[sup][/sup]God forgive me for saying this...

In saner climes, having sex without letting your partner know you are HIV+ is as criminal attempted murder. So dude, thread softly!

eyinjuege:


There aren't a lot of virgin carriers.
The ones you see are usually infected at birth by their mums and have grown up all their lives with the disease, coming regularly for treatment at the clinics or through blood transfusion.
Sex is the major way it's transmitted in Naija, and not just gay sex but sex between man and woman. Women too do have vaginal secretions, and can deposit. Men also catch other STIs from women like gonorrhea, syphillis, chlamydia and you'd agree with me those are quite common despite the men being the "depositors", and not the "receptors".
I understand the chances of a woman getting it from a sexual encounter is higher than a man's but I honestly don't think the difference is so much to be ignored.
We funny enough do have serodiscordant couples where one is positive and the other is negative despite being married or coupled up for years. Those ones seem to have some form of immunity against the virus.
Anyways, everyone should be responsible for their sexual health, and should always wear a condom. Partners should equally get tested and stay faithful to one another.

Chai .....Well said ..You must be a doctor

I am impressed

Nearly everybody on Nairaland is viewing this Topic.
You can only make the decision yourself.
HIV! !.......What kind of joke is this?

Chai....

Can u just imagine that ur fiancé...

She is very heartless o...

She allowed u fall in love to the extent of proposing...

Then she shatter ur hopes and aspirations with that devastating and destiny killing news...

Upon all that... As if that wasn't enough...

She begin cry ontop... You Wey spose dey cry no cry na she wey spose no cry begin cry...

Thats just sad...

You can only marry her if you re the one that gave her the hiv. Use ur tongue to count ur teeth.

It's either of this two things.

1. She's testing you
Or
2. She don finish you

Gasout:
Good evening members in the house. I purposely brought this topic to this section (family) cos I blive i'll have a mature responses and contributions.

I'll try to be brief as possible.
I met this lady 2014 but we started dating November last year. It took her a whole year for her to accept dating me.

But then, she told me that, there is something she will tell any man who desire to marry her bt, depend on the level of seriousness of the man.

Then, I took what she planned telling her hubby to be as nothing serious nt until d relationship began to wax stronger. After being in the relationship for a while, I discovered she posses virtually all d qualities I desire in a lady and wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with her.

I tried to make her tell me what she has in mind that she plan to tell her hubby to be, she refused. At this stage, our both parents re aware of our relationship and we planned to have our INTRO this June.

I proposed to her last week, she accepted and busted to tears. Initially, I thought it was a tears of joy, nt knowing it was something entirely different from my thought.

I took her home with different feelings within me since she couldn't stop crying. When we got to their house b4 she alighted, she hold my hands and told me me 'she's HIV positive'

I was startled for minutes. She said I should think about it if I still want the relationship.

I have make enquiries from Doctors if both of us can marry and He said yes Bt the am nt still convince. Please, Nairalanders, I need ur sincere advice on this issue...

she myt be testing u,try 2 go and c a doctor with her 4 a test 2 confirm.

This is overwhelming.. it would have saved you both a lot of stress if she opened up earlier, at least it would have really helped you prepared well emotionally and spiritually for the task ahead.
we are all humans, it's easier for anyone to say"love conquers all"and similar hogwash like that,love is never enough sometimes, you don't want to take a decision you would regret in the long run,and then depression and hatred sets in.
Remember, this is a life changing decision and trust me its not even yours to make.This is the point you bury yourself in prayer to God or whatever you believe in.They say everything happens for a reason and the universe has it all planned out,trust God to reveal to you whatever reason this is happening to you, he would give you the grace to come out of this fix in one piece.
for now... its your cross.

OK, this is what u shd do


Tell her u also have something in mind to tell her but not yet time


Then, on the wedding eve, tell her to walk away (if possible fly away sef) or surprise her with a bride mama has brought from the village to fill her spot the next day

@OP, did you kiss her or suck her nipples during the 'protected' sex? .... cos if you did, it's a huge risk too. Did u two share shaving sticks?

Or had blood covenants?
Any of these could be done by normal lovers but can expose one to HIV and not necessarily sex.

