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The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding - Romance (8) - Nairaland

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Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Tpave(m): 9:20pm On Oct 05, 2014
[quote author=Sweetlemon post=26323651]They assume ownership of a bride once the bride price has been paid. If the girl is lucky enough they will do traditional wedding but the white or even court wedding will be till further notice. In fact, unless a girl's family are strong Christians who will insist on the complete wedding rites before allowing their daughter move in permanently with man, the man will not think seriously about a formal wedding.

The thing is that most girls are too willing to allow this happen. Unless they pester the man for a court or white wedding, they will wait a long long time, after dropping one or two kids before having this. But their wives don't seem to be very serious about this. I mean, this trend is becoming too rampant nowadays. A good case study is that of P Square duo. (I love P Square and their brides not saying this to hate o) All the other celebs did both trad and white almost immediately after. Yet the P Square family even their brother Jude, are not about taking their brides down the aisle. I know a few girls personally who are doing this.

Ladies please let's be very careful with this issue. A church or at least a court wedding is more solid. With a traditional or just introduction, the man can wake up one morning and throw you out of the house, bring in another woman and there is little or nothing you can do. But when documents have been signed, you get the opportunity to fight for rights to property, fair treatment, etc if you can get a good lawyer. Also, with a certificate, your marriage is recognized anywhere in the world. For instance, without a marriage certificate, your "hubby" living abroad cannot invite you over abroad as it's done in most countries. You will have to go through another route.

Please if you are in this kind of arrangement, use all wisdom available to you to get yourself an official document. The longer you procrastinate, the more difficult it will be for the man to finally tie the knot while you live in his house.[/quits]You sound more like a gold digger, trying to reap where you did not sow. Most women that are too conscious about court are mostly after the man's belongings. They may even end up killing the man before his time so that they can inherit his propertie shocked
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 9:21pm On Oct 05, 2014
adebisicutie:
For those talking about will, I know of a situation where the man left a will and he informed his wife while he was alive. However when he died his brother bribed the lawyer and the will was destroyed so she had no evidence that he had left the children everything and she was supposed to be the administrator. She was married traditional so the mans family said things will be settled traditional. According to them a woman cannot be allowed to be the administrator so instead they selected the brother who was next to him age wise (the brother already knew he would be chosen). They then gave the control to the brother and that the woman would need to ask him for things for the children and he would give them. Once the brother got control he started giving her only peanuts for the children. Luckily she had a job so she was able to manage to feed the children but obviously there standard of living changed drastically. The children where not able to have the kind of life that their father had slaved all his life to give to them.

What does it cost you to do a registry wedding and give your family an extra layer of protect just I case your family dosent want to stick to your wishes . Even though no woman should stay ideal and she would have her own money, a life with one source of income can never be the same, what is the essence of working hard all your life to give your children the best and then you don't do everything to ensure that happens
if the man can bribe the lawyer , what makes you think he wouldnt go the extra mile even if there is a certificate. these days are ways to protect the future of your children , if you dont trust your extended family.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 9:22pm On Oct 05, 2014
Sweetlemon:


Honestly. I am tired of explaining to people that it's not necessarily about a big white wedding with all the ceremony and pageantry but about signing documents. It doesn't matter if there are only 5 witnesses. Just sign a document!

*Abandons threads*
So what would d cert have given her or prevented? The man cld have abandoned her abroad... if u are not good enuf...expect d expected. She rushed in in order not to be on d shelf and expects d man to be a fool forever. Love is blind when it favors ladies.

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Amya(f): 9:24pm On Oct 05, 2014
tatiana009:


The whole meaning of customary law is that it is according to the dictates of the custom so a lot of things are different under customary law for example customary law will recognize multiple wives as long as traditional rites were done whereas the registry document only recognize the first wife and you are not allowed to sign those same documents with another woman except you divorce first. Also in the case of inheritance customary law is different as it recognized the family and the property will be share according to culture as opposed to the court registry where the wife and children will be regarded as sole beneficiaries if there's no will.

Hope you do know that a man can still marry two wives in Nigeria one through customary and the other statutory and both still recognized as wives.
Hope you know this Nigeria. Customary law stands first even before the others.

Haven't you seen situations whereby a man with more than one wife and who only had a statutory marriage with just one of them are all beneficiaries where the man dies interstate?

