Ujujoan:

Dont you ever think outside the box

Try to read b/w the lines sometimes, it'll help you a lot! 

Teacher, teach me lesson. I'm okay with the inside. Cold dey outside.

JUST BE A GOOD LISTENER OK[color=#990000][/color]

Your wife is really something else. I actually thought that as a marriage gets older in age and time, what usually matters is not sex but the true affection that is held between two individuals. She can really pass for a leading award winning actress in hollywood , it is really astonishing that she could keep this bottled up for 10 years. I must say the signs were there but you probably just chose to ignore them , guess thats wats love is all about.

@ poster, now that she has opened up this topic in the most unusual circumstance, you need to ask her what she really wants now and what she wants you to do to save the situation.

you also need to reflect to see where u might have missed it while urging her to do the same. you guys need to sit down and work this thing out. Above all, you need to commit all to God's hands. You need a stronger prayer life.

God bless you

location:

JUST BE A GOOD LISTENER OK[color=#990000][/color]

Where did you crawl out from? e be like say you dey fond of drinking panadol for another person head.
I no get ur time. commot for hia.

See ?? every shey una dey see ?? this is one of the reasons I am very scared about marriage , thinking about marriage sends cold chills down my spine . I can't stand it , after 10 years then one U.s.e.l.e.s.s woman will tell me she never Loved me or that she is still Phucking her first love or something . I told my mom about this and she told me to never say something like that anymore but i feel bad that she's not a nairalander so she can see all these things for herself .

Infact all these stories and experience I am reading on nairaland has changed my view completely about women , Now I just think of Just intimacy with any woman I come in contact with , i see them as play things that can never be trusted, the way i am treating ladies now has completely changed .Infact i slapped one yesterday (something i have never done since i was born) i see them all as toys .

sweetguy10:

See ?? every shey una dey see ?? this is one of the reasons I am very scared about marriage , thinking about marriage sends cold chills down my spine . I can't stand it , after 10 years then one U.s.e.l.e.s.s woman will tell me she never Loved me or that she is still Phucking her first love or something . I told my mom about this and she told me to never say something like that anymore but i feel bad that she's not a nairalander so she can see all these things for herself .

Infact all these stories and experience I am reading on nairaland has changed my view completely about women , Now I just think of Just with any woman I come in contact with , i see them as play things that can never be trusted, the way i am treating ladies now has completely changed .Infact i slapped one yesterday (something i have never done since i was born) i see them all as toys .

As if men are any better, men are dogs too

Na wa for all of una o. The guy is asking about how to become wifey's best friend and everybody is saying something else. Guy, i can organise solid paraga for u so as to make wifey happy in bed.

@OP

i'm guessing someone advised you that becoming her best friend was the solution to this, but i dont know why you are taking the guilt for all this. your wife was wrong in saying all that, and unfortunately i think its too late now, you both might need some counselling, maybe a marriage pastor can help out. Women can actually be devils, wish you luck!

This Guy just need to look out for a new woman who will love him(yes second wife O!)

and make his life a better one or else he will die of High B.P

logically any thing you have that is not good enough, need to be replaced
which means you need another better wife to love and to behold

read my lips nothing you can do to get a woman to love if she never did b4
unless na juju option( and if the juju fails your wahala go double)

so go get new babe with apple love for u and you will come back a better U!

The wifey is one hella selfish and cruel b.i.t.c.h as "I don't love you/never loved you/you are crap at se.x/I have better se.x with my ex/etc, is not communication you hear from someone who holds their marriage dear or someone who wants to work on their marriage so I am with Radiant, Cantell, typewriter, Michellin and co, on this one. Wifey has just recently cheated or is cheating or is planning to continue cheating hence the "guilty confession".


And the man is not guilty but rather lovestruck and needy hence his plea and cry for help that he doesn't want to lose her and would do whatever it takes. Heck he is so much under her spell of love, he loves the wife so much that he can't bear to hear any bad words against her, hence his pleading with the good nature of Nairalanders to go easy on the wife that she didn't say it out of spite and was even crying . . . like Michellin stated, the man loves his wife 10 times more than wifey does.


