Are you people serious?
90% of you are calling this woman all sorts of names under the sun  B.I T C H ,  wicked , witch  etc !
JUST STEP BACK A SECOND A THINK ABT THIS.  Who IS the victim here?
I urge you to try and imagine her position first, she has been stuck in this marriage for 10 good years without any satisfaction from her so called husband and you want her to go on and not say anything? Oh so its ok if the man is getting all the satisfaction in a relationship but when a woman isn’t she should keep her mouth shut and keep it to herself till she’s six feet under? She has kept it from him for all this time coz she dnt want to hurt his ego, ok say she told him at the beginning of the marriage (that he cnt satisfy her) Do you know how useless how that man would feel knowing that she isn’t satisfied evrytime !, and as a result the whole issue of having sex with one wife becomes a task  to him
I will ask the poster this…  Now that she has told you, you do not satisfy her., what are your feelings towards sleeping with her?  My guess is most probably you are more conscious abt   sleeping with her. u prob sacred  of sleeping with her least u cnt satisfy her and you are both now so tied up into this whole thing of she has to get pleasure  and so the whole issue of making love becomes a chore  coz all of a sudden you concentrating on trying to please her, and more often than not  this can actually affect the relationship especially if u actually fail to please despite her telling you, and this is exactly what she wanted to avoid. So  to keep you happy  she lied to you . (SOMETHING SHE WOULD ONLY DO IF SHE CARED ABT YOU AND THE RELATIONShip) IRONIC I KNO but we as human beings are complicated and you just have to accept that .  
so now because she  has been bottling all these feeling  inside her  for 10 good years ( do not underestimate  that period by the way  ) 10 whole years she has been cleaning  cooking  looking after the children of a man she doesnt truly love on top of that this man  cnt even satisfy her !  Just try and put urself in her shoes . It’s like living in hell! But as human beings we can only take so much of something,! AND CLEARLY SHE HAS REACHED THAT POINT WHERE SHE CANT TAKE ANYMORE. What she is trying to say to you poster and no doubt   has probably hinted to you all this while is
Appreciate me more
Please me
love me .
I get the feeling you more concerned about providing food and financial support etc thats good, you are responsible and all. - again good --However you need to start paying more attention to her , this woman even tho she says she dsnt love you cares for you and she deserves a little attention , and you will be surprised how those little things will transform your marriage. She obviously has made some big mistake marrying someone she dnt love ( a lessson for all them ladies out there who just marry for the sake of it)and  her mentioning  exes wasnt necessarily nice, however she is probably very frustrated and her anger  probably did most the talking here lol! it dsnt mean she is a bitch or wicked or wateva you people are calling her, she’s human , so is he . But poster it worries me that after all this time you dint smel nthing , not even a slight hint of your wife’s unhappiness, which makes me think or assume your arent soo close  or her best friend as you rightly pointed,
If you need it to work do the little things pointed out by other poster coz Every little helps, tesco sytle!

D

E

Ref her answer to ur 1st question, u 'rushed' her and she didn't say a word or u no listen? Were you after someth she's got?
She just couldn't have gone ahead wt d weddin 'thinkin it would improve'. U convinced her wit that line,right? U didn't care if she loved or not?
But y she left others who gave her d treat stil baffles me. What have u got that made her leave d others?
hmm ok, after d weddin was there any hint from her that there hasn't been any improvement or u still ignored it?
When u knew about d double datin, did u ask her wetin she de find wey u no get/give am and did u work on it?
Now, most importantly y was she tellin u all this? It just can't be for tellin sake. I take it from d topic that now u've seen d need to be a friend than just d marriage thingy. That's d only way i can sync the topic wit ur story. The answer is under ur nose, buddy. Go home. Ask her. Listen. I'm sure she'll be more than willin to work along wit u. Of cos she cant make u into wat u're not but then it takes two to tangle. The good thing is that u r ready to be her friend.
The wine in ur marriage wont run out, rather it'll taste better.
All d best, Fredy.

