One thing I have learnt from marriage is that you cannot change a person,especially a bad trait,the person can only try and change if there is genuine love.
Whatever trait you seeing now,might get worse or get better, just prepare your mind.

mrbenjame:
I think I need matured minds to advice me because I’m very confused right now. Please take pains to read my story.

I dated a lady called Susan (not her real name ). For 4 years. I loved her so much and she did too. I met her when She was preparing to enter the university. 6 months into the relationship I went for service. Came back and it was already clocking 2 years. Whenever she visits I always try to make her comfortable. So she took advantage of my care and always wanted me to serve her all the time. Even when she visits from school she would be operating her phone and watch me do what on a normal terrain she should assist me do. As a young guy I try as much as I can to let her know that at least once in a while it would be nice to get my meal served by my woman even if I prepared it (since she doesn’t like entering the kitchen). Most time I overlook it because probably she’s very tired and all that. Sometimes I thought I was just being selfish but I really wanted to feel that woman attributes but I wasn’t seeing it.

Each time we fix time for a date she comes very late and that piss me off to my bone marrow. She never keeps to time. I endured this for a long time because she never turned up early in any appointment. She calls me at late hours and when I try to explain to her that it’s late she gets angry ( I’m talking of 12 am or there about) and I’ll go to work the next day. Anytime she offends me she would want to be romantic so I’d forget her wrongs just to calm me down. But I was suffering inside.

I felt very weak emotionally and decided to take things easy.

Until I met this lady called Benita (not her real name). I liked her. I admired everything about her. So I approached her while we were going back home from work. We had good conversations and I was happy because she was fun to be with. We exchanged contact and we started chatting. Forgive me because I became happy again just talking to her. Whenever we say goodbye when she gets off the bus she times when I’d get home and immediately I step my foot in my house she calls.( already I’ve told her when I’d be home). I invited her to a date in an eatery and she turned up 10 minutes to the time. I was shocked.

I became more involved with her. I invited her home. She went to my kitchen and she said “ your plates are not washed why? I just smiled and told her I’ll take care of that. Before I knew what was happening she’s started washing the plates. I begged her to stop because I didn’t send her to do that and besides it’s her first time in my house. But she refused. I let her (though the plates were not much but I was happy). She started visiting often with food items to cook. And I obliged to assist her. She refused again. We argued until she had her way. I just sit with her in the kitchen and gist while she cooks. To me I felt I was punishing her because all I wanted is that things of such can be done by her once in a while. (I sabi pity person o. Lols!). And secondly I’m not used to a woman doing things for me for a very long time now.

She calls all the time. Talks so lively and very funny. She’s not the miss romantic type but very smart and reserved.

After a while, you can’t cheat karma. Susan found out. She came to know about Benita. And since then it wasn’t easy settling between two of them. But Susan won’t just give up and I think I’m cool with Benita.

Today Benita is in her 100 level while Susan is about going for her service.

Now I’m trying to be responsible to settle down. I talked with my mum and some close friends of mine but they’re tipping Susan for me because she’s out of school and it would make things much easier for me than settling with Benita. But I love Benita now. She makes me happy. What do I do?

Your parents are not After your happiness . They are after the economic interest that comes with you marrying anyone . They prefer you marry a mad woman inasmuch as she brings money home . Don't listen to them if I were you i will settle with Benita cos she is certainly the wife material in this two scenario. Allow her continue her education and contribute to it whenever you 've... only a fool will settle for Susan....she is a big liability

olabrinks:
Is it food that will carry somebody to the alter? Yes it’s important, but he has obviously stayed with Susan for four years because there’s something about her. She must have other good quality traits, cooking may not be her specialty, which can be worked on. Nigerian men are too easy to fool, just cook them all manners of meals and clean their house and they will tag you wife material. Shior, it takes more than that to survive Marriage.

olabrinks, take note of the OP's remark about Susan as quoted in the italicized below:

...So she took advantage of my care and always wanted me to serve her all the time. Even when she visits from school she would be operating her phone and watch me do what on a normal terrain she should assist me do.

