Mindfulness:


It's called cognitive dissonance. OP suffers a lot. I would have helped him because I am a very sympathetic person but he chose to go into attack mode and now he will learn the hard way.

I guess you can only help those who want to be helped. Op might be here feeling himself now, happy that people are agreeing with him etc, but this is only temporary. He's still going to wake up feeling lonely tomorrow.

Mindfulness:


Nothing easier than that.

Yawns. You're inconsequential. Trust me

Toks2008:


Then go look for the money first.

Best piece of advice.

fieryy:


I guess you can only help those who want to be helped. Op might be here feeling himself now, happy that people are agreeing with him etc, but this is only temporary. He's still going to wake up feeling lonely tomorrow.

Not only tomorrow.

Raalsalghul:

I fucking hate this sentence.

Like how much is enough, huh?

Can't wait to live this continent.

Bro just make enough for you to get what you need...ladies are secondary except GOD blesses you with an understanding lady.

Biglittlelois:



As much as some of the comments here make a lot of sense and I actually advice you to use them going forward, I do not understand how and why you did not see the demeaning comments on women, made by you and others, I do not understand.

I saw some of them. It didn’t come from a place of hate, just the usual bants.

I apologize if it got to the women here.

Like I said earlier, nothing can be gained from hating or bashing women as it won’t anything.

cococandy:


Sounds like high praise mr kunleweb.

What next?

I’m actually astonished y’all can’t tell when you’re insulting women. It’s now second nature to you. Such that you get surprised for being called on it.

I don’t engage anyone who won’t take me seriously because they believe I’m a woman hence my judgment must be clouded by illusion or whatever it is you’re thinking at the moment.

Sorry if you’re used to continuing in conversations where you say such to women and they laugh it off and still go back and forth with you.

Cococandy, I just love you. You are an inspiration to women with self respect. Kudos!

cassyrooy:
Man, I really like this your post, especially the the highlighted area.

Thanks

kunleweb:



If you read my comment without hate perhaps you'll see that I was speaking about "damaged women", something even Bukatyne observed and we discussed about with good civility

You did not answer my questions Kunle, I read that comment with hate because it was totally unnecessary and uncalled for, and because I perceive that you made that comment with hate, prove me wrong by answering my question without bias and I will take you serious,

And bukatyne did not reply or quote that comment, she only replied to the back and forth you both had.

fieryy:


I guess you can only help those who want to be helped. Op might be here feeling himself now, happy that people are agreeing with him etc, but this is only temporary. He's still going to wake up feeling lonely tomorrow.

While it gets to me occasionally, I am already used to it & I won’t die if I don’t get into a relationship urgently.

I have the time to create this because of the holidays. I am perfectly fine without a relationship ooo. It’s not do or die.

fykes:
If u have lived long enough u will notice that no matter how a person is, someone of d opposite sex must like and want them. Begging is a sign of weakness, women hate weakness in men.
Politeness is a virtue, virtues can't be wrong. Finally, a man's worth is not "intricately" connected to his economic value. That's a lie and an inadequate human view that breeds all d vices and monstrous attitudes we see in men today.
A man's value is in d depth of his convictions and the strength of his character.
A girl may not see this line of thought, a woman will definitely do and it's more than age- the difference between a girl and a woman.

At the bolded, it is not entirely true, especially in relation to Nigerian women (caveat observed). I hope to see the day that the average man will be attracted to just for being a man with inherent qualities such as depth of convictions and strength of character, but at best, it remains an idealistic pipe dream as opposed to a liveable reality. As someone that has been on the opposite side of both spectrum, my inherent qualities was only noticed when it was allied with an idea that I am well-off, not just a stand-alone.

Inherent qualities in a man, that is not simultaneously allied with financial capability is usually not respected. I think Basketmouth made a joke one time, that a rich man can wear an okrika shirt and girls will gush over him, labeling him with cool names like being down to earth, simple and other spicy words, but such privileges are not afforded to the average joe that dresses in the same sense.