The man is already bending over backwards to please the wife and do her bidding much more than necessary, so those advocating he works on his marriage by giving her more leeway are not doing him any favour. We have all been there before, in a onew-sided relationship, if we don't love someone, every act of theirs to maybe buy something for us or let us have our ways or further declare or express their love for us makes us cringe and "hate" them more and label them nuisances.


In this case, i can confidently say that if the woman stays it is because she pities that man or as an afterthought to what people would thin/say or for the children's sake, meaning that her hatred of her husband would continue to fester.

so you never gave her orgasm before

Loving someone is more than just living with them

and raising a family. And just because you go to work and bring

home a pay check  does not say "I love you"



She needs to be wooed like when you were dating.

Ask her to talk to you once the children are in bed.Or ask someone to baby sit

and take her out for a meal.

If you really want her back you are going to learn to  listen to her concerns and stop trying to
solve everything for her. . All she wants is someone to LISTEN.

Compliment her on something other than her body. Her hair,her nails . . . . the way she smells . . .

Stop on the way home and pick her a flower.

Work on it. Don't flop down on the recliner, beer in one hand and clicker in the other when you get home.

Belching and farting in her presence are also out.

Put on a tie and shirt with a collar and go to the next school event with her.

Go shopping with her and act like you like it.

You have work to do . . . .get busy!

@OP: Sorry bro. Wish I had an answer to this one.

Edit:

But this thread is heart-breaking. You do suffer o!!! This is the funny thing about being a nice guy.

@chaircover, michelin89 & SA Goddess: If I had read you guys' posts some days ago, I wouldn't have said something silly I said to my girlfriend. Now I understand things better thanks to her, I only see more information in retrospect now. Thanks again.

Kai nawa oh. This is a living proof that having a backlog of sexual partners before marriage might not be the best for d marriage on the long run. As they say "old flames dont die". I have gone through most of this posts and I keep rethinking my commitment, this marriage thing,

@poster HOW DID YOU MEET HER?

Reason why so many divorce women parade the streets in d nite looking for men who will lay them for just #300. Most of this women must have been used and dumped by their lovers so call lovers who made them leave their matrimonial homes. I was contemplating settling down nxt year, am just being discourage right now. only God can help us

@cantel: lol! However i think location was referring 2 the OP.
@all those scared of women cos of op's wife: dis is not abt all women, its abt a particular woman.

@op: i dnt have an ans, im not married. From my experience wt gfs (limited if i may add LOL!), wen a girl's fed up (and i tnk ur wife is) there's little or nothng u can do abt it. Move on with ur life wtout her, cos even if u get back 2geda, she'l neva luv u enuf

Don't you think we are forgetting some thing here.

Please, tell us the truth, are you sure you've not offended her in anyway. It could be that she said all that because she is angry and felt bad for what you did to her and really want you to feel the same way too. Don't you agree with me, because there is no way a woman that has been married to you for ten years can actually say such things and meant it.

Hear me again, i think she said those words/things just to make you feel bad and jealous for what you did her(you wrong her).

hello every body.my name is Emmanuel.
i just registered in as a new member,. hope you all are welcoming me. yhanks.my problem now is that i don't know how to make friends on this site,. so who can tell me where and how to start.

Its already too late to make up, the foundation of the marriage seems weak. Im sure if u forgive her for her confession, u would not forget so easily and that leaves a permanent negative impression, QUIT mahn, cant take that from any lady, a big lesson for us---singles!!!

C

Fredy, please update us.

i am just 7 years in marital life today and i must confess
it wasn't easy at all.

However we manage to forge ahead
having understanding of what each partners wants or not.

So try to communicate always and open your hearths to her.

I told my wife i am not happy with her appearance,i think
she is overweight so she took a[url=http://www.planweightlossdietprograms.info] weight loss diet programs].

i am just 7 years in marital life today and i must confess
it wasn't easy at all.

