iamyemiakins:
Can anyone here really be as introverted as I'm!

I just feel like my level of being an introvert is very strong. Sometimes I just feel like, how am I even going to cope in a relationship. I rarely go out to the extent that most of my neighbors don't know me. I'm a very strong indoor person mehn!

Only God can save me!

we are the same. My colleagues don't even know me.
I don't think I will get married because I cant talk to girls. Even when I try, I will just be sweating, my body will be shaking, my voice will go. It just too bad.

JacksonMS:
we are the same. My colleagues don't even know me.
I don't think I will get married because I cant talk to girls. Even when I try, I will just be sweating, my body will be shaking, my voice will go. It just too bad.

Wow never knew such a place exists in Nairaland.... Bro that talking to girls own is my nightmare.. Even to start a conversation, I did be like what do i start with, what should i say... And my own case of introversion is bad... secretive, indoors, not really social, sometimes emotionless.

DonOms:


A psychiatrist or reqistered therapist can diagnose it. If it's Nigeria, it is usually cheaper and better to consult a psychiatrist at a Federal Medical Centre. However, they sometimes take things a little unseriously. If you have a good private hospital around you that offers psychiatry services, that should do.

I guess you were given some sort of antidepressant when you saw that psychiatrist. The things is those drugs are different and they work differently in different humans... so it sometimes require some kind of try and error to know what works well for you without having funny side effects. You know how Naija is... It is well.

thanks a lot
It was really an antidepressant he gave me

prince2pac:


Wow never knew such a place exists in Nairaland.... Bro that talking to girls own is my nightmare.. Even to start a conversation, I did be like what do i start with, what should i say... And my own case of introversion is bad... secretive, indoors, not really social, sometimes emotionless.

Use your power of observation to your advantage. I for one don't know how to talk to girls and it becomes more difficult if she is a fellow introvert. But this is what I do. I observe her first. I believe introverts are instinctive thus by combining what my instinct tell me with what I deduced by observing you can know what topic to start with and how to stir the conversation.

Another thing is to be yourself. If you are not funny don't try to be a comedian. If you are philosophical you can state your stand. Try to understand how she thinks. Please as a novice don't jump into conversation else you may be tongue-tied. Plan it especially if it's going to be a long conversation and don't be afraid to end it once you sense that it is becoming boring.

I also try to stir the conversation towards my strength if I am in the talking mood else I ask questions that will make her do most of the talking.

All in all, I observe, plan and execute. First time may not be so smooth but with time, you gain more confidence and everything will become smoother. Lest I forget you can always start by talking about recent happenings but it also means that you have to be current. I normally jump from one topic to another till I land in one that both of us know and is comfortable with.


Try and hang out with some extroverts. You must not talk much or even contribute much but can be a great listener. Note that hanging out makes you to be more comfortable in the midst of people while observing how conversations are made.

Hope this helps.

JacksonMS:
we are the same. My colleagues don't even know me.
I don't think I will get married because I cant talk to girls. Even when I try, I will just be sweating, my body will be shaking, my voice will go. It just too bad.

Biko your colleagues need to know you ooo but they can know you as that guy that doesn't talk much. If you hands tend to shake, then always something; a pen can serve to absorb the fear. You sweat and lose your voice because you over think it. Don't over think it. A smile and how are you is enough conversation. Next time can be a smile with a little complement like "you look cute in this outfit." If you can add a short and simple joke just to draw a smile, that's a plus. Another day can be a smile alone.

While doing these, you are becoming comfortable around the person while making your observations. At the beginning always keep it short till you are quite comfortable with talking to the person.