Also, I was reading pew research about what women find attractive and consider important in men, and it was his career/profession, things that link to his financial stronghold. If you peruse the link below, you would see that for women, a mans financial capability is the second most important, even before qualitative traits such as intelligence, physical attractiveness, family-oriented, etc, and most importantly, the statistics were done on the richest country in the planet, the USA. Now imagine if it would be done in a poverty-stricken country like Nigeria, the answer is better imagined.

https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/12/05/americans-see-different-expectations-for-men-and-women/

From my lived experienced, my success with women has largely increased after becoming financially well-off, that is an incontestable fact, even though I consider myself to be good-looking and with inherent qualities you mentioned as far back when I was a teenager. A man's value will always be connected to his financial standings if not, then money will not be one of the major reasons for divorce, and ugly old men marrying young wives (not mentioning any names here ). Truly, there are women out there that will love a man for who he is (as opposed to ''what'' he is), but the numbers are infinitesimally small to be found in statistics, especially in Nigeria. Money gives a man confidence, as romance is sweeter with finance, especially in this materialistic world we inherited.

kunleweb, franchasng, healthserve, uninspired07

uninspired07:


I saw some of them. It didn’t come from a place of hate, just the usual bants.

I apologize if got to the women here.

Like I said earlier, nothing can be gained from hating or bashing women as it won’t anything.

Repeat this statement to the men here by quoting them, not me.

Biglittlelois:



You did not answer my questions Kunle, I read that comment with hate because it was totally unnecessary and uncalled for, and because I perceive that you made that comment with hate, prove me wrong by answering my question without bias and I will take you serious,

And bukatyne did not reply or quote that comment, she only replied to the back and forth you both had, which were valid FYI.

Your mind's default set is altering basic reality from your viewpoint. If you took off the mind-less, and perhaps read through the same comments of mine again this time with freshness and new perspective, perhaps you'll be able to gain accurate interpretation of my points.


Better put, I'm not responsible for your comprehension issues. It's your responsibility not mine

uninspired07:


While it gets to me occasionally, I am already used to it & I won’t die if I don’t get into a relationship urgently.

I have the time to create this because of the holidays. I am perfectly fine without a relationship ooo. It’s not do or die.

You don't have to convince me with your lies. Try convincing yourself first. Someone truly unbothered would not create two threads and complain about this.

My whole point & the object of this thread have been mischaracterized & violently misrepresented by pseudo feminists whose stock in trade is to stoke tension between men & women on Nigerian cyberspace. This is not only sad but it is disgraceful.

Mindfulness, you’d recall I told you that I know you from this section? This is because I come here a lot & so do millions. You might be having fun here creating enmity between men & women but you have a wide reach & a platform to lob your intellectual missiles. But remember that the damage you are wrecking on relationships in this country will come back to bite your ass very soon. Karma never sleeps.

I am enjoying the thread & I urge others to pick useful points from this thread.

fieryy:


You don't have to convince me with your lies. Try convincing yourself first. Someone truly unbothered would not create two threads and complain about this.

My intellectual objectives have been achieved as I have engendered discussion on this very important issue many men face in contemporary Nigeria.

pansophist:


At the bolded, it is not entirely true, especially in relation to Nigerian women (caveat observed). I hope to see the day that the average man will be attracted to just for being a man with inherent qualities such as depth of convictions and strength of character, but at best, it remains an idealistic pipe dream as opposed to a liveable reality. As someone that has been on the opposite side of both spectrum, my inherent qualities was only noticed when it was allied with an idea that I am well-off, not just a stand-alone.

Inherent qualities in a man, that is not simultaneously allied with financial capability is usually not respected. I think Basketmouth made a joke one time, that a rich man can wear an okrika shirt and girls will gush over him, labeling him with cool names like being down to earth, simple and other spicy words, but such privileges are not afforded to the average joe that dresses in the same sense.

Also, I was reading pew research about what women find attractive and consider important in men, and it was his career/profession, things that link to his financial stronghold. If you peruse the link below, you would see that for women, a mans financial capability is the second most important, even before qualitative traits such as intelligence, physical attractiveness, family-oriented, etc, and most importantly, the statistics were done on the richest country in the planet, the USA. Now imagine if it would be done in a poverty-stricken country like Nigeria, the answer is better imagined.

https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/12/05/americans-see-different-expectations-for-men-and-women/

From my lived experienced, my success with women has largely increased after becoming financially well-off, that is an incontestable fact, even though I consider myself to be good-looking and with inherent qualities you mentioned as far back when I was a teenager. A man's value will always be connected to his financial standings if not, then money will not be one of the major reasons for divorce, and ugly old men marrying young wives (not mentioning any names here ). Truly, there are women out there that will love a man for who he is(as opposed to ''what'' he is), but the numbers are infinitesimally small to be lost in statistics, especially in Nigeria. Money gives a man confidence, as romance is sweeter with finance, especially in the materialistic world we inherited.