@ rutsmarats
me feel u!

In my little wisdom I think that the woman in question needs spiritual help because this kind of problem does not seem natural. What came over her lately before making that revelation to you after she has lived with you for 10 years. The poster should have noticed this if indeed the wife has not be satisfied with him all along. I think the woman needs spiritual counseling. Her eyes will open and the hand of the enemy will be destroyed as concerning this family blessed with innocent children.

rutsmarats:

Are you people serious?
90% of you are calling this woman all sorts of names under the sun  B.I T C H ,  wicked , witch  etc !
JUST STEP BACK A SECOND A THINK ABT THIS.  Who IS the victim here?
I urge you to try and imagine her position first, she has been stuck in this marriage for 10 good years without any satisfaction from her so called husband and you want her to go on and not say anything? Oh so its ok if the man is getting all the satisfaction in a relationship but when a woman isn’t she should keep her mouth shut and keep it to herself till she’s six feet under? She has kept it from him for all this time coz she dnt want to hurt his ego, ok say she told him at the beginning of the marriage (that he cnt satisfy her) Do you know how useless how that man would feel knowing that she isn’t satisfied evrytime !, and as a result the whole issue of having intimacy with one wife becomes a task  to him
I will ask the poster this…  Now that she has told you, you do not satisfy her., what are your feelings towards sleeping with her?  My guess is most probably you are more conscious abt   sleeping with her. u prob sacred  of sleeping with her least u cnt satisfy her and you are both now so tied up into this whole thing of she has to get pleasure  and so the whole issue of making love becomes a chore  coz all of a sudden you concentrating on trying to please her, and more often than not  this can actually affect the relationship especially if u actually fail to please despite her telling you, and this is exactly what she wanted to avoid. So  to keep you happy  she lied to you . (SOMETHING SHE WOULD ONLY DO IF SHE CARED ABT YOU AND THE RELATIONShip) IRONIC I KNO but we as human beings are complicated and you just have to accept that .  
so now because she  has been bottling all these feeling  inside her  for 10 good years ( do not underestimate  that period by the way  ) 10 whole years she has been cleaning  cooking  looking after the children of a man she doesnt truly love on top of that this man  cnt even satisfy her !  Just try and put urself in her shoes . It’s like living in hell! But as human beings we can only take so much of something,! AND CLEARLY SHE HAS REACHED THAT POINT WHERE SHE CANT TAKE ANYMORE. What she is trying to say to you poster and no doubt   has probably hinted to you all this while is
Appreciate me more
Please me
love me .
I get the feeling you more concerned about providing food and financial support etc thats good, you are responsible and all. - again good --However you need to start paying more attention to her , this woman even tho she says she dsnt love you cares for you and she deserves a little attention , and you will be surprised how those little things will transform your marriage. She obviously has made some big mistake marrying someone she dnt love ( a lessson for all them ladies out there who just marry for the sake of it)and  her mentioning  exes wasnt necessarily nice, however she is probably very frustrated and her anger  probably did most the talking here lol! it dsnt mean she is a naughty woman or wicked or wateva you people are calling her, she’s human , so is he . But poster it worries me that after all this time you dint smel nthing , not even a slight hint of your wife’s unhappiness, which makes me think or assume your arent soo close  or her best friend as you rightly pointed,
If you need it to work do the little things pointed out by other poster coz Every little helps,  tesco sytle!

Women like you make marriage a dreadful prospect for EVERY DISCERNING MAN. Whats your daft point Was the harlot of a wife married at gun point? Na by force? Since she's such a nymphom.a.n.iac intimacy freak, why did she marry the dude in the first place? Why didnt she marry her sex champion lover? Why marry a man only to torment him, cuckold him mercilessly, and make his life miserable? LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHAT IN JEHOVAH'S NAME DO WOMEN WANT? When the husband is a struggling stud, they cheat because "he's not providing my material needs"; when he's a super rich stud, they cheat because "he has no time for me and does not give me attention"; when he's very caring, attentive comfortable, and decent in bed, they cheat because "I just don't know, I'm bored with the monotony of the marriage". In any case the despicable dogs blame their imbecilic misdeeds on the man. When will they start taking responsibility for their innate harlotry? When will they start realising that they can't have their cake and eat it? When will they understand that they can't have it all? Rubbish. Rubbish again!