Please Dear Naira landers; booking space is better than giving wrong info to someone in a situation like OP's.

fadjnr:


Oga what are you saying nao. The chances of a male contracting the virus during unprotected sex is equal to that of the female because there's definitely going to be exchange of body fluids

Ignorant you!

The chance of man contracting HIV is tinier than that of woman. it takes man frequent unprotected sexual intercourse with infected female to contract the virus, but for woman is one touch.

Guy you have been catfished.. in a complex suitation.

if i were in your shoes oh, i will not marry her. lating out a news this big on me will make me skeptical.
i have nothing against HIV people cuz it could happen to anybody but i have everything against manipulative people who cant be honest with me fron the start.

Man, the choice is yours but if i were in your shoes, i cant marry someone like that. Let me know what i am getting into from the start. if i can cope, i will go ahead and date you.
if not, there are plenty suitors out there for us all whether HIV positive or not.

i wish u goodluck man!
Cheers

firstly she is wicked and heartless to have allowed u to have sex with her know the kind of secret she is keeping . my dear she will still surprise you in the future if are not careful. pls let her go

EfemenaXY:


How does my post DISCRIMINATE against her? Is she applying for a job?

Whether she was once a victim of râpe or not is irrelevant. The fact is, she's a carrier and him considering wedding her is not something to be taken lightly. HIV is life changing.

It's easy to stand aside and dish out advice from the outside. Let's be straight for once and cut out the bullshít. Would you advice your brother or better still, your son to go ahead and marry the carrier of a deadly disease?

Why go knocking on death's door when it's not your time to meet your creator?

Good words.

I hate deceit above all things!!!...so she had to wait till he propose to her and was emotionally involved with her to break the news....she even allowed you to have sex with her,either protected or not is not the issue!!!!....she is not considerate at all.....the decision is yours!!

No one is Even telling the OP to confirm if the lady truly has HIV....what if she is testing him??I know it might sound foolish but trust me some ladies can do anything just to test the loyalty of a Man....

She's hiv + and still let you have sex with her without telling you?




Isn't that a criminal offence?



You better leave her now

Na wash jare, op be careful, no use my head

Gasout:
Good evening members in the house. I purposely brought this topic to this section (family) cos I blive i'll have a mature responses and contributions.

I'll try to be brief as possible.
I met this lady 2014 but we started dating November last year. It took her a whole year for her to accept dating me.

But then, she told me that, there is something she will tell any man who desire to marry her bt, depend on the level of seriousness of the man.

Then, I took what she planned telling her hubby to be as nothing serious nt until d relationship began to wax stronger. After being in the relationship for a while, I discovered she posses virtually all d qualities I desire in a lady and wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with her.

I tried to make her tell me what she has in mind that she plan to tell her hubby to be, she refused. At this stage, our both parents re aware of our relationship and we planned to have our INTRO this June.

I proposed to her last week, she accepted and busted to tears. Initially, I thought it was a tears of joy, nt knowing it was something entirely different from my thought.

I took her home with different feelings within me since she couldn't stop crying. When we got to their house b4 she alighted, she hold my hands and told me me 'she's HIV positive'

I was startled for minutes. She said I should think about it if I still want the relationship.

I have make enquiries from Doctors if both of us can marry and He said yes Bt the am nt still convince. Please, Nairalanders, I need ur sincere advice on this issue...

If e face you, make you shoot am. If e back you make you shoot am. If e remain only you..... You're so so on your own.

Ti o ba ko iwaju si e, ki o taaa. Ti o be ko eyin si e ki o shoot e. But ti o ba ku iwo nikan, ki o tun ero ara e pa.

I rest my case.

histemple:
For those of you asking if he had unprotected s3x with her, he could have unprotected s3x without contracting the virus.
A man contracting the HIV from a lady is very slim except there are cracks. But a lady contracts it immediately a male carrier ejaculates in her, no matter the quantity of fluid.

Back to your concern OP. You may have to be sure that she isn't pulling your legs to watch your reaction. She may possibly be trying to gauge how you will tolerate or discriminate against disability.

that must be a costly joke

kingthreat:


If every unprotected sex have a hifh risk of HIV, half of the world's population will be positive by now

I hope you know that you can have gonorrhea, or syphillis from one encounter. HIV too is also sexually transmitted.

