IamD18:
If this story is true.

Then,I'm sorry, you married a man who cannot respect and protect you before his friends.

A man who's not worthy to be called a good husband or father.

You did nothing wrong, but my advice is; If the happiness and unity of your home is so important to you, do as he has insisted by apologising to his friend.

After doing that, make sure you avoid and stay clear from that his friend. He's not happy with your family and can do anything possible to get rid of you by breaking your home. A loyal friend will be sensible enough to know that it's somehow disrespectful to send his friend's wife on such an errand.

Be careful!

I think it's not the first time this is happening between the wife and the husband's friends or family .cos according to her the husband said he threatend their marriage saying she should respect his friends and people. I think she should apologize to d friend for d sake of her marriage and keep her distance from such his friends

Concerning this matter, I have this strong feeling the so called friend had something evil he wanted to do or plant in the house in the absence of the wife. He was angry because his plan failed. That man is not a good friend at all.

HabaHaba:


1. Please don't apologize to his friend. That's an insult to him, just he has refused to grow up from boyhood.
2. Bone your husband,
3. Simply go & tell your pastor or any other elder from his family that he may respect.
4. Still bone him, but ensure you do your chores effectively and with more commitment to him Don't refuse him anything as obligatory of you, but don't speak to him in complaint about his attitude or the matter.
His mind will advise him correctly.

If he wasnt to marry his friend let him divorce you & give that as a reason.
Stewpid baby husband.

Dey advise nonsense, u hear? Op never said her husband has been bad to her—which should be the only reason she could act up to him. If her husband is a good man,then it shouldn't be too hard to obey him on this one.

enemyofprogress:
You're married to a man that doesn't have a mind of his own

Shut your dirty mouth, or i pray God give you girlfriend like funmisticqueen and Xhosanostra,You gaz shut up when they're talking if you like it or not, due to the offensive odor coming from their mouth

U sure say this your husband no be gay.
Which right thinking African husband go pick him friend over his wife.

alert01:


Why are you so unfortunate and ridiculously stupid? What has the guy done to deserve thjese insults from u.n Guys like you are the real example of sissy guys that have no life of theri own other than waht pussy dictate for them. Idiot

I am not taking sides but you are the idiot, if someone calls your wife a bitch how would you feel. You are just foolish as that guy.

alert01:


Shut your dirty mouth, or i pray God give you girlfriend like funmisticqueen and Xhosanostra,You gaz shut up when they're talking if you like it or not, due to the offensive odor coming from their mouth

You're married to a man that doesn't have a mind of his own

I am a married man and I have been at least more than a decade.

I will like to ask you once again, are you sure this your account is true? Perhaps if we have the benefit of hearing your husband's account, our conclusion may be different, however, based on your account of the situation:

It may not wrong to conclude that the man has an ulterior motive with the intention to scatter your family.

The attitude of your husband too is suspicious, he should not sell you cheaply to his friend . I will recommend that you either report him to his father or mother or your pastor or any mutually respected person by both of you.

OKOATA:
I am not taking sides but you are the idiot, if someone calls your wife a bitch how would you feel. You are just foolish as that guy.

I really have nothing to say to you than beg God to give you common sense, even if it is just 1kb

tosyne2much:
I think it was wrong from his friend to send you an errand in the first place but the way you also approached the issue escalated this issue. That the silly friend even went as far as venting his anger on your husband is surprising.

On the other hand, judging from the edited version story that portrays you blameless, to me, you seem like an arrogant woman who walks around with ego. That you even said you can't apologize to his friend for the sake of your marriage tells a lot about you.

Everything is not just about ego.. Sometimes you have to compromise for the sake of peace

Just few see the "ego".

enemyofprogress:
You're married to a man that doesn't have a mind of his own

shut up dumb brain

alert01:


shut up dumb brain

You're married to a man that doesn't have a mind of his own

Chinnyrita27:
Good day nairalanders. I created this account to seek for advice as I am confused and crying as I type this. I have been happily married for 4 years with a daughter of 3 and my husband. Not about a week ago, I had issues with one of his friend in his absence in our home. He had this close friend who came visiting on a faithful evening last Monday(I was not strong enough to go to work),he came when my husband wasn't around so I had to leave whatever I was doing to keep him company while we wait for my husband, at some point I offered to get him food, he obliged and ate, it was not upto 30 minutes after eating, he asked me to go buy him card. Politely, I told him I can't as was so tired and weak to walk about 10 minutes under the sun, i suggested to recharge free for him from my bank, he insisted, frowned his face and asked if I was trying to tell him that he can't recharge from his account, I was shocked, he stood up angry and aggressively and drove out of the compound. I didn't utter a word, I was angry but kept calm.

