, eat and go to bed. She will get the message.

She probably used to eat late while she was at her parents' and got used to it. I think the threat thing might work bt u guys shl'd talk abt it sha. And pray too

you have said you gave her stern warning that once your food pass 7pm you would not eat. Give her the ultimatum and stick to it. No matter how it is, when she prepares the food and she is serving you and it's already pass 7:30, do not eat no matter the persuasion. Get bread and butter and eat. When you make a decision stick to it. It will make your wife know that you are serious

I really can't wait to see how our beloved resident defenders of women spin this one around...assuming your story is true of course.

If it were up to me though, I would say divorce her dammiit.
What insolence!

Thanks. I will try this.

bennyrazz:
you have said you gave her stern warning that once your food pass 7pm you would not eat. Give her the ultimatum and stick to it. No matter how it is, when she prepares the food and she is serving you and it's already pass 7:30, do not eat no matter the persuasion. Get bread and butter and eat. When you make a decision stick to it. It will make your wife know that you are serious

sinaj:
This one serious o!



Does she use manual to cook


U really need to stay in d kitchen with her to see what delays her

There's probably a scientific equation somewhere in there, hence the delay... I think.

Why does it take 5 hours to make a pot of vegetable soup That's weird...

She's not really planning her time well. Start with washing and cooking the meats/fish, then you pick veggies and wash and cut (and don't over wash them, some salt in the first wash and the 2nd wash and it's good and for waterleaf tear it up with your hands because it shrivels in the pot), by the time the meat is boiled, she's ready or almost ready with the veggies and one should not be boiling any leafy veggies for more than 20 mins. It should be crisp and not soggy or you're wasting your time about the nutrients.

And all that isn't a 5 hour job. Making stew takes longer. Or jollof rice. Fried rice yeah, casseroles definitely. But basic vegetable soup, nope and even then you figure out a faster method, except for fried rice, that thing is punishment. Or is she on the phone, you said you help the kids out with baths and homework, but do they have to go and meet her constantly for everything else?

Can you buy food and Indomie it for a week and just say nothing and go to bed on time? Let's see what happens.

Onegai:
Why does it take 5 hours to make a pot of vegetable soup That's weird...

She's not really planning her time well. Start with washing and cooking the meats/fish, then you pick veggies and wash and cut (and don't over wash them, some salt in the first wash and the 2nd wash and it's good and for waterleaf tear it up with your hands because it shrivels in the pot), by the time the meat is boiled, she's ready or almost ready with the veggies and one should not be boiling any leafy veggies for more than 20 mins. It should be crisp and not soggy or you're wasting your time about the nutrients.

And all that isn't a 5 hour job. Making stew takes longer. Or jollof rice. Fried rice yeah, casseroles definitely. But basic vegetable soup, nope and even then you figure out a faster method, except for fried rice, that thing is punishment. Or is she on the phone, you said you help the kids out with baths and homework, but do they have to go and meet her constantly for everything else?

Can you buy food and Indomie it for a week and just say nothing and go to bed on time? Let's see what happens.

She is good at putting off the cooker or reduce it in the process of cooking. I don't know why. Sometimes I walk into the kitchen and increase it. I have visited her family house and this is the same thing there. Breakfast is 11am in her family house. The annoying part is that you see her mom busy in the kitchen but the food is never out. The few times I slept in her family house, her mom wakes me up at night to say dinner is ready and she apologies for being late. I have watched my wife's mother cook. Sometimes I see her put off the cooker too. Washes plates and clean the kitchen up to 5 times before she finishes cooking. I don't really know how to work on my wife. This whole thing is affecting my kids too because they have to stay awake to eat before they go to bed. The worse part is that myself and my wife don't eat together most times because at the time she dishes my food, she goes back to kitchen to clean up. Sometimes when I wake up by 12 midnight or past twice, I see her in the parlor eating and watching Nigeria movie. Many times I force her to bed because she can actually stay awake till 1am

Wen I used to live with my parents, my mum usually does that.. and I sort of developed a potruding belly.