Yezzy:
Can't actually say am an introvert, I just find myself staying alone away from the crowd, I have no friends around me and dont plan to have any, I spend most of my times indoors, this to an extent affected my relationship cos to an extent not being open to people makes me focus all my energy around my close circle and to an extent, people have met do take advantage of that. They often know am going nowhere and it's not as if I'll work up to any available person to start a conversation. Of recent depression set in, and I had to start a work even though it's killing me, like fucking stressful just to escape boredom and depression. The only thing is. At times I do turn up, like I can be the life of a party, must I say I dance a lot but mostly in my room alone... But it's as if anytime I do stuffs like this, it's not really me, like it's not who I am. It's endless. But just know one day, I will survive it all and it will end in praise

Start going out to public places just to look around and get comfortable with it as you can't stay in a room forever. If you are a Catholic, I will advice you to join the legionary or choir. Just join a group in your church if you are a Christian. By a group I mean one where you may be forced to talk once or twice.

Bro to break this habit of yours, you need to leave your comfort zone and that zone is your room.

be proud to be an introvert.
dont see yourself as awkward.
as a man thinketh in his heart so is he...

see extroverts as the ones that actually need help

Hi. My name is Abraham. I'm currently a student of English at the University of Lagos.

I'm an introvert. Ever since I discovered that I couldn't change myself, I've really been at peace with myself and I'm doing well academically. In fact, female coursemates who move close to me acknowledge that I'm very funny.

Later, I'll share my experiences and how I'm coping now.

Well, you can't please anybody. Just today, someone still accused me of knowing how to do nothing but read.

Be you.

Cheers!

emenik08:


Use your power of observation to your advantage. I for one don't know how to talk to girls and it becomes more difficult if she is a fellow introvert. But this is what I do. I observe her first. I believe introverts are instinctive thus by combining what my instinct tell me with what I deduced by observing you can know what topic to start with and how to stir the conversation.

Another thing is to be yourself. If you are not funny don't try to be a comedian. If you are philosophical you can state your stand. Try to understand how she thinks. Please as a novice don't jump into conversation else you may be tongue-tied. Plan it especially if it's going to be a long conversation and don't be afraid to end it once you sense that it is becoming boring.

I also try to stir the conversation towards my strength if I am in the talking mood else I ask questions that will make her do most of the talking.

All in all, I observe, plan and execute. First time may not be so smooth but with time, you gain more confidence and everything will become smoother. Lest I forget you can always start by talking about recent happenings but it also means that you have to be current. I normally jump from one topic to another till I land in one that both of us know and is comfortable with.


Try and hang out with some extroverts. You must not talk much or even contribute much but can be a great listener. Note that hanging out makes you to be more comfortable in the midst of people while observing how conversations are made.

Hope this helps.

thanks for this bro, it really helped oo.. What i find difficult here is on what long topic to speak about.. im always like what do i talk about, even when i chat with some online its always '' hello, hi, how was your day'' and boom nothing else comes to my mind... we end up playing games


well i will keep trying improving my game...

suregalluv:
Hello, everyone! I have been viewing this thread for quite a period of time and yes! I am introverted, I love my space and I believe it's gonna affect me if I have to carry out any thing relating to marketing because I don't really like meeting new people...I dunno what to say and that.

I have a question, is it weird if one plays games with his/herself? I mean, I play ludo, whots and any board game I can lay my hands on alone and some people see it as a weird stuff but I totally enjoy it.

Believe me, everything you do isn't your fault. I've discovered that introverts can only try to do little. So, if playing games is what works for you, do play it. It's not weird.

For me, I have monotonously mastered the art of keeping myself company in just three ways:

1. I watch military movies. Hollywood. Sometimes, Bollywood. Anything other than that, I'm not interested.

2. Browsing the internet. Including WhatsApp and Facebook.

3. I take a walk around quiet places. Unilag's Lagoon Front is one of them. If I'm not in school, I do the same at home.

So, most times, I'm indoors. You'll discover that there's not enough time to do all that even, much less doing unnecessary socialisation.

Be you. Do you. You're awesome.

emenik08:


Start going out to public places just to look around and get comfortable with it as you can't stay in a room forever. If you are a Catholic, I will advice you to join the legionary or choir. Just join a group in your church if you are a Christian. By a group I mean one where you may be forced to talk once or twice.

Bro to break this habit of yours, you need to leave your comfort zone and that zone is your room.

