Yes. Today, I'm his wife and the mother of his son

So the other day, a young man commented on the post “Men and Marriage”, saying things that suggested that the article was one-sided. While I believe he was only being biased and sentimental, I feel the need to create a balance on this issue of marriage and responsibility as it relates to both sexes. That said, here’s my take on women in relation to marriage.

There is a popular adage that implies that women are the keepers of a home. This in my opinion is absolutely real and true. But how come? Aren’t women supposed to be the weaker vessel?

Imagine this: a luxury car that accelerates with authority, combines tight handling with a silky-smooth highway ride, the cabin remains quiet no matter what kind of road you’re on, comes standard with many luxury features such as heated leather seats, visually attractive interior and exterior — all these and lots more, but without an engine. I’ll leave you to summarize the condition of that car in one word, but that’s the life of a made man without a woman. There is something about a woman. Even God in Genesis saw that something was missing in Adam’s life and made a woman for him. She brought him down at the end of the day, but that’s story for another day.

My aim here isn’t to glorify the woman, but simply to talk about who a woman should be in a marriage relationship.

The makeup of a woman is unique. From her physical structure to her unique biological functions and mental strength/capabilities, I wonder why anyone would label such an amazing creature a...

Continues on https://debbioni./2018/12/06/women-and-marriage/?preview=true

What makes a man? The fact that he was born with male Instruments? Or that he grows beards, wears trousers and woos girls? Or the fact that he can carry two 50-litre jerry cans at the same time? Perhaps more functionally, the fact that he can make a woman pregnant?

It has been said that to be a man is not a day's job. A man doesn't become a man by growing from boyhood through teenagehood and into adulthood. A man becomes a man by being able to accept, handle and manage responsibilities that come with starting a family. A man becomes a man when he has matured on all levels of life. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially and in every way else. You will agree that, that isn't an easy feat to achieve by a stroke of luck. A man who wants to get married should know that he would be responsible for housing, clothing, feeding, educating, supporting his family and making them as comfortable as possible. A man is ripe for marriage only when he is mature to support his home and shield the would-be members of his family, put a roof over their heads, clothes on their bodies and food on the table, nurture and raise them to be what he has become, and even better, cater to the financial needs of his home, be available emotionally, encourage the dream of his family members, defend his territory, and make his family proud of him.

It's okay for a man who still can't do these regardless of his age, to think about getting married, but it should stop right there. Thoughts. Because marriage requires hard work to maintain, a man has to be willing to work hard to give it all it takes before thinking of subjecting another man's daughter to a life of hardship, frustration and stagnation — yes — that is what happens when a man doesn't really become a man before starting a family.

I will give two examples.

Man A is 67 years old. He has been married for 35 years. In the early years of his marriage, his sole responsibilities were to make his wife pregnant, go out all day, return with an empty pocket, demand for his food and sleep. He bluntly refused to take up a job no matter how menial, to support the family he started. He never provided physical or emotional support for the woman during pregnancy, never contributed to the training and education of the kids, not even as much as bought things kids usually love for anyone of all three of them. He is swift to criticize both wife and kids, never makes effort to correct in love or even show how it's done. No empathy or encouragement for the woman of the house who realized she's been trapped and manned up to take full responsibility for the home, the man inclusive. Our man then gathers courage to demand his rights as the "head of the home". For 35 years consistently. His wife retired from civil service and everything completely fell apart — what a woman on a meagre civil service salary managed to hold together for 35 years.

Man B is a 38 year old single man who meets and falls in love with a girl 9 years younger. Not bad, is it? For the two years the relationship lasted, Man B couldn't pay his own bills and even still lives with his mother. He never felt the need to get his hands dirty in order to give some shape to his life and build his own empire. He prefers to feed off the crumbs that fall off others' table. Miss Girlfriend does everything she can to support encourage and push Man B towards becoming a better man for himself and for the family they plan to build, even putting her own life, dreams and career on hold for him but our man won't budge. He never had a proper date with the girl he so passionately talks about getting married to. He couldn't even afford to get her a birthday present worth N2,000. Not for once did he offer to give her some money to take care of herself, not until she asks. And even then, the different stories that come up often make her ask him not to bother. A man that wants to get married but doesn't doesn't have any source of income, yet professes undying love and never hesitates to talk about how everything will change in marriage. After almost 2 years, girlfriend decides to move on. Man B then sings songs of patience and wonders why girls are never patient to build with the man that loves them.

These are two different men who think the world belongs to them simply because they belong to the masculine gender of the human species. They forget that, to be a man is beyond being able to start a family. Much more than that, being able to sustain a family, tend to it, giving it everything it needs to be well established, much as one tends to a well-kept garden.

Abeg, love dey pay rent? Love dey put food for table? Abi love dey train pikin? Na-me-be-the-man dey pay school fees?

