Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

Trayceey:
not really. The first time he came to see her, which has been a while now, he didn't come empty handed

GIANTPLUSHUB:


Traceey, we have passed that culture things. Now, everyone is trying to be careful and put somethings into test. You see, your man did nothing wrong at all.

How about he does not takes anything to your house but he gives you peace and comfort in marriage and always support if any situation arises in your own family side?

You need to think and go beg your man. So far he's a good guy to you. Somethings just need wisdom. Since he's into going to your house without buying something along. Next time, whenever he wants to go, try and meet him up and handover something to him to give them at home. Maybe as time goes on, he will get used to it. Do this with calm and good words, like you just want your family to see him as a more better good man.

All the very best.

Klass99:


I swear down, that part of the narrative off me

Since I was born and now that I am old, it is good and hospitable practice to offer your guests refreshment without resentment.

Even artisans who came to do work in our house and were being paid for their labour/service, were still offered refreshment by my mom in addition to their pay.

Now that I am an adult, I do what I saw my mum do as a child and it builds goodwill for me with my plumber, AC technician and painter. I can't call those guys and they will ignore me. When they arrive they do really good work because I have built goodwill with them.

Omoh, good training and upbringing matters a lot and it goes a long way.

Miarose:
you and your mother are too hungry. Respect and courtesy >> gift.

MoneyTrees:
Smoke Mali kush & you won't hear
All these girls em, a new addiction to smoking jumbo sized Mali kush will be so good for your brain development
Why will you call him to ask why he came empty handed... Did you give him money to keep
You're supposed to educate your mom calmly that times have changed... In the present world relationship/ marriage is 50-50 ok

I hope your fiancee sees this comment
My Advice to him, is to run
Go & hustle...
No kill yourself just to impress
There's no where it's written a visitor must always present gift to his host

Trayceey:
that's your family and not mine

Mariangeles:


We are Africans. Let us be honest with ourselves.

A man going alone to visit his would-be mother in-law empty handed is a red flag. Something to worry about.
What was the purpose of the visit?
Even as a female, it is still wrong to go visit the mother of the man you're going to marry empty handed.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

colestephan86:

You are a fool.
Even if he is not going to marry the babe , how much is a bottle of non alcoholic wine.
You are seeing an elderly Person for the first time. What did he go there to discuss with the woman.

YorubaPrince:


Na lie joor... You and ur mama na leech, parasite remora-fish ect... Craze dey worry una head.

so many nairaland boys are broke and this is why they're so pained on this issue. You won't blame them though. This country is messed up
Just imagine..

GayPontiff:



No offense o, but be offended all u want.
You and ur mama need deliverance .
Contact me for recommendations.

If the guy marries u, each visit to your mum will now cost him a cow and a new house shebi?
That he even went to greet her which is the highlight that deserves accolades suddenly gets swept under d carpet. U proceeded to hang up call on him.
Now ur seeking justification publicly.

If u want to enjoy ur marriage in d future when u don marry eh babes, no be everything momsi talk u go swallow.

Trayceey:
not really. The first time he came to see her, which has been a while now, he didn't come empty handed

Biglittlelois:



I cringed when I saw the bolded, is it that your fiance can't eat in your parent's house? Cos I don't understand what you mean by her drink, una nor dey entertain visitors? Smh!!!

Miarose:
you and your mother are too hungry. Respect and courtesy >> gift.

Mariangeles:


We are Africans. Let us be honest with ourselves.

A man going alone to visit his would-be mother in-law empty handed is a red flag. Something to worry about.
What was the purpose of the visit?
Even as a female, it is still wrong to go visit the mother of the man you're going to marry empty handed.

Trayceey:
not really. The first time he came to see her, which has been a while now, he didn't come empty handed

Mariangeles:


We are Africans. Let us be honest with ourselves.

A man going alone to visit his would-be mother in-law empty handed is a red flag. Something to worry about.
What was the purpose of the visit?
Even as a female, it is still wrong to go visit the mother of the man you're going to marry empty handed.

Trayceey:
must you be insulting? With the way you sound, u re not responsible and reasonable enough, so your opinion doesn't count

Mariangeles:


We are Africans. Let us be honest with ourselves.

A man going alone to visit his would-be mother in-law empty handed is a red flag. Something to worry about.
What was the purpose of the visit?
Even as a female, it is still wrong to go visit the mother of the man you're going to marry empty handed.

Trayceey:
must you be insulting? With the way you sound, u re not responsible and reasonable enough, so your opinion doesn't count

Lashist:

Shurup bros...you are not the only igbo here...its not a must to give gifts if you dont deem it fit...and they are not yet his in-laws yet...250# bread should not make the mum angry

NoToPile:
I am not interested in the giving a gift or not part of the arguement, I am much more worried about your reaction.

You have a fiancee which means soon you will be married by now you SHOULD know how to manage your parents and husband which should actually be the easiet to manage for you.

You should NEVER have told him about the incident , A simple - sorry mom it must have been an oversight and not saying a word to your fiance would have sufficed and next time he wants to visit you can chip in the 'I think you should get some fruits( or whatever) for mum' part

Your mum might not be wrong for telling you what she told you, Elderly people have certain expectations which might not sound palatable to our ears but you are the one that knows how you will handle the issues.

This simple matter? It has never even gotten to in- law matters

MakyavelitheDon:





After seeing the way you replied some people here on nairaland and after saying you hung up on your future husband it's shows me some things about you
1. You lack grace
2. You're Ill mannered and Ill tempered
3. You have your priorities completely twisted and you have no idea what marriage is about
4. Youre pompous and arrogant


I can go on but let me peg it there.

Now that your mother had used her witchcraft to truncate your marriage plans let her go and bring husband from inside the river for you.

I give that guy kudos for taking off... Both you and your mother don't seem like people a reasonable guy would wanna spend his life connected to

Mariangeles:


I don't know about the others, but in my tribe (Igbo), that's how things are done.
You don't go to your in-laws bare handed.
It is not an act to be proud of.