Opinions are free and fair all d time.
But why do u think that ur value as a man is related to how the female folks see u? From Everything u wrote u make d assertions that women or success with women is d true marker of a man's worth.
I don't know about u but I know people who are confident through and through with or without money.
Money is a servant, a means if u let it define u, u are gone.
Any situation that is subject to change can NEVER be the subject of my self worth

fieryy:

I guess you can only help those who want to be helped. Op might be here feeling himself now, happy that people are agreeing with him etc, but this is only temporary. He's still going to wake up feeling lonely tomorrow.

Take note uninspired07, having a woman by your side is NOT the cure for loneliness.
Don't let that feeble attempt at striking your confidence take hold.


Read the experience of fykes below again:

fykes:

I learnt dat mistake via a bitter lesson,
Four years ago, I had everything a young man will want, a good job I loved, a house, a car and married to d love of my life and expecting a child.
Then my pregnant wife died. And I was lonely and bitter and angry and couldn't work. Then I got involved with a single mom just to have a semblance of that dream life I had, and that's how I opened the doors for the devil in my life.
Thank God I got out after 2 years and had to face the grief I was running from, dealt with myself and got straight again with life instead of chasing fantasies.
But two years is long enough to do damages...
Grief and loneliness can be terrible, but we just need to accept and deal with it than seek other relationships

The best solution is always to seek ways to deal with the loneliness you feel and after you succeed, then you can get a woman.

The reasons for this include but are not limited to:
1. You will be more attuned to selecting a woman with near-perfect accuracy...ergo, you will not be motivated by the need to fill a vacuum.
2. You will not need her as an emotional anchor during the course of the relationship because you are very stable in your own emotions.
3. You will not tolerate her bad behaviour for fear of losing her.
4. If she does end up breaking up with you, you will not return to that feeling of emptiness and loneliness.

pansophist:


At the bolded, it is not entirely true, especially in relation to Nigerian women (caveat observed). I hope to see the day that the average man will be attracted to just for being a man with inherent qualities such as depth of convictions and strength of character, but at best, it remains an idealistic pipe dream as opposed to a liveable reality. As someone that has been on the opposite side of both spectrum, my inherent qualities was only noticed when it was allied with an idea that I am well-off, not just a stand-alone.

Inherent qualities in a man, that is not simultaneously allied with financial capability is usually not respected. I think Basketmouth made a joke one time, that a rich man can wear an okrika shirt and girls will gush over him, labeling him with cool names like being down to earth, simple and other spicy words, but such privileges are not afforded to the average joe that dresses in the same sense.

Also, I was reading pew research about what women find attractive and consider important in men, and it was his career/profession, things that link to his financial stronghold. If you peruse the link below, you would see that for women, a mans financial capability is the second most important, even before qualitative traits such as intelligence, physical attractiveness, family-oriented, etc, and most importantly, the statistics were done on the richest country in the planet, the USA. Now imagine if it would be done in a poverty-stricken country like Nigeria, the answer is better imagined.

https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/12/05/americans-see-different-expectations-for-men-and-women/

From my lived experienced, my success with women has largely increased after becoming financially well-off, that is an incontestable fact, even though I consider myself to be good-looking and with inherent qualities you mentioned as far back when I was a teenager. A man's value will always be connected to his financial standings if not, then money will not be one of the major reasons for divorce, and ugly old men marrying young wives (not mentioning any names here ). Truly, there are women out there that will love a man for who he is (as opposed to ''what'' he is), but the numbers are infinitesimally small to be found in statistics, especially in Nigeria. Money gives a man confidence, as romance is sweeter with finance, especially in this materialistic world we inherited.

kunleweb, franchasng, healthserve, uninspired07

My brother watch them call for your head because you used the term, Nigerian women. If these ilks are busy throwing the ideology that a man only needs to have positive self esteem to be admired then, ask them why majority of them are single and if they don't have suitors all over asking for thier hands.


My brother I was shocked when a lady friend that's a sister I speak with soul to soul on the forum told me she had over 75 suitors. If being loved, and loving irrespective of possessions are as these things claim, then lots of Opay riders ought to be wedding medical doctors every other weekend and hir dressers getting married to oil tycoons

pansophist:


At the bolded, it is not entirely true, especially in relation to Nigerian women (caveat observed). I hope to see the day that the average man will be attracted to just for being a man with inherent qualities such as depth of convictions and strength of character, but at best, it remains an idealistic pipe dream as opposed to a liveable reality. As someone that has been on the opposite side of both spectrum, my inherent qualities was only noticed when it was allied with an idea that I am well-off, not just a stand-alone.

Inherent qualities in a man, that is not simultaneously allied with financial capability is usually not respected. I think Basketmouth made a joke one time, that a rich man can wear an okrika shirt and girls will gush over him, labeling him with cool names like being down to earth, simple and other spicy words, but such privileges are not afforded to the average joe that dresses in the same sense.