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Fourwinds: 9:26pm On Oct 05, 2014
Rival:
Una c why dis marriage tin dey tia me? You come and fight me over my own sweat?
Anyways, it's a choice! If you're not comfortable with the trad. take a walk!
dats may give reasons y a lady will misbehave believing in legal backing instead of working humbly to make a home like Jesus Christ who built d church called bride
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by NifemiOlu(m): 9:27pm On Oct 05, 2014
OP, are you ready for facts?

FACT: What you get from a divorced/broken court wedding is dependent on your tradition. Hence, it's the customs in which you got married that will determine what you get because the court will apply customary laws to trash out the issue.
FALLACY: Stop watching American movies where in a divorce, a woman gets 50% of what she owns with the man e.g Tiger Wood's wife. This is NOT applicable in Nigeria.
FACT: The court will compel the man to take certain responsibilities e.g school fees of the kids, health care and their general well being.

So, OP, what does the woman get?
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 9:32pm On Oct 05, 2014
easystudy101:
Typical kolomentality, who made white and court weddings more solid?

Try and avoid traditional marriage and see what will happen to u when you come back to the village and demand for de rights and privileges of a married woman!!!

Na dat time you go know de meaning of 'solid marriage'
That's not true in all tribes. let me make it clear that traditional marriage is not recognized international except at home country. As for claiming property, we. have laws guiding that of which no family No matter the background must abide whether they like it or not. na fear dey make Some people quiver when family summone them for property mata. case study was Bianca Ojukwu

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Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 9:32pm On Oct 05, 2014
Amya:


Hope you do know that a man can still marry two wives in Nigeria one through customary and the other statutory and both still recognized as wives.
Hope you know this Nigeria. Customary law stands first even before the others.

Haven't you seen situations whereby a man with more than one wife and who only had a statutory marriage with just one of them are all beneficiaries where the man dies interstate?
naa , she doesn't..... too much of nollywood, thats why she used bianca as an example. she should check the case of ibru's family and the mandelas
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 9:36pm On Oct 05, 2014
NifemiOlu:
OP, are you ready for facts?

FACT: What you get from a divorced/broken court wedding is dependent on your tradition. Hence, it's the customs in which you got married that will determine what you get because the court will apply customary laws to trash out the issue.
FALLACY: Stop watching American movies where in a divorce, a woman gets 50% of what she owns with the man e.g Tiger Wood's wife. This is NOT applicable in Nigeria.
FACT: The court will compel the man to take certain responsibilities e.g school fees of the kids, health care and their general well being.

So, OP, what does the woman get?
she has not asked herself why women in abusive relationship with certificates still stay in such relationship. am not supporting abuses but marriage is beyond we do court and church ... as long as the traditional is backed by law. it is very ok..Nowadays, men sign prenup in case in the western countries.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by gogodaye(m): 9:37pm On Oct 05, 2014
@ Topic....It makes me weep at the ways/levels of reasoning of our digital age sisterwomen....Our dads had the last of the beautiful ones who were ever born.
Nigerian law recognizes 4 ways for solemnizing marriages: (1) Registry marriage, (2) Church wedding, (3) traditional &(4) common law marriage (where the parties hold each other out as their spouse without having undergone either one of (1)~(3) above). All 4 were accorded the same equal status & privileges under the law. Naija girls & complex
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Dcmg(m): 9:38pm On Oct 05, 2014
Mugu is that wealthy man who din't sign a prenup before marrying a western woman in Court.
I weep for mugus.

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Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by billyG(m): 9:39pm On Oct 05, 2014
Y cnt d poser tink of making her own money,all she think of is how to do court marriage & get a chunk of someone else money if she divorce,& yu want 2 corrupt other gals,did yur foreparents signed any documents before they marry?

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Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by NifemiOlu(m): 9:42pm On Oct 05, 2014
majekdom2:
she has not asked herself why women in abusive relationship with certificates still stay in such relationship. am not supporting abuses but marriage is beyond we do court and church ... as long as the traditional is backed by law. it is very ok

I think OP has a lopsided knowledge of this issue. The only thing that can make a woman 'escape' is when the man dies and has stated it clearly in his will that all his properties should go to his wife. But then, on the average, how many men have wills?
As for divorce, just hope it doesn't happen.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Sparklesebony: 9:44pm On Oct 05, 2014
Got tired of reading some stewpid n senseless comments/questions. Nevertheless, @ sweetmelon, mcow etc, I salute your courage!