Someone give me a break. A man who isn't able to solely provide for his home should not get married, because he's simply not man enough to! He needs to have a roof over his own head, pay his bills and be able to single-handledly take care of at least two persons other than himself before attempting to get married.




Source: www.debbioni.

diasporaman:
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Bros, I sent you a pm. Kindly respond.
Thanks!

They can shout now. When that RCCG woman was beheaded in cold blood some years back, they were on Mars then, abi?
Abi recently when 2 Catholic priests were murdered, and hundreds of christians were murdered on a steady basis in the north, they were dumb, abi?
But now they have muscle to shout.
The man and his group are baaaaaastar.ds
They defend anything that mentions their religion, but go dumb when their slaves attack others..
I no fear them.
They will kill Falz, abi?
It won't be their first time. It's what they're known for the world over.
Murderers!

Ladies and gentlemen!

A lovely Sunday afternoon to you.
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I'd like to have your feedback, please.
Thank you very much..

crackhaus:

You more or less summed up what I think about this.

The entire story is one big clusterfvck.
The husband is surely missing some screws in his head, the woman herself is also missing some screws, the ex has a few screws loose as well, the woman's parents are also missing some screws.
In fact all of them in the story are mad people.

If someone I know personally brings this kind of fvckery asking me to advise, I wouldn't even know where to begin.

It's just so twisted. Reason I need mature advise. We go leave them to their fate lass lass.

Thanks!

bukatyne:


Why was the husband maltreating her? Did he say?

He said its the devil. He actually accepted that he treated her wrongly but that he was willing to repent and do anything she wants for her.

However, there was no other tangible reason for his actions. Either that, or he's not saying.

bukatyne:
According to the husband, what did she do for him to treat her poorly?

I didn't quite get the question. Could you please explain further?

Good evening Nairalanders
This is my favourite section and I have read really reasonable comments from mature people and I believe I can get good advice here.

This will be a long read. I need to explain so y’all can have enough grounds to advice my aunt, cuz she’s the subject of this whole story..

My aunt married at 31, 11 years ago, to a man she barely knew because she felt she was getting old. They dated for less than 3 months and got married. The children didn’t start coming until after 3 years (not willingly). She’s a very religious, hardworking and faithful woman who doesn’t lie.
Now, the guy in question is a really tough and unfriendly dude. According to her, they don’t really have a relationship as friends or even husband and wife. They lived more like Slave and Slave driver. As a graduate without a job for a really long time after multiple trials, she took up a business that wasn’t paying much, but she had to keep the house running somehow. According to her, the man gave for the upkeep of the house very sparingly. He was however doing well in his job, acquired a Masters, got several trainings and was rising very fast at his workplace. Through all this, she remained submissive, doing all her duties as a wife.
He got a car and started building their house. All the while, my aunt wasn’t enjoying the marriage or the man. No week went by without them having fights. Even the husband’s siblings that came to spend time saw right through their marriage. They admitted that their brother was very cruel to my aunt.
After they moved to their own house (very comfortable house), their fights escalated. It degenerated to beating and violence from the dude. He loved his 3 girls and catered for them, but kept telling them that he hated their mother.
Because she was always lacking funds to run the house and he wasn’t yielding to her request to upgrade the money for household upkeep, she started keeping friends with her exes in a bid to get financial support. According to her, one of them got really close to her and their friendship deepened, and I think they fell in love
I think she ran out of patience one day, after multiple physical assaults, she moved her stuff out of the house to a place rented by her new lover, leaving her children behind.
Prior to this, they had had fights so serious that the families had to meet and settle the matter, with the husband promising to turn a new leaf. But everything returned to its former state after the settlement.
Now, the husband has been running helter and skelter, begging everybody, pleading that his wife comes back, promising heaven and earth, that he’s going to change, give her anything she wants, etc etc. But my aunt will have none of it. She is now going steady with this man (he’s also a divorcee with 2 or 3 kids, not sure) and has vowed never to return to that house, saying she has fallen out of love with her now ex-husband, and can never submit to him as a wife again.
She’s trying desperately to get pregnant for the new man to seal their affair. Worst part is, her parents have met the new man and have accepted him, but can’t tell the former husband so he doesn’t feel he’s not been pitied or considered.
Everyone the guy has called to beg (except her parents of course) is pitying the guy and is trying to beg my aunt to give him a second chance, but her mind is made up.
Please what should we do as relatives? Should the guy move on? If he does, my aunt would have 2 men as the fathers of her kids and it would definitely have s negative impact on them (rivalry). Should she accept the pleas to give him another chance and forfeit this new guy (who’s also a divorcee though I don’t know the details)? Should we leave the matter to go in whichever direction?
Please, your mature advice is needed. Thanks for reading

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amylomo:

Please i just got this message too slated for 15/01/2018... Did you attend the the interview, i will appreciate your reply.. Thanks

It's about real estate and properties marketing. You can go if you're interested.

davodguy:
Pastor Adeboye pulls millions.

