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My Husband Is Frustrating Me. - Family (8) - Nairaland

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My To Be In-laws Are Frustrating Me / My Wife Is Frustrating My Life / My Husband Is Very Jealous Because I’m Beautiful – 16-year-old Housewife (2) (3) (4)

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Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by MMXX: 10:27am On Dec 30, 2021
What I find amazingly amusing is he got married to you,I can't quite fantom why undecided

If he was so goal driven and financially ambitious,why not stay single and concentrate on creating that much needed and satisfactory wealth for himself before going the marriage way.

Your marriage seems like an arranged marriage,or they just brought you for him against his will

4 Likes

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by LLSAINT(m): 10:28am On Dec 30, 2021
Thank you my sister.
I said something similar and one Adamu was saying it was a poverty stricken advice.
If she were his sister, will he advice her to be married and not have kid(s) as she goes older?
When married people talk, singles should listen for once........
Romanoff:
A lot of ignoramus here don't know that once a woman hits 35, she's termed a geriatric in obstetrics.

Her risks gets higher with pregnancy at that age.

These are things that should have been discussed before marriage.

In my opinion, one child is enough if you both can get your finances together by evaluating your current financial situation.

Does any of you have HMO, does it cover pregnancy and delivery?

Can you buy okrika clothes rather than new ones, can you do exclusive breastfeeding for three months and do you have three months maternity leave?

Can you afford formula and daycare after the maternity leave?

These are questions you both should come together and address.

Factor in the price of diapers.

If you have lots of friends, talk to the closest so they can throw you a modest baby shower.

You can get gifts there.

The diapers I got from baby shower and naming ceremony, I'm still using them and haven't even touched the ones I bought.

I pray he listens. He can have kids anytime he wants, you're the one who has the clock to consider.
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by JuanDeDios: 10:28am On Dec 30, 2021
MrBrownJay1:


one thing is certain....he doesnt want kids now, and that should be the end of this dscussion.


whether they did discuss it or not, this man doesnt not want children now and that should be the end of this "lets have a baby" discussion.



she "thinks" his reluctance is because of money...isnt that also an assumption?! what about asking your husband the simple question: WHY? ... and accept whatever answer he will give you?!

sadly, in this day and age, staying married at all cost (to fit with the Joneses) is more imprtant to people than anything else.
End of the discussion? Accept whatever he says - like what she has to say doesn't matter? It does not work that way. Never have. In negotiation theory, there's something called an "ongoing relationship". In an ongoing relationship, everything is up for discussion and you keep at it. It's a different matter if he said "Look, I don't want kids." In that case, it's best for her to move on if she can't accept that. But from what she wrote, it appears to be usual "I'm not ready to have kids yet." In that case, it's understandable that she wants to make him see reason that they can have kids on their present monthly income of N170,000.

Here:
Kolawole2130:
He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by dettolgel: 10:29am On Dec 30, 2021
Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Given the current situation in the country your husband has a point and from biological perspective your demands are genuine.

You may think that 170k is enough my dear it isn't but that doesn't mean you can't do much with it.

My suggestion is that you talk to your husband about the medical implications for you and that you guys could just have one for now. Let assume you get pregnant now by the time the baby is born he is half year into his professional exams. At least before you are ready for a other one he would be done and probably may have also made progress with his career.

At that point the decision of having a second will also be discussed.


It is not everyone that gives in to emotional talks or believes in putting their future in the hands of fate.

Your husband sounds like a realist and the only way to get through to people is to go to them with a coherent and concrete plan.
.

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by vicayomi: 10:32am On Dec 30, 2021
Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Are you sure nothing is wrong with your husband?

Very soon he will know the importance of the children when he turned 50 and above . Money is not everything. The time is coming when both of you won't have power to run around the way you are then you will realize important of chicken.

If he can have much children ,let him have one or two . That is enough for him to achieve his dream .

I won't advise you to leave him but if he is a Muslim let his Alfa that he respect talktohim on that and if he is a Christian informhis pastor let them talk sense to him
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by errigdee: 10:32am On Dec 30, 2021
why Una just like born born like dis do you think it easy bringing em up?
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by BlackyOne: 10:33am On Dec 30, 2021
Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.


You're working to also support the family, with a combine income of 170k a month I think he should be responsible enough to father one child, except he has a child outside that you don't know about or he is impotent to father a child.

Wish I could get a responsible lady who earns and is willing to support a family too... But these ones here are leeches.