Anytime she offends me she would want to be romantic so I’d forget her wrongs just to calm me down. But I was suffering inside.
I felt very weak emotionally and decided to take things easy.

While it is true that "Nigerian men are too easy to fool", from above Susan didn't leave a good impression of herself within the 4 years. Some guys are a one-lady guy, which I think the OP is, if not he should have dropped Susan a long time ago, and opt for a lady that is more cultured for an African Man. Dem no dey use pity marry pesin because marriage na serious generational business. You're either qualified or not.

Susan was seriously looking forward to the OP marrying her and she could enjoy shying away from one of her major duties if she is eventually married? The OP even tried cooking and doing the dishes before a supposed fiancee! An opportunity the lady should have used to understand his appetite and perfect her knowledge on the meals that the OP loves the most at different times.

She was even "pressing phone", which suggest that the OP does not have a hold over her, let alone being feared (respected). That type of lady can do whatever she wants without remorse. After all, she's got no competitor, which I blame the OP for. At that level, she's already taken the OP for granted. Now, imagine when she is now made "Mrs", it wouldn't end there. She would also take his sexual appetite for granted amidst several other things the OP deems very important.

In a nutshell, OP would be giving himself severe migraine by making Susan a marital option despite the long years of being "together", which is even a pointer that she wouldn't change. And OP already complained of "suffering inside", which can be translated as being sorrowful or having some sort of depression. Imagine him already experiencing that on someone that should ordinarily have brought him enormous joy. That "joy" is what even makes a man bear the financial pain and walk down the aisle with the lovely lady.

Also, no matter how well-raised a lady is, the man that would marry her would still have his own assignments to do in her because life is dynamic. So it is wise for a man to select a woman that her dad and her mum have successfully done their own assignments in her. It is foolishness for a man to carry others' assignments over for himself. So he'd better continue searching for the right lady than marrying "migraine".

Conclusively, while OP might focus on Benita for now, judging by the qualities he described; he she should be ready to accommodate her immaturity in various ways until she outgrows them. But if he is seriously looking forward to getting married within a year or two, I think he should look out for someone more matured with similar attributes, and maybe already out of school.

frugal:


I'm single oh . And don't worry, I'll do most of the cooking

That's a downside. I like having my kitchen to myself.

seems i have a little glimpse of what the OP mean for to seek for advice, "you see u've know the true charater of sharon and she is almost done, fine!, but for benita u can't conclude finally thats she is truly the angel sent to u from heaven, though she as bring u happiness which is the main key of life", my brother think carefully don't gamble, be a chess master.

rawfact:


olabrinks, take note of the OP's remark about the Susan as quoted in the italicized below:

...So she took advantage of my care and always wanted me to serve her all the time. Even when she visits from school she would be operating her phone and watch me do what on a normal terrain she should assist me do.

Anytime she offends me she would want to be romantic so I’d forget her wrongs just to calm me down. But I was suffering inside.
I felt very weak emotionally and decided to take things easy.

While it is true that "Nigerian men are too easy to fool", from above Susan didn't leave a good impression within the 4 years. Some guys are a one-lady guy, which I think the OP is, if not he should have dropped Susan a long time ago, and opt for a lady that is more cultured for an African man. Dem no dey use pity marry person because marriage na serious generational business. You're either qualified or not.

Susan was seriously looking forward to the OP marrying her and she could enjoy shying away from one of her major duties if she is eventually married? The OP even tried cooking and doing the dishes before a supposed fiancee! An opportunity the lady should have used to understand his appetite and perfect her knowledge on the meals that the OP loves the most at different times.

She was even pressing phone, which suggest that the OP does not have a hold over her, let alone fear (respect). That type of lady can do whatever she wants without remorse. After all, she's got no competitor, which I blame the OP for. At that level, she's already taken the OP for granted. Now, imagine when she is now made "Mrs", it wouldn't end there. She would also take his sexual appetite for granted amidst several other things the OP deems very important.