Not until my husband came back, and when I was about to welcome him but, he angrily yield and screamed at me and asked why I had to insult his friend and call him poor. I angrily asked him why he believed his friend without trying to confirm the from me, we deeply quarrelled and he made statement threatening to end the marriage if I cannot respect his friends and his people. I have never disrespected him or any of his friends and family members before, I'm so confused, we have not be conversing and relating well since Monday. I tried to make peace with him as I wasn't comfortable keeping malice with him but he said I will have to apologise to his friend which is something I don't think I can do.

I am so confused, what should I do?

let me ask, before this particular issue do u think you have done something wrong which u think he should have forgotten or forgiven u about and he acted like he has.
I feel maybe he has some hidden issues about which he has been keeping to himself, he just use this opportunity to express part of his feelings. it is better you trying settling this between you guys without involving third party because it might complicate.
also I will suggest never apologise to that his friend because if you do he will still blame u for another issue and I feel in marriage there need to be boundaries between wife and husband friends. you are not his slave

Your husbands friend came visiting one evening....you cannot walk under the sun...what is d correlation BTW evening and afternoon.. Conspiracy somewhere

Nairaland30:

Puxxyasslicker.

Friends over bitches mehn!!

Yeah!!! Bitches like your mom right?

Look at what majority of the advice in this thread is.

Apologize to the husband for the sake of your family

Men are given too much leeway to be stupid and insensitive to their wives in this Nigeria,
That's why they continue to harass their wives and yet are bold enough to demand that the wife apologize for being disrespected, they know if the wife complains people will beat her down and tell her to apologize for the sake of the family and some other bullshit.


Divorce the idiot you married.
He has shown you that he has no respect for you. Cannot protect. Cannot stand for you. Does not care about the family.
This is just the beginning, just step one. If you stay he will continue to show you many times over how much he disrespects you.
While are told to continue to apologize and plan how to deal with him each time
Such stress just to be married.

Ma'm you did well...why will he send you on an errand to buy airtime for him when heobviously has enough in his account? Why was he so aggressive over that little suggestion? Why will you even considering leaving your home alone for someone who is not family. Time are desperate& people are wicked, i suspect that man was up to something(plant or take something from the house) he only got upset because you didnt give him a chance.
Becareful ma'm , always cautious.

Boss oil Dy ur head. Prayer is the key anytime any day

BookEditor:


Madam, I understand your pains. Yes things like this sometimes happen but you must be very careful.

Now let me tell you this. The devil does not like anywhere there is peace, joy and love. He will be angry and make sure he goes there to scatter that peace, love and joy that you enjoy.

This is what happened. It's not your fault. You've done the best you can do in that circumstance. But the devil wants to use your husband's friend to scatter your home, so you must be very careful and vigilant.

First, your husband's friend was wrong for even sending you on an errand and even getting angry. After all, you're not his wife. Secondly, your husband was equally wrong for listening only to one side of the story (his friend) and jumping into conclusion without hearing from you. Your husband acted very rashly, irrationally and is inconsiderate. He's supposed to respect you enough to hear from you first before taking action.

But as I said before, the devil wants to sow a seed of discord in your family to break your home. Let me tell you this: Even if you you did what you've been accused of, it still does not warrant your husband threatening divorce. Divorce is not what you pronounce anyhow. Words are very powerful and can eventually come alive if spoken carelessly.

Now this is what you must do. You must realise this problem goes beyond your husband or his friend. Go down on your knees at midnight for 3 whole days and pray sincerely - cry to God over this matter, the Lord will hear you and He will change your husband to love you more and also change his friend not to pick faults with you over any flimsy excuse. This is the only sure solution in this matter.

