tete7000:




In many instances, when both cheat and disobey God by having pre marital sex, the world says it is ok. This is where many problems of unfaithfulness in marriages stem from. Marriage doesn't cure immorality, God does. A man or woman who can't do without sex before marriage is never ever going to be faithful in marriage. Women who gives in to pre marital sex to marry a man should not cry when such men cheat.

TheArchangel:
To me, marriage is a business with plans. What will you do if plan A fails? Do you just sit around depressed and hoping for what could've been instead of checking out plan B and C.?
Honestly I have my plans in place as I have realised that i won't leave if he cheats especially if there is excess money to swim around in and no affection between us but conjugal relationship will stop cos I value my life. Nice gadgets will replace and we will carry on until one of us is tired of the charade.
If he is ' Nigerian' poor then c'est la vie.

2dugged:
I am not encouraging it, but can you tell me exactly how society has discouraged it?,a man cheats on you,as a woman you move out with your children only for the same society to tell you that you are over reacting and that all men cheat.In Nigeria a man can cheat on his wife,when she speaks up she will be the one to get thrown out with her children, with nothing, maybe if divorce laws were reviewed to atleast cater for the woman as obtained in developed countries that could curb it,but for now, both our culture and religion has placed the woman at a disadvantage

2dugged:
they are both unacceptable, but considering the Nigerian factor, what else can a woman do than to keep forgiving, or you think the 95% of the cheating husbands don't know about their husband's exploits?, maybe an introduction of condoms on the part of the wife for her own protection will be better but watch it as the Nigerian man will call family meeting on your head and turn it around in his favor, and trust Nigerian culture to favor him too

Becalm:


This is not about financial power. Some married women cheat against wealthy husband who travel all the time and do not spend enough time with them. Some men also cheat against their rich wives for same reasons or more. People who do not take the kind of actions you propose either do so because kids are already involved or place a certain value on marriage not necessarily because they are financial dependent. There are female professors who their husband cheat. Tiger Wood and Bill Clinton cheated but the actions of the spouses were different...note Hillary was never financial dependent on Bill, she was also powerful personality at that time. Its disappointing you call your fellow men USELESS cos their opinion is contrary to that of the OP on a matter that is subject to debate.

nnamdibig:
95% of married men cheat, out of the remaining 5%, 3% have not seen the opportunity to cheat and 2% are faithful........Pls if I may ask you, these cheating married men, do they cheat with animals or men or women?
.
Will like to know how you come to this your conclusion.

Mayflowa:


You are so right on this. It is not women that encourage it. It is the society and men especially. The numerous male legislators will not review marriage law.

If the women benefit more from divorce, men would stop cheating to avoid divorce and women will have the strength to leave abusive marriage

Newbeginnings:
Most men cheat... because the women allow it.... simple... If a man loves a woman dearly and she does not allow him to cheat, he will never ever ever cheat

elfmann:

Cheating from men is as hard to avoid as no virginity from women before marriage. Think abt it. Society said women shld keep it till d d-day, do u respect the society on this?..everything is upside down in this world. Nobody shld complain..we r all guilty.

Uncleodi:
A Nigerian woman will take her needle when going to the salon so she does not get infected with HIV but will do nothing when she finds out her husband is cheating. You are much more likely to get HIV from an infected partner than from the needles used in fixing your weave-on.

Some people will tell you to stay with a cheating partner because other women are doing it. They will tell you to stay because those telling you to leave a cheating partner will tolerate worse. What they do not tell you is that when you do get infected, you will have to take medication for the rest of your life. Nobody will take the medication for you. They will also not tell you that they will RUN from you.

A hair dresser told me about her experience. She always knew her husband was cheating. When she felt it was too much, she tried to take a walk but her friend told her to stay and fight for her marriage. She got infected with HIV and confided in her friend. The same friend refused her making her and her daughters hair.

I have also heard of church members that encouraged a woman to pray for her cheating husband. When she got infected, the church members did not want to sit near her so they don’t get infected.
Some men do find out and treat themselves without letting their wife know. The woman might get to find out when it is already too late.

From what I am hearing now, some married women in Nigeria are now more likely to get infected than single girls. Women need to start asking themselves questions. Do we really as women have to keep suffering?
I am sharing this post to create a bit of awareness.

Read the comments section too as there is a good discussion going on there. I have shared two eye-opening comments for those that cannot go through the comments.
Aishatu Ella John says "This is why I am always shouting about cheating because I have worked in a HCT centre as a counsellor and it is heart breaking. The highest rates of new infections is among married women who are pregnant. It's sad because most times it is during a second or third pregnancy they test positive.

It is for this reason I am very anti adultery, the innocent kids get to suffer for it all as most times the men are not even open to getting tested and commencing treatment.
It is a heart breaking trend.

Even commercial sex workers are more protected than some married women"
Josephine Effah-Chukwuma says "I knew that 12 years ago when I did a qualitative research (focus group discussion) with 24 HIV/AIDS positive women. 75% or 18 of them were married. 90% of the 18 contracted the virus during the marriage after the second - fourth child. The remaining 10% knew both their status as being positive and decided to marry. The inability of married women to negotiate safe sex with their husbands, exposes them more to the virus.

A smart unmarried girl will refuse to have sex without a condom. For how long can a married woman ask her promiscuous husband to use a condom? Besides she wants to get pregnant. Also the insistence on condom use all the time could end in acts of physical domestic violence. It's a tough one for married women indeed."
Olubunmi Ajai Layode

I was talking to a HIV specialist a few days ago. The group with the highest infection rate is married women in heterosexual marriages.

Next time your community penis comes back to be romancing you without protection - bear that in mind.