In a nutshell, OP would be giving himself severe migraine by making Susan a marital option despite the long years of being "together", which is even a pointer that she wouldn't change. And OP already complained of "suffering inside", which can be translated as being sorrowful or having some sort of depression. Imagine him already experiencing that on someone that should ordinarily have brought him enormous joy. That "joy" is even what makes a man bear the financial pain and walk down the aisle with such a lovely lady.

Also, no matter how well raised a lady is, the man that would marry her would still have his own assignments to do in her because life is dynamic. So it is wise for a man to select a woman that her dad and her mum have successfully done their own assignments over her. It is foolishness for a man to carry others' assignments over for himself. So he'd better continue searching for the right lady than marry a "migraine".

Conclusively, while OP might focus on Benita for now judging by the qualities he described, he she should be ready to accommodate her immaturity in various ways until she outgrows them. But if he is seriously looking forward to getting married within a year or two, I think he should look out for someone more matured with similar attributes, and maybe already out of school.

You've said it all.

mrbenjame:
I think I need matured minds to advice me because I’m very confused right now. Please take pains to read my story.

I dated a lady called Susan (not her real name ). For 4 years. I loved her so much and she did too. I met her when She was preparing to enter the university. 6 months into the relationship I went for service. Came back and it was already clocking 2 years. Whenever she visits I always try to make her comfortable. So she took advantage of my care and always wanted me to serve her all the time. Even when she visits from school she would be operating her phone and watch me do what on a normal terrain she should assist me do. As a young guy I try as much as I can to let her know that at least once in a while it would be nice to get my meal served by my woman even if I prepared it (since she doesn’t like entering the kitchen). Most time I overlook it because probably she’s very tired and all that. Sometimes I thought I was just being selfish but I really wanted to feel that woman attributes but I wasn’t seeing it.

Each time we fix time for a date she comes very late and that piss me off to my bone marrow. She never keeps to time. I endured this for a long time because she never turned up early in any appointment. She calls me at late hours and when I try to explain to her that it’s late she gets angry ( I’m talking of 12 am or there about) and I’ll go to work the next day. Anytime she offends me she would want to be romantic so I’d forget her wrongs just to calm me down. But I was suffering inside.

I felt very weak emotionally and decided to take things easy.

Until I met this lady called Benita (not her real name). I liked her. I admired everything about her. So I approached her while we were going back home from work. We had good conversations and I was happy because she was fun to be with. We exchanged contact and we started chatting. Forgive me because I became happy again just talking to her. Whenever we say goodbye when she gets off the bus she times when I’d get home and immediately I step my foot in my house she calls.( already I’ve told her when I’d be home). I invited her to a date in an eatery and she turned up 10 minutes to the time. I was shocked.

I became more involved with her. I invited her home. She went to my kitchen and she said “ your plates are not washed why? I just smiled and told her I’ll take care of that. Before I knew what was happening she’s started washing the plates. I begged her to stop because I didn’t send her to do that and besides it’s her first time in my house. But she refused. I let her (though the plates were not much but I was happy). She started visiting often with food items to cook. And I obliged to assist her. She refused again. We argued until she had her way. I just sit with her in the kitchen and gist while she cooks. To me I felt I was punishing her because all I wanted is that things of such can be done by her once in a while. (I sabi pity person o. Lols!). And secondly I’m not used to a woman doing things for me for a very long time now.

She calls all the time. Talks so lively and very funny. She’s not the miss romantic type but very smart and reserved.

After a while, you can’t cheat karma. Susan found out. She came to know about Benita. And since then it wasn’t easy settling between two of them. But Susan won’t just give up and I think I’m cool with Benita.

Today Benita is in her 100 level while Susan is about going for her service.