The bold is highly recommended for introverts still in their shell

prince2pac:


Wow never knew such a place exists in Nairaland.... Bro that talking to girls own is my nightmare.. Even to start a conversation, I did be like what do i start with, what should i say... And my own case of introversion is bad... secretive, indoors, not really social, sometimes emotionless.

I m that way at times. The worst is that I don't really fancy arguments because even though I m right, I would still be struggling with words just to defend myself. Sometimes,when the ball is in my court to speak up for myself,I forget what to say. But memories will only return after the argument.
Hence most of the time,I always let go of an argument and might even apologize to u. People take me for granted most times tho....
I.e I am always happy when my cornermate is about to live,but she misunderstood it to be that I enjoy chasing her away. They don't understand me.
I hate parties,I prefer travelling alone on a vacation or to historical places
I don't like telling people my personal issues but that will say I m secretive and a pretender.
If I m nice to someone,they will say that I m pretending or I just want people to think that I m nice. But I just ignore all their comments and carry on with life. Tho it z hard ��

Maryjane001:

I m that way at times. The worst is that I don't really fancy arguments because even though I m right, I would still be struggling with words just to defend myself. Sometimes,when the ball is in my court to speak up for myself,I forget what to say. But memories will only return after the argument.
Hence most of the time,I always let go of an argument and might even apologize to u. People take me for granted most times tho....
I.e I am always happy when my cornermate is about to live,but she misunderstood it to be that I enjoy chasing her away. They don't understand me.
I hate parties,I prefer travelling alone on a vacation or to historical places
I don't like telling people my personal issues but that will say I m secretive and a pretender.
If I m nice to someone,they will say that I m pretending or I just want people to think that I m nice. But I just ignore all their comments and carry on with life. Tho it z hard ��

Introverts are often perceived to be secretive especially the shy ones. As a student then, entering a female hostel was one of the hardest thing to do because of a combination of shyness and introversion. However let me start with the argument part.

One power that an introvert has is versatility especially the ones that love reading. You know something about everything if you are the type that loves reading. I often advice introverts that want to learn how to make conversations to read wild. You can ask your roommates about their day and their lecture. You can even ask some simple question using the limited knowledge you have about their course. You can even tease them and allow them to defend themselves. On the argument, I for one hate arguments especially blind ones but sometimes I do engage in them for fun if I am in the mood. In such argument, I tend to think of it as a rap battle by allowing my opponent to spill out his/her points while listening/observing keenly for the slightest error. I also rehearse/plan my line of attack by asking subtle and simple questions that will make him/her talk more. It is often said that you can find more deformity or irregularity in a 100meter rod than in a 10meter one. So the longer he/she talks, the more he/she is prone to error which will be my starting point. Like I always advice, your power of observation is one of your greatest strength as an introvert. Learn to use it.

You may tend to struggle with words because you do overthink it. The first words that you may drop can be as short as a simple sentence but may carry huge meaning because of what's embedded inside. Always start with small sentences, then grow into it. The more you talk the more your confidence increases. But never fail to observe and go through your point before spilling it out. Please always control your temper as anger clouds the mind. One thing I do sometimes is to use phrases or if I don't know what to say at the beginning, I will give a subtle smile and wait for the next turn.

Apologizing doesn't cut it as you can't be doing that for the rest of your life. You need to take a stand at one point. You can just say all you want to say and then keep quiet while thinking of the next.

On the part of your roommates, they will never understand you until you come out. You have stayed with them and have known the kind of people they are, why not use the points you have gathered from your daily observation of them to start some small talks. It is better to be known as someone who doesn't talk much than one that doesn't talk at all. Silence is a very strong weapon and people especially extroverts detest it.

You need to be yourself. Do good because you want to and forget about what people say. People will always talk. But never do good for the gains. Just that this is an online forum, would have shared an experience about the aspect of being secretive and pretentious. But just know that people will always try to understand the behavioral pattern of another especially someone they consider to be a friend. To them you may be secretive because they will tell you their worries and issues and probably you will help them out but you most often or never tell them about yours. Let me put it this way, keeping to yourself is called being secretive while not explaining why you don't take part in some things that majority in the society sees as normal but may be against your principle is equivalent to pretending. This definition is just based on my observation.