Some women are their worst enemies. Try helping them and u are in for it.

Your post is very explicit but some will rather derail, frustrate and insult you just to justify their actions.

As for d men, why would they pay for something they can have for free? Or u prefer they sign d dotted line and give those dumb women some power? I guess not. So u see why they come up with irrelevant excuses?

1 Like

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by easystudy101: 9:45pm On Oct 05, 2014
asuustrike1:

That's not true in all tribes. let me make it clear that traditional marriage is not recognized international except at home country. As for claiming property, we. have laws guiding that of which no family No matter the background must abide whether they like it or not. na fear dey make Some people quiver when family summone them for property mata. case study was Bianca Ojukwu

What has international got to do with our tradition and way of life? When are we gonna start appreciating what is ours and stop constantly thinking of outsiders opinion.

And please tell me what part of Nigeria where traditional marriage is not important?

2 Likes

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Sixix: 9:45pm On Oct 05, 2014
majekdom2:
if the man can bribe the lawyer , what makes you think he wouldnt go the extra mile even if there is a certificate. these days are ways to protect the future of your children , if you dont trust your extended family.

It is called Trust. tongue
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 9:49pm On Oct 05, 2014
Some peeps here especially d women supporting the men saying that, what's in a court or church weDding , that requires a legal document 2 proclaim u as his legal wife anywhere in d world, Not only in yur hometown o or amongst family elders. So that as a bonafide wife to d man, u can be part of his life, especially when he has to relocate abroad or other benefits that comes wit it.
I av a cousin, who got married to a man of 3 wives, whom he married traditionally, but married my cousing legally, even do white wedding join. D 3 wives wan die grin.. But who caused it? So she married 2 d man, and she's d only legal wife, d man has in d court of law, if anything happens. He even made her incharge of all his documents and takes her abroad for trips as his only legal wife. Even though, he's got 3 wives he married. Traditionally, with kids.
Women, use yur brains.. Think, forget sentiments and face reality.

2 Likes

Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by gogodaye(m): 9:51pm On Oct 05, 2014
The topic throws light at the grab grab grab nature of 98% of our female folks....the hardworking man they've ensnared into a marriage must be the first to die (by hook or crook) in their estimation for them to claim it all...where it is a benefiting sister- in-law...they hide behind & goad their like-minded lazy husbands to grab all the assets left behind by a deceased husband to ensure that the orphaned kids get a rough shod in life....Damn hypocritical gold diggers unleashed & on the loose...,
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Kirinwa: 9:52pm On Oct 05, 2014
It takes a mature mind to understand what op is saying. Assuming the man dies in this scenerio and left his wife and children behind . If the man's family is a troublesome one seizing his possessions becomes much easier .

Is that what we want?

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Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by NifemiOlu(m): 9:53pm On Oct 05, 2014
Amelian:
Some peeps here especially d women supporting the men saying that, what's in a court or church weDding , that requires a legal document 2 proclaim u as his legal wife anywhere in d world, Not only in yur hometown o or amongst family elders. So that as a bonafide wife to d man, u can be part of his life, especially when he has to relocate abroad or other benefits that comes wit it.
I av a cousin, who got married to a man of 3 wives, whom he married traditionally, but married my cousing legally, even do white wedding join. D 2 wives wan die grin.. But who caused it? So she married 2 d man, and she's d only legal wife, d man has in d court of law, if anything happens. He even made her incharge of all his documents and takes her abroad for trips as his only legal wife. Even though, he's got 3 wives he married. Traditionally, with kids.
Women, use yur brains.. Think, forget sentiments and face reality.

