Risingphoenix12:

Lol. Unfortunately, I disagree. I hear your comments though but I believe they are coming from a perspective of fear. I am not proposing abandonment and I'll continue to do EVERYTHING I currently do.. we just won't be married. Threatening a woman that decides to marry me (which is not my intention) doesn't even hold water.. Lol.. I indeed respect your opinion, I just don't share them.

Risingphoenix12:

Lol. Unfortunately, I disagree. I hear your comments though but I believe they are coming from a perspective of fear. I am not proposing abandonment and I'll continue to do EVERYTHING I currently do.. we just won't be married. Threatening a woman that decides to marry me (which is not my intention) doesn't even hold water.. Lol.. I indeed respect your opinion, I just don't share them.

sassyangel1:


No wahAla. It's a free world buh I pray tables don't turn later in life for you to understd wat ABANDONMENT means( I'm nt wishing u bad . Infact, I so wish u well).

sassyangel1:


No wahAla. It's a free world buh I pray tables don't turn later in life for you to understd wat ABANDONMENT means( I'm nt wishing u bad . Infact, I so wish u well).

Mutaino7:
Abba! nah by force. Hope you did not purposely miss where the said wife said she wouldnt stay if role were reversed. Abi u prefer d kids to be brought up in a loveless union.. we already have enough wayward children and disturbed kidz around no nid to add to d list...

Mutaino7:
Abba! nah by force. Hope you did not purposely miss where the said wife said she wouldnt stay if role were reversed. Abi u prefer d kids to be brought up in a loveless union.. we already have enough wayward children and disturbed kidz around no nid to add to d list...

Risingphoenix12:
Anyway.. I did a personality test today.. It's on
ww dot 16personalities dot com and my result was quite interesting (ENFJ, -A/-T). Though not a bullseye but some of the feedback was close. You can try it if it's your cup of tea . It's not my site oh ehn ehn... And I'm not being paid for the advert.. just thought to share.

Godforsaken:
@OP
There is one thing I have learned in life...Marriages can't work if you are broken. I'm NOT a believer of divorce but with the current state of marriages, people are dying in silence because of fear of societal norms. I have now grown to understand that we cannot share what we don't have. Sometimes you will need a form of separation esp at the point where you are lost and can even contemplate suicide. I think it is only fair to take a moment and let God breathe life into you so you can live and share your life with others. It's sad how people are here wanting to hear the whole story and be judge when all you need is the encouragement to take it one day at a time. I'm praying that God protects the institution of marriage and for Him grant you peace and insight on the way forward.

Mutaino7:
Tried what you recommended and below is my result


Mediator (INFP-t)

Jahblessme:
@op
Happy Divorce
Seems tensions are rising this one you mention she's after 50% of your stuff(you said she was indifferent - you instigated the divorce ,no way she can be indifferent)
I thought that in divorce proceedings,it's family assets after marriage split in two plus extra for upkeep of the kids.Small price to pay for the joy and peace you are chasing after.
Hope you guys remain friends though.

Funny that some of the guys saying you shouldn't remain in anguish are the same ones who would tell a woman to endure and wear red pant.

Life will go on no matter what,I hope the children will grow resilient and not be scarred by the action or inaction of you two.

Cheers.

zed7:


Let me tell you, a person with health issues automatically is dealing with esteem, happiness, fears of the unknown, stigma etc. Then comes along someone who shows empathy, that person rekindles hope and increases the self worth of that individual. With the reassurance of 'I know how you feel', 'I will be there for you', the challenged person feels reassured. Imagine telling that person after a while that, I underestimated your illness and cant cope with the challenges involved.

Look, my man, I'm putting myself in your wife's shoes. I'm a man but I can empathize. You promised unconditional love which you couldn't deliver. People who have health challenges don't want to be seen as a liability or a bother to others, hence she will readily agree to your request for divorce, even champion it. In her innermost heart she doesn't want it, she wants a partner, someone to love her unconditionally.
Look, we all make mistakes but sometimes we learn to live with those mistakes for life. Life is short anyway, the pursuit of happiness is a mirage, it doesn't exist.

If I were in your shoes, I'll take this as my cross, learn to live with it. Sex is important but who is to say one can't become impotent tomorrow. Flaws will always exist but try to hold on to whatever it was that attracted you in the first place and let it keep you going. I'm not much of a speech writer but I sympathize with your woman and I know leaving her will scar her for life.
By the way I wasn't calling you a damaged person per say. Actually, it was a post I read here that triggered that comment.

