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I Am Impotent & Frustrated - Romance - Nairaland

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I Am Impotent & Frustrated by helpforever: 7:18am On Mar 19, 2017
I saw a post about a woman complaining that her sister married an impotent man. I smiled, the man probably knew he had an issue and still went ahead and married. I also have this issue and its really bothering me for over 5 years. Mine is complicated and I think its spiritual.

It all started in 2011 when I was 20 and was ready to have sex. I went to a popular brothel in Lagos with a friend to try it out.
Though I was very nervous because I was a virgin and my heart was beating very fast.

We actually went in and two women approached us. A young woman of about 28 and one of about 40.

I am my other virgin friend had eye on the one of about 28 cause she was very beautiful. My friend immediately held on to her. The other one of 40 now held on to me that I should carry her lets go do it. I angrily said "You be my mama mate na", she got angry and left.

Then the younger one said, if I and my friend wants, we can take turns with her.

We left for her room. I entered first and was very nervous and sluggish even in removing my cloth.

She said, "e be like say u be virgin...so na me go disvrigin" you. She started touching my di*k, but it didn't get hard.

Time started to waste and I got tired and asked her to refund my money. She started shouting that its not possible, that the fact that my dick did not rise is none of her business. I asked that my friend should use the money and attempt, she said no. that he must bring his own money.

We left the building and started the arguments outside. Other prostitutes came to her aid and started asking what was wrong. She explained to them that I tried to have sex with her and my thing did not rise and now I want my money back, they started shouting and said its not possible that we should better get out of her.

At one corner, the older woman of about 40 that I earlier rejected started giving me the "ntoor" look and was saying "You see your life"

I got very scared and left for home immediately.

I tried to watch porn to see if it will get up, I can't really remember if it did.

Long and short, I have not been able to have sex since then. I have not even had sex in my life. I have never tried to have sex with a real girl before, so I won't embarrass myself. I have never had a girlfriend. Though girls keep flocking around me, since I am doing well both academically and business wise, but I never attempt to have sex with them and they keep wondering whats wrong with me. One of the unilag girls that seduced me and I did nothing concluded that I was impotent because she feels no man in the world would have resisted her seduction since she was very hot.

I have tried to have sex 3 more times, with prostitutes, but still same thing happens. No erection

In 2012, I spent the whole year going to church everyday. Nothing happened. I have stopped now and accepted my fate.

Only my best friend knows about this, he keeps saying its not a spiritual condition but medical condition due to the fact that I started
masturbating right since I was 17.

He says I might have had the issue right before the prostitute encounter. Sometimes he says that it is a psychological condition.

But the thing is, how can a young boy of 20 then have Erectile dysfunction due to masturbation.
Many young boys masturbate and nothing happened to them.

I was sad for a while, but now it seems I have accepted my fate. This issue have made me focus on my studies and business and now, at 26. I have finished my BSC, and my MSC

Whenever I am Hot, I masturbate and I think that has worsened my issue. I have been masturbating since 2011 when this happened

Lots of order thing happens in between that confuses me. Like 2 years after the prostitute encounter, when I was in my 3rd year, one beautiful edo girl who really loved me was making out with me and flirting around me and I got a rock solid erection 100%. Very hard. Also, in 2014. A girl who liked me came to my house and she was flirting with me, though she didn't plan on having sex with me. Only the flirting alone made me hard. The erection was 70% hard. But then, those are the only occurrences.

Whenever I watch porn, I get semi erection - say about 60% hard.

Whenever I jerk my joystick, it gets hard - about 80% and within minutes, it deflates again.

Lot of different things have happened along the line which is too much to type. Long and short, I don't get erections when I wakeup again. I used to before all this issues.

Or is it the excess sugar I take, or the belly fat I have gotten due to the way I eat carelessly and spend on myself. (Since I don't have any woman to cater for) that is the cause.

Is it spiritual, medical or psychological?

Is it due to masturbation? Is it an infection?

Because I can remember in late 2012 or early 2013. When I tried to urinate, I had and felt a sharp pain.

I happened for about 2 days and stopped by itself.

I am getting older and my mother is already reminding me about marriage. I don't think I will marry until this issue is resolved. I can't
subject any woman to emotional pain.

At some point, I thought I was gay, but I am in no way attracted to men. But I am attracted to women. I tried watch transgender porn to confirm if I was gay (since I couldn't stand real gay porn). I actually got aroused and had a mild erection. But come on, transgenders are women who just have a joystick.

I have put up my issues on a foreign site (because other people who have put up their problems on nairaland gets abused, mocked, insulted and bullied) and I was advised by the whites to see a doctor and counselor. They didn't even understand what I meant by spiritual issue. But they have been very concerned and helpful

I don't need to see any counselor because my case would confuse who ever I tell.

I have been living in pains. No sex life and no real social life. I keep falling out with female friend because I don't make any move towards them.

I keep falling out with male friends, because they keep wondering "why this their guy no dey nack woman like them". They feel I am weird because they 100% know I am not gay and wonder why a normal guy will be avoiding women like this.

I hope my issue is resolved.