Now I’m trying to be responsible to settle down. I talked with my mum and some close friends of mine but they’re tipping Susan for me because she’s out of school and it would make things much easier for me than settling with Benita. But I love Benita now. She makes me happy. What do I do?

I have never insulted anyone here for 10 years. Check my posting. But I am going to future-insult you right now. You're mad if you ever abandon Benita. To think Benita is that young and knows how to care for you is just awesome and unthinkable. Susan is not wicked but it is not in her nature to physically care for a man. She feels romance will put food on the table. No matter what, she will never change and your home will be dirty. Marry Benita. I repeat marry Benita or any other woman but not Susan except you wanna complicate your life. People like Susan will never forgive you after this competition is over. Run! Based on your story, you are mad to even think of choosing between good and bad!

Sarah20A:
Susan is taking advantage of your gentleness and kindness. She sounds like the manipulative and lazy type who would sit on a man's head if given the slightest opportunity. Benita sounds like the homely type, she might be doing those things just for fun or she see's them as things ought to be done when visiting a guy or it might not even be a big deal for her.just take your time to observe benita or go for her if she makes you happy but whatever your choice is, please make sure Susan is not included for 4 years all she does is to eat and get smashed unbelievable

Benita is indeed a homely girl....she had good upbringing ..I don't blame Susan ....sometimes family play a role in ones character

I don't know benita but am already salivating... I need a benita in me life right now lawd....guy check it again.. Find out more about benita from those that know her well and if it checks out well.... Go for the kill asap..... Do you read me!

There is a man of God in nigeria called prophet samson oluwamodede.. If u can see him.. He will inquire about the mind of God on this two ladies... If u judge by your instinct and physiological reasoning.. U will regret it bro. Be wise

Rayhandrinni:
Add my gamertag on codm, hiddenrain
Let's fuckkk shiit up

And YorubaMerc is still at level 63

daddytime:
Are you Idris Okuneye?

Answer me before I advise you.

My name is Adviser Nowamagbe

Hahaha... You just made me remembered that I have some of Nowamagbe's songs in my phone..

mrbenjame:
I think I need matured minds to advice me because I’m very confused right now. Please take pains to read my story.

I dated a lady called Susan (not her real name ). For 4 years. I loved her so much and she did too. I met her when She was preparing to enter the university. 6 months into the relationship I went for service. Came back and it was already clocking 2 years. Whenever she visits I always try to make her comfortable. So she took advantage of my care and always wanted me to serve her all the time. Even when she visits from school she would be operating her phone and watch me do what on a normal terrain she should assist me do. As a young guy I try as much as I can to let her know that at least once in a while it would be nice to get my meal served by my woman even if I prepared it (since she doesn’t like entering the kitchen). Most time I overlook it because probably she’s very tired and all that. Sometimes I thought I was just being selfish but I really wanted to feel that woman attributes but I wasn’t seeing it.

Each time we fix time for a date she comes very late and that piss me off to my bone marrow. She never keeps to time. I endured this for a long time because she never turned up early in any appointment. She calls me at late hours and when I try to explain to her that it’s late she gets angry ( I’m talking of 12 am or there about) and I’ll go to work the next day. Anytime she offends me she would want to be romantic so I’d forget her wrongs just to calm me down. But I was suffering inside.

I felt very weak emotionally and decided to take things easy.

Until I met this lady called Benita (not her real name). I liked her. I admired everything about her. So I approached her while we were going back home from work. We had good conversations and I was happy because she was fun to be with. We exchanged contact and we started chatting. Forgive me because I became happy again just talking to her. Whenever we say goodbye when she gets off the bus she times when I’d get home and immediately I step my foot in my house she calls.( already I’ve told her when I’d be home). I invited her to a date in an eatery and she turned up 10 minutes to the time. I was shocked.