Risingphoenix12:
That's cool. Is it any close to your perception of who you are?

Mutaino7:
about 90% i believe

sassyangel1:


Everybody gat their own opinion. I guess he made a vow dt in SICKNESS ( u tot the sickness said on the altar is malaria or headache?). O, this generation of marraige jst wana eat ur cake and have it. That's y I doff my cap to my father who stood by my mother wen she was diagnosed wth cancer. He spent everything he had tillllll he became a broke ass. Even his BP catapulted higher Dan my mom buh he still stood, fed and bathed her till she died in his arms. I'v never ever seen my dad cry buh he crieddddd dt day, MY HARD HEARTED FATHER cried dt day(I'm even in tears as I type). My mom begged him to leave her alone dt she's causing pain to him buh my dad kept reassuring her sometimes, forcefully n stubbornly carrying her for her chemo. Nw, dts marraige. Even after 9 years, my old man has refused to remarry saying he can never find a woman like my mom.

WiredLeggings:
Awww. That's true love. He seriously loved your mom and I bet he still does. My hat's off to your Father. I hope you're taking good care of him in his old age.

I've a friend in Nigeria whose Father died when he was a teenager. It's 15-years later and his mom has refused to remarry. She raised 5 kids all by herself too.

You know it's true love when even death itself cannot separate two people.

sassyangel1:


We r trying our best. The hse is kinda boring to him right nw cos every1 is married n facing their careers buh we visit so well and his grandkids do scatter and trouble him. I'll be so happy if my father can re-marry cos he misses companionship.

WiredLeggings:

If he misses companionship, you and your siblings could join heads in helping him meet someone, perhaps a widow who's also looking for companionship. Or you could encourage him to mix more with people close to his age at Church or other social gatherings with the hopes of meeting someone. He doesn't need to re-marry if he doesn't wish to and don't pressure him to either. But there's nothing wrong with him finding a companion. She won't replace your mom but her company would help him feel less lonely and I'm sure it would help her too.

sassyangel1:


Everybody gat their own opinion. I guess he made a vow dt in SICKNESS ( u tot the sickness said on the altar is malaria or headache?). O, this generation of marraige jst wana eat ur cake and have it. That's y I doff my cap to my father who stood by my mother wen she was diagnosed wth cancer. He spent everything he had tillllll he became a broke ass. Even his BP catapulted higher Dan my mom buh he still stood, fed and bathed her till she died in his arms. I'v never ever seen my dad cry buh he crieddddd dt day, MY HARD HEARTED FATHER cried dt day(I'm even in tears as I type). My mom begged him to leave her alone dt she's causing pain to him buh my dad kept reassuring her sometimes, forcefully n stubbornly carrying her for her chemo. Nw, dts marraige. Even after 9 years, my old man has refused to remarry saying he can never find a woman like my mom.

yettymuse:
And where is the Original Poster?

sassyangel1:


Everybody gat their own opinion. I guess he made a vow dt in SICKNESS ( u tot the sickness said on the altar is malaria or headache?). O, this generation of marraige jst wana eat ur cake and have it. That's y I doff my cap to my father who stood by my mother wen she was diagnosed wth cancer. He spent everything he had tillllll he became a broke ass. Even his BP catapulted higher Dan my mom buh he still stood, fed and bathed her till she died in his arms. I'v never ever seen my dad cry buh he crieddddd dt day, MY HARD HEARTED FATHER cried dt day(I'm even in tears as I type). My mom begged him to leave her alone dt she's causing pain to him buh my dad kept reassuring her sometimes, forcefully n stubbornly carrying her for her chemo. Nw, dts marraige. Even after 9 years, my old man has refused to remarry saying he can never find a woman like my mom.

ice234:
@ops take out your phone and download not an easy road by Buju Banton from his 'til Shiloh album. Also go through the lyrics you will find some comforting words there that will uplift you.

ice234:
@ops take out your phone and download not an easy road by Buju Banton from his 'til Shiloh album. Also go through the lyrics you will find some comforting words there that will uplift you.

Risingphoenix12:
Ed Sheeran's "I see fire" also calms me down...