Becalm:


This is not about financial power. Some married women cheat against wealthy husband who travel all the time and do not spend enough time with them. Some men also cheat against their rich wives for same reasons or more. People who do not take the kind of actions you propose either do so because kids are already involved or place a certain value on marriage not necessarily because they are financial dependent. There are female professors who their husband cheat. Tiger Wood and Bill Clinton cheated but the actions of the spouses were different...note Hillary was never financial dependent on Bill, she was also powerful personality at that time. Its disappointing you call your fellow men USELESS cos their opinion is contrary to that of the OP on a matter that is subject to debate.

sunvick:
My dear, we can argue this until like forever.. because the variables upon which you base your assertion is skewed to favour your conclusion.

Now you are asking me to ask questions on the basis of "golden age" and "jet age" of which (time) is the only variable you are considering here.
Note that even during the times of our grandparents, the culture permitted them to marry more than one wife.
You can seldom hear of a case of cheating back then.
However, cheating is rife in this present dispensation which suggest that there has been a decadence in this present dispensation.
just curious: Are you married?

2dugged:
may I ask who made that law that only women should keep themselves till wedding night?, our same forefathers who were chauvinistic misogynist, no wonder why most of our cultures are anti-women, why does not both parties, infact this whole problem started from our forefathers who saw the girl child as a less human being compared to the male child, even till now some people still have that mentality that you don't have a child until you have a male child

elfmann:

Even women have that mentality and use it against those other women who have all female children. The more u don't agree u can keep ur virginity till marriage, the more u lost the power to question men's infidelity. Keep ur part, let see.

zheroes:
I feel terribly pained. What else can a woman do? Quit the relationship!!. I have been married for about a year, I haven't cheated on my wife I feel a type of bonding between me and my wife, she doesn't need to be with me to do the right thing. I see beautiful girls everyday but wht they think they have my wife has it , what has helped is basically the fear of God, and self control. I can cheat and she won't know but my conscience won't even allow me to because we pray togeher so how will I b e able to call on the name of God when we are together knowing God saw the evil I did. I can not stand a cheating partner so I expect same. Please my dear ladies marriage isn't by force. Our ladies are too weak, how can you be permissive to cheating?

iwadobo:


Don't mind them . After another woman's husband paid their school fees they will now marry and be hoping that their men won't date other girls . The man that paid your school fees, the wife is the unfortunate one abi? Whatever u sow, u must reap and the circle continues .

2dugged:
and those men that married their wives as virgins and still cheat, what category do they fall under, I can't even believe you would think that marrying a man as a virgin will stop him from cheating, Mr man I know of a case like this,it has not stopped the man from going outside,very laughable, what a warped up mentality, no offense

elfmann:

It doesn't but women who have access to cash cheat..women cheat too. Don't think only men cheat.. Everybody cheats including YOU!

Newbeginnings:
Most men cheat... because the women allow it.... simple... If a man loves a woman dearly and she does not allow him to cheat, he will never ever ever cheat

2dugged:
you only made sentences, and separated them with punctuation marks, I can seem to grasp the impact,"what do you mean by everyone cheats?,some people self that you lack self control doesn't mean everyone is like you,don't forget I gave 5 % to men who have not yet cheated on their wives

elfmann:

My style, yes majority of women who have not cheated fears being thrown out of meal and housing and majority of guys cheat. Have u dated one guy u married or intend to? If not, you are a cheat.

2dugged:
they are both unacceptable, but considering the Nigerian factor, what else can a woman do than to keep forgiving, or you think the 95% of the cheating husbands don't know about their husband's exploits?, maybe an introduction of condoms on the part of the wife for her own protection will be better but watch it as the Nigerian man will call family meeting on your head and turn it around in his favor, and trust Nigerian culture to favor him too

2dugged:
I am not encouraging it, but can you tell me exactly how society has discouraged it?,a man cheats on you,as a woman you move out with your children only for the same society to tell you that you are over reacting and that all men cheat.In Nigeria a man can cheat on his wife,when she speaks up she will be the one to get thrown out with her children, with nothing, maybe if divorce laws were reviewed to atleast cater for the woman as obtained in developed countries that could curb it,but for now, both our culture and religion has placed the woman at a disadvantage

Joy1706:

You sound like a dunce, forgive me. 'Watch as a nigerian man will call family meeting on your head and turn it around in his favour', sheybi you are a mumu that can't talk? Mstchewww. My dear many women are refusing to put up with philandering me these days
The ball is in your court

Joy1706:

First of all, it's not every woman that can get thrown out. Secondly, are you aware you can claim financial damages from your husband for adultery and esp. If he infects you. You need to do ur research o. Our women are perishing for lack of knowledge

2dugged:
do you also know that in some tribes, women are not allowed to return back to their fathers house after marriage?, do you also know that society tends to shame a woman who leaves her husband for what ever reason?,it's not about being independent, down here, most women are the bread winners of their family, but end up putting up with nasty husbands because culture/religion has made it seem like husband is the crown of a woman, another reason why you see people quick to shame unmarried ladies as if it's a medal, and when one decides to speak against it,she is tagged a feminist

Joy1706:

Stop living your life for society or culture. Who them epp? My dear who says you must go back to your father's house after living ur matrimonial home? Can't you get your own apartment? This is why women MUST be financially independent

2dugged:
and let me guess PhD holders, masters holders that get cheated on are not self sufficient and have low self-esteem abi? your assumptions are flawed

Joy1706:

You sound as if you have no say in ur life. If it's not Urr husband dictating to you, it's his family, or your family, or society or church. Smh. Better learn how to take a stand on issues that concern you