I became more involved with her. I invited her home. She went to my kitchen and she said “ your plates are not washed why? I just smiled and told her I’ll take care of that. Before I knew what was happening she’s started washing the plates. I begged her to stop because I didn’t send her to do that and besides it’s her first time in my house. But she refused. I let her (though the plates were not much but I was happy). She started visiting often with food items to cook. And I obliged to assist her. She refused again. We argued until she had her way. I just sit with her in the kitchen and gist while she cooks. To me I felt I was punishing her because all I wanted is that things of such can be done by her once in a while. (I sabi pity person o. Lols!). And secondly I’m not used to a woman doing things for me for a very long time now.

She calls all the time. Talks so lively and very funny. She’s not the miss romantic type but very smart and reserved.

After a while, you can’t cheat karma. Susan found out. She came to know about Benita. And since then it wasn’t easy settling between two of them. But Susan won’t just give up and I think I’m cool with Benita.

Today Benita is in her 100 level while Susan is about going for her service.

Now I’m trying to be responsible to settle down. I talked with my mum and some close friends of mine but they’re tipping Susan for me because she’s out of school and it would make things much easier for me than settling with Benita. But I love Benita now. She makes me happy. What do I do?

Are u the one getting married or ur family?
If you are d one u choose d one u love.

greggng:



Benita is indeed a homely girl....she had good upbringing ..I don't blame Susan ....sometimes family play a role in ones character

I don't really blame her but I think she's a very selfish being.how can a man be cooking and serving her for 4 years ?and her conscience hasn't pinched her 8

How old is Benita?? You said she's still in her 100 level... If you are in a hurry to settle down, look elsewhere bro or have a heart to heart discussion with Benita if she's ready for marriage. But if you are not in a hurry, study Benita wella cos school dey change some people. She might change..

My opinion.
All the best.

How sure are you Benita is ready to settle down now...
Sometimes these year one (100 level) girls (ladies) be like bird wey dey find tree to perch, if they find nest Oluwa e don give them bread spread butter join.

Give more time to Benita... At least additional 1-2 years, observing her to see her maturity and also know if she is ripe for marriage.

If I be you...I go delete Susan immediately.
Truth be spoken, I no dey expect her to wash plate or garments for you. But serving herself some portions of food she didn't cook and cleaning up after eating is a mark of a homely girl... Leave a place better than u met it, is my ideology for life.
I hate people so inconsiderate... She does not value time, so spends into ur own time.

Baba the decision also lies finally with u... Pray to God for help... Benita might also be a chameleon about becoming a viper if not well observed.

That journey hard o...na God go help us finally sha. Women be like law book and constitution.
You no fit memorize am finish...you can only quote and cram.

emmydiamon:
Oga, mr lover boy, you too de romantic and emotional to woman, and you early love. You better adjust the volume of your emotion and love to them girls. One thing i ave to tell you, never you trust, love too much on any girl in the university, because them girl this days don go wild.

You are wise. A bottle of chilled beer for you

My guy forget any advice wey some yeye people go advice u...looking at Benita..what are u seeing?.. Is it a lady DAT will later betray u or ur future wife...sometimes what we are seeing even people close to us can't see it...b positive and go for d one DAT will give u rest of mind...forget all d stuff ur friends were telling u..I met my wife when she was in level one..now we are married wix twins as our first issue...God bless u man

EmpressT:
I will comment on this.
Hmmm.... Love mata no be beans o especially when you're emotionally attached to someone you love. To be frank, Susan looks like a girl who's taking advantage of your weakness i.e kindness in everything. And Benita is a wife material if that's who she truly is. And your family prefer you marrying Susan because she's out of school. Is that it?
Wow! My dear guy, you have weighted the qualities you saw in Susan and Benita and you have concluded that Benita makes you happier. Na you go marry person no be your family. Na you see wetin them never see. Marriage is for life! Once you go in, no turning back unless you want to remain single till Jesus comes.
If Benita makes you happy and you desire to be with her, get to know her better. But as for Susan haa i don't know wetin I fit say.
All I got to tell you is.......FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND PRAY TO CHOSE WISELY..... All the best.