Also, I was reading pew research about what women find attractive and consider important in men, and it was his career/profession, things that link to his financial stronghold. If you peruse the link below, you would see that for women, a mans financial capability is the second most important, even before qualitative traits such as intelligence, physical attractiveness, family-oriented, etc, and most importantly, the statistics were done on the richest country in the planet, the USA. Now imagine if it would be done in a poverty-stricken country like Nigeria, the answer is better imagined.

https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/12/05/americans-see-different-expectations-for-men-and-women/

From my lived experienced, my success with women has largely increased after becoming financially well-off, that is an incontestable fact, even though I consider myself to be good-looking and with inherent qualities you mentioned as far back when I was a teenager. A man's value will always be connected to his financial standings if not, then money will not be one of the major reasons for divorce, and ugly old men marrying young wives (not mentioning any names here ). Truly, there are women out there that will love a man for who he is (as opposed to ''what'' he is), but the numbers are infinitesimally small to be found in statistics, especially in Nigeria. Money gives a man confidence, as romance is sweeter with finance, especially in this materialistic world we inherited.

kunleweb, franchasng, healthserve, uninspired07

OMG, you’ve once again wowed me with your no holds barred write up. Expecting the usual contribution laced with tact, grace & intellectual efficiency.

Welcome.

crackhaus:

Take note uninspired07, having a woman by your side is NOT the cure for loneliness.
Don't let that feeble attempt at striking your confidence take hold.


Read the experience of fykes below again:


The best solution is always to seek ways to deal with the loneliness you feel and after you succeed, then you can get a woman.

The reasons for this include but are not limited to:
1. You will be more attuned to selecting a woman with near-perfect accuracy...ergo, you will not be motivated by the need to fill a vacuum.
2. You will not need her as an emotional anchor during the course of the relationship because you are very stable in your own emotions.
3. You will not tolerate her bad behaviour for fear of losing her.
4. If she does end up breaking up with you, you will not return to that feeling of emptiness and loneliness.

Thank you. I am taking note.

kunleweb:

It's funny, very very funny, very very very funny. It's also childish to witness the petty points these ones are holding on to as a weapon in this arguement ( notice, not all the ladies here are joining sides with them seeing what's not there, forcing a needless gender-war)

The Princess syndrome is real. Big time

Very real.

You can imagine someone implying that the OP will remain lonely because he has no woman.
What else would be responsible for this brand of illusion if not the syndrome?

crackhaus:

Take note uninspired07, having a woman by your side is NOT the cure for loneliness.
Don't let that feeble attempt at striking your confidence take hold.


Read the experience of fykes below again:


The best solution is always to seek ways to deal with the loneliness you feel and after you succeed, then you can get a woman.

The reasons for this include but are not limited to:
1. You will be more attuned to selecting a woman with near-perfect accuracy...ergo, you will not be motivated by the need to fill a vacuum.
2. You will not need her as an emotional anchor during the course of the relationship because you are very stable in your own emotions.
3. You will not tolerate her bad behaviour for fear of losing her.
4. If she does end up breaking up with you, you will not return to that feeling of emptiness and loneliness.

@Point 4. That's why I told him to personally develop the feelings a partner would stimulate in him without a personal/internally, and personally.

bukatyne:


You said when you sense a whiff of disinterest or indifference, you flee to protect your ego.

That was why I highlighted that statement and responded to it.

Nobody has talked about groveling before a woman to make her accept you nor do I buy the idea of using gifts to woo a woman except you are looking for an elebi.

If you think immediately you ask a woman out, she must say yes, then you must have an overbloated sense of yourself which is pride or a mask to cover your perceived inadequacies which is low self-esteem.

If you want a lady, be ready to invest your time in wooing her and if she insists no, you can move on.

Sometimes, you need to go extra to pursue a lady especially if you are the type that believes in God's perfect will for marriage.

I don't approve of the bolded. Why would you go extra to pursue a lady? It is a bad idea. Yes women love the chase and any man they get in the chase usually are not worth it to them. I prefer being unpredictable. She resists you move on and let her wallow in the thoughts of if you'd come chasing again or not.

fykes:

Opinions are free and fair all d time.
But why do u think that ur value as a man is related to how the female folks see u? From Everything u wrote u make d assertions that women or success with women is d true marker of a man's worth.
I don't know about u but I know people who are confident through and through with or without money.
Money is a servant, a means if u let it define u, u are gone.
Any situation that is subject to change can NEVER be the subject of my self worth

No, I didn't write or imply that a man's worth is dependent on how women perceived him, but that women find men with resources attractive. Two different things. My stance is also implied by the link I posted, which shows what women consider attractive in men (the subject being women), not what men think women find attractive in them, got it?