David oyedepo pulls 400k per Sunday





did you guys see this part?

Yet House on the rock hosted over a hundred thousand last December to a gospel concert that cost 100m, he did not collect 1kobo as gate fee or offering.

Where's the greed?

It's not a competition sir.

khatea:
Who else got dis abi na only me waka come?

You are hereby invited for an interview on Wednesday, 10th May, 2017, by 11am at Samovic Homes and Properties, THE KITCHEN TOWERS,
Omole/Ogba Junction, Ikeja, Lagos.

You wan sell land? It's a real estate firm where you'd be looking for buyers FC or their property.
Basically, it's a marketing job.

mexxmoney:


Yeah, Tiwa got pregnant but she made sure she built a huge and loyal fan base before she decided to have a baby. That is the difference. After Tiwa came back, her fans were there waiting excitedly for her. Dija on the other hand had no huge fan base to welcome her back after her hiatus because she didn't build any before disappearing from the scene

Somebody that even performed on stage while pregnant, a few times sef.. She never left the scene despite being pregnant. She was continually in our faces.

Good afternoon.
Please I'd like to ask if you make nylons for yam flour and icing sugar?
Please respond, it's quite urgent.
Thanks

Well, I know this. Association of Ekiti men's Wives

khatea:
Who else got dis abi na only me waka come?

You are hereby invited for an interview on Wednesday, 10th May, 2017, by 11am at Samovic Homes and Properties, THE KITCHEN TOWERS, Omole/Ogba Junction, Ikeja, Lagos.

I did too. Any ideas what this is about? I'm trying to determine if I should go.

I was in a concert where this guy ministered/performed. Moved me to tears. So much talent. And that captivating smile of his makes him look even more handsome. His voice can melt the hardest heart. Lord! And he had to be blind...

I love his song "Yabo" the most

Reminds me of Simeon, the guy that plays the bass guitar without hands. Omo, talent dey this country ooo

Kikikikiki

Make una no fight o. My fellow ECG worshippers both physically and in spirit, let us please ignore the folly of the human mind, for it cannot of its own accord comprehend the things of the spirit.

We know that the God of Major 1 is a miraculous God. It should not worry us much that people do not believe in miracles. They have been left to a reprobate mind. Let's pray that the light of salvation will shine upon them and show them great and mighty things which they knoweth not.

SmartMugu:
Seems fake. Who brings a dead person to church? Why was the doctor that certified the child dead in church at the same time to testify? Why do things like this only happen in Africa, yet those that brought the religion to Africa barely experience this? Who doesn't know people can medically be made unconscious for a time period? And this is suppoed to be a miracle? Abeg.

Just three questions for you, my friend.
1. Did Jesus raise the dead?
2. Was the dead brought to Jesus to raise?
3. Did Jesus say we were going to do greater miracles than he did?

If Jesus was not believed even with all the miracles, it won't be strange for people not to believe in Major Prophet as a prophet of The Living God.

yinkslinks:
When I saw died, I was expecting it to be like that of lazarous. So con4ion in kids is now death? A well fed child looking so neat and well dressed died Hmmm. An what is it with the papa papa daddy daddy shit? Jesus didn't act all these way. Why is the child's fada just like kangaroo?

People like you need things like this to happen to them before they believe in the God of miracles and wonders. I bet you won't say this, if it happened to one of your own.

Take a trip to ECG, Pretoria, SA and confirm these things. Then come back and tell Nairalanders that which you have seen and heard...

Brown47:


so video has now become an evidence . spiderman, batman, hulk are all true since i've watched the videos?.



hahaha So this is logical evidence you can bring up to prove the child was dead! , haba you can bring more than this.

where did the child died?
when?
what cause?
for how long?
who verified he was dead? to begin with.
am sure you know non of these, you only watch the show and swallowed it.

I want to believe you don't know that these services are streamed LIVE..or do you?
I believe in the Almighty. The God of Prophet Shepherd Bushiri. I have seen with my eyes and I have heard with my ears.
It is true that no man can say Jesus is the son of God except it be given him from Heaven.
Men of this generation: very blind. Y'all will believe in magic and falsehood more than the living God? Pathetic!

God of Major 1! Do something!

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Na so them take block road for Ogba yesterday, wey people no fit pass..smh

I see my alma mater there.. nice one, Mr. Governor

Hated Business Studies with Passion!
I didn't quite like Physics too.

eremy:

I'm happy. Congrats!!! Success!

Thanks again. Amen.

Odunharry:
Congrats

Thanks so much

Blessedgurl:
Congrats dear

Thanks sis