Trayceey:
it was my mistake and I regret doing that.

JovialJune:



Egbami ke, who says you people are not great people? Who is arguing about that?

The point most people are saying is, don't say nonsense is your culture, be bold and say it's only your own family abi ancestors or clan, so it will be easy to differentiate the great ones from the yeye ones, do you understand? Stop portraying Igbo's generally as bad, not all are bad, entitled, or hungry.

Hathor5:


And even threats of Western culture eroding 'our culture' when in fact Westerners bring gifts too when they visit. Most times when my oyinbo friends come over for dinner, I get wine, chocolate, flowers, you name it. But if for one reason or another they choose not to bring anything, no wahala. It's not compulsory to do it every single time. What makes it special is that they do it because they want to and choose to and not because it is a must EVERY TIME they come. A gift from the heart is more worth than a cultural obligation.

Is there even a cultural obligation?

The "culture" line of defence is just to justify the entitlement mentality.

Nothing more

Fiscus105:



I hardly answer urchins, wen you grow older than ur present age you will understand, plz start preparing for academic activities, ASUU called of strike already, posts on marriages are not for ur age

JovialJune:



Honestly fa, I mean, it's annoying there are people taking sides with Op, when common sense should tell them that giving gifts is voluntary, not compulsory, very simple something that doesn't need thinking too hard na,

Different types of people dey sha, dem go dey show themselves small small online, it's a pity this is a faceless forum, we suppose good from yeye people so that people can take heed and beware, chai.

SweetCunt97:
But you know it ain't cool to go see an intending in law empty handed nwokem. The lady no wise though

Mariangeles:
[s][/s]

Keep my family out of your disrespectful mentions, I'm warning you!

JovialJune:



I don talk am, come and beat me,

Sheybi it's your family culture to be receiving daily gifts upandan, una no suppose nor name am gift, you suppose say na compulsory trade to entertain una son in laws na, as op's mama dey vex say she give am HER drink


Oya come and beat me

izzou:


Is there even a cultural obligation?

The "culture" line of defence is just to justify the entitlement mentality.

Nothing more

Trayceey:
You're so dumb. Just because u have access to internet via operamini free mb, you have the liberty to type trash. I'm guessing you are a teenager who comes here to catch cruise, so I won't waste my time and energy on u

Xmen149:
I wnated to keep mute but beign that alot of people are telling this girl she is right i am begining to see her true self in her present comments and even the previous.

I hope this is not the guy you said is having hard times financially (making you have the gut to abuse,shout on him and cut call on him)

1) No matter the reason you dnt shout on your guy (or else he is beign abusive and violent,in which two wrongs still dnt make a right) abuse or cut calls on him.

2)If you did that on trivial issue as this that means you have been doing it b4 and need to work deeply on your self. respect your man always.

3)He is still your boyfriend you introduced to your people.

4)Your boyfriend becomes a fiance after he has initiated marriage process.

5)He dsnt owe your mum anything on a visit as a boyfriend,and after he has turned fiance or in-law he brings what he can when he can (The main thing is there must have been a time he brought something on visit).

6)You have given the guy impression your mum will be influencing decisions both of you make in Ur home. and you cnt even stand for him if need arise.

7)you should take time to grow in mind or change your perception of life and things if what we are actually talking about here is you beign someones wife (na big task for mature minds) plus you are also a mother,you suppose don see things wey suppose don make you calm haba.

And for those asking : a correct igbo home wont even harboure the site of a boyfriend more than once in their house talk of bringing gifts. if they see you once na introduction,the second time ua either coming for to start something or jeje sit on your couch and make calls. Infact the mother will even advice the daughter not to receive gifts from him so that if she changes her mind she can easily go with another person.

The poor and really weird family amongst them will receive anything from the man and even make demands. It is not the IGBO way.

A traditional igbo family never tax their inlaw

TransAtlanticEx:
Swears,I would pay top dollar to see the faces of some of these ladies so we could avoid them in the future.
Real bad market,that is why I always look at income bracket of women before trying to have any serious relationship with them to avoid this type of things.
No family that is doing well would expect anything from any of their relations,
Only the fact that you respect them enough to come and visit them is a thing of joy,let alone complaining over the can of malt they served to their guest

Mariangeles:
[s][/s]

Why am I not surprised? For someone like you who doesn't have respect for her mother-in-law and husband's family, disrespect cannot be far from her.

Shameless!

JovialJune:



Abeg shut up, go and read the rest of Op's comment on first page before drooling..

JovialJune:



Thank you ma

Oya come and beat me

Fiscus105:



Follow nairaland people at ur own peril, many of them are just " fault finders". No matter how good intentions of the posts, they will attack the posters, many of the guys (attackers) can't try to go empty handed to ordinary girlfriend place not talk of mother in law.

Even sister in law, I buy gifts not to talk a whole mother of ur wife or wife to be.

