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I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed - Romance - Nairaland

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I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Crazeman03: 10:40am On May 01
Hello Nairalanders, Hope you guys are staying Safe. Please don't mind my writing, I will make it short as possible.

I met this wonderful lady Last year and everything has been going good until 7 months ago when she told me she was Hiv+. That hit me hard but that didn't change anything, she was surprised I didnt react and opening up to me didn't scare me because I'm negative though we haven't had sex yet before the moment.

Now it has been 4 months we've been having unprotected sex. I'm not afraid of contracting the virus, as she keeps taking med and her viral load is low. I made sure before we went for test before having unprotected sex. Her CD4 count is above 750 and viral load is below 20, which makes hiv undetectable in her.

Now one night around 3months ago, she woke me up in the middle of the night to ask me, why do I love her knowing fully well about her status because she could not believe she will ever have a relationship with someone negative not even in this Nigeria by the way they stigmatize hiv+ people. I told her the reason and I'm not afraid hiv is not the worse or the baddest of diseases. There are more killer diseases than HIV and HIV is not a diseases but a virus. Only attack your immune system and its no longer a deadly virus.

The problem I have now is that whenever I imagine myself having it and how I will popping drugs everyday, make me kinda moody towards her, because I always keep telling her to always take her drugs. Last night she discovered she is pregnant and I'm just imagining things how everything will play out, I know when she will put to bed she won't be able to breastfeed. People will ask questions. I really need to tell someone in my family but I don't know who. My mom my react and the other person I trust is my younger sister.

On her own part, only her elder sister and brother knew she has the virus. And she had it since 2007.

I only need an advice if I need to tell any member of my family, looking to settle down with her this October.

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Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by emyrald91(m): 10:41am On May 01
Help how?

You no get sense?

HIV is not a death sentence though.

But let me ask you, do you know your current status?

276 Likes 12 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by gaby(m): 10:42am On May 01
Enugbe

I don't even know what to advise but I'm proud of you loving her in spite of her HIV+ status.

May God bless you guys.

864 Likes 30 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by issylarry(m): 10:43am On May 01
Serious

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Crazeman03: 10:44am On May 01
emyrald91:
Help how?

You know get sense?

HIV is not a death sentence though.

But let me ask you, do you know your current status?

Thanks for the insult. The third I tested since we've been having sex was march and I'm still negative.

402 Likes 14 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by KINGreignn: 10:44am On May 01
Crazeman03:
Hello Nairalanders, Hope you guys are staying Safe. Please don't mind my writing, I will make it short as possible.

I met this wonderful lady Last year and everything as been going good until 7 months ago when she told me she was Hiv+. That hit me hard but that didn't change anything, she was surprised I didnt react and opening up to me didn't scare me because I'm negative though we haven't had sex yet before the moment.

Now it been 4month we've been having unprotected sex. I'm not afraid of contracting the virus, as she keeps taking are med and viral load is low. I made sure before we went for test before having unprotected sex. Her CD4 count is above 750 and viral load is below 20, which make hiv undetectable in her.

Now one night around 3months ago, she woke me up in the middle of the night to ask me, why do I love her knowing fully well about her status because she could believe she will ever had a relationship with someone negative not even in this Nigeria by the way they stigmatize a hiv+ people. I told her the reason and I'm not afraid hiv is not the worse or the baddest of diseases. There are more killer diseases than HIV and HIV is not a diseases but a virus. Only attack your immune system and its no longer a deadly virus.

Now. The problem I have now is that whenever I imagine myself having it and how I will popping drugs everyday, make me kinda moody towards her, because I always keep telling her to always take her drugs. Last night she discover she was pregnant and I'm just imagining things how everything will play out, I know when she will be out to bed she won't be able to breastfeed. People will ask questions. I really need to tell someone in my family but I don't know who. My mom my react and the other person I trust is my younger sister.

On her own part, only her elder sister and brother knew she as the virus. And she had it since 2007.

I only need an advice if I need to tell any member of my family, looking to settle down with her this October.

Sit down and sincerely ask your self these questions.
1. Do you truly love her?
2 .or you're just it out of compassion and sympathy and pity?
3. Or you're in it for the sex?
4. Do you see you two going far in this union?
5. What values have you imbibed in her and also what values has she imbibed in you?

93 Likes 5 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Crazeman03: 10:54am On May 01
KINGreignn:

Sit down and sincerely ask your self these questions.
1. Do you truly love her?
2 .or you're just it out of compassion and sympathy and pity?
3. Or you're in it for the sex?
4. Do you see you two going far in this union?
5. What values have you imbibed in her and also what values has she imbibed in you?

Yes I truly love her and she feel thesame way. Though she till have doubt and always feel insecure about me. She believes one day I will walk away.

112 Likes 4 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Travellerslodge: 10:58am On May 01
Now you can’t walk away cause she is pregnant you must play your role as a father .
Crazeman03:


Yes I truly love her and she feel thesame way. Though she till have doubt and always feel insecure about me. She believes one day I will walk away.