But anyway you've made your choice in marriage, you either endure it or get out while there's still time left for you...
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by juman(m): 10:34am On Dec 30, 2021
RedEnergy:
No need for all this story. When next you're having sex, tell him you want it raw. And then make sure you do missionary style with him. When you see that he is about to ejaculate, just pin him down with your legs like scissors, till he releases inside you. Raise your legs up, let his sperm go deep inside. Problem solved. Refuse to do abortion or take post pills. Congratulations on your coming baby grin

Abi.
She should use her sense.
She does not need that begging. Dont beg him anymore.
Even if you need to do sperm test if you get it difficult to be pregnant with raw, use style collect his sperm and do the test.
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by lykwhoishe: 10:35am On Dec 30, 2021
With a kid he obviously cannot pursue his professional development. Even you that is urging him on now, will be the first to insult the man if he doesn't meet up with providing for the house anytime, a character he might have already seen u exhibit. Talk to him, tell him you promise not to nag and complain but you know he will continue doing his best and together you all will get by.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by MrBrownJay1(m): 10:36am On Dec 30, 2021
JuanDeDios:

End of the discussion? Accept whatever he says - like what she has to say doesn't matter? It does not work that way. Never have. In negotiation theory, there's something called an "ongoing relationship". In an ongoing relationship, everything is up for discussion and you keep at it. It's a different matter if he said "Look, I don't want kids." In that case, it's best for her to move on if she can't accept that. But from what she wrote, it appears to be usual "I'm not ready to have kids yet." In that case, it's understandable that she wants to make him see reason that they can have kids on their present monthly income of N170,000.

again, the man says: in this present situation i DO NOT want kids"...while this woman is thinking of her bodyclock and is saying:" i dont care about anything as i want kids now before its too late"... what else there is to discuss after 3 years?! too many women out there fool themselves into thinking they can change a man. so as i said earlier, the solution is very simple:

MrBrownJay1:
so you can either WAIT with him or go find a man who has the same views as you...but dont try to change a man

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by qtguru(m): 10:38am On Dec 30, 2021
This is sad, truly time is not on your side, the only reasonable solution I can think of, is having a strong discussion with him and also how you two plan to ensure you are financially secure. Truly Chikdren are expensive so I can understand his hesistation, but professional exam might not guarantee anything, Both of you need to sit down and discuss financial investment and also stress the importance of raising a child now. Time is not on your side.

Sounds like they live in Lagos even though 170k is not a bad monthly contribution, there are many of side businesses he can do to sustain, so he doesn't have to postpone child bearing.
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by egunna(m): 10:38am On Dec 30, 2021
Beblessedbaba:
I so much like your husband. A very sensible man; you want to bring children into the world without proper planning on how to cater for them.

He has asked for patience for you guys to sort things out first. Madam better be calming down. By the way, you married a very focused and responsible man.

I do not understand what you mean that age is not on your side at 32. Please don't plunge this young man into 3rd level generational poverty (his parents got nada & his grandparents were peasant) rather divorce him quickly and either marry a man who is ready to be popping children year in year out. Pity his ancestors as this young man out of the millions that we have has taken a better route instead of ritualism called Yahoo or scam that will still end of messing his later years up or cut down his life in it's prime or mortgage his children fortune.

NB: Do we even wonder why the Babalawo or Dibia that does juju or fetish rituals for Yahoo boys does not do likewise for his own children or himself. The answer is flowing in the wind.
there is something u guys are trying to ignore about this life.u think success is based on ur plans?if dats d case,every one will b successful coz no one plans to fail.if u are bold enough to get married,u shud know after marriage comes procreation,an extra little belly to feed will not break dere back while he continues planning and looking up to God for guidance.the lady is 32 for God's sake,how do u expect her to b comfortable when it's a well known fact dat her window of child bearing is closing year by year.d guy is just one selfish and inconsiderate human.dat no body can talk to him speaks volume about his kind of person.i don't want to say op married d wrong person,but when a man listens to no one but himself,it's simply means he is not an ideal man.all d planning when him don do over d years,him never blow,what makes him think he will blow tmoro or next?his blowing might b tied to that child he is refusing to bear.when time reach for anything,let's do it.ur own na to think,na God dey grant.
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by MrBrownJay1(m): 10:38am On Dec 30, 2021
RedEnergy:
No need for all this story. When next you're having sex, tell him you want it raw. And then make sure you do missionary style with him. When you see that he is about to ejaculate, just pin him down with your legs like scissors, till he releases inside you. Raise your legs up, let his sperm go deep inside. Problem solved. Refuse to do abortion or take post pills. Congratulations on your coming baby SINGLE MOTHER NEW STATUS

FIXED
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by ultraviolet27(f): 10:38am On Dec 30, 2021
Beblessedbaba:
I so much like your husband. A very sensible man; you want to bring children into the world without proper planning on how to cater for them.