Just come out, have some small chats with your roomies, sometimes burden them with one simple problem or ask for a little favour. Let them feel that they are having some impact in your life. You just need to create the connection because they can't without your permission. #mytake

Feel free to ask me questions. I have been in those your shoes and I can understand how you feel but nevertheless, you can improve if you are willing to.

Hakeem12:
For all our cries about loneliness, we are actually the ones who are greatest at isolating ourselves. We hold everyone at a distance because we don't want them getting in the way of our "Me" time. We don't communicate because we don't want to make the effort. We don't reciprocate because we don't want to be too invested just to be rejected. We don't like to go out because we get anxious. We don't let any potential relationship grow because we are too focused on our "hobbies" and "alone time". We don't compromise when we can't get our way. Yes it's true we are very introspective, we are always in our heads, so much that we can get a little bit full of ourselves.

Brutally honest submission. I feel attacked lol.

emenik08:


Introverts are often perceived to be secretive especially the shy ones. As a student then, entering a female hostel was one of the hardest thing to do because of a combination of shyness and introversion. However let me start with the argument part.

One power that an introvert has is versatility especially the ones that love reading. You know something about everything if you are the type that loves reading. I often advice introverts that want to learn how to make conversations to read wild. You can ask your roommates about their day and their lecture. You can even ask some simple question using the limited knowledge you have about their course. You can even tease them and allow them to defend themselves. On the argument, I for one hate arguments especially blind ones but sometimes I do engage in them for fun if I am in the mood. In such argument, I tend to think of it as a rap battle by allowing my opponent to spill out his/her points while listening/observing keenly for the slightest error. I also rehearse/plan my line of attack by asking subtle and simple questions that will make him/her talk more. It is often said that you can find more deformity or irregularity in a 100meter rod than in a 10meter one. So the longer he/she talks, the more he/she is prone to error which will be my starting point. Like I always advice, your power of observation is one of your greatest strength as an introvert. Learn to use it.

You may tend to struggle with words because you do overthink it. The first words that you may drop can be as short as a simple sentence but may carry huge meaning because of what's embedded inside. Always start with small sentences, then grow into it. The more you talk the more your confidence increases. But never fail to observe and go through your point before spilling it out. Please always control your temper as anger clouds the mind. One thing I do sometimes is to use phrases or if I don't know what to say at the beginning, I will give a subtle smile and wait for the next turn.

Apologizing doesn't cut it as you can't be doing that for the rest of your life. You need to take a stand at one point. You can just say all you want to say and then keep quiet while thinking of the next.

On the part of your roommates, they will never understand you until you come out. You have stayed with them and have known the kind of people they are, why not use the points you have gathered from your daily observation of them to start some small talks. It is better to be known as someone who doesn't talk much than one that doesn't talk at all. Silence is a very strong weapon and people especially extroverts detest it.

You need to be yourself. Do good because you want to and forget about what people say. People will always talk. But never do good for the gains. Just that this is an online forum, would have shared an experience about the aspect of being secretive and pretentious. But just know that people will always try to understand the behavioral pattern of another especially someone they consider to be a friend. To them you may be secretive because they will tell you their worries and issues and probably you will help them out but you most often or never tell them about yours. Let me put it this way, keeping to yourself is called being secretive while not explaining why you don't take part in some things that majority in the society sees as normal but may be against your principle is equivalent to pretending. This definition is just based on my observation.

Just come out, have some small chats with your roomies, sometimes burden them with one simple problem or ask for a little favour. Let them feel that they are having some impact in your life. You just need to create the connection because they can't without your permission. #mytake

Feel free to ask me questions. I have been in those your shoes and I can understand how you feel but nevertheless, you can improve if you are willing to.

A thousand likes for this post.
I would've loved to add to what you typed, but I'm very busy at the moment.