However we manage to forge ahead
having understanding of what each partners  wants or not.

So try to communicate always and open your hearths to her.

I told my wife i am not happy with her appearance,i think
she is overweight so she took a[url=http://www.planweightlossdietprograms.info] weight loss diet programs].

@poster,if you know Jesus,then go to Him because aside from God,no one can save your marriage.Any relationship that is one-sided is bound to fail wethaer it be marriage or between siblings or parent and child.

While waiting 4 her side of d story,i'll say  ur wife seems unfaithful for waiting dis long and it so happens dat every other lover seems to satisfy.the tears don't change anything.

@FredyP
Your story left me flabbergasted, i mean, where did you get the courage to post this here? I must give you the credit cos not every man will be able to pick themselves up after what that woman(trying not call her ur wife) said to you.

That said, Fredy please tell me this: why did you marry her even as you knew that she was sleeping around with pple you KNOW? You saw this coming, you married her cos you think that you will change her by being very nice and lovely to her.

There is no doubt that you are a very caring and responsible man but for the past 10yrs you have being giving that care and love to a wrong woman.
How old are ur kids? They are the only good thing that came out of that sham marriage. Please re-direct ur full love and care to ur kids, don't let this ruin their tommorrow, they shouldn't be the victim of this failed marriage.
Left that woman off ur life, if she wants to keep intouch with her kids fine, don't stop her cos kids loves their mum no matter what.

Cyberfreak:

The most sensible response I have seen on this thread is that of chaircover (and mydreamz response to sweetboy10's post).

Marriage counsellor. Who made you judge among us? I guess yours is among the sensible comments. Abeg dey go!

I know that there are two sides to this story and you probably did something hurtful to her to make her say those horrible things, please come back and tell us what you did or said before she started to say those things.

Always trying to vindicate themselves. He pushed me into it. He made me do it. Story!

That's the reason why i believe that a man shouldn't ask a woman to marry him until she starts hinting or complaining. This way you know for sure that she is ready. A woman may agree to marry you if you ask first, simply because no one else has asked or because she does not want to hurt your feelings. Wait till she starts asking quetions like "where is this relationship going to?!.

Well Well Well. . .

@ Post

This is the most heartrending story I think I've ever read on Nairaland. Those who are used to my style would expect me to reiterate my deep-rooted disgust for women (or more specifically, loving them), and marriage. I would adopt a different approach this time because I'm exceedingly depressed by this thread. I didn't bother to read it before now because the title was quite misleading; "how do i become my wife's best friend" sounded like the musings of yet another love-struck wussy trying to please a most likely cheating wife. Anyways.

I would have been very quick to rightly condemn women as being hopelessly irredeemable, especially after reading the contents of a website graciously provided by my good friend Harakiri (http://womensinfidelity.com). However, the misdeeds of the poster's wife are so egregious that I am forced into passive sobriety.

Poster,

Please file for divorce IMMEDIATELY. It is bad enough that you wobbled into Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do. You must part ways with that woeman you have for a wife. Please do so for the sake of all of Mankind, for the sake of the remnants of your dignity, and for the sake of your young children. . . that is if the children are yours. I advise you to conduct a paternity test IMMEDIATELY on all 'your' children. If it turns out that none of them is actually yours (as I strongly suspect), then you are the luckiest man alive. Start life afresh and be wiser this time. Please.


@ Harakiri

God bless you for providing that link, http://womensinfidelity.com/
Any married man that is brave enough to read it, good for him. But I strongly advise sensible aspiring husbands to read it and understand the psyche of most women. For the few good women (yes there are, but I just cant find any) out there, please read it and know how best you can retain your goodness for a life time, if that is possible. You would all now understand why my classic NL thread holds true: "I am So Paranoid about Marriage".

@ poster, ur wife is a chipmunk!! how can she se such a cruel b.i.t.c.h. meen u have a good heart cos if it were me i would have shown her the type of pepper that only God can save her from when i say only baba God i mean only baba God "mschew"