He has asked for patience for you guys to sort things out first. Madam better be calming down. By the way, you married a very focused and responsible man.

I do not understand what you mean that age is not on your side at 32. Please don't plunge this young man into 3rd level generational poverty (his parents got nada & his grandparents were peasant) rather divorce him quickly and either marry a man who is ready to be popping children year in year out. Pity his ancestors as this young man out of the millions that we have has taken a better route instead of ritualism called Yahoo or scam that will still end of messing his later years up or cut down his life in it's prime or mortgage his children fortune.

NB: Do we even wonder why the Babalawo or Dibia that does juju or fetish rituals for Yahoo boys does not do likewise for his own children or himself. The answer is flowing in the wind.
.

While I do advocate for Couples to Earn Reasonable income before Raising children,But the Op and Her Husby are already earning 170k Combined Per month at least they Can have 1 Kid already then when their Source of living Has increased they Can give birth to more, and Na wah O so Lagos is that expensive?? that 150k Can't even gt you a 2 Bedroom flat??That State must be Horrible to live in.

Moreso She is already 32 You know Women age faster and enter menopause earlier How many Years does She have left for Child bearing that She will stl have to wait more?So after waiting till when they Can bcm stinkingly Rich and God Forbid She Can't Conceive Easily again Like the Man won't go and marry another Woman or give Birth outside? Men Can't be Vouched for.
Even Couple who Earn 100k Combined already has One Kid and 2 Kids overall are enough too in this Economy.
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by ElPayaso(m): 10:39am On Dec 30, 2021
MrBrownJay1:


you have a narrow minded view on the issue because you are focussing on the wrong things.... aka your desperate bodyclock etc
your man tells you he aint ready...so you can either WAIT with him or go find a man who has the same views as you...but dont try to change a man..

The only narrow minded person here is you. She is 32 years old and she is edging closer to her latter stage in life. What is the assurance that if she fails to give birth when the man is ready, he won't go outside and get a younger girl pregnant. Be realistic here. In as much the man is trying to create a future for his offsprings, one kid won't kill... They are earning close to 200k in a month. What if the man should die tomorrow? What will be her fate? I'm sure her mother-in-law or her husband family will soon be pestering her that she needs to see her grandchildren and her MF son is busy chasing bag

I still don't know how people get comfortable raising kids when they are very old


May your sister suffer the same fate the OP is going through.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by egunna(m): 10:42am On Dec 30, 2021
2special:
kids comes with blessings, how? But most Families prefer having 4 maximum children ( blessings) to having 100 children (blessings).
God made apples,not apple wine.if u don't understand,forget about it
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Germi9: 10:42am On Dec 30, 2021
Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.
Shior!!! Set him up(don’t you the both of you have sex)and get pregnant already
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by donprinyo(m): 10:42am On Dec 30, 2021
is it possible they are using CD?
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by TeeGod(m): 10:43am On Dec 30, 2021
Oga no focus before him marry na after marriage him wan focus he no allow somebody's daughter to born. 70k and 100k don reach to raise one child. See, no body anything wey him tell u o. Is either oga no fit impregnate u now so him dey wait till him doctor so say and forget all those people wey dey talk say "his my kind of man" na there type dey use pregnancy hold there girlfriends. grin

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by purpleicious(f): 10:44am On Dec 30, 2021
You should have discussed this before marriage but I still think communication is key.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by dominique(f): 10:44am On Dec 30, 2021
He probably has zero or low sperm count and he's just buying time. A married couple having unprotected sex regularly don't even need to be discussing having babies, the belle go just show unexpectedly. As long as you're not on any form of birth control and you have syeady unprotected sex,you should have gotten pregnant at least once in the 3 years of marriage. If not, one or both of you have some fertility issues that needs to be checked

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Aditkd(f): 10:46am On Dec 30, 2021
Greetings Madam, compliments of the season. Seriously speaking, I love and appreciate your husband. Did you marry him because of childbearing or because you love him to the bones
Me, I wish I can get a man which is solely for companionship sake not even because of child bearing, marriage is solely for the both of you, child coming fort is just a gift from the supreme being.

Anyway, I wished you guys did discuss about this because a lot of females are not down getting married and not having offsprings.

Someone like me, am not crazy about having children and even if later on we discuss about adopting am seriously game to that. But if it comes fine, my own aim is to have a best pal who is my companion till the day we kick the bucket

Please, this is my own personal stuff,no one should pls attack me for what I wish I could have. Thank you very much and do have a pleasant day ahead.