Maryjane001:

I m that way at times. The worst is that I don't really fancy arguments because even though I m right, I would still be struggling with words just to defend myself. Sometimes,when the ball is in my court to speak up for myself,I forget what to say. But memories will only return after the argument.
Hence most of the time,I always let go of an argument and might even apologize to u. People take me for granted most times tho....
I.e I am always happy when my cornermate is about to live,but she misunderstood it to be that I enjoy chasing her away. They don't understand me.
I hate parties,I prefer travelling alone on a vacation or to historical places
I don't like telling people my personal issues but that will say I m secretive and a pretender.
If I m nice to someone,they will say that I m pretending or I just want people to think that I m nice. But I just ignore all their comments and carry on with life. Tho it z hard ��

@ bold above im 100% with you, just alone on open plane, serene environment.. There is nothing worth peace of mind my dear..

emenik08:


Introverts are often perceived to be secretive especially the shy ones. As a student then, entering a female hostel was one of the hardest thing to do because of a combination of shyness and introversion. However let me start with the argument part.

One power that an introvert has is versatility especially the ones that love reading. You know something about everything if you are the type that loves reading. I often advice introverts that want to learn how to make conversations to read wild. You can ask your roommates about their day and their lecture. You can even ask some simple question using the limited knowledge you have about their course. You can even tease them and allow them to defend themselves. On the argument, I for one hate arguments especially blind ones but sometimes I do engage in them for fun if I am in the mood. In such argument, I tend to think of it as a rap battle by allowing my opponent to spill out his/her points while listening/observing keenly for the slightest error. I also rehearse/plan my line of attack by asking subtle and simple questions that will make him/her talk more. It is often said that you can find more deformity or irregularity in a 100meter rod than in a 10meter one. So the longer he/she talks, the more he/she is prone to error which will be my starting point. Like I always advice, your power of observation is one of your greatest strength as an introvert. Learn to use it.

You may tend to struggle with words because you do overthink it. The first words that you may drop can be as short as a simple sentence but may carry huge meaning because of what's embedded inside. Always start with small sentences, then grow into it. The more you talk the more your confidence increases. But never fail to observe and go through your point before spilling it out. Please always control your temper as anger clouds the mind. One thing I do sometimes is to use phrases or if I don't know what to say at the beginning, I will give a subtle smile and wait for the next turn.

Apologizing doesn't cut it as you can't be doing that for the rest of your life. You need to take a stand at one point. You can just say all you want to say and then keep quiet while thinking of the next.

On the part of your roommates, they will never understand you until you come out. You have stayed with them and have known the kind of people they are, why not use the points you have gathered from your daily observation of them to start some small talks. It is better to be known as someone who doesn't talk much than one that doesn't talk at all. Silence is a very strong weapon and people especially extroverts detest it.

You need to be yourself. Do good because you want to and forget about what people say. People will always talk. But never do good for the gains. Just that this is an online forum, would have shared an experience about the aspect of being secretive and pretentious. But just know that people will always try to understand the behavioral pattern of another especially someone they consider to be a friend. To them you may be secretive because they will tell you their worries and issues and probably you will help them out but you most often or never tell them about yours. Let me put it this way, keeping to yourself is called being secretive while not explaining why you don't take part in some things that majority in the society sees as normal but may be against your principle is equivalent to pretending. This definition is just based on my observation.

Just come out, have some small chats with your roomies, sometimes burden them with one simple problem or ask for a little favour. Let them feel that they are having some impact in your life. You just need to create the connection because they can't without your permission. #mytake

Feel free to ask me questions. I have been in those your shoes and I can understand how you feel but nevertheless, you can improve if you are willing to.

Thanks a lot Emenik. I ll try to change some of my ways.
A girl I squatted with in first year lamented that she would never forgive me of what I did to her in first year. We still stay together and on the same bed. Though I v apologized for whatever I did to her(I can't remember much abt wat happened back then.......but I knew I used silence to finish her anytime I got angry ).....she still brings it up anytime we v a quarrel. This girl is just a lovable person, extrovert and lively. Everyone likes her. Sometimes her personality intimidates me.