Cyberfreak:

Don't say that. You can't just decide to have a deep rooted disgust for all women and let yourself believe that they should not be loved. What about your mother? Do you have disgust for her or do you believe that your father should not love her? I suppose you don't. You are not likely have such thoughts towards her because of all she did for you. That should convince you that there are good women on earth and not all women should be judged as terribly evil because of the things that the bad eggs among them do. There will always be good and bad people on earth in the end, it is something we all have to live with sadly. We should not castigate an entire group of people because we encountered the bad ones in that group.
I didn't click that on that link harakiri posted but I know that the site has nothing good to offer and does not speak the minds of all the women in this world. It was likely to have been created by a woman who wanted to cause pain to men, so you should not be making your basic life decisions based on what you read off sites like that.

My sister, I would have taken your words at face value had I not been wiser than that. It would do you a world of good to click on tha link provided by harakiri so as to equip yourself, rather than living in denial.

Regarding your innuendo, I love my mum as my mum, not as a 'woman'. You have to understand the shameless subjectivity on anyone's part in that regard. I love her 'cos of her sacrifices for me as her son, providing for me during my childhood, etc. It is absolutely impossible for anyone to OBJECTIVELY vouch for a mum as regards the subject at hand, thats why it is exceedingly silly for you (as with most girls) to make an example of such, when subjects like this thread's topic are being discussed.

I dont care about cheap words peddled by any woman as to why she belongs to the elusive 1% "good girls" category. Actions and behavioural traits are more convincing, not yeye words that any wh.o.re can concoct. But I agree with you that there are bad people (both male and female) in the world and we have to deal with it. And deal with it i will, rather than live with it. Too bad.

Sometimes, men are on different wavelength's to women and men can be totally engrossed in their quest to put food on the table, forgetting that its not all about money. Women have totally different needs. We need love and affection. We need to be appreciated, we need to talk, we need to be listend to, we need to be affectionately touched and spoken to. Men are sometimes too busy to do all this and the woman begins to feel unloved and un appreciated.
It seems that you are mixing dating with marriage? A woman who's married to him for the past 10 years should not derive joy in sending signals. If are u bold enough to walk naked before your partner, you should be bold enough to be a straight shooter. You dont pile them for ten years or could be regarded as the biblical Delilah. Playing mind games is not a good thing in marriage that's lasted for 10yrs. This dude never forced her to make babies knowing very that she was and still not a happy camper. She knew the outcome of this marriage from the onset would be a divorce, so how could she put herself and kids through all these when she could have averted all of these if she had been rational?

Maybe you were financially more suitable than most of the guys she had been sleeping with while she was shopping for a husband. There was a trade-off for her.

Just get another.

you are still trying to be her friend. She doesnt love you, and that is that. Forget about that nonsense about people growing to love each other, it only works with 1% of people. If someone doesnt want to be with you, just take their word for it and find happiness else where. If you force it they will end up resenting you for keeping them in bondage. Goodluck on your life and future decisions.

Cyberfreak:

@cantell, I was just giving my opinion, I never claimed to be a marriage councillor. That you have the opportunity to post what you like anonymously on the internet is not reason for you to be unneccesarily rude and offensive with your words.Don't say that. You can't just decide to have a deep rooted disgust for all women and let yourself believe that they should not be loved. What about your mother? Do you have disgust for her or do you believe that your  father should not love her? I suppose you don't. You are not likely have such thoughts towards her because of all she did for you. That should convince you that there are good women on earth and not all women should be judged as terribly evil because of the things that the bad eggs among them do. There will always be good and bad people on earth in the end, it is something we all have to live with sadly. We should not castigate an entire group of people because we encountered the bad ones in that group.
I didn't click that on that link harakiri posted but I know that the site has nothing good to offer and does not speak the minds of all the women in this world. It was likely to have been created by a woman who wanted to cause pain to men, so you should not be making your basic life decisions based on what you read off sites like that.