Please allow me to help out with Susan
@op be ready to overlook,endure and suffer for the rest of your life over her shortcomings

Susan is team"I will never allow any man turn me into his house girl" but you will wish to turn him into your ATM machine

Some young girls of these days no longer want to humble themselves with little things a woman is predisposed to.......

gracevile:
come my place na i will treat u pass king sef, any way i don finish school even the service too

abi oh. Shoot your shot jare

this is the code; if you really love Susan, you won't have any affectionate/feelings for Benita, you fall in love with Benita because feelings had exhausted in your heart for Susan? the thing is why punished your heart?


the other side of this is, what if Benita fall in love with another guy before she graduated and she started misbehaving, what would be of you? is not easy for a working class to date an undergraduate, I wouldn't advise any working class that want to live long to date an undergraduate, I was a victim before


this is what you should do, sit Susan down let her know why Benita is getting your attention, try and see If you'll convince her to change her nonchalant attitude, give her like 3months if she will change without reminding her of anything. if she doesn't neither her nor Benita should be relied on. get a better substitute for Susan, I mean graduate like her.

daddytime:
Are you Idris Okuneye?

Answer me before I advise you.

My name is Adviser Nowamagbe

U dey sing abi?

Kontinue

Sorry pls but something tells me that none of them is your wife, be prayerful.


Susan is using your emotions against you and binta abi wetting you call am, hummm a girl at 100 level and you are not in school with her , only God know what will happen before she graduate.


Never rely on anybody too much even if things go left , you won't be too down emotionally and don't forget, be prayerful.

Yaba4sure:
So I approached her while we were going back home from work.
Benita is now in 100. I don't understand, its contradictary

probably she's doing her IT in his office but then again do 100 level students do IT?

My guy my advice for you is that, try and sit Susan down talk to her sense let her know her duty as a wife to be, give her some days to change her altitude, and if she refuse to change, shows some love to miss Benita but don't rush down to marriage decision yet, watch her for a while.devil u know for a longtime is better than angel you just met,

NONE OF THE ABOVE

☺️ Benita all the way
Your happiness is important

It's obvious you love the Benita nau.

Any advice telling you to settle with Benita, you respond with a "Thank you".

The ones saying you should date her a while longer, you really with a "hmmmm"

Well,to me Benita might be pretending to get you nd Susan might be testing ur love for her....Wen i was dating my hubby,i don't cook for him wen i go to his house,is not dat i don't love him,I was only testing his love den....My No den was No nd Yes was Yes,only to knw his standard....Ladies can pretend to be wat we are not oooo.
So guy,be wise in ur decision nd pray to God to direct u,not ur family....Becos ur family won't stay in d marriage (home) wit u.

You're just looking for a woman that will work for you, and do your chores.
If you truly love Susan, talk to her about it and help her with her flaws.
What if, just what if Benita is not showing you her real character? What if you wife her today, and she shows her true character of even being worse than Susan?
You need to think more, this time with your head and not your stomach!

YOU NIGERIANS AND YOUR PRIMITIVE MENTALITY.

GETTING MARRIED DOESN'T MAKE YOU RESPONSIBLE. MARRIAGE IS A CHOICE AND NOT AN OBLIGATION.

ANY WOMAN CAN PRETEND TO BE DESIRABLE. THEY CAN PRETEND TO WASH YOUR KIDNEYS SO AS TO LOOK WIFE MATERIAL.



THE FACT THAT YOU CAN EVEN POST THIS CRAP AND ASK US TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE TWO FOR YOU WHO YOU SHOULD MARRY CLEARLY PROVES YOU ARE NOT MATURED ENOUGH FOR MARRIAGE.


BUT SINCE YOU ASKED, MARRY THE ONE THAT LETS YOU HANG HER ON THE CEILING AND FVCK HER IN ALL HOLES TSETSEFLY STYLE THEN LETS YOU SHOOT YOUR HOT CUM IN HER MOUTH.