Maryjane001:


Thanks a lot Emenik. I ll try to change some of my ways.
A girl I squatted with in first year lamented that she would never forgive me of what I did to her in first year. We still stay together and on the same bed. Though I v apologized for whatever I did to her(I can't remember much abt wat happened back then.......but I knew I used silence to finish her anytime I got angry ).....she still brings it up anytime we v a quarrel. This girl is just a lovable person, extrovert and lively. Everyone likes her. Sometimes her personality intimidates me.

"I use silence finish her" that's our greatest strength, some people prefer to be insulted and beaten than to be given silent treatment, but I am trying hard to reduce the duration of silent treatment because if two kings of silent treatment meets the world will be a grave yard. it is bad to keep silence for long we should be conscious of how long we do that when we are angry.

scave:


"I use silence finish her" that's our greatest strength, some people prefer to be insulted and beaten than to be given silent treatment, but I am trying hard to reduce the duration of silent treatment because if two kings of silent treatment meets the world will be a grave yard. it is bad to keep silence for long we should be conscious of how long we do that when we are angry.

Silent treatment is both a strength and weakness if you ask me.

My take on silent treatment.

Shutting the world out especially when provoked is a natural response of many introverts. Personally I think that what we introverts lack in the vocal department, we have in excess in the emotional sector. To me silent treatment has two variants. As an introvert, the last place I will want fatigue or tiredness setting in is in my mind. Whether we like it or not, our mind always roams from one thought to the another; analyzing concepts, finding meaning to things, making observations etc. To me, once my physical strength starts to wane, I look for ways to ration my energy so as to avoid not having some for my mind to roam with. The easiest way is to talk less or answer in monosyllables or in most cases keep quiet thus silent treating everyone and everything around me. Sometimes it comes as a mood. What people often refer to as mood swing or "alone time". However one may argue that a typical introvert doesn't make conversations or doesn't like to make conversations. Personally I think it is a matter of pushing the right button at the right time. Biko who hates meaningless talks more than an introvert? Permit me to add that the ability to have full control of this innate button is one of the keys to exhibition of some levels of extrovertism.

The second variant which is the most detested but very common is what I call the anger induced silent treatment or punishment. A scenario where the other party do all the talking/pleading and a monosyllabic response will not be given by you all in the name of having been provoked or angered. Observation has shown me that this can be tiring to both parties as it is not easy to keep shut for a long time without your conscience/ emotion judging you. Yes at the initial time, the rest of mind sought for is attained, the peace yearned for is achieved but we all know that when the other starts his/her own silent treatment, the negative energy associated with silent treatment starts flowing back and that is where it starts to hurt the originator who at this point coupled with not knowing what to say will not know how to break it.

I once apologized to an introvert who refused to talk to me for weeks. I decided to play her game and it got to the point when she wants the reconciliation but I wasn't in the mood yet. Can literally see words wanting to fall off her lips but since I didn't give her any face or create the right atmosphere for a conversation, we continued our silent treatment. At the end we both lost as a once commended platonic friendship died a natural death.

To folks that engage in silent treatment, I think it is important to understand that we shouldn't over do it. Yes some people deserve silent treatment or even total exclusion but I think it will pay off more to tell the person the cause of your anger and watch out for his/her reaction. If it is an apology or admission of wrong, forgive the person and move on with your life else the ball is in your court. If you are not in a talking mood, just state it. Don't know if its general but it seems like an immediate apology doesn't really appeal to an introvert.

I also think silent treatment creates a kind of emotional burden which to me is unhealthy. So the next time you are silent treating another person, just know you are burdening your memory too. #mytake

I am 35 yr old banker. Living in my own house, travelled abroad a few times.,drives my own car relatively comfortable.

The pressure to marry is so huge on me that within every 24 hrs a colleague or customer throws it in my face the need to marry.