Now dat I live alone, my stomach is as flat as the wall.. and i"ve slimmed down drastically. Eating meals after 5pm is a no-no for me. And I don't even dare eat Garri. It's either I take fufu(just a wrap) with soup or eat oats.



Look ladies should learn. I will totally be angry with my future wife if after all these years I struggled to get a flat tummy and maintained it and once I get married, she starts using her hand to make it grow bak again. Thunder will just fire her.



If she can't prepare my meal early enough, I won't even bother myself as i"d just go out and eat a light food.

Huston1:

She is good at putting off the cooker or reduce it in the process of cooking. I don't know why. Sometimes I walk into the kitchen and increase it. I have visited her family house and this is the same thing there. Breakfast is 11am in her family house. The annoying part is that you see her mom busy in the kitchen but the food is never out. The few times I slept in her family house, her mom wakes me up at night to say dinner is ready and she apologies for being late. I have watched my wife's mother cook. Sometimes I see her put off the cooker too. Washes plates and clean the kitchen up to 5 times before she finishes cooking. I don't really know how to work on my wife. This whole thing is affecting my kids too because they have to stay awake to eat before they go to bed. The worse part is that myself and my wife don't eat together most times because at the time she dishes my food, she goes back to kitchen to clean up. Sometimes when I wake up by 12 midnight or past twice, I see her in the parlor eating and watching Nigeria movie. Many times I force her to bed because she can actually stay awake till 1am

Aww man. I thought about it, it is a family thing. Habits die hard but this can be changed. But it is wrong for the kids to be eating so late and they should have an early bedtime. You have to force her to see it's affecting her productivity as a Hot lady, a Wife and a Mother. She's not spending time with you. And if she's going to bed so late, your sexx life will be out of sync. Do 3 weeks of takeout food for you and the children. If you really want to look for trouble and make things change faster, get your mother to come stay for the 3 weeks and instruct your mother to please enter the kitchen and prepare food for you and the children once mealtimes are here and she's taking her time . Be prepared for the fight that ensues but calmly and lovingly maintain your ground: Meals must be prepared on time. This can be changed, sit her down and insist she draws up a timetable (tell her you love her too much to allow her continue like this) of daily activities. Also, give her stuff to do, make sure she knows it's important. Nothing will fire up a change more than one personally admitting to themself "I'm failing and it seems to be my fault". When she can't make deadlines because of it, it will help not make you look like the bad guy. Give her positive reinforcement for meals on time ("Nice! Delicious dinner at 7pm, alright! High five!" )

mtcheeeeew, Abeg divorce am... what arrant nonsense

She can cook the soup,different types every weekend and put them in the freezer, every night she brings the one to be eaten,take a portion and warm,then make the swallow it be eaten with it,I was like that too,because we eat late in my house before I got married, my husband complained too and I justed by doing the above.

Zee world at work o

This one is strong o.. The deadline thingy will work but i don't like the idea cos i can bet that she is trying and can't imagine how disappointed she would be after wasting hours preparing food you wouldn't eat..

MY ADVICE: SIT HER DOWN AND SHOW HER YOUR PROTUDING BELLY, TEACH HER THE DANGERS OF EATING LATE(YOU CAN RESEARCH ONLINE) AND FINALLY LOOK FOR A FREE DAY AND BOTH OF YOU SHOULD COOK TOGETHER... YOU CAN FIND AND CORRECT THE CAUSE OF HER DELAY THERE AND YOU SHOULD BE A FAST COOK THO... IF UNA GET DSTV, MAKE HER ADDICTED TO 'FOOD NETWORK'

A stay at home wife can't cook dinner before 7pm? My guy you don marry okpeke be that na.

I hate lazy ppl especially lazy women if i were u i would just take my kids out for dinner every evening as i get back home make only she dey chop d late night meals..how can u raise kids like that this is tragic then u will wake up uncomfortable after eating close to midnight.Bruv, u ar damaging ur health and that of ur kids..do takeouts for 2 wks and see if she would get d message,if not abeg hold family meeting.She needs to learn by fire by force!!!