Meanwhile, this does not stop you from apologizing to his friend. Humble yourself and apologize even if it's clear you're right in this matter and his friend is wrong. You know why you should apologize? Because you must stoop to conquer. Remember Oliver Goldsmith's "She Stoops To Conquer"? Just stoop for them and you will surely conquer. It's very clear that these two men have ego issues and need their ego to be "massaged", so just help them massage their ego by apologizing, while you go down on your knees to tackle them with prayer. You will surely overcome. I've counseled countless couples in similar situations and those who followed the steps saw good results.

Mind you, if you apologize only without praying about it, very soon another thing will happen in your home. They will still find another flimsy fault with you that you're disrespectful again. But your prayer is a must because it keeps such things away from coming up.

Try this sincerely with faith and it will surely work. You might get in touch if you need more counseling and/or advice. Wishing you all the best. God bless you.

My dear sister,I can only advice you to try reaching him through a close relative of his,that's if you truly have good relationship with his family as you said.
But in other way it's wrong for your husband to act in such a strange way,probably you're not telling us the truth about your general behavior towards his friends and family members.

This story is not true. Women will always give u the side of the story that will please your ears .

Chinnyrita27:
Good day nairalanders. I created this account to seek for advice as I am confused and crying as I type this. I have been happily married for 4 years with a daughter of 3 and my husband. Not about a week ago, I had issues with one of his friend in his absence in our home. He had this close friend who came visiting on a faithful evening last Monday(I was not strong enough to go to work),he came when my husband wasn't around so I had to leave whatever I was doing to keep him company while we wait for my husband, at some point I offered to get him food, he obliged and ate, it was not upto 30 minutes after eating, he asked me to go buy him card. Politely, I told him I can't as was so tired and weak to walk about 10 minutes under the sun, i suggested to recharge free for him from my bank, he insisted, frowned his face and asked if I was trying to tell him that he can't recharge from his account, I was shocked, he stood up angry and aggressively and drove out of the compound. I didn't utter a word, I was angry but kept calm.

Not until my husband came back, and when I was about to welcome him but, he angrily yield and screamed at me and asked why I had to insult his friend and call him poor. I angrily asked him why he believed his friend without trying to confirm the from me, we deeply quarrelled and he made statement threatening to end the marriage if I cannot respect his friends and his people. I have never disrespected him or any of his friends and family members before, I'm so confused, we have not be conversing and relating well since Monday. I tried to make peace with him as I wasn't comfortable keeping malice with him but he said I will have to apologise to his friend which is something I don't think I can do.

I am so confused, what should I do?

This story does not add up. One has to hear the husband side.

openmine:
Something doesn't really add well with the whole scenario!
Let's say I believe the story....
Why would the husband ask the friend to come to his house when he is not even around?

why would the friend have the guts to send someone's wife to buy a recharge card for him in her own house?

Secondly,why did he reject her offer to load from her bank account but preferred her to go out and buy for him?
This is beyond being disrespectful.... there is something that guy wants to do.....
I feel that guy has a sinister plan that must be done in the op's absence!

My opinion though based on op's story!

Brother,this thing did not happen as she narrated.

so your hubby vex and you wey suppose tell him calmlly what really happen but instead you go dey hala to abi??
go apologies so that peace will be restored in your family biko

Some so-called men behave like teenagers. What right has that enemy called a friend have over another man's wife. Nonsense

alert01:


I like your comment

Thanks.

IamD18:
Who's the bitch? Someone's wife?

Are you MAD? What right has he to even send her on an errand in the first place? Is he her boss at work, husband, father or elder brother?

Are you FOOLISH? Why will he even visit and stay with her when the husband isn't around? I'm asking you!

Are you that DUMB? Don't you know what it means to set boundaries and mode in which you should relate to a married friend?

According to OP, she politely suggested another alternative but he turned it down, proving he had something in mind.

And here you are, typing about bitches!

Should I blame your father for this statement you made on someone's wife or should I blame your dusty brain?

It's so pitiful and shocking that after all the promises you made to your parents to be responsible, reasonable and sensible, you ended up as a shallow minded BOY who is ready to suck the scrotum balls of his friends than to protect his wife in cases like this.

C'mon! Will you take your pathetic self out of here!

Nonsense and turninoninown!