I desire to get married but I am also an extreme introvert. I enjoy time alone and the peace of mind it brings. Will this addiction hinder me from experiencing some life happenings. Like being a dad and husband.

Kindly advice.

Smile4mee01:
I am 35 yr old banker. Living in my own house, travelled abroad a few times.,drives my own car relatively comfortable.

The pressure to marry is so huge on me that within every 24 hrs a colleague or customer throws it in my face the need to marry.

I desire to get married but I am also an extreme introvert. I enjoy time alone and the peace of mind it brings. Will this addiction hinder me from experiencing some life happenings. Like being a dad and husband.

Kindly advice.

Don't ever make the mistake of marrying an extroverted lady

Omnibus:
Don't ever make the mistake of marrying an extroverted lady

Like poles repels, unlike poles attract..... He can't be an introvert and at the same time go for an introverted lady..

starbuck:




Like poles repels, unlike poles attract..... He can't be an introvert and at the same time go for an introverted lady..

Don't make a mistake and follow this advice @Smile4mee01

Omnibus:
Don't ever make the mistake of marrying an extroverted lady

I don't get the reason, content and logic behind this advice. And to think that you are emphatic and confident about the potency of the advice you gave is baffling. Are you insinuating that introvert finds fulfilment only in moving with fellow introvert? My brother, human mind, brain and personalty is wired differently and in a way you cannot even discern sometimes. There are lots of introvert who find pleasure and satisfaction moving with extrovert and vice-versal. An introvert marrying an extrovert can't be a reason for tulmutous marriage. Just move with whoever makes you safe and happy. Shikena.

And the person seeks only to know if it's possible he gets love not who to or not to marry. Deciding who to marry depends on him and not anyone else.

Smile4mee01:
I am 35 yr old banker. Living in my own house, travelled abroad a few times.,drives my own car relatively comfortable.

The pressure to marry is so huge on me that within every 24 hrs a colleague or customer throws it in my face the need to marry.

I desire to get married but I am also an extreme introvert. I enjoy time alone and the peace of mind it brings. Will this addiction hinder me from experiencing some life happenings. Like being a dad and husband.

Kindly advice.

Smile4mee01, you don't need to worry too much about being a good dad or husband due to your introversion.

First things first, introversion is not an addiction. NEVER think of it as a sickness in any way - mental or emotional. Introversion is no more than a disposition - a kind of preference if you'll agree. It is the result of your state of mind and how nature chose for you the way to interract with yourself and your environment.

Having said that, let's look at your concerns. There are a lot of great introverted dads and husbands. In fact, they make one of the best husbands because they are often inclined to stay more indoors which many a woman love in their men. I must say though, two things matter most:

1) The kind of woman you marry has a long way to determine how good a husband you end up being. Ensure you marry a woman who loves and understands you and supports you to be better without putting pressure on you, comparing you to others, persecuting you or abandoning you. If you do find that woman, marry her. This woman can be introverted, extroverted or right inbetween - doesn't matter. If she is very extroverted or very introverted, study her well and take caution (story for another day).

2) How much improvement you are willing to make. Introversion is not a social death sentence. You'll be shocked there are introverted actors, politicians and comedians (I didn't make that up. Steve Martin and Woody Allen are introverts and so are most creative comedians). In fact, introversion helps us observe more and makes us creative. And a creative person can create himself to become who he needs to be at any time. So, the power of introversion can save you and make you a better person who can fit into any situation.

Understand yourself and your temperament and then work on yourself to better yourself then you can find that perfect blend of yourself who can be a good father and a good husband. You can and will enjoy every life happenings once you choose to make the most of it. The ball is in your court.

emenik08:
My take on silent treatment.