Well, you can call money a servant or paint it anyhow you want it, but whether men like it or not, women will always judge a man from the depth of his pocket (ceteris paribus), not from the kindness of his heart. It hard pill to swallow I know, but that is what is it. Women, kids, and dogs are loved unconditionally, but men are loved on the condition that they can provide (Chris Rock). Women are human beings, men are human-doing. A woman will attract a man just for being a woman (with intrinsic values such as beauty, youthfulness), a man attracts a woman with extrinsic values such as his resources and social status. Of course, exceptions apply, but for the whole of human history, this has been the rule, which still didn't change.

uninspired07:
My whole point & the object of this thread have been mischaracterized & violently misrepresented by pseudo feminists whose stock in trade is to stoke tension between men & women on Nigerian cyberspace. This is not only sad but it is disgraceful.

Now you are playing the victim part? How sweet.

Mindfulness, you’d recall I told you that I know you from this section? This is because I come here a lot & so do millions. You might be having fun here creating enmity between men & women but you have a wide reach & a platform to lob your intellectual missiles. But remember that the damage you are wrecking on relationships in this country will come back to bite your ass very soon. Karma never sleeps.

I am enjoying the thread & I urge others to pick useful points from this thread.

Didn't know I was having more influence on Nigeria than Aisha Buhari.

uninspired07:
I find it hard exercising patience with, indulging or begging a woman. Once I sense a whiff of indifference or disinterest by a woman, I flee to protect my ego. It’s been eons I last asked a woman out and I get lonely at times, but I am used to my single state.

I firmly believe that a man’s value is inextricably tied to his economic worth so I don’t even bother to chase the opposite sex as I tried to when I was younger. This has discouraged me from initiating a chase as I think it won’t be worth it in the end as it will all end up with the money issue. Am I on the right path or do I try to temper my approach a bit?

Edit: What I am saying is that a man has to have some safeguards to cushion the effects of the chasing process. It’s not advisable to base your chase on just word of mouth. Going into battle with Nigerian women is better with a financial shield.

... Well I'm still yet to understand what you mean by begging a woman in your context.

If you meant begging a woman to accept and be with you when you yourself know that the relationship is one sided is a no no for me but if it's apologizing to woman when you ve wrong her in other to sustain an already existing relationship,then you are not getting it right.

Secondly. Yes,women needs financial security but if due to lack of it you are scared of going into a relationship because you don't want to hurt your ego,then bro sorry to disappoint you here cause I wouldn't be polite. Work on your self esteem and improve on your power of conviction.

Thirdly. Let's stop making it look as if it's a Nigerian thing,all over the world,women are same.Master the game and you will not be disappointed.

crackhaus:

Very real.

You can imagine someone implying that the OP will remain lonely because he has no woman.
What else would be responsible for this brand of illusion if not the syndrome?

The gameplay is real. It advocates all forms of rewards in exchange for good/princessly treatment, and no contrary stance to the female's POV

kunleweb:




My brother watch them call for your head because you used the term, Nigerian women. If these ilks are busy throwing the ideology that a man only needs to have positive self esteem to be admired then, ask them why majority of them are single and if they don't have suitors all over asking for thier hands.


My brother I was shocked when a lady friend that's a sister I speak with soul to soul on the forum told me she had over 75 suitors. If being loved, and loving irrespective of possessions are as these things claim, then lots of Opay riders ought to be wedding medical doctors every other weekend and hir dressers getting married to oil tycoons

Make them come, as far they bring fact instead of name-callings and emotional dribbles, I go engage them appropriately .

Mindfulness:


Now you are playing the victim part? How sweet.



Didn't know I was having more influence on Nigeria than Aisha Buhari.

Who's Aisha Buhari

Mindfulness:


Now you are playing the victim part? How sweet.



Didn't know I was having more influence on Nigeria than Aisha Buhari.

Enjoy....are you married?

I want to know because it will determine what motivates you in your quest (whatever it is on NL).

crackhaus:

Take note uninspired07, having a woman by your side is NOT the cure for loneliness.
Don't let that feeble attempt at striking your confidence take hold.

And where in my post did I say a woman is a cure for his loneliness? I'm simply calling him out for what also you think he is : "confident".

OP is everything, but confident. I already talked about this earlier. Loneliness is sometimes attributed to a low-self esteem, which I believe applies to Op's case as well.