Women and their abhorence for the truth never fails to tickle my fancy.You say you didn't click on the link i provided but somehow along the line,YOU KNOW ALL THE DETAILS IN THE WEBSITE PLUS YOU ALSO KNOW IT WAS CREATED BY A WOMAN.[/b]Hmmm! Na wa ooo.Make una dey try talk truth once in a while.You'all keep ranting about how we should listen to you but who would be interested in listening when he knows that 92% of what he's hearing are all lies and the remaining 8% if diluted truth.

[b]And this is not about MOTHER-SON relationship.This is about husband/wife or bf/gf relationship.You can't compare the way a woman feels about her child with the way she feels about her husband.Children are the crowning glory of any woman and as much as she claims to love her husband, the children are where her heart is.So don't bring the issue of "do you think ill of your mother".ASK ABOUT HIS WIFE OR GF INSTEAD.

One more thing , i dare any man who has been married for at least 10 years to go to that website and boldly tell me that his wife hasn't demonstrated some/all of the symptoms depicted in that website.In fact men who have been married for 5 - 15 years should dare go through that website and prove me wrong.If you need the website again, here it is :

http://womensinfidelity.com/


I await the moment of truth from my fellow men coz i know it will NEVER come from the lips of the opposite sex.They are hard wired for deception.

pro01:

My sister, I would have taken your words at face value had I not been wiser than that. It would do you a world of good to click on tha link provided by harakiri so as to equip yourself, rather than living in denial.

Regarding your innuendo, I love my mum as my mum, not as a 'woman'. You have to understand the shameless subjectivity on anyone's part in that regard. I love her 'cos of her sacrifices for me as her son, providing for me during my childhood, etc. It is absolutely impossible for anyone to OBJECTIVELY vouch for a mum as regards the subject at hand, thats why it is exceedingly silly for you (as with most girls) to make an example of such, when subjects like this thread's topic are being discussed.

I dont care about cheap words peddled by any woman as to why she belongs to the elusive 1% "good girls" category. Actions and behavioural traits are more convincing, not yeye words that any wh.o.re can concoct. But I agree with you that there are bad people (both male and female) in the world and we have to deal with it. And deal with it i will, rather than live with it. Too bad.

Dude,

What's up? Did you read her comments? She said she DIDN'T click on the link and YET, she knew "all" about the info about the website and the owner.


This is a thread about a crumbling marriage, an issue between man/wife or bf/gf and she's talking about motherly love.

Why can't they "struggle" to tell the truth for once in their lives? It's always lies, lies, lies, manipulation, deception and more lies. A year ago, i made up my mind to get married when i hit 30.I turned 30 in March this year and i don't even see myself getting married in the next 3-5 years.I will only go into married when i want children.There is nothing like real love.It's all lies and deception.It it really existed, people wont be getting seperated or divorced and let nobody dare tell me i am generalizing! It's the truth.If you doubt me, answer this question as honestly as you can (if you'allz have an atom of truth in you) :

" WOULD YOU STILL LOVE YOUR HUSBANDS/BOYFRIENDS THE SAME WAY IF THEY WERE INVOLVED IN A FATAL ACCIDENT THAT TURNED THEM INTO VEGETABLES OVER NIGHT?"

I'm talking about a tall,handsome dude paralyzed from head to toe.Can't take his bath,brush his teeth, feed himself or use the toilet himself.A complete vegetable.WOULD YOU STILL LOVE HIM?

Love my foot! ! !

This gets interesting by the minute, it's got intense!

fredy
u are the only one who can understand the pain. No amount of sorries can heal those wounds. The Lord shall see you thru and grant u greater blessings when this storm is over

You need help. See a shrink. Preferably a spiritual consellor.