98 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by DanseMacabre(m): 10:59am On May 01
Lol.

So the family people you're debating whether to tell or not, na them go breastfeed the pikin for am

If she not breastfeeding her child is the bone of contention here, I see no reason why it should be an issue. I believe there are a host of alternatives in place of that.

111 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Millenniumlady(f): 10:59am On May 01
Crazeman03:


Yes I truly love her and she feel thesame way. Though she till have doubt and always feel insecure about me. She believes one day I will walk away.
Why won't she feel that way when you keep bringing up your relationship issues here

32 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Ningen(m): 11:01am On May 01
You're building something beautiful here.
Don't throw it to the dogs lest they trample it.

Let's face the facts and be real —
Disclosing her status will generate negativity.

This can sabotage your happiness.

So unless your relatives are understanding folks I don't think it's a brilliant idea at all. Just keep this secret to yourselves and support your wife.

560 Likes 30 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by YoungPerson(m): 11:02am On May 01
They say too many cooks spoil the broth but I'll give you my two cents.

Don't tell anybody. Not even your sister. Make your life as private as possible. If you try it, you will know the true meaning of stigmatization. Even if your family eventually warms up to you (some will never), the truth will out everywhere to your extended family. You won't be able to attend family functions, etc. Don't start an interfamily village people standoff.

Even if you have to, start your family first. Let the child come into the world. If they can reject your child along with you, then they can f**k off. Simple as ABC.

420 Likes 14 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Remaboy(m): 11:03am On May 01
Millenniumlady:
Why won't she feel that way when you keep bringing up your relationship issues here

I advise you not to pay heed to an uncouth person
Cc Crazeman03

64 Likes 6 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Crazeman03: 11:04am On May 01
DanseMacabre:
Lol.

So the family people you're debating whether to tell or not, na them go breastfeed the pikin for am

They will ask questions.
Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Crazeman03: 11:04am On May 01
Remaboy:
[s][/s]
I advise you not to pay heed to an uncouth person
Cc Crazeman03

Thanks

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Wayne4uall(m): 11:04am On May 01
Crazeman03:


Yes I truly love her and she feel thesame way. Though she till have doubt and always feel insecure about me. She believes one day I will walk away.
I don't know wat to say.. U really surprised me. If u truly love her. May b u should see a doctor or a chancellor.. Lots if hiv+ ppl out there giving birth, Don't tell your ppl yet this is Africa

59 Likes

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by ichidodo(m): 11:05am On May 01
There is no such thing as unconditional love and women being more red pilled than us men tis no wonder she has her doubts about you which is why she decided to fall pregnant thereby hedging her bet and tying you down....And women knowing women as to how devious they can be, I would give my right hand to be a fly on the wall where you choose to reveal her and her condition to your female family members...I have two words for you.... "brace yourself"

22 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Remaboy(m): 11:06am On May 01
Crazeman03:


Thanks
My pleasure, sir. Please, get advice from ppl with a good reputation.

7 Likes 3 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by luminouz(m): 11:06am On May 01
YoungPerson:
They say too many cooks spoil the broth but I'll give you my two cents.

Don't tell anybody. Not even your sister. Make your life as private as possible. If you try it, you will know the true meaning of stigmatization. Even if your family eventually warms up to you (some will never), the truth will out everywhere to your extended family. You won't be able to attend family functions, etc. Don't start an interfamily village people standoff.

Even if you have to, start your family first. Let the child come into the world. If they can reject your child along with you, then f**k them. Simple as ABC.

I like the way u think on this issue...though the story might be fake

16 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by DanseMacabre(m): 11:06am On May 01
Crazeman03:


They will ask questions.

What kind of questions? I hope you're prepared for the inevitable full-blown stigmatisation that will accompany your disclosure though

And you really should have thought of this before engaging in unprotected sex with her.

Up there you said you're not scared of contracting the disease, as if that's the only thing contraceptives are needed for.

Nawa for you o.

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Sonfethopia: 11:07am On May 01
Hmm, see a doctor . for the breastfeeding , you can give the baby baby food.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by SmileDance(f): 11:12am On May 01
I don't get it, will she live in your family house or how else will they know your wife isn't breastfeeding

35 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Crazeman03: 11:14am On May 01
SmileDance:
I don't get it, will she live in your family house or how else will they know your wife isn't breastfeeding

Mother will be around for Omugwo.

18 Likes

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by missvaj2015(f): 11:29am On May 01
YoungPerson:
They say too many cooks spoil the broth but I'll give you my two cents.

Don't tell anybody. Not even your sister. Make your life as private as possible. If you try it, you will know the true meaning of stigmatization. Even if your family eventually warms up to you (some will never), the truth will out everywhere to your extended family. You won't be able to attend family functions, etc. Don't start an interfamily village people standoff.

Even if you have to, start your family first. Let the child come into the world. If they can reject your child along with you, then f**k them. Simple as ABC.