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by egunna(m): 10:46am On Dec 30, 2021
uthlaw:
counseling for what, and which of her right is reprieve,he said she can go for divorce if she is tired of staying!
how old are u again?u don't know what u are talking about.a 32 year old,married for 3 years should get a divorce just like dat.dont let me wish it on ur family members ooo.

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Starz825(m): 10:47am On Dec 30, 2021
Raalsalghul:
I like your husband already.
I like him too but I am thinking he is also stupid...
He should have married someone younger like 25 when he married at 32...
Or better still he didn't marry at all...till he finishes all and get money..( na wetin me wan do be that)
He will even be more stupid to me if he failed to alert the wife about his plans before their marriage.
Marriage is about two people not one...
Any decisions taken will affect both parties either positively or negatively...
Na marriage...no be one night stand
And the woman din dey old ...I understand her fears...
Even she ma sef no know if she go quickly born as many ladies normally experience delay in giving birth
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by ultraviolet27(f): 10:47am On Dec 30, 2021
The Husband may even have a Kid Outside while He is stalling another Woman in His Home not to gv birth right now
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Nyascobar1414: 10:48am On Dec 30, 2021
This Op will now use the children to frustrate the man.. A very focused man... Abeg let him make his money and be finanacially stable.
Women they like get mumu sense.

5 Likes

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by uthlaw: 10:48am On Dec 30, 2021
egunna:
how old are u again?u don't know what u are talking about.a 32 year old,married for 3 years should get a divorce just like dat.dont let me wish it on ur family members ooo.
if your wish do come true,you should have wish yourself to be like otedola...how old is your father!
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Klass99(f): 10:49am On Dec 30, 2021
.

3 Likes

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by donogaga(m): 10:50am On Dec 30, 2021
Raalsalghul:
I like your husband already.

You are wicked.

Can't you see there is conflict of interest from her post?
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by Nyascobar1414: 10:51am On Dec 30, 2021
Aditkd:
Greetings Madam, compliments of the season. Seriously speaking, I love and appreciate your husband. Did you marry him because of childbearing or because you love him to the bones
Me, I wish I can get a man which is solely for companionship sake not even because of child bearing, marriage is solely for the both of you, child coming fort is just a gift from the supreme being.

Anyway, I wished you guys did discuss about this because a lot of females are not down getting married and not having offsprings.

Someone like me, am not crazy about having children and even if later on we discuss about adopting am seriously game to that. But if it comes fine, my own aim is to have a best pal who is my companion till the day we kick the bucket

Please, this is my own personal stuff,no one should pls attack me for what I wish I could have. Thank you very much and do have a pleasant day ahead.

Madam...
I think say ladies like you wey get sense no dey naija again oo

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by havigold(f): 10:52am On Dec 30, 2021
[quote author=Kolawole2130 post=108923591]We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.[/quot







Inasmuch I understand you clearly ma...
My people say" children makes home interesting and sweeter " ....do not forget CHILDREN and PARENTING is not as easy as you see it...

Dont you think your husband want to get a professional certificate first thereby channelling the money meant for kids upbringing to BOOST his income after the 2 years programme?

Have you ask your lovely husband his plans on childbearing and parenting ?? because it is not about carry pregnancy ooo ma , MONEY from both source is involved ,remember your 70k will be divided into 4 places ,his 100k will be divided into 7 places ...

Having a child/ children will be very easy for you ,have you not seen and heard of gret women who gave birth after menopause ,yes I understand the age factors in parenting ....

CALM down my sis,,,, you could be saving for your baby items and fees now ... So you wouldn't blame your guy for being " less a man"...

Above all there are other ways to make your sweet marriage of 3 years interesting ,you fit dey rub e head for your anointing oil make him HARD attitude soft,from there they collect ALLOWANCES, go outing and visiting your good friends and family members ....etc..

Is it CHILDREN this God fit bless you with QUADRUPLETS at once for your patience....
You will have it before you clock 35 ...
It is well...
Re: My Husband Is Frustrating Me. by egunna(m): 10:52am On Dec 30, 2021
ogwuche4u:


Ogbeni which hospital? What nonsense are you talking here? Be careful how you talk. Your dad did not even spend up to 1k during your birth.
allow d mumu nah,person dey earn 170k jointly in a month,u no fit plan for two and a half ppl,how him wan come make am for life.life na struggle ooo,who rest na who don die.Dangote with all him money still dey fly up and down.plan ur life for where God put u now first,no look anoda person life take plan ur own coz our destinies different.i no wan talk pass dis one before him go tag me prophet of doom.

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