There are some parts of the world where sexual health is taken seriously. People actively go to the hospital regularly for check ups and certain diseases are picked up on time. They get on treatment on time, and are generally responsible about their health. They read about diseases, and educate themselves not waiting for someone else who has no stakes on them to educate them.
They also disclose their HIV status as that's a crime if you don't and go sleep with someone else willingly.

Have you ever wondered why HIV is more prevalent in developing countries/continents like Africa/Asia? The population size and Poor sexual health practices are contributory, where no one wants to be responsible. Some still don't believe HIV exists btw, and are still as careless as ever refusing to take responsibility.

All she needs is to consistently be on the anti retroviral drugs and you two will be fine. It will suppress the HIV and she can have kids and live a normal life.

Wetin go kill person go kill person jare. A healthy person can die tomorrow unexpectedly in a car accident or something while A HIV person will live way longer.

Nothing to be afraid of abeg. Most people are taking drugs and managing themselves with one disease or the other, lungs, kidney, heart, high BP, diabetes, cancer. Just because they cannot be contracted doesn't make them any less deadlier than HIV.

@ op I would recommend a song to hope it helps u..... the title of d song is YOU NEVER KNOW by immortal technique.

the story line of d song is very similar to ur case

Go marry her idiot...... Stupid question.......

Nearly everybody on Nairaland is viewing this Topic.
You can only make the decision yourself.
HIV! !.......What kind of joke is this?

Gasout:
Good evening members in the house. I purposely brought this topic to this section (family) cos I blive i'll have a mature responses and contributions.

I'll try to be brief as possible.
I met this lady 2014 but we started dating November last year. It took her a whole year for her to accept dating me.

But then, she told me that, there is something she will tell any man who desire to marry her bt, depend on the level of seriousness of the man.

Then, I took what she planned telling her hubby to be as nothing serious nt until d relationship began to wax stronger. After being in the relationship for a while, I discovered she posses virtually all d qualities I desire in a lady and wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with her.

I tried to make her tell me what she has in mind that she plan to tell her hubby to be, she refused. At this stage, our both parents re aware of our relationship and we planned to have our INTRO this June.

I proposed to her last week, she accepted and busted to tears. Initially, I thought it was a tears of joy, nt knowing it was something entirely different from my thought.

I took her home with different feelings within me since she couldn't stop crying. When we got to their house b4 she alighted, she hold my hands and told me me 'she's HIV positive'

I was startled for minutes. She said I should think about it if I still want the relationship.

I have make enquiries from Doctors if both of us can marry and He said yes Bt the am nt still convince. Please, Nairalanders, I need ur sincere advice on this issue...

Gasout:
We've both gone for test

Gasout:
Yes sir and mine is negative. But, the Doctor asked me to come for another test next 3 month.
Note: we only had protected sex just once

Hmmmmmm..

No iota of truth in this story..

Lemme ask you this someone you proposed to last week asked you to go and think about it, how come you are able to convince her to go and do test with you that same week

Bros you no try at all with this your levels oo

eyinjuege:


Pls do not misinform people.

The HIV clinic is filled with both men and women, young and old. Boys n girls that are 18years, 20s inclusive, men and women in their 60s are also not left out.

You are absolutely wrong for this. Sex is not the only way to transmit HIV.

this phifu sayin love conquers all..life no get part two oh..dnt waste it all for d sake of luv..walk away jejeli..if u need transport fare sef cum take. .

ujuella:
firstly she is wicked and heartless to have allowed u to have sex with her know the kind of secret she is keeping . my dear she will still surprise you in the future if are not careful. pls let her go

No need of letting her go,if he has the virus already.

princetom1:


Yeye dey smell, is easier said than done.

Na dem dey run after rich kids around, what does she even know, she only has her body, so, she cant appreciate a sister that has what's more than a body

So u knw her this much?

Here's my take:

In a relationship everyone has a deal breaker. If you have undisclosed material information-- and I mean information about yourself that will significantly affect the other person's decision to be (or not) with you that has been deliberately withheld even when it's obvious that all signs point towards a certain end (eg marriage), then you are a liar and the worst kind of deceiver out there.
It's simple. If your reason for holding back is as a result of your fear of losing said person, then you are a bigger liar.
Even with the possibility of this being a 'test', it's still an inconsiderate way of testing a man's loyalty.


That said, if the OP isn't interested in going ahead with the marriage, he is fully justified to call it off.