Shutting the world out especially when provoked is a natural response of many introverts. Personally I think that what we introverts lack in the vocal department, we have in excess in the emotional sector. To me silent treatment has two variants. As an introvert, the last place I will want fatigue or tiredness setting in is in my mind. Whether we like it or not, our mind always roams from one thought to the another; analyzing concepts, finding meaning to things, making observations etc. To me, once my physical strength starts to wane, I look for ways to ration my energy so as to avoid not having some for my mind to roam with. The easiest way is to talk less or answer in monosyllables or in most cases keep quiet thus silent treating everyone and everything around me. Sometimes it comes as a mood. What people often refer to as mood swing or "alone time". However one may argue that a typical introvert doesn't make conversations or doesn't like to make conversations. Personally I think it is a matter of pushing the right button at the right time. Biko who hates meaningless talks more than an introvert? Permit me to add that the ability to have full control of this innate button is one of the keys to exhibition of some levels of extrovertism.

The second variant which is the most detested but very common is what I call the anger induced silent treatment or punishment. A scenario where the other party do all the talking/pleading and a monosyllabic response will not be given by you all in the name of having been provoked or angered. Observation has shown me that this can be tiring to both parties as it is not easy to keep shut for a long time without your conscience/ emotion judging you. Yes at the initial time, the rest of mind sought for is attained, the peace yearned for is achieved but we all know that when the other starts his/her own silent treatment, the negative energy associated with silent treatment starts flowing back and that is where it starts to hurt the originator who at this point coupled with not knowing what to say will not know how to break it.

I once apologized to an introvert who refused to talk to me for weeks. I decided to play her game and it got to the point when she wants the reconciliation but I wasn't in the mood yet. Can literally see words wanting to fall off her lips but since I didn't give her any face or create the right atmosphere for a conversation, we continued our silent treatment. At the end we both lost as a once commended platonic friendship died a natural death.

To folks that engage in silent treatment, I think it is important to understand that we shouldn't over do it. Yes some people deserve silent treatment or even total exclusion but I think it will pay off more to tell the person the cause of your anger and watch out for his/her reaction. If it is an apology or admission of wrong, forgive the person and move on with your life else the ball is in your court. If you are not in a talking mood, just state it. Don't know if its general but it seems like an immediate apology doesn't really appeal to an introvert.

I also think silent treatment creates a kind of emotional burden which to me is unhealthy. So the next time you are silent treating another person, just know you are burdening your memory too. #mytake

Damn! How do you write so well?? I think this is the only thing holding me back, when i see the way people write i can't help but think i have wasted my years in the university. I'm 24 and i still can't hold long conversations with people even on a topics that interests me, I'm scared of making errors thus making me to cut short the convo so i don't embarrass myself. Speaking in public have always been a hell for me as i tend to stutter alot. People say I'm knowledgeable, interesting and funny as hell but i still feel I'm a fraud.... I want to write so well, i want to speak in public, i have millions of ideas stuck in my mind but I chose to keep all to myself so i don't embarrass myself.

R2bees:
Damn! How do you write so well?? I think this is the only thing holding me back, when i see the way people write i can't help but think i have wasted my years in the university. I'm 24 and i still can't hold long conversations with people even on a topics that interests me, I'm scared of making errors thus making me to cut short the convo so i don't embarrass myself. Speaking in public have always been a hell for me as i tend to stutter alot. People say I'm knowledgeable, interesting and funny as hell but i still feel I'm a fraud.... I want to write so well, i want to speak in public, i have millions of ideas stuck in my mind but I chose to keep all to myself so i don't embarrass myself.

Feel like fraud?

Sholaani:

Feel like fraud?

Yup.. it's that bad

I'm the kinda guy that'll rather take a bullet than come out in front of the class to "say a little about myself."

For many years I tried to deny who I really am. I'm an introvert. I hate crowd. I detest small talks. I just wanna be on my own.

I question everything. I question life. I question God. I question reality. I question myself. My mind runs wild and I tend to overthink things.

I'm a typical misfit. You can't associate me with a group. I'm a one man army pointing my own gun to my own head.

I feel people don't understand me, but I can't blame them. I don't even fully understand myself.

I'm an outcast. I like strange things. My favourite colour is black and I put it on everyday.

‌To me, black is not just a colour, its an expression. It represents what I feel inside–void. formless. empty. Lost. Calm. Peace. Chaos.