Guy I love your response. That is just the big truth. Forget telling them and stay with the woman you love. About breastfeeding; she can but the hospital would give her some drugs that would make the virus not to affect the baby.

58 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Catchfirez: 11:34am On May 01
YoungPerson:
They say too many cooks spoil the broth but I'll give you my two cents.

Don't tell anybody. Not even your sister. Make your life as private as possible. If you try it, you will know the true meaning of stigmatization. Even if your family eventually warms up to you (some will never), the truth will out everywhere to your extended family. You won't be able to attend family functions, etc. Don't start an interfamily village people standoff.

Even if you have to, start your family first. Let the child come into the world. If they can reject your child along with you, then f**k them. Simple as ABC.


Great answer

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Goddys(m): 12:04pm On May 01
I will say my mind plainly and not pretend like all the above commenters except emyrald91



Why would you have unprotected sex with HIV+ in the name of love even if she has low viral load?


Why entangle your life with unnecessary risks and liabilities because of love?

Do you think she wouldn't walk away if you were the carrier?

I am selfish when it comes to issue like this because it is my default state as a human being.

She didn't disclose it till 7th month when she noticed she had captured your heart.

This is exactly what happens when men don't take redpills, the likes ubunja has been selflessly administering here


I won't advise you. Advise yourself

95 Likes 10 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by J111333(m): 12:29pm On May 01
I will say my mind, don't give a damn what anyone thinks. I will dare not start a relationship let alone have unprotected sex with a hiv patient.

Yes she is nice to you now, loves you and all that but believe me, every woman in her shoes will do so too. Humility mostly comes after setback or disgrace. I can bet that if you had met her when she was slaying before contracting the virus, she might not have easily settled for you without messing around like several ladies of her age today. Don't take the humility of an injured lion too seriously my friend.

Well, you already got her pregnant so deal with your issues but wait until you are also cornered by the virus to see her true character.

You are a careless man and I stay far away from your type.

112 Likes 12 Shares

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Nobody: 1:14pm On May 01
Crazeman03:
Hello Nairalanders, Hope you guys are staying Safe. Please don't mind my writing, I will make it short as possible.

I met this wonderful lady Last year and everything as been going good until 7 months ago when she told me she was Hiv+. That hit me hard but that didn't change anything, she was surprised I didnt react and opening up to me didn't scare me because I'm negative though we haven't had sex yet before the moment.

Now it been 4month we've been having unprotected sex. I'm not afraid of contracting the virus, as she keeps taking are med and viral load is low. I made sure before we went for test before having unprotected sex. Her CD4 count is above 750 and viral load is below 20, which make hiv undetectable in her.

Now one night around 3months ago, she woke me up in the middle of the night to ask me, why do I love her knowing fully well about her status because she could believe she will ever had a relationship with someone negative not even in this Nigeria by the way they stigmatize a hiv+ people. I told her the reason and I'm not afraid hiv is not the worse or the baddest of diseases. There are more killer diseases than HIV and HIV is not a diseases but a virus. Only attack your immune system and its no longer a deadly virus.

Now. The problem I have now is that whenever I imagine myself having it and how I will popping drugs everyday, make me kinda moody towards her, because I always keep telling her to always take her drugs. Last night she discover she was pregnant and I'm just imagining things how everything will play out, I know when she will be out to bed she won't be able to breastfeed. People will ask questions. I really need to tell someone in my family but I don't know who. My mom my react and the other person I trust is my younger sister.

On her own part, only her elder sister and brother knew she as the virus. And she had it since 2007.

I only need an advice if I need to tell any member of my family, looking to settle down with her this October.

Bro all these small children would be abusing you. Seek medical advice concerning your baby and also look for an elderly person you trust to advice you. Someone that doesn't have this experience can't know how to handle your situation.

14 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by Nobody: 1:16pm On May 01
Millenniumlady:
Why won't she feel that way when you keep bringing up your relationship issues here
Be sensible and reasonable for once.
What's your problem. Someone brought a very sensitive issue, you're spewing thrash.

24 Likes 1 Share

Re: I'm Dating HIV Positive Lady & She Is Pregnant. Advice Needed by James4bright(m): 1:32pm On May 01
Goddys:
I will say my mind plainly and not pretend like all the above commenters except emyrald91



Why would you have unprotected sex with HIV+ in the name of love even if she has low viral load?


Why entangle your life with unnecessary risks and liabilities because of love?

Do you think she wouldn't walk away if you were the carrier?

I am selfish when it comes to issue like this because it is my default state as a human being.

She didn't disclose it till 7th month when she noticed she had captured your heart.

This is exactly what happens when men don't take redpills, the likes ubunja has been selflessly administering here


I won't advise you. Advise yourself

This dude doesn't understand that life is unfair. I just pray it goes right for him.


Would she stay if he was the carrier? Mhmmm.

My advice to him would be, stop having unprotected sex, he should stick with her but don't dare get infected with the virus.

26 Likes 1 Share

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