Too much wisdom dey worry you, bros.

Thumbs up for you, jare. You get sense no be small.

pendragon35:

Boss oil Dy ur head. Prayer is the key anytime any day

Thanks. Prayer is the key anytime any day. It doesn't fail and will never fail.

Apologize and let peace resign

LilMissFavvy:
We live in a world where no one should be trusted, how can your husband's friend expect you to leave your own house for 10mins and go to buy card? Did he want to poison food or water? Why should he send you on errand? Are you a maid? Or you get too playful, familiar or act so cheap that you are treated like a maid by both your husband and his friend, because there is a saying that too much familiarity breeds insult. You want to know where you went wrong, but the truth is that you did no wrong. Something must be wrong somewhere if your husband is siding his friend even when he's aware that you stayed home cuz you were sick. Your husband does not love you, genuine love is rare in most marriages of today, anyway. There are just two options to take: the first is to go apologize like your hubby says, but bear in mind that if u apologise for doing no wrong, in future your husband will be expecting you to keep apologizing when you do no wrong. The second option is for you to refuse to apologise, and get ready for whatever consequences would come.

are maids not humans? Is she that big to be sent? Let her tell us in what manner she responded.

IamD18:
If this story is true.

Then,I'm sorry, you married a man who cannot respect and protect you before his friends.

A man who's not worthy to be called a good husband or father.

You did nothing wrong, but my advice is; If the happiness and unity of your home is so important to you, do as he has insisted by apologising to his friend.

After doing that, make sure you avoid and stay clear from that his friend. He's not happy with your family and can do anything possible to get rid of you by breaking your home. A loyal friend will be sensible enough to know that it's somehow disrespectful to send his friend's wife on such an errand.

Be careful!

Thank You.... Well said from a mind filled with acute knowledge of realities of life.

From my own perspective, I think ur husband is a friend asslicker,for him to put a friend before u.maybe the guy is his source of livelihood.

Chinnyrita27:
Good day nairalanders. I created this account to seek for advice as I am confused and crying as I type this. I have been happily married for 4 years with a daughter of 3 and my husband. Not about a week ago, I had issues with one of his friend in his absence in our home. He had this close friend who came visiting on a faithful evening last Monday(I was not strong enough to go to work),he came when my husband wasn't around so I had to leave whatever I was doing to keep him company while we wait for my husband, at some point I offered to get him food, he obliged and ate, it was not upto 30 minutes after eating, he asked me to go buy him card. Politely, I told him I can't as was so tired and weak to walk about 10 minutes under the sun, i suggested to recharge free for him from my bank, he insisted, frowned his face and asked if I was trying to tell him that he can't recharge from his account, I was shocked, he stood up angry and aggressively and drove out of the compound. I didn't utter a word, I was angry but kept calm.

Not until my husband came back, and when I was about to welcome him but, he angrily yield and screamed at me and asked why I had to insult his friend and call him poor. I angrily asked him why he believed his friend without trying to confirm the from me, we deeply quarrelled and he made statement threatening to end the marriage if I cannot respect his friends and his people. I have never disrespected him or any of his friends and family members before, I'm so confused, we have not be conversing and relating well since Monday. I tried to make peace with him as I wasn't comfortable keeping malice with him but he said I will have to apologise to his friend which is something I don't think I can do.

I am so confused, what should I do?

well in a relationship madam somebody has 2 b matured, guess in this aspect ur d person oooo, just reapologize 2 ur hubby n let him know ur going 2 his friend, he sha calm down n go apologize 2 his friend, call d friend n apologize 2 him but just know ur not apologizing bcus ur wrong but just bcus u don't want any issues in ur home, tell d friend ur sorry let him know u were sick that day n u cud not go out explain everything sha 2 him, on a lighter state ask him for the money so u go go right thr go get am d airtime, am sure if his wise he will calm down then wen u n ur hubby don calm situations down who knows few days later calm down talk 2 ur hubby n tell him wat happened n reasons also let him know in as much ur sorry ur hubby was angry, dat u apologize just for d happiness n peace 2 reign between u 2 n dat he shud b fair nxt time n hear u out dear, its ur home dear, no allow mere apology jeopardize anything, remember never leave any end loose.