But if its not, I would live the rest of my life like this. Probably keep on masturbating and never get married.

It might actually be my excessive masturbation that might be the cause of this. I don't really know. Only God knows.

I am depressed. But suicide is not an option for me. God forbid.

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by helpforever: 7:19am On Mar 19, 2017
My story is longer than this but I cannot remember all for now.

Mods please, I need this on the frontpage.


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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by DLGUY: 7:21am On Mar 19, 2017
This is unbelievable.
No you are not impotent.
Sex is a thing of the mind and I'm sure your first experience with the prostitute has conditioned you to believe so.

I would make suggestions on how you can get your mind back to sexually stimulate your body but first this thread needs more people's attention so I'll help you call on lalasticlala to do the needful.

And if it is truely spiritual like you have posited.
I'd suggest your go on your knees and cry into God .

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by Cutehector(m): 7:23am On Mar 19, 2017
You are 100times better than a lot of men out their hiding their problems... Now that you have let d cat out of the bag, you are healed in Jesus name..

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by yaqq: 7:54am On Mar 19, 2017
the way u calculates ur erection per percentage leaves me Rotfl

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by helpforever: 7:56am On Mar 19, 2017
the way u calculates ur erection per percentage leaves me Rotfl
Bro, this is a serious issue.

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by helpforever: 8:02am On Mar 19, 2017
I can remember early 2015 or late 2014 when I went to a popular brothel in Bariga to try out my luck again. About 4 prostitutes came to meet me so I will pick them, they were all flaunting their body around me. Then immediately noticed the way I looked helpless and confused and started feeling my joystick. Speaking edo language to themselves. I'm not sure, but I think they noticed something was not right or so and they all left to look for another customer


Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by unstableaswater: 9:36am On Mar 19, 2017
U can always join these ur brothers and become a batty man .

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by HRich(m): 9:36am On Mar 19, 2017
I can help you by anointing your wife

1 Like 2 Shares

Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by EternalBeing: 9:36am On Mar 19, 2017
Tackle it medically first, and spiritually. Go for medicals and if they said it not a medical problem, the earlier you go to MFM Church for Deliverance to fire that arrow of impotence back to the sender the better for you.
Excessive masturbation caused this permanent damage. Sex is addictive and it has been scientifically proven that excessive sex make people duller and less productive. devil knows this and use this to waste so many glorious Destinies. There are 2 bloods in Man; the red blood cell erythrocytes carries life-oxygen, the white blood cell lymphocytes carries your protection and defense (spiritually too). Spam is cells; white blood cells. The more you waste it unnecessarily, the more defenseless you (and your Glory) become to microbes and even spiritual scavengers.
I've not seen any one that genuinely totally submitted to GOD and regret it later, unless those self-deceiving Christians.
Like myself, most of my genuine Christian mates are doing fine now.
Unless you are married, abstainance makes you spitually Strong and invincible.
To run away from sin is not a favour to GOD but a sure protection for your Glory and Destiny.

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by kkorop: 9:36am On Mar 19, 2017
dont be frustrated. TEchnology can save u


Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by ambient: 9:37am On Mar 19, 2017
You are not impotent you need to see a doctor ASAP
Before it becomes permernent

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by flyca: 9:37am On Mar 19, 2017
A problem shared is half-solved. Just hang on ...help is on the way!


Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by Fairgodwin(m): 9:37am On Mar 19, 2017
Can someone really be impotent?
I'm just curious, seriously.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by hakeem4(m): 9:37am On Mar 19, 2017
I can help you by anointing your wife


Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by TonyeBarcanista(m): 9:38am On Mar 19, 2017
It is well

1 Like 2 Shares

Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by Nobody: 9:38am On Mar 19, 2017


Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by teemanbastos(m): 9:38am On Mar 19, 2017
Sorry bro

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by veekid(m): 9:39am On Mar 19, 2017
No be small thing o

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by helinues: 9:40am On Mar 19, 2017
this one gidi gan oo

I remember broda Lajide back then. he was also impotent

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by nmreports: 9:40am On Mar 19, 2017
I think you should stop masturbating and stay away from anything sex for a long while.
I seriously think you should do this.
You are absolutely not impotent and I think your issue is psychological but I am not an expert to analyse this for you.

So you need to regenerate your mind to understand the following:

1. Sex gets better when you are with someone who likes you and you like in return.
2. You need to read books on how to overcome anxiety and being nervous.
3. You need to work on your health by eating the right things and drinking the right things to improve your health.
4. You dont find excitement in other girls other than your virtual women so you need to let go of those women.
5. Excessive masturbation just like every other excessive things is bad. If you are that smart, you would have stopped it.

I wish you good luck bro. Get yourself together.

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by chimah3(m): 9:41am On Mar 19, 2017
2 in 1 evil!!

God will help you !!

Go see a doctor and try some herbal medication!

All hope in lost!


Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by buffalowings: 9:41am On Mar 19, 2017
I have nothing to say lipsrsealed

1 Like

Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by Nobody: 9:42am On Mar 19, 2017



You panic and have conditioned your mind with that first incident. Your mind now sees sex as something that you would fail at and that would be embarrassing.