It's not about laziness..... You even said she goes back to the kitchen after serving you to clean up.


I think it is more about how she was brought up.

Try to enforce what people suggested earlier i.e no eating after 7:30pm,if not for anything, but for your health and that of your kids.

Huston1:
Please Nairalanders I need help because I am loosing my patience.
I have been married to my wife for 6years and I have never had dinner before 9PM. Sometimes I'm served dinner past 11pm. My wife doesn't have any job yet. I wake early every day because I have to bath and dress our two kids up in the morning while she makes their breakfast and prepare something for the lunch boxes. I drop the kids at school and go to work from there. I return home before 6pm and dinner is never ready. I have complained and complained and she makes adjustments for two days each time I complain. I got angry at a point and told her I will not eat her food after 7pm. That week, she acted on my instruction and I really ate at 7pm or just before 7:30pm. That is the only week I enjoyed dinner early. I have even developed pot belle due to eating late.
I got home early today and she started picking vegetables to make soup at about 3:30pm. This is 8pm and I still haven't eaten. I am so angry. I really see her busy working in kitchen but I don't know why it takes so long for the food to be ready. Not that she attends to the kids. I assist the kids in their homework and prepare them for bed. I'm very angry. Please advise.

wey my girlfriend whom i am planning to marry (by God's grace)will just come back from work around 6 or 7 pm cook two soup, at times vege and oha, or bitterleaf and egusi before 10pm and still go back to her house or sleep over, Man, you need to make a decision and stand with it, it's time to man up, takeaway things, if you have car, once is 8pm go and buy takeaway for you and the kids, that should come after calm and serious warning.. if she still remain adamant

Abeg, has she tried making stews, and soups and keeping in the freezer?
On Saturdays, or whenever since she's a housewife let her make enough of those and dish in bowls to be kept in the freezer.
If you need to eat any of these, let her bring it out and warm it. How long should it take to make rice, eba and other Swallows?.
If she's making jollof/fried rice that shouldn't take long either. Just use frozen veggies so she wouldn't have to dice anything.
Or if you're the type that doesn't like eating food from the freezer, ask her to start making dinner by 10am.
At least by 5pm it will be ready.
Meanwhile, she obviously doesn't know how to plan her time well. I wonder what will happen if she starts working...

Sorry OP, from what your posts she's not Lazy, it's a family habit which can be quite difficult to change simply because she doesn't really see whats wrong with eating past 9pm. I would have thought 6 years is enough to adjust sha.

I stayed with a family like that too, these people can eat by 11pm, me that latest 7.30pm I have eaten most times except I come late.This family can sleep by 1am, when me I am alreadt sleeping for hours. The first time I tried eating at their time it seemed the food didn't digest. Different families have different way they do things I have also seen someone that said if she eats the time I eat she will be hungry overnight lool.

Make her see the disadvantages of eating late, especially for the children if they eat past 9 when will they sleep? Let her know you appreciate her and all she does for the family BUT you don't like the timing. You can start with saying you would like dinner to be ready by 6.0pm and see how it goes hopefully she will settle around.7-7.15 permanently.

By the way does she cook soup every blessed day? Or is it every day you guys eat soup based meal?
Rice can be ready in 30 mins. Soup should be able to last 3 days even without freezer. She can cook soups that will last a week and freeze naaw. Once its 6pm she just warms and prepare the swallow to accompany.

It's more of a family thing and a visit to another family where dinner is made early could help. I know of some women that make soup every blessed day and they take their time to cook the soup because that is how they cook in their family. Let her visit your mother for some days with the children, once she sees how your mother makes dinner early she would adjust. If she's the type that makes soup everyday, you could also talk to her about making soup once and keeping it in the freezer.

yetseyi:
Sorry OP, from what your posts she's not Lazy, it's a family habit which can be quite difficult to change simply because she doesn't really see whats wrong with eating past 9pm. I would have thought 6 years is enough to adjust sha.