But before that, steady yourself and ask that, To leave your house. Do not let her take your kids.

Try thiswww.fireproofmymarriage.org and do the Love Dare for 40days.Goodluck

What a pathetic story.

Evryman prayer is 2 hav a gud home because behind a succesful man dere's a woman, d man shud praise God 4 a successful 10yrs victory over his enemy,d only questn is which areas he has been wrong & what is d cause, wit immediate effect divorce has 2 take place, am sorry d best option.

Cyberfreak:

@cantell, I was just giving my opinion, I never claimed to be a marriage councillor. That you have the opportunity to post what you like anonymously on the internet is not reason for you to be unneccesarily rude and offensive with your words.

You were just giving ur opinion? I guess giving your opinions means indirectly insulting other posters. You need to read ur comment again before you point accusing fingers on me. Some people might overlook ur comment but to me, its insultive.
And who says i'm posting anonymously on net? I have nothing to hide, unlike some people who do.

Please to all the single guys out there, the issue of wife is solely divine, but the desperate ladies end up deceiving us into marriage. The only solution to this is to prayerful to have a good wife. To the married once, u are already in it, so try and sort urself out and also be prayerful.
CHEERS!!!

naijabuoy:

Its already too late to make up, the foundation of the marriage seems weak. Im sure if u forgive her for her confession, u would not forget so easily and that leaves a permanent negative impression, QUIT mahn, cant take that from any lady, a big lesson for us---singles!!!

what sort of advice are you giving to this man put this to be your brother is it the same thing you going to say.marriage is the most challenging institution i have ever seen but wait a minute what prompted you in the first place to marry this woman or are you trying to say that you did not see those signs before working down to aisle with her come on my brother look for a way to resolve the difference between you and your heart rob at least for the sake of your kids but for divorce i strongly frown at it even the word of God is against it , may God see u through

F

^^^if i wanted to fight you, i would have done that a long time ago.
But like you said, you have the right to go thru the thread and comment on whatever you like. Thats exactly what i did and you started complaining about rude & offensive remarks.
First remove the log from your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to remove the speck from mine.

G

Moderator stop editing my post 
BEST FRIEND MA SH-I-T!!!!

Its not suprising to hear this. 69% of women actually end up married to the man they don't love. Partly because of many pressure involved. This includes excessive love from the man, which gives them (the women) little chance to reflect on their lack of love (for the man), money also plays its part, limited time during courtship, and most of all fear. Just take heart @poster.

Murder_X:

Cyberfreak:

cantell, learn to read other people's posts carefully before commenting on them.
I never said that I have the right to go through a thread and comment on whatever I like. I said that I have every right to go through the posts on a thread and decide which one is the most sensible.
I hope that this time, the comment is bold enough for you to see and fully understand.

You never cease to amaze me. Whats the difference? "To decide which one is the most sensible" and "say whatever you like"
Your decision is based on what you feel is right, thereby making it whatever you like. Or did someone give you that idea?
***Shakes head*** she wan show me sense.

H

Cyberfreak:

get an education and find out what the difference is, that your explanation is just sad.

Madam professor,
Could you pls give me some lessons? This illiterate needs to be educated.
I no see tall people na short people go come dey give me wahala.
Comot for hia jor!

@rutsmarat, thanks for your very sensible and balanced post. There is nothing wrng with this lady infact she represents a high majority of women. Her frustration is at it's peak now because her children are now a bit grown and out of diapers and demands of nursing and bringing up which she was using to mask her own misery.

Mr. husband just work on your skills period. very recently I heard of a case where a man was complaining that his wife was no longer receptive to love making and bla bla and their pastor called the two of them. The Pastor began by saying how can you after 9 years now start denying your husband, do you want him to go outside? she calmly replied 'it may do us both a world of good, perharps it will help him improve his skills' after which she broke down in tears and narrated her pain of 9 years and she could no longer cope or keep pretending. everyone has a breaking point!

Posters please do not judge the woman, you are not wearing her shoes.

I