IT IS NOT SPIRITUAL. Naaaaah. only in Nigeria do we make everything spiritual. Left alone we might still have thought small pox/chicken pox is caused by "Sopana" and that Thunder and Lightning by Sango. Look with all these spiritual bla bla we were taken as slaves for hundreds of years. Our Chief preists and juju could not protect our fore fathers. Some of the masks were even stolen and exhibited in Europe. The nonsense juju has not been able to burn down London. No mysterious plague has befallen them. We were colonized for years too in Africa. No spirit could help us or our fore fathers.

It is purely psychological. You have been psychologically scarred due to the experience at the brothel. You feel you are going to fail again and again. Now anything that has to do with sex practically scares you and your body has learnt a rather "silly" way to react to sex. Infact, subconsciously, your mind sees sex as a fight or flight thing. It is sexual anxiety and perhaps panic attacks. It is very normal and not spiritual. Nope.

Unfortunately, your WAFTS (worries, anxieties, fears, thoughts and sensations) are things you have tried to fight off over and over again. Compounding the issue. Your mind now sees sex as a battle and gets your body to fight/flee. instead of allowing you get on.

LISTEN, WE ALL GET ANXIOUS DURING SEX. ALL OF US. MEN AND WOMEN ALIKE. ALL. But our anxieties, anxiety levels and how we have trained our body to manage them, makes a difference. Take masturbation for instance. Some people do it and suffer premature ejaculation as a result of it. This is because when this habit was learnt (most times at teenage years) , they had to do it quickly and get done so they won't be caught. This usually starts at a young age and then is often made a habit which the body adopts. Their body gets addicted to quick ejaculation. Meanwhile some guys had time and were so comfortable with it. There learnt it without being in a hurry and ejaculation was not the thing but enjoying the time spent. They now suffer from prolonged erection and can only ejaculate when they masturbate. They are only senitve to matrubation and not the feel of a them in a woman.

For you, you probably immediately started avoiding the things that embarrassed you and found another quick fix. Masturbation, Porn etc. All these still communicated to your brain that you need to "RUN AWAY FROM SEX!!! IT WILL EMBARRASSING AND YOU WILL FAIL"!!! It is like having insomnia and instead of allowing sleep to come naturally, you decide to take pills or use other stuff like sleeping tea, alcohol etc. They will work for a while, but soon their effects will be useless to the point of not working at all.

It is a flight or flight thing. Your body sees sex as something you would fail at. Let me ask, Can you get an erection when in danger? When fighting with someone or fleeing from danger? Nope. (unless you have trained your body/psyche to remain calm). During fight or flight response, your body removes blood from places like the stomach, sex organs etc and send to the brain and muscles preparinging them for danger. How can you get an erection when due to that first traumatic experience, you feel that you might fail again and you worry about how embarrassing it would be.

That one experience made you worry little by little and you took actions (unknowingly) that made matters worse psychologically. You sound like a worrier by nature. Lol. Unfortunately our brain is very silly and does not know the difference between real and perceived danger. If we worry too much about something, our brain tries to protect us by throwing all manner of things (thoughts etc) that can go wrong for us to act on them. When we worry and worry our brain even sends sensations like fast heart beats, sweaty palms, feeling dizzy, butterflies in the stomach etc. But keeping calm, noticing these WAFTS, and mindfully letting them go/be while calmly doing what you are doing whenever this happens helps to reassure your brain that all is cool and calm.


What book on Acceptance and Commitment/Mindfulness can I suggest to you....

Let me see....

Will look for something.

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by Nobody: 9:42am On Mar 19, 2017
spiritual spiritual undecided
Una no dey tire undecided
Bro, go medical please

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by spaggyy(m): 9:43am On Mar 19, 2017


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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by Nobody: 9:43am On Mar 19, 2017
Forget the spiritual aspect... we Africans are too quick to blame that.

1. Eliminate the medical & psychological by seeing a urologist preferably at a teaching hospital.

2. You should have married that Edo gal who got you 100% hard (just kidding).

3. check yourbrainonporn.com and READ AS MANY articles as possible there. it helps with porn addiction

4. Delete ALL your porn and try to end masturbation. Both are destructive, you would see a change IMMEDIATELY.

Erectile dysfunction (ED) most times is psychological. My strong advise is to visit a teaching hospital.


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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by rita25(f): 9:44am On Mar 19, 2017
Hahahahaha am sure u hvnt met that smoking HOT gyel like me!!!!! But I no be ashy and seriously engaged if not I for help u....but dnt bother even if u die like ojukwu ur manhood will live on according to dame jona

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by sakalisis(m): 9:44am On Mar 19, 2017
Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by Neddstark: 9:44am On Mar 19, 2017
You are not alone bro. My own problem is that i dont cum easily. I only cumm during masturbation. Now I'm trying to quit masturbation completely. Perhaps it could solve it. For what i think, you aren't impotent. You just need a sex therapist and a very patient sex partner

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Re: I Am Impotent & Frustrated by Nobody: 9:44am On Mar 19, 2017
This is not a spiritual attack, all you need to do is to see a doctor, you will be back to normal within couple of months.. cheers

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