Yet they will be Lamenting girls are bad, marriage is a scam

Why won't be problems for them, when they refused to play the game according to dictate of the rules

Mariangeles:


No need! You do that yourself everyday!

Inukwa nga na ra nshi!

JovialJune:



Seriously o, the priority for in laws when meeting an intending son in law, should be his attitude, character, how he carries himself, and how respectful and reliable he can be, that's all,

Op' fiance already brought gifts the first time he went to see her mother, which is the right thing to do, if he decides to always bring after that, or not, should be at his own volition, that's all, in fact, some parents will want to go extra mile to feed their son or daughter in law with different assorted food just so they are satisfied, maybe it's prevalent in Yoruba culture only sha, who knows.

Hathor5:

JovialJune:



Yen yen yen right back at you,

Nsidime.

Mariangeles:
[s][/s]

Get out of my mention with your nonsense!

How you or anyone think or feel about the Igbos is irrelevant! It doesn't change who we are. A GREAT PEOPLE!

Mariangeles:


Onye luru gi ni, o si ya ji nwaanyi? Nne gi ukwu a hujuola anya! Gba be!

TransAtlanticEx:
No it's not just a yoruba thing oo.
I am an Anambra man 100%,in 2004 after my sister's husband has come for introduction and all,my sister travelled for her studies.
My mom was always sending food to his house,almost everyday.I use to be the one going there to drop the food cos we lived like 2km apart so I know.
Sometimes my immediate older sister.
Then the guy was still struggling(not poor but still hustling),he didn't have a car,my mom gave him one of the cars in the house that wasn't really doing anything(toyota carina II )he used till about 2005 when he bought his own car and returned ours which he had already scrapped(nobody complain!).
Na em one clown here dey say its igbo culture to always carry gift to their homes bla bla bla...
It's not igbo culture abeg,speak for your clan.
Do you know how stupid you will look to take provisions to go and visit a well to do family?Like you come and park and start offloading rice and tomato with milo
So disrespectful!!!
The only thing you can give these set of people is whiskey or champagne(to the father) or Cuban cohibars if he smokes and maybe clothe to the mom(hollandis) or cash gift.
Anything else is outright stupid and disrespectful for well-off families.

izzou:


Scold am, come still hang up

Hahahaha.

JovialJune:



This one will soon start crying in igbo language, someone should pls help her

TransAtlanticEx:
No it's not just a yoruba thing oo.
I am an Anambra man 100%,in 2004 after my sister's husband has come for introduction and all,my sister travelled for her studies.
My mom was always sending food to his house,almost everyday.I use to be the one going there to drop the food cos we lived like 2km apart so I know.
Sometimes my immediate older sister.
Then the guy was still struggling(not poor but still hustling),he didn't have a car,my mom gave him one of the cars in the house that wasn't really doing anything(toyota carina II ) just because he saw him untop okada in a commercial town they both do business in(you know how dangerous okada was seen in that era),he used till about 2005 when he bought his own car and returned ours which he had already scrapped(nobody complain!) because he used it for business.
My mother had plenty trucks because she was a trader,my sister's husband stopped paying transport for goods because he can always come home and take anyone he likes and just buy diesel and tip the driver rather than chartering a truck(All because of marriage ooo still at introductory level).
Na em one clown here dey say its igbo culture to always carry gift to their homes bla bla bla...
It's not igbo culture abeg,speak for your clan.
Do you know how stupid you will look to take provisions to go and visit a well to do family?Like you come and park and start offloading rice and tomato with milo
So disrespectful!!!
The only thing you can give these set of people is whiskey or champagne(to the father) or Cuban cohibars if he smokes and maybe clothe to the mom(hollandis) or cash gift.
Anything else is outright stupid and disrespectful for well-off families.

pocohantas:


Jokes apart, the fact that the guy took out his time to visit, yet the mother’s problem was that he didn’t bring a gift, tells a lot. Anyway, looking at OP’s previous comments, I think she is using us to catch cruise.

sapporo:






Bro its a "will" thing, no doctrine/culture stipulate you must bring gift. question of right or wrong doesnt play.
The most important thing a mother should be all about is ensure her daughter marries a gud man. gift is not the priority
I don't blame the mother and i won't blame the guy, the only person wrong here is the Op, instead of attacking her boyfriend she should have find a better way to give the guy heads up.

a call like; babe i notice you didnt come with any goodies to the house, i would love you to get something for mom o! no matter how small .. you can never tell these old people. laugh about it, a reasonable man wil get the message.

Mariangeles:


Iwu onye mpiawa azu? Don't be a sell out!

Afromentalist:

You people only like culture when it favours your materialistic tendencies. Now you are so attached to the culture of bringing gifts to the in laws,

If we now talk about polygamy and patriarchy , you will now curse culture and call it backwardness and woman exploitation.

Let's leave culture out of this discussion. Did the guy do anything that would warrant such foolish reaction ?

In fact if I be the man, I will never be back in such a relationship.

TransAtlanticEx:
I have no reason to backstab you,I just say things as they are.