I stayed with a family like that too, these people can eat by 11pm, me that latest 7.30pm I have eaten most times except I come late.This family can sleep by 1am, when me I am alreadt sleeping for hours. The first time I tried eating at their time it seemed the food didn't digest. Different families have different way they do things I have also seen someone that said if she eats the time I eat she will be hungry overnight lool.

Make her see the disadvantages of eating late, especially for the children if they eat past 9 when will they sleep? Let her know you appreciate her and all she does for the family BUT you don't like the timing. You can start with saying you would like dinner to be ready by 6.0pm and see how it goes hopefully she will settle around.7-7.15 permanently.

By the way does she cook soup every blessed day? Or is it every day you guys eat soup based meal?
Rice can be ready in 30 mins. Soup should be able to last 3 days even without freezer. She can cook soups that will last a week and freeze naaw. Once its 6pm she just warms and prepare the swallow to accompany.

She doesnt cook food everyday. When she knows she isngoing to make a meal that wont take much of her time, then she will not start early at all. Even when i remind her that it is getting late, she will tell me something like "Is it not just to make eba" but when she eventually gets into the kitchen she starts doing other things. Maybe that is when she will realise the kids will not eat eba and start frying plantain for them, or she will tell me she checked the soup and found there is no "Kpomo" or fish again because I dont like beef. Then she will start making jollof rice or something. She actually does a lot of things to make me happy. The timing is what I am not comfortable with. I have told her many a time she doesnt have respect for time. Anytime we have to get ready together and go out, I will tell her to start getting ready 2hrs before the time. She doesnt even make up. But we will still get to the place late. I go angry to church every sunday because even if she wakes up by 6am for a service of 9:30am, we still get to church late. I dont know what to do anymore. Whenever i talk to her, she makes adjustment for only few days and she is back to her old self. In the area of food, I feel I will make her feel bad if I start eating out but I dont know how to remedy this I am in. I will not forget to mention that she is a very nice wife and mother and very respectful. My family and friends like her. But this shortcoming of not respecting time is what I dont like. And you should all know that a woman who doesnt have respect for time is very untidy. And of course she is. I actually knew all these before I married her but I thought I can work on her and change these about her. Is this a cross I have to bear for the rest of my life because she doesnt compliment me the area of tideness and being timely. She scores Zero in being clean and timely. I employed someone who comes to clean my house everyday and wash too. I will not fail to mention that I still love her and she loves me with her life. She is very LOYAL, Caring, pretty, kindhearted and receptive. Family and friends enjoy her company. If she is not around, they misses her. I wish she can make little adjustment in these two areas of respecting time and being clean. There is nothing to write home about her in these two areas. I am always angry.

I don't know why people complain about this things.
She even loves you and respect you,. Just that she is always five hours behind schedule . You have employed a cleaner, a cook won't also be bad after all you saw all this in her before marrying her and was blinded by LOVE.
You will never change her as it is ingrained in her genes. Most of us that grew up in 1-0-1 feeding patterns tends to cook and eat like your wife's family unlike those with 1-1-1. We tend to adjust the traditional breakfast and lunch to everyday constant brunch and then the dinner into the last supper/semi-midnight food. The trend is coming back with this harsh economy so maybe your wife is trying to save cost. Just saying..

Huston1:

She doesnt cook food everyday. When she knows she isngoing to make a meal that wont take much of her time, then she will not start early at all. Even when i remind her that it is getting late, she will tell me something like "Is it not just to make eba" but when she eventually gets into the kitchen she starts doing other things. Maybe that is when she will realise the kids will not eat eba and start frying plantain for them, or she will tell me she checked the soup and found there is no "Kpomo" or fish again because I dont like beef. Then she will start making jollof rice or something. She actually does a lot of things to make me happy. The timing is what I am not comfortable with. I have told her many a time she doesnt have respect for time. Anytime we have to get ready together and go out, I will tell her to start getting ready 2hrs before the time. She doesnt even make up. But we will still get to the place late. I go angry to church every sunday because even if she wakes up by 6am for a service of 9:30am, we still get to church late. I dont know what to do anymore. Whenever i talk to her, she makes adjustment for only few days and she is back to her old self. In the area of food, I feel I will make her feel bad if I start eating out but I dont know how to remedy this I am in. I will not forget to mention that she is a very nice wife and mother and very respectful. My family and friends like her. But this shortcoming of not respecting time is what I dont like. And you should all know that a woman who doesnt have respect for time is very untidy. And of course she is. I actually knew all these before I married her but I thought I can work on her and change these about her. Is this a cross I have to bear for the rest of my life because she doesnt compliment me the area of tideness and being timely. She scores Zero in being clean and timely. I employed someone who comes to clean my house everyday and wash too. I will not fail to mention that I still love her and she loves me with her life. She is very LOYAL, Caring, pretty, kindhearted and receptive. Family and friends enjoy her company. If she is not around, they misses her. I wish she can make little adjustment in these two areas of respecting time and being clean. There is nothing to write home about her in these two areas. I am always angry.

Huston1:

She doesnt cook food everyday. When she knows she isngoing to make a meal that wont take much of her time, then she will not start early at all. Even when i remind her that it is getting late, she will tell me something like "Is it not just to make eba" but when she eventually gets into the kitchen she starts doing other things. Maybe that is when she will realise the kids will not eat eba and start frying plantain for them, or she will tell me she checked the soup and found there is no "Kpomo" or fish again because I dont like beef. Then she will start making jollof rice or something. She actually does a lot of things to make me happy. The timing is what I am not comfortable with. I have told her many a time she doesnt have respect for time. Anytime we have to get ready together and go out, I will tell her to start getting ready 2hrs before the time. She doesnt even make up. But we will still get to the place late. I go angry to church every sunday because even if she wakes up by 6am for a service of 9:30am, we still get to church late. I dont know what to do anymore. Whenever i talk to her, she makes adjustment for only few days and she is back to her old self. In the area of food, I feel I will make her feel bad if I start eating out but I dont know how to remedy this I am in. I will not forget to mention that she is a very nice wife and mother and very respectful. My family and friends like her. But this shortcoming of not respecting time is what I dont like. And you should all know that a woman who doesnt have respect for time is very untidy. And of course she is. I actually knew all these before I married her but I thought I can work on her and change these about her. Is this a cross I have to bear for the rest of my life because she doesnt compliment me the area of tideness and being timely. She scores Zero in being clean and timely. I employed someone who comes to clean my house everyday and wash too. I will not fail to mention that I still love her and she loves me with her life. She is very LOYAL, Caring, pretty, kindhearted and receptive. Family and friends enjoy her company. If she is not around, they misses her. I wish she can make little adjustment in these two areas of respecting time and being clean. There is nothing to write home about her in these two areas. I am always angry.

I'm not married yet, but i'd like to say that you just have to overlook some of her shortcomings! As regards the dinner maybe you should discuss with her about preparing your dinner in the afternoon and keeping it in the warmer! At worst before 6pm that should be ready! Tell her sternly! Explain to her that her failure to do that will keep giving you a pot belly, which is not healthy and also not good for your sexual life! Obviously you both love each other which is a wonderful thing! You are tidy but she's not! I think that's why our partners are called our better half! Cos they are better where we are terrible! We are meant to compliment one another, to complete the other person! Once in a while show your displeasure lovingly, show up in the kitchen occassionally! God bless your marriage!

5minsmadness

Come and see time management oo

My man has this time thing and heck gets me mad

You have gotten good advices here
Stick to not eating past 7, you say she's respectful and loves you alot
She will change infact
With speed

No good woman wants her man not eat her food

That's how she was brought up.

A friend of mine likes cooking and eating late. They eat dinner at 10pm in her house.


talk to your wife and she will change.