OP didn't say 'benefits' of being a legal wife as you've clearly explained. Of course it's very good in cases of 'recognition and claims'. But OP is implying a case of divorce. (The major theme of her post)
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by madgoat(m): 9:55pm On Oct 05, 2014
Do d court wedding and av ur legal document so dat u wont come on nairaland in future wt stories dat touch lipsrsealed.... End of story.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by charistim(m): 9:55pm On Oct 05, 2014
All those women fighting for property instead of good home, are not worthy to be called a wife
I pity any woman who will take this advice
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 9:59pm On Oct 05, 2014
Amelian:
Some peeps here especially d women supporting the men saying that, what's in a court or church weDding , that requires a legal document 2 proclaim u as his legal wife anywhere in d world, Not only in yur hometown o or amongst family elders. So that as a bonafide wife to d man, u can be part of his life, especially when he has to relocate abroad or other benefits that comes wit it.
I av a cousin, who got married to a man of 3 wives, whom he married traditionally, but married my cousing legally, even do white wedding join. D 3 wives wan die grin.. But who caused it? So she married 2 d man, and she's d only legal wife, d man has in d court of law, if anything happens. He even made her incharge of all his documents and takes her abroad for trips as his only legal wife. Even though, he's got 3 wives he married. Traditionally, with kids.
Women, use yur brains.. Think, forget sentiments and face reality.
you actually think he cant do the same for a 5th wife or the other wives having some other documents....maybe your cousin is educated and he feels comortable with her thats why he does all he is doing.... see beyond a man flattering you with all these stuffs. the reality is he can still marry another wife and treat her like some shit in future. .... know who you marry. TRUST does it.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Sixix: 10:01pm On Oct 05, 2014
NifemiOlu:
OP, are you ready for facts?

FACT: What you get from a divorced/broken court wedding is dependent on your tradition. Hence, it's the customs in which you got married that will determine what you get because the court will apply customary laws to trash out the issue.
FALLACY: Stop watching American movies where in a divorce, a woman gets 50% of what she owns with the man e.g Tiger Wood's wife. This is NOT applicable in Nigeria.
FACT: The court will compel the man to take certain responsibilities e.g school fees of the kids, health care and their general well being.

So, OP, what does the woman get?

I read an article about the divorce of one of the richest blacks in UK, he is an Ijesa man from Nigeria. He got married to a White woman and during the divorce settlement grin grin grin. The man argued that as a Yoruba man, his family, in particular his brother also has a certain share of his property and the fact that the start-up fund was provided by their father is evident of that fact therefore the money was meant to be exploited for the use of his and his brother

The facts of the case are a bit hazy...about three years ago


tongue tongue tongue tongue tongue
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 10:01pm On Oct 05, 2014
Ha! Am not implying benefits 2 get when divorced or when d man dies.. No!.... Its benefits, one will enjoy as his legal wife when good tidings comes the husband's way and both will enjoy it 2gether. Divorce shudnt even come up or be part of d reason why, one shud be legally married.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Sparklesebony: 10:03pm On Oct 05, 2014
NifemiOlu:


OP didn't say 'benefits' of being a legal wife as you've clearly explained. Of course it's very good in cases of 'recognition and claims'. But OP is implying a case of divorce.

because Op used a case of divorce does not mean shez wishing for one. It's just an example out of many.

If a man loves/want me enough to marry me, he would go d extra mile to protect me.


Some men see their wives like acquired properties or girlfriends they did some big favour by marrying them. This is called abracatabra. #What you see is what u get#
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by NifemiOlu(m): 10:05pm On Oct 05, 2014
Amelian:
Ha! Am not implying benefits 2 get when divorced or when d man dies.. No!.... Its benefits, one will enjoy as his legal wife when good tidings comes the husband's way and both will enjoy it 2gether. Divorce shudnt even come up or be part of d reason why, one shud be legally married.

Ok. That's good. Women need documents for real.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by NifemiOlu(m): 10:05pm On Oct 05, 2014
Amelian:
Ha! Am not implying benefits 2 get when divorced or when d man dies.. No!.... Its benefits, one will enjoy as his legal wife when good tidings comes the husband's way and both will enjoy it 2gether. Divorce shudnt even come up or be part of d reason why, one shud be legally married.
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by Nobody: 10:05pm On Oct 05, 2014
majekdom2:
you actually think he cant do the same for a 4th wife or the other wives having some other documents.... see beyond a man flattering you with all these stuffs. the reality is he can still marry another wife and treat her like some shit in future. .... know who you marry. TRUST does it.



Its not abt a man flattering a woman wit court or church documents. Its abt doing what is right and necessary. Women take note o.... Court or church marriage is extremely important. If d man likes , let him treat himself like shit as dis guy said, no be you, or me he will treat like shit. He's only paving way for his downfall..
Re: The Growing Trend Of Men Shying Away From Court or White Wedding by scribble: 10:07pm On Oct 05, 2014
Women are getting married for document so they can have some property or benefit in case the man strays....


Lol!!!!

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